She hated… Well, honestly, there were a handful of things that she could have finished the thought with at the moment…

Emma hated seeing another work day come to an end. They tended to linger, sometimes lasting well over the eight scheduled hours. Today, she wasn't lucky enough to have a four of five o'clock checkout time. No, packing up her bag with materials and going as carefully and meticulously as possible, she would be leaving right on time.

She hated the thought of what was waiting for her. She knew that Killian had plans of going over to Liam and Ruby's that evening. She knew that it was already a foregone conclusion that she would be joining them all for a family night. Either she would make it home just in time to tag along with Killian, or she would make the drive on her own. Either way, it was going to call for her to make conversation, to smile, to put up the front of everything being okay when… that was proving to be one of the most difficult chores to do. That thought seemed to deepen the frown that covered her face while she packed.

Emma hated the idea of feeling envy instead of hope and happiness when she came in contact with her nephews and their mother. She couldn't escape the fact that another one of those moments seemed destined to be upon her in the matter of hours. Sometimes… sometimes it was more difficult than other times. The way her brows slammed together at the mere thought just now was a clue as to how tonight would be. Was it jealousy? If only it was jealousy. Instead, the pang of sadness at seeing Ruby with the boys, seeing the boys with Ruby, left a pit in her belly where a…

The deepening of her frown was instant. So was hand fisting directly into the aching emptiness of her stomach. Honestly, Emma hadn't managed to get a firm grasp on how to stop the hurt from cutting through her. It was only becoming more difficult, not easier, with each passing month. She hadn't managed to figure out how to look at the boys, seeing hints of Killian himself in their nephews, and not let the lingering feelings seep out in her own features.

It wasn't just Connor and Brennan. If it had been only Connor, Brennan, Ruby, and Liam… But it wasn't.

Summertime had brought families out of hibernation. At least, that's what it felt like. It wasn't just that theirs was the single house that didn't include a child at some various age. It was just that… It was just…

She hadn't been able to smile as much as she should have. When she drove through their neighborhood, she should have been able to smile at the preschooler who was outfitted head to toe in safety gear as she attempted to ride a bicycle while her mother hung onto the seat. Emma should have been able to smile at the overwhelmed eyes her neighbor sent her as his toddler refused to set a single bare toe onto the odd thing that is grass, favoring the idea of suspending his legs in mid-air as he made that point. She should have been able to smile at the game of hide-and-seek that had both boys and girls running from one lawn to the next, in search of either their friends or maybe home base. She should have been able to smile...

Lastly, but maybe most of all, Emma hated what day it was. Because once again, it was that day. She had reached the point in the cycle of time that told not only her, but her husband, that they were in the window of time to attempt to conceive. Once more. It was that time again.

As the seconds ticked away, as her work day dwindled into absolutely nothing, the magnitude of what awaited her began to fester way down deep to her core. The easy part of her day was coming to an end. What she was being left with was stark reality: it was time, once more, to merely attempt to conceive their child.

Emma glanced down at the full bag that sat in front of her, everything now packed up and ready for her departure. She was alone, her thoughts being the only thing keeping her busy. Thoughts of a baby that never seemed to actually materialize into something real and tangible. It was in that moment, as she kept that single tear from falling down her cheek and collapsing her, that she did feel her heart break in two. It wasn't a million little pieces, but it was a fracture that she didn't know how to repair.

It wasn't only a hurt coursing through her body, but a growing sadness that had the possibility of being even more detrimental to her being.


Don't hate me, okay?

That's a nice precursor. What is it, love?

Well first you have to promise.

Really?

I promise not to hate you.

I'm not going to make it to Liam and Ruby's.

What happened?

Honestly?

Honesty sounds like a good starting point to me.

Honestly, I'm just not up to being around other people.

I'd much rather just go home.

Okay

What about your husband? Are you up to being around your husband at least?

You don't have to come home early. I'll just see you when you make it in.

I'll see you when I make it home then.

I love you.

I love you too.

Killian stared down at the text conversation, debating with himself over broaching the subject at this time and in this manner.

It had taken Emma a few days to come out of her funk once they'd found out she wasn't pregnant. Things had gradually gotten easier. It wasn't as if she'd opened up to him. She hadn't verbalized the pain that he knew that she was feeling. Sometimes… sometimes, he felt the need to bury his own pain. Even when he could acknowledge the fact that her pain would be different from his, perhaps greater than his, Killian still felt a distinct pain himself. Having faith in the fact that, one day, it would happen for them, didn't mean that every negative result beforehand didn't chip away at some part of him. One difference between them, he knew, was that it didn't stop the need or the hope for a fresh start.

