Right, im back, ive slept off most of the jetlag, so im updating again, and it should be more regular, hoping every 2 days!
Hope this chapter is ok for you all, keep reviewing it really does mean everything and it really inspires me to write knowing that people are enjoying what im writing!
much love!
"Jay, what are you planning on doing?" Ruth asked him, her eyes were still on the road, but her focus was Jay.
"I need to stop hiding" he said, with a sharp, determined tone to his voice, a tone that she had only heard once before.
"your going to tell everyone?" Ruth asked, relieved that they had now stopped at a traffic light, as she was in shock.
"I cant keep the charade anymore. im tired, im ill, and I cant keep doing this to everyone who cares, its not right" Jay said
Ruth was delighted. She had known that one day, he would see sense but she had expected it to be ages away. But now he was preparing to get into the hospital and tell everyone straight away.
Jay looked at her; "you'll be there wont you?" he asked. Jay knew that he was being selfish, that Ruth probably had other plans with Edward..or something surgical to attend, but he just couldnt get rid of that feeling of needing her around, even if it was just a friendly presense.
Ruth looked at her watch. She was meeting Edward later. She felt awful..she didnt even care..she couldnt when Jay was around, that was the problem when she was with Jay, her heart took over, and she hated the loss of control she felt. With Edward she didnt actually love him, so it was impossible to get lost in the feeling of love, and feel that she would do anything for him. She was fully in control with Edward, if not a little bit intimidated by him. With Jay it was different. She could of not washed for 3 weeks and he would still give her a loving hug, kiss the top of her head and make some stupid joke that would create a huge smile on her face. It was the little things. But she had to keep reminding herself...Jay wasnt a option for her anymore, after she had lied, and he seeming-ally had moved on. Not that she had noticed him with a girlfriend or anything, it was just the fact that he was Jay. Before her he was womaniser, flirty, lets go clubbing Jay.
"Of course I will" Ruth said, with a small smile, and Jay touched her hand for a second, and they both looked ahead, both wondering what could be...both thinking the chapter had closed on their relationship..Jay presuming Ruth wanted Edward, Ruth presuming that Jay would never take her back..
Ruth parked in the hospital carpark and turned to face Jay
"What do you want to do?" she asked, and he looked at her
"Lets get in there first" he said, and she shook her head. She was happy that Jay was telling everyone, but she didnt like the fact she would have to hear it again. It was bad enough the first time, when she just saw his body in a hospital bed while Nick and Charlie chattered about his condition, but Jay facing up to it, telling his friends...it meant it was serious, that it was real.
"You look more scared then me" quipped Jay, and Ruth planted the fake smile onto her face
"Not at all, lets get you in" Ruth said, looking at Jay, wondering if he was ready.
"Can you do me a massive favour and sort of..group everyone in the staffroom first..you know just everyone important.."Jay started, and Ruth nodded. She saw Jays face, the little colour it had drained from it...he was nervous.
_
Ruth was in reception...how was she going to get peoples attention? Nobody even heard her say hello these days..and then
"Mr Jordan!" Ruth practically exclaimed, and rushed over to him
"What can I do for you Dr Winters?" Asked Nick, pleasently.
"I need you to gather everyone in the staffroom now" Ruth said, wishing that she hadnt ran into the hospital now, as she was panting.
"Any particular reason?" Nick replied, with a quizzical raise of his eyebrow
"Its Jay..hes here..hes going to tell people" Ruth said, and waited..Nicks facial expression changed into a small smile, a proud smile, it could even be deemed a respectful smile..
"Good..you go get him and i'll gather people round" Nick said, a new warm tone added to his voice.
Ruth rushed back to the car and opened the door
"God Ruth, heart attack!" Jay said as the door suddenly opened
"Sorry, Nicks gathering everyone.." she begun, and Jay knew it was his que...from the minute he stepped into the hospital, Ruths arm gently placed around his back, he knew that everything was going to be different now..he wasnt going to work, he wasnt going to pretend..he was going to tell people, he was going to get the treatment he needed.
They slowly walked through reception and to the staffroom, and opened the door.
"Jay?" said many members of staff, at different times
"Guys" Jay said, and they all fell silent. It was a rairty, but as soon as they heard the tone of Jays voice, they knew it was going to be something worth listening to.
"I havent been entirely honest with you" he started, and he looked at Ruth, who softly nodded...at Charlie, who gave him a smile..at Nick, who gave him a reassuring nod..they were his support system
"You see, I led you all to believe I was at a funeral, in France, a while back. The truth is-is-is that..yeah well the truth is..." stuttered Jay, and he sighed, and knew he only had one chance to get everybody straight
"Im ill..not a cold, not a broken limb or anything, Its serious..I have cancer" Jay said, and he shook a little as he heard the gasps of shock that ruptured through the room..Zoe had covered her mouth, Tess had wide eyes of disbelief..Mac and Noel were looking plain flabberglasted..their best friend hid that?
