You Know I Can't


Throughout the whole weekend, I had been receiving text messages from Derrick, apologising about what had happened. I had unceremoniously deleted them without reading the content (well... that's a lie. I read the first few and when I realised they all had the same message I started to delete them). He finally stopped text bombing me around Sunday night, finally getting the message that I was giving him the cold shoulder.

But truthfully, I wasn't feeling as harsh as what my actions incline. During the whole weekend, every time I heard my phone's message tone bleep, I grabbed it and stare at the screen.

Just open it! So what if he's made mistakes? He's just human! A very sweet and cute one at that... The weaker side of my conscience whispered to me.

No! Don't even think about it, Mass. Look what he's done to you. Don't succumb to his spell! The egotistical side of my conscience had screamed out.

Since the egotistical side was louder, I surrendered to it. I deleted the messages without reading them and turned my phone on vibrate.

I then couldn't stand it anymore and turned my phone back to its original pinging.

Monday passed uneventfully for me. Homeroom was cancelled because of a special assembly. I didn't know whether to feel relived or disappointed since I didn't have an English period either.

Tuesday rolled around and I felt something in my stomach. Today was the day that Derrick finds out he has another tutor. It could either turn out good or bad.

We picked Layne up today for school and during the car ride, Layne teasingly asked how my "little boyfriend" was. I cringed and spilled the whole story out, trying not to cry.

"I swear, I'm going to beat his pretty face until its pulp when I see him at school today," Layne said, menacingly grinding her knuckles together.

I laugh-sobbed and wiped my escaping tears away. "Don't do that! You're life would get totally ruined!" I gently lowered her knuckles down.

We reached the school gates and hopped out of the car, after quickly retouching my lip gloss and curing my red eyes as best as we could. We linked arms and made our entrance together.

Instantly, I felt stares all around me and whispers of my name linked with Derrick's. I lowered my head slightly but Layne discreetly pushed it back up.

When we finished our little "walk of shame" (well, my walk of shame, not Layne's) Layne walked with me to my locker to swap my books for the day. I was glad of her presence because I don't think I could have made it without her support.

We then made our way to her locker where she swapped her books for the ones she needed. The bell then rang and I thought that she was going to go off to her homeroom.

"Nuh uh. No way. I'm coming with you. I can just get someone to answer for me when they call the roll; it's not like Mr McKenley knows me anyway."

I gave Layne a big hug and thanked her.

"No problem. I need some excitement in my life anyway."

I stared at the girl who I thought had way too much excitement in her life to handle. I mean, I would probably die of exhaustion if I had to be put through her exciting life.

We walked into homeroom and immediately, we get hit with stares. Layne ignored them and made her way to the back of the class room, practically dragging me along. We sat down at two desks at the back and Layne pulled out her BlackBerry and started to text someone.

"Who you textin'?" I said curiously, peering to see.

"Mandy. Just asking her if she could answer for me for roll call today," Layne said casually and blew a huge purple bubble with her grape flavoured bubblegum.

I leaned back in my chair pulled out a copy of The Catcher in the Rye. I flicked to where I had left off last night and leaned back in my chair to cram in a few minutes of reading time.

The door then creaked open and I didn't have to look up to see who it was going to be.

I gave in and discreetly looked up from my book. I let my eyes wander and land on Alicia and Derrick. Alicia was pulling Derrick by the hand and practically pushed him onto a chair. Then, she placed herself primly on his lap.

Derrick's eyes scanned around the room and our eyes met. He had a pained but comical look on his face and I giggled a little at this little scene. Then I remembered what he had done to me, placed a hard look on my face and buried my head back into the pages of my book.

I tried to register the words into my brain but they kept wriggling away. I sighed in frustration and gave up trying to read it. I placed it in my bag and turned to Layne who was still texting away. I sighed and lowered my forehead onto the surface of my desk.

Layne then nudged me out of my little nap.

"Oi! Lover boy's coming in this direction!" Layne whispered in my ear. I perked up and straightened myself. Layne combed my hair down and discreetly turned the chair so I was facing her.

"Now laugh as if you just heard the funniest thing on earth," Layne hissed. So I threw my head back and laughed like a freaking hyena.

"Ok miss drama queen," Layne giggled which sent me giggling, for real this time. I felt Derrick approach me closer and closer. Then...

RIIIIIIIIIING.

Phew. Saved by the bell. Literally.

I slung my bag over my shoulder and walked out of the room before Derrick could reach me. Layne had to practically sprint to keep up with me.

"What did you run away for?" Layne asked me, panting a little.

"It's not like I was going to talk to him or anything," I answered, still walking fast.

"What? Massie, you have to stand up for yourself sometimes," Layne said, huffing a bit now.

I spun around and nearly smacked my face with Layne's. "Look. It's okay; I can look after myself,"

Layne sprouted a slightly hurt look on her face but nodded. "Okay. But text me if you need anything, yeah?"