They were back at the beginning of the cycle, the consuming cycle. They were on the cusp of ovulation, and another month of possibly getting pregnant. Tonight was the night. It was time to put the hurt and disappointment of the last cycle into the past. It was time to look forward to the prospect of being successful this time. And when that was what they ultimately wanted, to be successful this time, then it was a little bit easier for him to do so. Not so much Emma, he knew...

Did he mention it now? When Emma's mood was hard to distinguish through text messages, did he need to remind her of what day it was? Or was it best to leave it at I love you? Was it best to… hope for the best?

Bloody hell! If he could have anything in the world, it would be to have his wife open up to him wholeheartedly and without the need to hold back. Killian had always been good at reading her. From the moment she'd been able to trust him and love him, and believe in who and what they were, Emma had welcomed that fact. It was only with the attempt at getting pregnant that it had changed. It was the only thing that he'd ever felt caution towards. The fact that they were nearing a year wasn't helping anything. With every passing month, it was becoming more and more of a struggle. It was a struggle that he wasn't sure how much longer he would be able to ignore to let her figure out on her own.

Bloody hell, indeed.

I will be making it an early night and coming home to you.

I want to make a baby with you, Emma.

There was a part of him that instantly regretted the texts, a part of him that, perhaps, would have taken it back. The optimism in his eyes turned doubtful for a moment. They'd texted about honesty and being honest with one another. His words were his truth, and a truth that he wanted her to know. Perhaps they were a truth that he needed her to know. So...

When she didn't answer back immediately, Killian wasn't surprised. It would be easy to absorb the hurt of Emma's silence, a silence that represented the need to bury and keep hidden the fact that they were trying to get pregnant. Her silence wasn't a deterrent though. He'd let her know that she was in the forefront of his thoughts. He'd let her know that he hadn't given up on their dream. He was far from giving up their dreams. And one day soon, he knew he would be rewarded for having enough faith for both him and his wife.


Killian raised his fist towards the door to knock, only to leave it in mid-air as the unmistakable sounds of children came from the backyard. Pulling his hand back down, it slipped inside his pants pocket as he turned on his heel.

He took the steps one at a time, slowly making his way off of the front porch. It wasn't a surprise that Connor and Brennan would have at least one of their parents tethered outside instead of inside of the house.

"Killian."

He'd barely made it down the last step before the sound of his brother's calling out to him had him swivel his head back around.

The door pushed open, Liam stepping out on the porch with a smile crossing his face.

"I saw you come up," he told Killian with a sigh. "Where are you off to?"

Killian waited for Liam to meet him on that last step.

"I heard the boys in the backyard," he answered, taking his brother's hand in a firm clasp. "I was on my way to meet you guys there."

Liam's smile seemed to grow. "Ruby's back there with the boys." He turned then, his eyes scanning the distance of the front yard. "And Emma?" He raised a brow towards Killian on his way back.

Killian's smile was slight compared to his brother's. "She's not going to make it tonight."

Liam's chin lifted just slightly, his eyes crossing over Killian's face.

"Everything okay?" he asked lightly, a hint of caution lacing his voice.

An answer didn't fall immediately from Killian's lips. Instead, his mind went back to the unanswered text message from his wife. His mind went straight back to the words that she had used.

"Everything's okay," he assured his brother, just as lightly.

Killian wondered if the turn of Liam's head as they headed across the lawn had anything to do with wanting to ask something else.

"Okay."

It was left at that, a tacit agreement made by the pair.

There was a small part of Killian that wished he had the words to articulate what was going on in his head. There was a larger part of him that was happy that since he didn't have the words, Liam was okay with that.

"Ready to see the boys?" Liam's question came on the heels of his hand clasping Killian's shoulder, pulling him closer.

Killian's lips turned up into a smile, listening once more to the happy sounds coming from the backyard.

"Aye," he murmured with a short nod. "I'm thinking it'll do me a world of good."

"Aye, little brother." There was something all-knowing in the blue of Liam's eyes. "I was thinking the same thing."


He expected her to be in bed. That's what Killian had imagined, even as he had slipped the key into the keyhole and opened the front door. Even though it was relatively early, he had expected for his wife to be hidden away in their bed, under a single sheet, and at least trying her damndest to be asleep by the time he made it inside the house. If she had been asleep, if her day had been so draining that she had sought solace in bed, then he would have let her be. He would have forgotten about the fact that they could even try to make a baby that night.

Emma wasn't in bed…

"Hello," he greeted her, looking at the sight she made on the staircase as he closed the door behind him.

There was something about the seeing Emma in her bare feet, something that had been and would always be attractive to him. She knew that it was a weakness of his, didn't she? Combined with the almost-dry hair that fell over her shoulders and down her back, Killian was suddenly overcome by an attack of feelings that gripped his chest.

She didn't quite smile. Instead, her eyes slid across the whole of him as she twisted her body so that she was facing him. Her hand slid down the banister just as her chin tilted downwards.

