Scene 12: The Devil.

Ken quickly runs over to Belinda.

Ken: Belinda, are you okay?

Belinda opens her mouth and lets out a huge roar.

Ken: Belinda, quiet Mr. Jameso is trying to sleep.

Belinda: (Devil's voice) I am Satan!

Belinda shakes her head.

Belinda: Sorry dad. I don't know what came over me.

Ken: I think you should go have a lie down.

Belinda: (Devil's voice) I think you should burn in Hell.

Ken: Belinda.

Belinda: Sorry, sorry.

Mr. Jameso comes angrily into the room.

Mr. Jameso: I wish I could have a bit of peace and quiet!

Belinda: That can be arranged.

Mr. Jameso: How?

Belinda: What if I told you I had the power to give you anything and everything you've ever dreamed of?

Mr. Jameso: Who are you?

Lips: I'm Ken Lair.

We zoom out and we are actually looking at Ken's lips.

Mr. Jameso: Not you, her.

Belinda: Promise you won't tell anybody.

Mr. Jameso: Yes.

Lips: I'm the devil.

Mr. Jameso: Yeah sure.

Belinda: I'll prove it to you. Wish for anything.

Mr. Jameso: Alright then. I wish I had a mars bar, no wait a Picnic.

Belinda: Done.

She clicks her fingers and Mr. Jameso, Belinda and Ken appear outside sitting on a rug holding sandwiches.

Belinda: Lovely day isn't it.

Mr. Jameso: Hey, I meant the chocolate bar Picnic not this. I don't like this wish. How do I end it?

Belinda: That's easy just dial 666 on that mobile phone.

Mr. Jameso: What mobile phone?

Belinda: The one right next to you.

Mr. Jameso picks it up and dials 666 they return back in the kitchen.

Mr. Jameso: You are the devil.

Belinda: Of course I am. So still want the wishes?

Mr. Jameso: Sure.

Belinda: Alright then let's just have a look at the contract.

The contract is very thick and it hits Mr. Jameso in the head.

Mr. Jameso: Ow!

Belinda: Sorry about that.

Mr. Jameso picks up the contract and starts reading.

Mr. Jameso: I, Mr. Jameso hereby known as the damned, will sell my soul to the devil for 7 wishes that I may use in anyway I see fit. Fine.

Belinda: You're not mad at having to sell your soul?

Mr. Jameso: Why should I be? I'm probably going to Hell anyway.

Belinda: Okay sign here.

Mr. Jameso signs.

Belinda: There's lots of other rules and regulations but you can read them later.

Mr. Jameso: So now I just wish?

Belinda: Yep. Just say I wish whatever and it will come true. Oh and don't forget the mobile phone it's the only way out of the wishes.

Mr. Jameso picks it up and puts it in his pocket.

Mr. Jameso: I've got it. I wish…

Ken: Mr. Jameso are you sure this is a good idea?

Mr. Jameso: What is it with you and Mr. Jameso? You can call me by my first name!

Ken: What is your first name?

Mr. Jameso: I've told you before it's…

Belinda: Hurry up and wish!

Ken: Mr. Jameso!

Ken: I wish things were a little more quiet!

We cut to a black and white silent film with old-fashioned music. We don't hear the characters we just see a caption of what they've said.

Mr. Jameso: What's going on here? I can't hear myself!

Belinda: Nice with it being all silent isn't it?

Mr. Jameso: No it is not. You know this isn't what I meant.

Belinda: What do you mean? There's no sound. The caption machine shows everything we say.

Mr. Jameso: Oh yeah spell Pseudoantidisestablishmentarianism you stupid caption machine.

Belinda: See it can spell any word without noise.

Ken: She's right. It can even spell cat!

Mr. Jameso: Oh I'm getting out of here.

Mr. Jameso gets the phone and dials 666. The three of them appear back in the kitchen.

Belinda: That was fun.

Mr. Jameso: No it wasn't. It was horrible.

Belinda: Well don't worry, there's still plenty of wishes to go. Let's watch some telly.

Belinda turns on the TV. There is a boy band playing and everyone is cheering them.

Belinda: Great band.

Ken: Yeah.

Belinda: Hang on I've got a great idea for your next wish.

Mr. Jameso: So have I. I wish I were a rock star.

Belinda: Good. I'll just say the magic words. Britney Spears!

We cut to a rock (with a scar) lying on the ground.

Rock/Mr. Jameso: Oh dear I must have shrunk. And I feel so solid.

Belinda comes into the garden and picks him up.

Belinda: Oh what a lovely rock.

Mr. Jameso: Rock! Oh no.

Belinda: Wow! What an amazing rock!

Belinda takes it inside and puts it on a stand in the lounge room.

Belinda: People from everywhere are going to want to see you. I'd better start advertising.

Mr. Jameso: No wait. I want to get out of this wish. The phone. Where's the phone? Ah, it's on the chair and I can't even move. I guess I'm stuck.

