Drench yourself in words unspoken; today is where your book begins, the rest is still unwritten
"I..." was all Loki said before he froze; standing still and expressionless, staring down at Tony with his fingers still tangled in his hair. Tony's confession has caught him off guard, and he could tell that Tony meant it - he really didn't want to leave, and that was what was so worrisome.
Slowly, he slithered his fingers out of Tony's hair, and dropped his arms at his sides. "You do not wish to go home?" he finally asked.
Tony himself took a few moments to answer; unsure about how Loki felt about that. Perhaps opening his mouth was a bad idea... Still, he liked it in Asgard. Even if he was locked up in a cell, he wasn't a prisoner. Prisoners didn't get their own shower times, or brought meals from the Queen. It was like he was in his own secluded part of Asgard, where it was just him and Loki and no one else to bother them. It was... nice; even if he didn't exactly have freedom.
He was so used to everyone being in on his life all the time, the solitude and privacy was incredibly appreciated. So, even if it was the wrong thing to say, he was going to say it. "No. I don't." When the words left his mouth, he was left not knowing if he was just admitting his feelings, or implying that he wanted Loki's help on finding a way to stay... but, he didn't necessarily care; either way fine with him. He wouldn't mind staying, and he knew that if anything could be done, it could be done by Loki. If he couldn't, at least Loki knew.
Loki took in a deep breath, running his fingers through his own hair, processing the new information. He could think of a few different ways that might allow Tony to stay, and he could think of countless ways that they could escape and be somewhere more enjoyable. He had thought about the subject once or twice before... but he could never allow it to happen. "Why?" he frowned. "You have a life to go back to, and live."
"I know, and I do miss it; I miss flying in my suit, and pizza, and everyone screaming my name, begging for my attention, and my lab, and JARVIS... There's a lot of things I miss, but at the same time, it's nice to have a break from it. Y'know? I've never had a calm life where I don't have to do anything. I like it. Besides, you're all magical; you could make a pizza if you wanted, right? I won't be missing out on that much."
Loki narrowed his eyes. "You know full well that I must be careful with my magic."
"We can be. Pizza night can be once every month; we'll cherish it."
"As you should your time here. Once you stay here for too long, you will grow tired of it, and will want nothing more than your old life. When you have that back, you will feel for it as you do for here, now."
Tony frowned; beginning to fill with anxiety. "What... are you saying, exactly?"
"You cannot stay here."
"Why not? Don't tell me you don't want me to. I mean, who else is going to amaze you in the showers? It's not as satisfying by yourself, and it can't be easy, what with your hands being all chained... though, I guess you could do it here, but you've got all these other pris-"
"Stark," Loki muttered, interrupting his babbling.
"Right. Not the point. Sorry."
"Your friends - that you should nor forget or abandon - are working to bring you back to them. It is only a matter of time before they succeed in doing so. It has been a while, already."
"If there's still a me on Earth, why do I have to go back? I'll cease to exist."
"You will still exist, you'll just.." he trailed off, rubbing his temples. "You belong there, not in Asgard."
"But I like it, here."
"That doesn't matter."
"Yes, it does," Tony argued, frowning. "This is my life, shouldn't it be my choice?"
"It is your choice. You, as in the real you, on Midgard."
"That me doesn't know what I want!"
"He is a genius and knows what's best," Loki muttered, heading over to his chair and sitting down, hoping to end the conversation.
Tony stared at him in disbelief. "So, you'd just have me leave? You know I won't be able to return, right? If the Avengers knew what we..." he trailed off, pausing. "They'd never let me see you, again."
Loki nodded.
"But..."
Loki looked at him with unusually sad eyes. "Was returning not the plan, all along?"
"That was before."
"Before what, Stark?"
Tony groaned. "What is your issue, here? Pride? That you're involved with a 'mortal'? Just, stop it. I know you don't mean what you're saying."
"If you think being so involved with you was hurting my pride, why, pray tell, would I sleep with you every night, for the others and my mother to see?"
"Because..." Tony trailed off, shifting his weight and crossing his arms. "I don't know, you're an idiot?"
Loki gave him a weird look.
"So, answer my question. If it's not pride, what is it?"
"We are not having this discussion."
"So, you are an idiot," he muttered. "You can cast a spell on me, or something to make it so I can't leave," he continued. "Break the portal, I don't know, you're smart, you can think of something that'll work."