"Hi." The one word slipped out of her mouth quietly.

He had caught Emma making her way back upstairs. It seemed as if she had broken out of routine for the evening, having already showered and dressed for bed. The warm nights had her dressed in her red Minnie Mouse tank and boxer pajama set, showing off every gentle curve and more than enough of each toned limb.

Perhaps it was the fact that it had been… nine days. It had been nine days since everything had been perfect, when hopes of Emma being pregnant had been at the highest of levels. It had been that long ago since they had both been more than sure that everything was going their way. It had been that long ago since he had made love to his wife. That was a misjustice he was more than ready to rectify, if…

"I was heading upstairs." Emma's head tilted, the sudden downward tug of her lips noticeable for less than a second. "Unless you needed anything from me down here."

Killian shook his head. "No, nothing down here." He took a step away from the door as he watched her take a backwards step up.

The step up became a full twist, Emma turning around and taking two more quick steps. She was halfway up the staircase when she twisted her head back to look at him.

"How was your day at Liam and Ruby's?" she asked quietly.

"Fine," Killian assured her. His one step of progression became one of regression as he made his way to lock the door. "They asked about you, but-"

"Sorry about that, Killian."

He turned back towards her, finding her hands laced in front of her.

Her apology caused his brows to furrow. "No apology necessary, love."

"I just…" Emma paused, her lips pursing gently and a single shoulder raising in a shrug.

"You already told me, love," Killian reminded her softly. "How was your day home?" His lips turned up, producing a small smile. "And having the house all to yourself for a bit?"

Emma's smile was even smaller than his. "I got a little work in, and... " Her eyes slid away from him, finding something behind him to lock onto.

He wondered where her thoughts had taken her. Not just in this moment, but before. Where had she been in those moments when she had seen his final text messages.

"That's about it," she finished with a whisper. This time, her gaze found him again. "It was quiet. It was… good."

It brought another smile to Killian's face. "Well, I hope my presence doesn't detract from your good day." He moved then, stepping away from the door and making his way into the house.

Emma countered his movement with a step of her own.

"I'm happy you're home."

Watching Emma make her way up the staircase, Killian chose to believe her words and not the physical cues that were opposite of them.

"But since you don't need me, I am going to make my way upstairs," Emma continued before turning and doing just that.

"I'll be up in a minute," Killian said, letting his words drift up towards her. He watched the turn of her head, the short nod, and the steps that followed until she was out of view.

She hadn't mentioned it…

Neither had he…

It didn't change the fact that the night was upon them. It didn't change the fact that they were getting a fresh start.

They could make a baby. It was possible. Wasn't it?

Killian let his feet lead him, his mind on autopilot as he moved. Just a lingering check of the downstairs before…

His eyes traveled up towards the second floor, his ears straining for any sound of footsteps or movement from above his head. He hadn't taken the time to fully read her. Or Emma hadn't given him the chance to do so. He wasn't sure what her overall mood was, or would be in those upcoming minutes.

Killian took his time checking each room. Every door was locked, every curtain drawn, each pillow placed neatly on the couch, each dish properly shelved.

In the end, there was nothing left to do, no more inconsequential jobs to eat away time.

With a swipe of his thumb across his bottom lip, his eyes became transfixed on the staircase that would lead him to his wife. What he would eventually find there? Well, he was more than ready to find out.


She'd had the entire day to think on it. Or, more so, the entire day to dwell on it.

Emma wiped her hands down the front of her shorts as she craned her neck to look out of the bedroom door and into the hall. She felt the instant purse of her lips and could only imagine what she'd find in her eyes if she'd only turned to look in the mirror.

She'd had an entire day to dwell, but it didn't prepare her for the moment that was actually here.

Killian would be making his way up the stairs in no time. It wasn't a secret as to what day it was. It might not even be a secret as to how she felt about it.

The fact that Killian was taking as long as he was to make it into the bedroom only made Emma more nervous. She'd seen it in his face. Not that she'd needed to. His text message from earlier had been enough warning. Although, truthfully, she hadn't needed even that. He was just as knowledgeable of the date as she was.

That thought caused a slight frown to cross Emma's face.

Where was all the faith she'd had only a month ago? Gone. It was all gone. What was left was stark reality staring her directly in the face, by way of her reflection in her dresser mirror. That truth was that, for nearly an entire year, she had not been successful in getting pregnant. The stark reality was that, with every passing month, the hope of ever having another baby was only slipping away.

Her frown increased, and it was no longer only her thoughts that continued to bother her. She felt an ache take a firm grasp deep in her belly, causing her to clench those muscles in hopes of controlling it.

