The final chapter is here! I appreciate all of the love and support more than you could ever know, it has been an incredible run. Thank you so much for all of the reviews and comments, I love you ALL! :)
-Hazel
Kensi yawned loudly, stretching both arms out over her head as she came to consciousness. The rising sunlight streamed in through the shutters in Deeks' bedroom, piercing her eyes.
"You know Deeks, you could try getting some blackout shades or something. I doubt that you're ever able to sleep in past six..."
She trailed off after rolling over, hoping to find her partner but instead only feeling empty bedsheets beside her.
"Deeks?"
Kensi furrowed her eyebrows and pushed herself up in bed swiftly, heart pounding. The last time she'd seen him, he'd been a crying mess- and now he was gone. She found the chain of events to be undoubtedly disconcerting.
After a moment of silent panicking, Kensi's eyes caught on a small folded up piece of paper, which was resting on Deeks' pillow. She grabbed it quickly, flopping back down against the bed to read.
Kens,
I'm gonna go meet Nate for a little while, but I shouldn't be gone long. Thank you for being there for me last night.
(Whatever it takes.)
- D
Her breathing evened back out and she smiled, pushing herself up in bed. Kensi had no way of knowing when he'd left her the letter, so he could be returning any minute.
Anxiously she hopped out of bed, walking hurriedly towards his bathroom. She paused upon entering, suddenly realizing that she'd brought absolutely nothing with her when she'd come over the night before. No toothbrush, no hairbrush, no change of clothes. Hell, she'd even ended up sleeping in one of Deeks' tee shirts.
Keeping in mind that he could possibly be annoyed with her for snooping around in his drawers, Kensi pulled the top right one open very slowly, as if it was rigged to explode at any given second.
A perfectly organized razor, toothbrush and bottle of toothpaste all sat perfectly parallel to one another in the drawer. She smiled at his OCD tendencies, glad that they were coming back into play.
Slamming it shut she moved onto the next drawer, which contained a plethora of various haircare products and a brush.
"Hair by pillow- yeah right," she muttered to herself, snorting with laughter. Kensi secretly wondered if he ever actually used them though, as his hair always seemed so natural and fluffy.
She shook her head at her own thought, pulling the third drawer open without a moment of hesitation. Oddly enough, there was nothing inside except for a single folded up slip of paper that sat in the center. It looked oddly fishy to Kensi, and she just stared at it for a long moment, unmoving.
Reading it could be a violation of his privacy. Maybe. Probably. Definitely.
But they were together, and she couldn't think of a reason as to why he'd care.
What could it be, anyways?
She bit her bottom lip, grabbing and unfolding the piece of paper without another thought.
Kensi's knees nearly buckled as she read her name, which had been scrawled out at the top in Deeks' messy penmanship. She couldn't take her eyes off of it, honestly.
So, as Kensi slowly and gingerly lowered herself to the ground, she began to read.
Kens-
I don't know if now is the right time to say everything that's on my mind, but I need to let it out somehow. Maybe I'll give this letter to you one day, or maybe I'll just tell you? I'm not sure right now. Either way, there are a few things that you need to know, things that I should've told you a long time ago.
I kissed you, but you already know that. It's kinda redundant for me to say it again. We haven't talked about it, or brought it up yet. We also haven't spoken for quite awhile, so that could be why. But for some reason, I can't help but think that, even if we were around each other more, we still wouldn't have acknowledged it.
You were so sweet to me back at OSP- caring, compassionate. I know that you were trying, I really do. But I just wasn't in the right mindset to actually deal with any of it yet. I think I am now. I don't know, honestly. I'm just torn.
I want to see you more than you could ever know, and I want to answer your phone calls- so please don't think otherwise. I just don't want you to see me like this.
I can't think straight, and if I try to talk I'm not sure what's gonna come out. It feels like I'm losing it.
More than anything, I just hope that this isn't the end. It can't be.
I hate the way everything turned out between us. I hate that I haven't spoken to you for three weeks, and that I can't sleep or shut my eyes without thinking about that last talk back at OSP. I was trying, and I know that you were too. But then suddenly, you wanted to help me and I couldn't bring myself to let you in.
God, I'm such an idiot. And I'm sorry.
I thought that sneaking away would fix everything, or make the bad memories disappear. Needless to say, nothing's really any different. I'm a bit scruffier, but that's about it. I still wish you were here, I still need you, and I still love you.