"I refuse to take and ruin your life by imprisoning you to be stuck with me forever!" Loki nearly yelled.
Tony stared at him, blinking. "... You think that would ruin my life?"
"Do not dare say otherwise," Loki warned.
Tony opened his mouth to argue, but paused. Loki's tone sounded moreso like he was trying to convince himself more than Tony. "You're wr-"
"It is your life, and your choice," Loki repeated Tony's earlier words, agreeing as he turned away; hiding his face. "And this is my cell, and I... eagerly await it's emptiness."
Tony froze, and his heart dropped. He had never felt more stupid in his life - and considering who his father was, that really said something. He was hurt - surprisingly hurt. He had just been... flat out rejected. He never got rejected. Ever. The first to reject him was a God, and that was extremely ego-damaging.
If Loki was so eager for Tony to leave, then... what did everything that happened between them mean? Had Loki just been using him for his own pleasure, and security? And Tony - the man who didn't do 'talking' or 'feelings,' just blurted out his one-sided feeling about how much he didn't want to go, and tried to get Loki to let him stay. He was stupid. Unbelievably stupid - and foolish. Foolish enough to actually -
"Enough has already been done..." Loki murmured, bringing Tony out of his thoughts. "We will not speak to each other for the remainder of the time you are here. Forget what you said. Forget that you meant it."
"But -"
Suddenly, everything fell silent. Tony's mouth moved, but no words came out. Sound, was gone.
Three days had come and gone.
Tony and Loki didn't eat together, sleep together, shower near each other, or even look at each other - except for a few occasional glances, until the other met the gaze and they both looked away to continue ignoring each other's existence.
The silence spell that Loki had cast was still going strong. Inside the cell, nothing could be heard; not footsteps, the ruffling of the blankets on the bed, glass breaking (which Tony only did to experiment whether or not everything was muted), or even their own heartbeats. It was driving Tony mad, though Loki appeared to be absolutely fine.
The only time there was sound was in the showers. In there, the sound of the running water and everything else seemed so agonizingly loud, Tony wouldn't dare add to it by speaking. Even if the noise wasn't an issue, he wouldn't know what to say.
On their next shower day, Tony spent the entire time debating on whether or not to speak to Loki. He wanted to say 'hi' and try to just start all over, but he knew the chances of that were slim. Too much had happened, and he knew that Loki was... well, he actually had no idea what Loki was. He had no reason to be angry, hurt, or anything of the like, though he clearly wasn't happy. Perhaps he was just being honest; showing his true intentions and feelings.
Tony sighed, deciding to keep his mouth shut, but he glanced over at Loki, just to see him.
The familiar sounds of keys being shoved in a lock signalized that their time was up, and Loki looked over towards Tony, meeting his gaze. He held it longer than he normally would; only looking away when the guards shoved him out of the door, taking him back to the cell.
Since Loki was ahead and couldn't see what Tony was doing, he continued staring as they walked down the hallway. Tony almost thought Loki looked... disappointed? Why? For not speaking? No, that'd be stupid. Loki was just as capable as speaking as Tony was. Though, they both did have their reasons for their silence, and the likeliness of them counting on the other to break it first was pretty high, as it was just something they were stubborn enough to do.
When they got back to the cell, Tony headed for the chair, wordlessly giving up the bed for the night. Loki paused, standing in the middle of the cell, looking at Tony as if he was about to argue, but just a second later, he took the bed and laid down. He used his magic to summon a book to read, while Tony let out an inaudible sigh and swung her legs across the arm rest, trying to get as comfy as he could.
Back on Earth:
Over the coarse of three days, Tony had scanned Doom's machine, and created a holographic duplicate. He programmed it so if he disposed of one of the wires that were live, the machine would make a sizzling noise, symbolizing that the real machine would blow up. All of that took a whole day, mostly because he kept getting interrupted by people abusing their privilege to have a code to get into Tony's lab. He was brought countless cups of coffee and a bunch of unwanted advice about needing some rest, while others came to 'just visit,' or to try to flat out drag him out. It got to the point where he told JARVIS to override every code and temporarily disable them all until he said otherwise. Of course that only made the Avengers knock on the door, so he put up curtains, and began blasting his music near the door to ensure he wouldn't be distracted anymore. He was determined to finish his project as soon as possible, and they should know that, that meant he was going to do just that.