There was nothing that she was going to be able to do to change the situation. She was now currently ovulating. That meant only one thing. If only that one thing was sure to result in only one possible way. There wasn't a guarantee though, was there? It was that sole reason that she would have gladly skipped over this entire night.

Emma took in a deep breath, holding it for a moment as she turned her attention from her reflection in the mirror and to the bed instead.

She was ovulating…

Her fingers came up to either side of her head, spreading wide and sifting through her hair.

She was ovulating.

And it was already starting to hurt like hell, as every other failure began to creep up inside her.


Whatever apprehensive, fearful, or worried thought that had crossed Killian's mind seemed to disappear at the sight before him from the doorway.

She'd pulled her hair up into a ponytail. His presence had caused her to look up from her spot on the bed, showcasing cheekbones and white neck by the lamp light that only brightened the room.

His mind had pictured a sleeping Emma Jones, blanketed by a single sheet in the early summer heat. The reality was his wife sitting up in bed, her back supported by two pillows, and her knees slightly bent underneath the sheet that fell just over her hips.

Killian knew that his closest sketchbook was conveniently placed underneath his side of the bed. There was a strong pull to leave his spot against the door frame, grabbed up the book and pencil, and begin to capture that moment of sheer beauty as it was happening.

"What are you doing?" Emma's question also came with a change of expression, raising her brow, widening her eyes, tilting her chin…

Killian pushed himself away from the doorframe.

"Just looking at you," he murmured in answer.

He also pushed the thought of the drawing away. At least for now. There was something else that he wanted even more than capturing that moment. He wanted to live in it.

Emma turned her attention away from him, her head giving a single nod. Her knees came up more and her body began to slip away and down completely on the bed.

She looked beautiful like that, too. The hair in her ponytail seemed to all fall down on her left side, covering her shoulder. The single sheet claimed more of her body, covering most of her torso. It also cut quite the silhouette, clinging to the gentle curves of her frame. Flat stomach. He could change that. He wanted to change that.

Killian took in a deep breath even as his hands gripped at his shirt and pulled it over his head. His eyes fell on his side of the bed as turned the shirt outside in, snapping it once before folding it in half. For now, he left it on the dresser as he passed by it on his way to the bed.

The mattress absorbed his weight easily. He took no time in throwing his arm around his wife and dragging her closer towards him.

There had been time for apprehension. There had been time for indecisiveness. Now wasn't one of those times…

"I love you, Emma." It was a deep murmur before his lips fell on her cheek just below her ear.

He heard her inhalation of breath, felt it as her ribcage expanded.

"I love you, too, Killian," Emma whispered quietly. She looked at him then, her head turning until her green eyes met his blue ones.

Her words put a smile on his face, small and true. The arm over her stomach tightened, keeping her close.

Emma's sudden intake of break was accompanied by her hand falling over his arm. The green eyes that had met his only a moment before seemed to harden when they looked at him this time.

Killian knew what was going to leave her mouth even before she said it. It was in every one of her features, the need to turn this into…

He watched her lips part, watched the hesitation, yet blankness, begin to cover her face. Her voice filled his head, sounding forlorn and bleak. So he covered her lips with his own, kissing her softly and preventing anything from slipping from her mouth.

It was a soft kiss, a kiss that helped the negative thoughts stay away. It was a simple press of his lips to hers, and staying like that for just a moment.

He liked the brief moan he heard her breathe out, liked the way her lips parted underneath his. He liked even more the way back arched off the bed, pressing her body into his.

"Take eleven, right?" The dry question was whispered against his mouth before she moved away, slipping down and laying her head on her pillow.

Take eleven…

There hadn't been a bitterness to her tone, but Killian knew it was there. There was probably some hurt mixed in, as well. Watching her, looking at his wife as the resignation plastered her face while she propped up a knee from underneath the sheet in wait, he felt a similar sting in himself.

Take eleven…

"Let's just-"

"Emma?" He stopped her before she had a chance to begin. Because if those words had slipped passed her lips this time, if her need to push away from him this time was vocalized the way it had been before…

She hadn't responded to his text from earlier in the evening. She hadn't responded to the fact that they were back at this point in this ongoing cycle. She hadn't mentioned it when they'd met at home, had only vanished upstairs. And when he found her again, he knew that it had been the very thought on her mind. That thought had also began to sour her in other ways.

"What?" It was another soft whisper as she looked up at him. The raised knee wobbled back and forth as she eyed him.

He got it, the hurt. The despair.

"Let's make a baby, right?" Emma asked, seemingly giving up on waiting for a verbal response from him.

Even as her arms lifted up to wrap around his neck, even as she dragged him closer to her…

It wasn't for a kiss. It was nothing more than a means to an end.

Just get this over and done with…

Killian felt the tug of the frown as he let Emma pull him down over her, but it was that past conversation, on a night similar to this one, where those words had fell from her lips.