None of that has changed, and I know that it never will.
-D
Kensi gasped upon reaching the end, the tip of her finger tracing back over his words. A single tear fell from her eye, leaving a drop of salty water on the note, smudging a word or two.
He loved her.
She'd had her doubts in the past, understandably so.
But this was concrete. A declaration, one that she had in writing.
Kensi rested her head back against the wall, her heart racing. A million different thoughts were dancing around in her mind at once, and she just couldn't bring herself to separate them out. All she could see was the letter.
She stared at it's exterior, noting the large amount of folds and creases, as well as the multitude of crossed out lines. It clearly hadn't been written in one sitting, and her heart tore as she saw a mental image of him on the couch in his apartment, desperately trying to get the words right.
He could've called. Talked to her. Told her how he felt.
And the idea that he'd been sitting on those feelings for so long easily broke her apart.
She'd waited to tell him how she felt as well, so they were both to blame for the delay. It didn't matter though- Kensi had hated it just as much as him, if not more.
The overwhelmingly large concern for Deeks' well being had been practically debilitating during that lengthy time without him. She'd wanted to see him, to know that he was okay. Hell, to know that he was even alive.
And all the while, Deeks had been wanting her just as much as she'd been wanting him.
They'd begun to communicate, their skills vastly improving- but Kensi still wondered if it had all been enough. If she'd really told him enough, talked to him enough, been there enough.
Then, it suddenly dawned on her. Hit her like a ton of bricks.
Kensi had never told Deeks that she loved him.
It had been implied when she'd told him that he was 'the one', but a verbalization was still required to make it undoubtedly true. Kensi just had to let him know, especially if everything he'd said in that note proved to be honest.
With limp hands she held it closer to her face, skimming the paper with damp eyes. Kensi read aloud a couple of lines in particular, ones that made her smile rather than cry.
"None of that has changed, and I know that it never will."
Oh, what was she kidding herself. That easily made her tear up.
Kensi was far too lost in her own world to notice the sudden reappearance of her partner, who was just standing in the doorway, paralyzed as his eyes caught on the note in her hands.
"Hi," he uttered breathily, eyes wide.
Kensi jumped, a quiet, almost hiccuping cry escaping her lips as she saw him. She honestly couldn't bring herself to say anything, but luckily for her sake it was unnecessary.
He pointed at the note before scratching his scruffy chin, stumbling over his words.
"Y-you found it."
Kensi swallowed hard, her eyes misty as she slowly bobbed her head up and down.
"Yeah."
Deeks sunk to the floor beside her, not allowing any distance to remain between them.
"And you read it?"
She nodded, smiling and wiping the tears from beneath her eyes with the edge of her shirt sleeve.
Deeks did the same, lifting one hand up to flick a couple of stray water droplets off her cheeks.
"I love you, Kens."
She chuckled, her heart rate picking up speed. "I can tell."
He smiled softly, turning his head on it's side.
"You're very intuitive."
"I am."
She creased the letter in the same way it had been folded previously, turning it over in her hands before bringing her eyes up to meet his.
"It's not the end, by the way."
Deeks didn't need any sort of verification for what context she was speaking in.
"I know."
She stared back down to her lap, fidgeting. "It never will be, Deeks. I... I love you too."
The moment the words escaped her mouth, she was happy with them. Exceedingly, positively, absolutely thrilled with them. The statement floated around in the air, staying long after actually being spoken aloud.
Deeks tapped one finger beneath her chin, forcing Kensi to meet his gaze. It was strong, fierce, caring and loving.
He moved in to kiss her without another word, the movement slow and even. For Deeks, kissing Kensi was different than kissing anyone else. It was magical. Ethereal. Invigorating and exhilarating, all at the same time. They loved each other, and were finally admitting it.
The significance of that moment wasn't lost on him.
Deeks pulled away slowly, his baby blue eyes beating into her hazel and brown.
"I'll love you 'til the day that I die, Kens. No doubt in my mind."
That one simple sentence was her undoing. Kensi shuddered, tears filling her eyes once more as she nodded.
"Good. So don't ever leave again, okay?"
He nodded, a smile creeping onto his features.
"Okay."
Kensi grinned, the expression crooked and clearly reminiscent of the smile that he'd shown her so many times before.
"Okay."