"Ive known for a while now..when I was working infact..I was too pig-headed and proud to get help..I worked myself into the ground, and collapsed in the oncall room..if Nick hadnt found me that day, I could of died. He put me on leave, I was never in France..ive been at Charlies the whole time, trying to cure this mess" Jay said, and knew he had to put in a final word
"I would also just like to take this opportunity to apologize to all of you I didn't tell, but if im honest, if my keen bookworm of a doctor didn't alert Mr Jordan, I doubt anyone would of known for quite a while. Sorry for all of this now guys, your free to go back to saving peoples lives...I just wanted to tell you all now, so I could finally accept whats happening to me, myself" Jay said, and the room started to fill with voices, discussing the situation.
"Jay if I had known!" Tess said, coming up to him, throwing her arms around him in upset
"All those times I told you off for heavy drinking, wearing hoodies when it wasnt cold..even having bruises on your arm, bags under your eyes, sick at work and it was all cancer!" She said, in clear distress
"If I were you, I would think I was just a binge drinker who couldnt handle it too" Jay said kindly, and Tess sniffed slightly
"Why didnt you say?" She asked him, and Jay looked at her in the eyes
"Telling your managers makes it real..my plan was for nobody to know, but I blocked it out, missed appointments,..my doctor told Nick, who found me collapsed, who told Charlie and was overheard by Ruth"
"Was that the day-you were in resus. Nick had said you were overtired, run down"
"Dont be upset with him, it was under my instruction" Jay said, and Tess looked at him, and her pager went off
"Look after yourself..theres always a place for you here when your well! Im trusting Charlie to look after you" Tess said, and walked out of the room in sheer disbelief that one of her staff had been carrying around this secret while working
"Mate!" Big Mac exclaimed, as him and Noel edged theirselves over
"Im sorry guys" Jay said, as the two boys pulled their ill best mate into a hug, which he could only return weakly
"Is this why you havent been calling..texting..coming out" Noel asked..it was like slotting a jigsaw together..they just thought Jay had gone off them, was annoyed.
"What do you think!" Jay answered, honestly. There was nothing he would enjoy more then a pint right now, with his lads
"I dont want you two thinking im all weak and ill now, i am going to bounce back!" Jay said, nodding, convicing himself.
"Glad to hear it!" came the voice of Zoe, who gave Jay a small hug, she knew how it felt, the difference between ones own thoughts, and the reality of a situation, and how it fitted into real life..although she couldnt understand how Nick knew for the entire duration of Jays cancer, yet decided against ever telling her. It was patient confidentiality but he was her friend.
Adam came rushing in the staffroom..
"Tess said there was something I needed to know.." Adam said, grinning, and he saw Jay
"Typical..action mans late" Lenny muttered to Yuki, and Jay cracked a smile..at least Lenny was still laughing and joking, instead of heaping on the pity..Yuki probably just didnt know what to say
"Jay!" Adam exclaimed, making his way over
"Where have you been" Adam asked, taking him by the shoulders after letting him out of the embrace Adam had pulled him into
"Well..." Jay started..not knowing if he could start this whole conversation again
"Adam, ive lied to all of you, i havent been travelling anywhere, I have cancer, im going to be out for a while" Jay said with alot of speed to his voice..he still was convincing himself
Adams smile dropped off his face, but quickly got replaced at his need to reassure his friend
"Its going to get better mate, you'll be having pints with us in no time..nothing phases us...we are "fine figures of men"" Adam winked, and Jay laughed
"man hug?" Jay said, and Adam pulled him into a hug..
"take care of yourself mate" Adam said, after letting go, he ruffled Jays hair, patted his back and then let go.
Jay stood in the corner of the room and caught Ruths eye..she was beaming, he had never seen her look so happy, so proud. He started to make his way over..
"Well done mate" came the voice of Charlie, who Jay embraced in a tight hug
"I feel like i have the weight of the world lifted off of my shoulders" Jay smiled, stretching
"So do I" Charlie chuckled
"Aww, gramps didnt you enjoy being mr mysterious with a secret?" Jay asked with a cheeky wink
"In a word, never again" Charlie clarified
"Thats two words" Jay said, patting him on the back as he heard Charlie reply
"Cheeky git"
He went over to find Ruth and stood by her side...she silently took her hand in his and rubbed it loving-ally, she didn't know what came over her, she was overwhelmed..she never thought she would see the day where Jay faced up to everything..he stroked her hand with his fingers and smiled down at her, it was a perfect gesture, it was moving, it was a poignant moment..Ruth seemed to have forgotten Edward..but Edward hadn't forgotten Ruth..
"Have I stopped the party?" Asked Edward, who had appeared behind the two of them unannounced, unheard, and his eyes were focused on his girlfriends hand..a hand which at the moment was entwined with her cancer suffering ex-boyfriends..