He pressed his hand into the mattress beside her, trapping her between the mattress and himself. He watched her face as her hand left from around his neck. He listened to her soft and resigned-sounding sigh as her hand moved, finding the front of his pants and making a task of unfastening the button.

"Maybe next time, have this part taken care of too," she muttered quietly, making quick work of the zipper.

Just get this over and done with…

Emma hadn't repeated the words, but the words she did use and her actions spoke volumes.

"Emma?"

Sometimes he wondered if she realized that she wasn't in this alone. Sometimes… he wondered if she knew that he wanted to expand their family just as much as she did. Sometimes he wondered… if she knew that it hurt him just as much as it hurt her that it had been eleven months of trials.

She did know, though, didn't she?

"What?" Emma asked, eyes wide once more as she looked at him.

And he looked back. Killian watched those green eyes, saw the hint of something hiding behind them, saw the pain and the need to continue to conceal.

He'd missed it before. He'd missed the cues that had said she was hurting. Not this time…

Emma was hurting. He knew the thought of failure was hanging over her. When there was nothing but failure, then why even try? It wasn't supposed to be about the hurt. It was supposed to be about the opportunity to succeed, to do it right this time.

It was about something else, too.

Killian's answer to her simple question came way of a lift of his lip.

"I love you." The three-word declaration left his mouth before his lowered his lips down to hers.

It was another soft kiss, one that lingered and left his teeth to nibble gently at her soft bottom lip.

He loved her. Killian loved Emma more than he'd ever loved anyone in his life. Perhaps that was why it nearly broke his heart every time she pulled away from him. Perhaps that was why he couldn't have her pull away from him now.

He loved her. He needed her. He needed… all of her.

Emma squirmed beneath him, tangling herself in the sheet that only she was under.

Killian almost smiled against her mouth. And then he did. A sad lift of one corner of his mouth. It wasn't quite a resistance she was putting up, but neither was it endearing or encouraging. It didn't extinguish the need he had for her, but it did leave a small ache in his heart that she hadn't responded more positively.

"Killian, what… are you…"

He blindly took hold of the hand that had undone the button of his pants and had stilled at his zipper. His fingers closed over her hand, pausing there.

"Slowing down," he answered matter-of-factly. Pressing his forearm into the mattress, he kept most of his body weight there as he positioned himself above her.

He felt her body stiffen underneath his, and he didn't think it was from the way he nibbled, kissed, and licked a trail from her ear to her neck.

"Killian, it's…" Emma let out a sigh of frustration. "I'm ovulating, remember?"

He wanted to melt away every bit of that frustration. He meant to melt away every bit of that frustration…

"I remember," he murmured into her skin. Under his lips, he felt her steady and strong pulse. "I know... that should be my main priority. My focus. But…" He pressed a firm kiss at her collarbone. "I hope you know that it's not, Emma."

This time, there was an involuntary-sounding intake of breath from her. She took advantage of the way he was positioned above her, twisting and rocking her own body until... she was laying on her side.

The loss of her underneath him caused Killian to sink down on the arm that had been holding him up, sinking into the bed. They lay face to face for all of a moment, eyes locking once more. Her thoughts were her own, her lips pursed and her eyes clear. He watched, as that instant disappeared, and Emma caved in her shoulders just as she began to turn again. This time, it was away from him, slowly and silently presenting her back to him.

It was Killian's turn to take in a breath, holding it in as he dug his head into his pillow before letting it out slowly.

He wouldn't have considered their time together so far to have been awkward. It was more so that he knew that Emma would have had a lot on her mind, just as he had. So when she turned her back on him… When she was silent, when she had nothing to say to him...

Killian didn't take it as an open invitation to hug her, to hold her close.

It was almost enough to make him turn himself, to flip onto his back and take solace in the sight of the stark white ceiling above his head. His head felt cluttered with a million thoughts, all of his wife. He didn't turn, but damn. Was offering the chance to turn an ovulation into something more than just an attempt at making a baby such a bad thing? Was it so wrong?

"Are you going to-"

He ignored her question, and tried to ignore the way her body curved back and into his from under the sheet. He knew what Emma was offering: her body. What wasn't at his disposal that night was her mind or her soul.

"I'm-"

Killian wanted his wife, all of his wife. He wanted her mind, body, and soul.

"You've been haunting my thoughts all day, my love," he shared with her honestly.

From her side of the bed, Emma gave a quick and short nod.

Killian felt the tug of a small smile on his face. His confession had been true, but how much did that mean to Emma? Did it even matter to her that his thoughts were only of her?

He eyed her from his side of the bed. There was an enticing amount of pale skin just in front of him, tall but hidden by her hair. His fingers came up to sweep away the thick ponytail, providing a better view for his eyes. Slowly, carefully, he lifted off his pillow, his mouth finding a spot, and pressing firmly against Emma's exposed neck.