Caption: The next day.

There are poster which say, "Come see the rock!" outside.

A TV commercial starts. There is a picture of the rock.

Voiceover: Come see the amazing rock!

Belinda is holding the rock.

Belinda: It's amazing!

The doorbell rings and Belinda runs downstairs.

Belinda: That'll be our first customer.

Belinda opens the door and there is a man there.

Man: I'm here to see the rock.

Belinda: That will be 10 dollars please.

He hands her 10 dollars.

Belinda: Thank you. Come this way.

They go into the lounge room in front of the rock.

Belinda: Here it is!

Man: My god! It's wonderful and beautiful and it's the best rock in the world.

Mr. Jameso: Please help me mister.

Man: Can I buy this rock?

Belinda: No. Sorry it's not for sale.

Man: Oh.

Mr. Jameso: Mister! Oh he can't hear me.

Voice: Psst.

Mr. Jameso: Who is that?

He looks on the chair and there is a smaller rock there.

Rock: Thanks a lot mate.

Mr. Jameso: What did I do?

Rock: I used to be the star rock but then you Mr. Amazing rock had to comes and spoil it for me.

Mr. Jameso: I didn't mean it. You sound familiar. What's your name?

Rock: Ken.

Mr. Jameso: Ken! Ken it's me Mr. Jameso.

Rock: I don't know you. I'm going now.

The rock starts to move away.

Mr. Jameso: Hey you can move!

Rock: Of course I can move.

Mr. Jameso: How do you do it?

Rock: Do you mean you Mr. Amazing rock can't even wobble.

Mr. Jameso: I tried really hard but I just can't.

Rock: Ha, ha, ha. Suffer. Goodbye Mr. Amazing invalid rock.

Mr. Jameso: Please do you want to be top rock again?

Rock: Yes.

Mr. Jameso: Then just dial 666 on that phone next to you and I'll be gone forever.

Rock: For real?

Mr. Jameso: For real.

Rock: Okay, but I'm not being kind I just want you out of my life.

The rock dials 666.

Mr. Jameso: Thank you.

The group appears back in the kitchen.

Belinda: Thought of your next wish yet?

Mr. Jameso: Oh no. I know what's going on here.

Belinda: What?

Mr. Jameso: I tell you wishes and you find ways to ruin them.

Belinda: Listen, nobody gets it right first time that's why you've got 7 wishes.

Mr. Jameso: I'll believe you if you promise not to wreck this wish.

Belinda: I promise.

Mr. Jameso: Good. I wish I could relieve the best time of my life.

Belinda: This is going to be fun.

We cut to a scene where Mr. Jameso is dressed as a baby.

Belinda: How's mummy's little babo babo woo woo?

Mr. Jameso: I'm fine.

Belinda: You're first word!

Mr. Jameso: What are you going on about?

Belinda: You're making sentences. Oh you're so clever.

Mr. Jameso: Whatever?

Mr. Jameso tries to stand up but falls down and starts crying.

Belinda: Oh are you okay?

Mr. Jameso: Yes but I'm hungry.

Belinda: Did you say hungry? I think you did. I'll go get you some mashed peas.

Belinda goes into the kitchen and Ken comes through the front door.

Ken: Honey I'm home. Mr. Jameso!

Mr. Jameso: Ken?

Ken: He's talking already.

Belinda: I know he's such a clever little boy.

Ken starts tickling him under the chin.

Mr. Jameso: Stop touching me.

Ken: Someone's angry.

Mr. Jameso: Where's my phone?

Ken: Sorry little fella but you don't get your own phone till your sixteen okay.

Mr. Jameso: Ah there it is. (Pulls it out of his nappy)

Ken: Where'd he get that?

Mr. Jameso dials 666 and is warped back to the kitchen.

Mr. Jameso: I don't believe it.

Ken: What?

Mr. Jameso: The best time of my life was when I was baby.

Belinda: I know. Pathetic isn't it?

Mr. Jameso: I am not pathetic. And I'll prove it to you. I wish…

Ken: Here it comes.

Mr. Jameso: I was very, very handsome and very, very smart.

Ken: Like me.

Mr. Jameso: Yeah like him.

Belinda: Great. I'll say the magic words Christine Aguilera! Alright Britney Spears!

We stay on the same scene but we can't see Mr. Jameso:

Mr. Jameso: Has it worked?

Ken: Oh yes.

Mr. Jameso: Cool.

Mr. Jameso runs upstairs and looks into the mirror. He sees Ken's face looking back at him.

Mr. Jameso/Ken: Oh no.

He touches his face and then runs downstairs.

Mr. Jameso/Ken: You turned me into Ken.

Belinda: I didn't turn you into Ken I merely made you look like him.

Ken: I think you look very handsome.

Mr. Jameso/Ken: You would.

Belinda: You said you wanted to be handsome and smart. Like Ken.