When he was finally without any disturbances, he began studying the machine, starting with the control panel. He needed to figure out what had to be pressed to make the machine to do what he needed. There was a simple 'on' button on the very font that looked too simple... but there were no other buttons to turn the machine on or off, so Tony was led to believe that it had to be legit... but he had to test it out, so, he pressed it.
Sizzle.
"Congratulations, Sir," JARVIS said. "You have just successfully killed yourself."
Tony frowned. "That was the 'on' button. How else are you supposed to turn it on?"
"Might I suggest the red button underneath the control panel?"
"The... what?" he crouched down, looking underneath the control panel, and rolled his eyes at the red button just sitting there. He pressed it, and nothing happened. It was safe. "Highlight the wire connecting to that false wire."
As requested, JARVIS highlighted it, and Tony pulled it out of it's socket, crumpled it up and threw it in his basketball net recycling bin. "So, that's garbage."
"Would you like my assistance, yet?"
"No. I have to do this," Tony muttered, continuing his work.
The machine was pretty basic: turn it on, choose the portal setting, set a target, adjust the power levels, and go. So, he highlighted all of the others buttons, which he was certain he didn't need, and told JARVIS to highlight all of the wires connecting to them, and he pulled them out, throwing them out, then stared at the machine, waiting. When no sizzle came, he sighed in relief.
The machine was left looking pretty empty, but it looked safe, and that was what mattered.
Content with the work he'd done, he decided to get an hour or two of rest before he went out to work on the real thing. He didn't want to end up doing the wrong thing because he was tired, and blowing it up. That would be... stupid.
He still wasn't feeling up to being social, so he muted JARVIS and hopped in his nearest car, reclining his seat, and closing his eyes.
When he woke, the first thing he did was look at his watch; it was past five in the afternoon. He wasn't sure when he went to bed, but he knew he slept longer than intended. He shook his head in disbelief, "I... guess I needed that."
He yawned, and stretched, slowly getting out of the car, and made his way over to his suit. He put it on, and immediately began flying down to Doom's machine, stopping at Burger King on the way there, because he wanted a cheeseburger.
When he got there, he had JARVIS send a 3D file of the hologram to his suit, and he began working on disabling the same wires as before. Naturally it took a bit longer; he was hesitant with each wire he disabled, and wanted to make sure he wasn't going to make any mistakes. He couldn't afford them.
By the time he was finished, it seemed to look more empty than it did in his workshop, but that was probably only because it wasn't a hologram - and it was dark out. His hesitation really took up a lot of time...
With nothing else to do, he headed back to the tower to get some of the pizza he refused from Steve, earlier.
When he landed on his catwalk and his armour was being taken off, he spoke to JARVIS, "JARVIS, wake Natasha up when the sun rises... tell her I've finished, and end her off to se Doctor Strange."
"Of course, Sir."
Tony nodded to himself, grabbing a glass of scotch before anything else.
"Hey," Pepper's voice greeted, followed by arms being slid around his waist from behind. "It's good to see you up and about."
"Hey," he replied, lifting the corner of his mouth into a sloppy smile, turning to face her with his drink in hand..
"How's the machine coming?"
"I've got it all ready."
"Already? That's great! I knew you could do it!" she lightly tightened her arms around him, giving him a gentle squeeze.
He nodded, taking a sip from his glass, filling his mouth with scotch so he didn't have to reply.
"So... do you want to go out for dinner? I was thinking Chinese."
"I would love Chinese food..." he frowned, "but, I still have a lot of work to do."
The sparkle in her eyes dimmed, and her face fell. She smiled sadly, yet understandingly. "That's fine. Next time."
He nodded, saying nothing as he watched her leave. He felt awful for lying. He had no work, but he just couldn't stop avoiding her. It just wasn't the same between them, anymore; they didn't click like they used to, and he didn't know how to talk to her about it.
He still loved her, yes, of course, but he wasn't in love with her. He knew she wasn't, either. She was trying, though; sticking with him when he needed support... she didn't deserve to be let go of when she was doing so much... but she didn't deserve to be led on, either.
He groaned, and finished his glass, before grabbing the box of pizza from the fridge, and heading down to his lab to sit in his car and watch AC/DC music videos on his computer to pass the time. It was all a matter of hours before things were back as they should be.