He let his eyes close and his lips stayed there, breathing in her unique scent that was heightened by the not so long ago shower. He let his fingers twist around the strands of hair in her ponytail, opting to feel the silkiness caress his skin for just a moment longer. There was no change in her. No encouragement. No rejection.

"I wish I could say that it was all physical," Killian murmured against her skin, his lips hitting the cotton of her pajama top before sliding back up her neck. "I mean, it's quite possible that it could've been all physical."

His hand escaped her hair, leaving most of it to splay out on the pillow above them. His fingers replaced that loss with slipping over her shoulder and began a trek down the softness of her arm.

"My thoughts could have been just this: remembering what your arm feels like when I run my fingers over them," Killian shared quietly. This time, his teeth nipped at her neck just below her hairline, running gently over the skin there. "Or what it feels like to follow the curve of your waist, to your stomach... and then…"

He paused, though his hand followed through, the back of his hand caressing the underside of her arm on its way to her waist. It slipped under her top, holding onto her waist firmly before slipping over the flatness of her stomach.

And when Emma inhaled, when she attempted to turn towards him, Killian hugged his body closer to hers. His cheek laid against her shoulder, eyes closed, as his fingertips skirted against the underside of her bare breast.

"Killian."

She spoke his name, but it wasn't the whine and moan that he wanted. Instead, it was way of warning. He was close to falling under a spell that she didn't even realize she was casting. He needed her to be under it as well, to lose herself with him.

"No, it wasn't merely the physical, love," he murmured once more.

Killian's words were truthful, yet it didn't stop him from quickly grabbing the inside of her thigh and hiking her already close bottom snug against him. His hand went right back to her breast, filling his hand with its firmness and idly caressing over the nipple.

He'd planned on sharing everything. He planned on sharing how lucky he was to have her in his life, how happy she made him by being his partner in life, how much he wanted to make love to her and create a new being between them.

He was stunted by way she felt against him. Even through cloth in the form of panties, pajama shorts, cotton sheet, pants, and underwear, his mind began to get a little foggy at the feel of her pressed against him.

Not yet…

Killian swallowed, wetting his dry mouth as he rubbed his bearded chin against her shoulder blade and his fingers tweaked her nipple into a firm bud.

"Killian?"

Better, but not quite there yet. His name left Emma's mouth as an airy question.

"I know I told, I know I tell you, Emma," he whispered, turning his head said that his lips touched her back. "But I love you so much. You are my world, and I am nothing without you."

He liked her whine, though he knew that there was still a mixture of indecision wrapped up with pleasure. It was supposed to be all pleasure…

"I know, Killian," Emma whispered quickly. And then she was attempting to turn again, rocking her body into his.

His first thought was to enjoy the feel on her body crashing against his as he let every attempt fail. His second thought won out, letting Emma accomplish half her goal, with her ending up on her back.

"I-"

Killian was quick to react, both hands working together as he pulled the sheet down and her top up simultaneously. His head dipped down, his mouth opening and filling up with her breast.

He held back the moan that threatened to come out. His mouth busied away, licking, teasing, suckling… while his fingers caressed where his mouth wasn't. And then he did moan, his other hand palm-down against her pelvis.

"Killian?"

She'd said that next time he should come with his pants gone too. Well, he was now wishing the same sentiment.

"I'm-"

She was going to say it again… Even before the words were out, he felt her entire body stiffen, lying flat against the mattress.

"Ovulating." It sounded resigned. It sounded defeatist. It sounded… as if nothing else mattered. Emma was ovulating…

Killian lifted his head, swiped a quick lick over that nipple, and smiled at the involuntary reaction it gave instead of the one Emma probably wanted to outwardly appear.

"I know," he murmured, feeling his own involuntary reaction. He head dipped again, setting his sights on the all too long forgotten breast that hadn't received any attention."We also have all night, love. An entire night that would allow me to show you what you mean to me."

His entire body moved, returning them back to the same position that allowed him to be above her. His lips smoothed across the silky skin of her breast, his mustache gently marked her, until that nub beaded underneath his care.

Yet, she laid there, only her head moving from this way to that.

"We don't even have to do this," Emma sighed, unable to keep the frustration from tinging her voice.

Don't do this, Emma.

It was the initial thought that entered Killian's mind. His hand moved from her pelvis, slipping over to grip firmly at her hip. A smile upturned his lips even as he inched up her body. A trail of kisses began at her chest, moving up to her neck, her chin, her lips. That kiss lingered, a brush of lips across her own closed mouth.

He felt the infinitesimal movement of her arm as it lay beside her. He didn't take it as encouragement for something more than a simple kiss. He did take it as an encouragement to not let her slip away from him.