Mr. Jameso/Ken: I didn't mean I wanted to look like him.

Ken: What are you complaining about? The girls will be begging to go out with you.

Mr. Jameso/Ken: Sure.

He dials 666.

Mr. Jameso: Am I back to normal?

Ken: Yes, you're back with your old ugly face.

Mr. Jameso: Shut up.

Belinda: Happy with your wishes.

Mr. Jameso: Happy! No matter what I wish for you always wreck it.

Belinda: Oh I'm sorry.

Mr. Jameso: All my wishes have been wastes of time so for my next wish I'm going to restart. I wish I had seven more wishes.

Belinda: Are you sure?

Mr. Jameso: Yes.

Belinda: Fine. Done.

Mr. Jameso: I've got seven more wishes?

Belinda: No.

Mr. Jameso: But that's what I wished for.

Belinda: You didn't read the contract did you. It clearly states on page 831 that if you are greedy enough to wish for more wishes you lose a wish.

Mr. Jameso: Oh great so now I've only got two wishes left.

Belinda: Actually only one.

Mr. Jameso: What? No.

Belinda: Count them.

Mr. Jameso: Okay I wasted one, I was turned into Ken, I was a baby again, I was a rock and everything was made silent. That's only five.

Belinda: What about the Picnic?

Mr. Jameso: The picnic? That wasn't one of them.

Belinda: I'm afraid it was.

Mr. Jameso: Oh and it didn't turn out right either.

Belinda: I'm sorry.

Mr. Jameso: Oh jeez I wish I was dead.

Belinda: Done.

She clicks her fingers.

Mr. Jameso: No wait I didn't mean it.

The smiley killer comes in stabs Mr. Jameso and walks back out.

Belinda shakes her head and becomes Belinda again.

Belinda: Mr. Jameso! He's dead. (Devil's voice) And I've got his soul.

Ken: This is getting too weird I'm calling the exorcist.

Ken opens the front door. Belinda runs upstairs.

Ken: (Shouting) The exorcist!

The Exorcist: Coming!

A guy comes to his door.

Ken: Who are you?

The Exorcist: I'm Father Pineto. The Exorcist.

Ken: You do exorcisms?

Father Pineto: That's right.

Ken: Then where's your holy cross?

Father Pineto: I don't have one. I have a holy tick.

He holds up a wooden tick.

Father Pineto: I think ticks are much friendlier.

Ken: Have you got some holy water?

Father Pineto: Yes. The church was closed so I picked some up at Safeway.

He holds up a bottle of holy water.

Ken: Alright then.

Father Pineto: So where's the possessed one?

Ken: Upstairs

Father Pineto: Good. I'll go begin the exorcism.

In the bedroom.

Father Pineto: (He holds out his tick) Be gone Satan be gone!

Belinda: What is that?

Father Pineto: It's a holy tick.

Belinda: Oh scary!

Father Pineto: Alright, you asked for it take that.

He sprinkles holy water on her.

Belinda: What are you doing?

Father Pineto: I'm pouring holy water on you!

Belinda: Give me a look at that bottle.

He hands it to her.

Belinda reading: 100% artificial holy water. Cheapo stuff.

Ken: Do something.

Father Pineto: I know! Have you seen "The Exorcist"?

Ken: Yes. And by yes I mean no.

Father Pineto: Well in "The Exorcist" he gets rid of the demon spirit by jumping out of the highest window in the house.

Ken: I see.

Father Pineto: Take me to your highest window.

We cut to Ken, Belinda (with horns and tail) and Pineto standing in front of big window.

Father Pineto: Hmmm.

Ken: See look how high it is.

Father Pineto: When I said high I meant, as in being high off the ground.

Ken: Oh okay.

We cut to three of them in front of another different high window.

Father Pineto: You see this one again has the same problem. It's very high but it's on ground level.

Ken: But look how high it is.

Father Pineto: I know but jumping out of this window isn't going to make the devil leave.

Ken: But look how high it is.

Father Pineto: I know it's high but there's no point of jumping out of it.

Ken: But look how high it is.

Father Pineto: Okay we'll try it. Belinda, jump out of this window.

Belinda opens the window and jumps out. He looks as if the devil has left here.

Ken: Belinda is that you?

Belinda: Dad it's worked the devil's gone!

Father Pineto: My work here is done.

Belinda: (Devil's voice) Just kidding.

Father Pineto: Damn! I mean golly gosh. Golly gosh.

We cut to Pro and Di still watching TV. They are watching Star Wars.

Darth Vadar: Luke I am your father.

Luke: I know that dad.

Darth Vadar: And Luke I am your mother too.

Luke: But how?

Darth Vadar: You don't want to know.

Di Rector: I do. (We cut back to Father Pineto, Belinda and Ken)

Father Pineto: Well I give up. I've tried everything I can think of.

He is standing on Belinda's tail and as she walks it is pulled off.

Belinda: Dad it worked. I'm back to normal.