Killian's hand left her hip, grabbing tightly at her own hand. His fingers slipped through hers, interlocking their hands together.

"I love your strength, Emma," he murmured against her lips. His eyes opened briefly, taking in the closeness of her cheeks, her lips, her nose.

"Do you now?" she asked quietly. Emma flexed her fingers, almost as if she was to pull away. She didn't. Instead, her fingers tightened over his, holding close.

"I do," Killian whispered back.

Her body writhed underneath his, a soft whimper following.

"Am I?"

It wasn't the whimper he wanted, the one that casted shadows of doubt.

"Yes, you are," he assured her.

Killian's mouth fell back to hers, opening hers with his own and kissing her deeply.

Emma dug her fingernails into his skin, and the whimper that left her throat that time was just the tip of the iceberg of what he wanted.

His body pressed down into hers, his free hand digging underneath her until he was bringing her up to meet him.

Bloody panties, pajama shorts, cotton sheet, pants, underwear…

"Killian," she murmured, her returned kiss turning away, just as her head did, offering only her cheek as a substitute.

Perhaps, then, those barriers of cloth were okay for now. Perhaps there was more work for him to do…

The hand clasped with hers moved, bringing them both to lay above her head on the pillow.

"Emma?"

And he waited. Waited for his wife to turn her attention back to him, for his wife to meet his eyes again.

Was it his fault? Would it have been better to have gone through the motions, to have quietly undressed, cut off the lights, ease under the sheets and into his wife, and, with no more emotion than that called for, attempt to make a baby for the eleventh month in a row?

Of all the barriers, he disliked that one the most. The barrier that wouldn't let him inside her heart, inside her soul, inside her head.

"I love you, Emma," Killian told her again, staring into those green eyes and needing her to not process it, but to know it and feel it within her.

Emma opened her mouth, a full second passing before…

"I love you, too, Killian."

His eyes pinpointed on the different features of her face, taking in the honesty in her eyes, the slight lift of her right eyebrow, the slight part of her not-yet-well-kissed lips.

"I know," he whispered.

He did know. No matter what demons Emma tried to fight, he always knew that she loved him. And he knew that she knew that he loved her. Sometimes knowing wasn't enough though. Sometimes…

She surprised him when she lifted her mouth up to his, pressing a soft kiss to his lips. When she didn't pull back, when one simple kiss turned into another, then another, and then another...

Killian didn't know what it meant to her. He could imagine, and he could wonder if his imagination was right or wrong. He did know what it meant to him, to feel the gentle and quick caress of her body against his, her mouth taking lead of where their kiss went...

There was still panties, pajama shorts, cotton sheet, pants, and underwear between them.

It was tempting, the thought of bringing that hand that still laid at her side in between their bodies, encouraging her to do something about the ache that had never quite left. Unfortunately, he had other thoughts that rivaled even that.

He listened to the hiss of breath she inhaled as he pulled away, falling back to his own side of the bed as he shuffled, kicked, out of the clothes and pulled back the sheet at the same time. Halfway there…

Halfway wasn't nearly enough.

The thought crossed his mind even as he raised himself on his elbow, turning into Emma and stealing another kiss from her.

Her ache-filled moan stirred a fire deep in his belly, needing even more. He heard that hand fall from above their heads, falling back into the position. Not to stay, because that sheet was slipping back up, covering the both of them this time.

Better than the original.

Not quite what he had in mind.

Killian had a need. Quite a few needs. He needed to deepen that kiss that Emma had taken over in soft and sweet pecks. He needed one of those hands that lay between them to be touching some part of his body. He needed his own hand to slip inside her panties, to finally seek out the heat, wetness, and warmth that he was sure he would find there. Luckily, all those changes were easily at his grasp.

He grasped Emma's closest hand, his fingers closing around her wrist. He delved in closer her, his mouth opening wider over hers and his tongue slipping expertly into hers. He brushed her fingers over his collarbone, loving the way her nails scraped on their way down his chest all on her own. He wondered, hoped, nearly prayed that she would continue her trek farther and farther down… even as his hand angled down over hers, fingertips hitting her bellybutton on their way… inside pajamas… and panties.

Emma's foot moved across the bed, her knee slowing raising and her leg falling away.

The angle she'd created, even through shorts and panties, was perfect. Three fingers slowly and meticulously drew small circles over her, relying more so on the pressure he applied there.

Killian didn't mind when she didn't kiss him back. He didn't mind when her hand paused to grip at the hair at his stomach, stopping her own trek. He didn't mind, but enjoyed most of all, when her hips made circles that were opposite of his own, or how she pressed herself closer into those fingers.

"Bloody hell, I can't wait to see you fall apart," he muttered thickly, pulling back from her.

Emma's whine into his shoulder was the one he wanted, an ache so deep that it couldn't be hid.

Deep.

The heat and silkiness was growing, his own body reacting to every part of hers. He loved the way the encouraged his touch, but… he wanted more.

Angling his hand inside the panties, his fingers slipped deep, slipped inside.

Killian almost caught her gasp with his kiss, but that would have meant that he'd miss the way her head slipped down onto her pillow. He would have missed the flutter of her eyelashes. He would have missed the unmistakable flush of her skin of her neck, her cheeks.

"All I want is to…"

Even as his began to speak, he saw the change in her. He felt her tighten around his fingers, felt the slight dip of her knee, saw the skepticism in her eyes as they opened.

"Make love to you," Killian whispered. "I want to make love to you."

It was a battle warring in his mind, but he pulled his hand out from her panties. Instead, his gripped at the waistband of both, yanking one side down. He was on the move then, his body slipping down as his other hand met the other side of her waistband. He was naked; she needed to naked too. For now, having her bare from breasts to toe would suffice for what he needed.

Emma's clothes fared better than his own, landing on the floor instead of hanging off the side of the bed. The sheet that she'd pulled over them had also been a lost cause, pooling low over Killian's legs as he positioned himself between hers.

Smoothed. His hand clasped over her inner thigh as he watched the milkiness of the skin there. His mouth was drawn there, kissing the soft skin, almost losing himself in her scent.

Killian felt the instant Emma's hands clamped down on his head, almost surprisingly. Her fingertips couldn't reach that elusive spot at the back of his head, but they still felt amazing.

"I love you." It was desperate sigh as her knee slipped away and her hands moved restlessly over his head.

"Say it again," he murmured, inching his up her inner thigh, curving in as he ran out of available skin.

"I love you." It sounded even more desperate than before.

Her other thigh had been neglected, he realized, turning his attention there instead of…

Just as smooth. Just as silky. His mouth opened over that thigh, sucking at the sweetness there.

Emma's fingertips reached his ears, crawling over as much of his head that she could reach. Above him, her quiet sighs were music to his ears, a song calling out just to him for more. It was only when her knee fell away again, opening herself even more to him, and when her soft sigh became a quiet moan…

Killian pulled up, hooking her thighs with his arms, and dragged her down to him as well. There was a time for teasing. This wasn't one of those times. A firm stroke of his tongue from bottom to top of her slit caused a ripple throughout her body, pressing herself even closer into him.

No, it wasn't a time for teasing…

His hold on her tightened as his mouth took her, ignoring his own twitch and ache of desire swirling inside him. His eyes closed as his entire mouth followed the cues from every part of her on how to push her over her own edge. He listened to her moans, her cries. He paid attention to each and every minute direction her fingers gave as they caressed his head. He paid attention to every tremor, every shake of her legs, hips stomach, arms.

"I want…" Emma's fingers weren't gentle this time. She grasped a fistful of his hair, pulling him away. "Inside."

Her breathless request was one that Killian didn't want to give. Not yet. He insinuated as much as he shook his head adamantly, the vibration of his incoherent hum hitting a sensitive part and making her cry out to God..

"P-lease…" Her fingers twisted again, attempting to pull him away. "Pretty… please."

Killian didn't put up the same resistance as before, his arms unhooking from her thighs as she lifted him towards her.

Even as he fell over her, his thumb had found that sensitive and stimulated nub, rubbing over it in quickly and tight circles in hopes of keeping it that way. He was able to see her face now, see the way the flush had overtaken her.

"Beautiful."

He slipped his fingers inside her slowly, watching her chin raised, her mouth gape open, the short inhalation of breath.

"Bloody beautiful," he murmured, now at a consensus in his mind. His fingers moved even quicker inside her, feeling the muscles clenching around him, and his thumb continued its caress over that nub.

"Not… what I… meant."

A breathless Emma Jones? Perfection.

"I love you, Emma."

Her eyes opened languidly and her head dug into her pillow.

"Please?"

But he could see her, could see the tremor rippling over her flat belly and the tremble in each of her limbs. He could feel her, could feel the way her muscles clenched as his fingers curved inside of her. He didn't want her to lose this. Not when she was so close.

Killian's lips turned up into a sympathetic smile. "Like this, love."

"Babe…"

It was all she got out as her body began to pulse from the inside out. He listened to her cry, his body silently screaming from need itself. Killian dropped his head as he moaned, his mouth closing over her nipple and sucking hard to sate his own need.

He rode out her first orgasm with her. He felt the ache in his heart, knowing that this was only the beginning. Only the beginning of their night. A night he planned to fill with lovemaking with his wife.

And if they were lucky, if the gods were on their side, then perhaps…

They would make a baby as well.