I nodded before we went our separate ways.


4.30 pm. I should be at Arabesque, tutoring Derrick. But instead, I am at home, doing (well, trying to do) my history homework.

Right now, he should realise that he has another tutor, I thought to myself, as I felt a tear slide down my check and rest itself on my lip. I licked the saltiness of my lips and impatiently brush my eyes for any other straying tears.

4.45 pm. Moved on to my maths homework since I couldn't concentrate on the Holocaust. I sighed as I checked my phone for the umpteenth time and realised that there are no text messages.

5.30 pm. I groggily open my eyes to the sound of my phone ringtone. I must have fallen asleep, trying to do maths homework. I cringed in disgust as I felt crusty particles on my checks. I picked up my cell but was too late to answer. The caller had hung up.

I shrugged it off, not bothered enough to check who the caller was. Must have been Layne,I thought to myself as I made my way to my ensuit. I washed my face and took a quick shower before changing into a pair of boy shorts and an oversized shirt.

I tied my limp hair in a messy bun and made my way back to my room. My cell then started to ring again. I picked it up, thinking it must be Layne.

"What, Layne?" I answered, feeling kind of moody.

"It's not Layne. It's Derrick."

I gasped as his familiar voice flowed through my cell.

"Where were you today? Are you sick or something? 'Cuz I had some random chick named Gina and she had no idea what she was doing. Does she even do ballet? Doesn't seem like it 'cuz she can't even do a plié properly. She then tried to make a move on me," I heard him shudder "and that was SCARY."

Gina? My replacement was Gina? I stifled a giggle as I pictured Gina wearing a pair of tight jazz short shorts and trying to seduce Derrick with her huge boobs. Gina had a reputation of being a slut and was rumoured to have slept with the whole boy's hip-hop crew. Ballet wasn't even her speciality, jazz was. So what was she doing tutoring Derrick?

"Well anyway, where were you?" Derrick continued, sounding kind of stern now.

I paused.

"We both know that I can't tutor you anymore, Derrick." I whispered, my voice coming out all hoarse.

"Why?" He demanded.

"I... can't be around you," I said.

"Look, I did NOT kiss Alicia. She kissed ME first and I was trying to get away."

I didn't answer him. I didn't care.

"Please Massie. Please believe me. You've made me so happy and I can't bear to lose you over something so small,"

"Something so small? Whatever Derrick. You can't have both of us," I said, sounding angry now. I ended the conversation. I wish I was on a landline so I could have slammed the phone, but whatever.

I wish that I can believe him. I'd give anything in the world to trust him and to be in his arms again. But he's hurt me so many times now that it's hard to trust him again.

I turned off my cell so he couldn't try to reach me. Then, I picked up the landline and called Mme. Noelle.

One ring, tw-

"Hallo,"

"Um, yeah, hi?" I stumbled. I cursed myself for doing so.

"Mazzee? Eez zat yooh?"

I nodded.

"Hello? Anyone there?"

I silently hit myself for the stupidity. "Yes I mean, sorry. Just had a blond moment."

"Okay. Anyway, vat vas it yooh want to talk about?"

I took a deep breath. "Gina is my replacement?"

Mme. Noelle inhaled sharply. "I'm sorry Mazzie. She was zee onlee one who vas willing to replace yooh in such short noticeee."

"Okay." I answered.

"I'm soreey Mazzie. I hope your schedule clears up zoon because between yooh and meeh, Geena iz not very good," Mme. Noelle whispered, sounding slightly cheeky.

I stifled a giggle. "Yeah. I hope so too. See you soon,"

"Okay Mazzie. Goodbye."

Mme. Noelle hung up the phone but I kept the receiver on my ear. I heard the dial tone ring on and on. When the pitchy sound started to irk me, I placed the receiver back on its holder.

I just sat against the wall for a while. Then, I walked over to my school bag and opened the smallest pocket. I pulled out my iPod and placed myself on the edge of my bed. I unravelled the white headphones from the body of the iPod and plugged them in my ears.

I scrolled through the songs but my eyes couldn't focus on any of the names. I huffed and gave up then clicked on "Random Choice".

Then, I rolled over and rested my head onto my pillows. It took me a while to realise what song was playing. When it ended, I put it on repeat and closed my eyes.

I dozed off to the sound of "All Again For You" by We The Kings, with the thoughts of Derrick Harrington on my mind.


"We had it all in front of us
You were the one
I was in love
But you always hurt,
The one you lost.
I couldn't get enough.

You were everything
That's bad for me.
Make no apologies
I'm crushed....
Black and blue
But you know
I'd do it all again for you..." –


Ahh... another chappie up! (:

Sorry for the late update... just finished mid-term exams. My study schedule's kind of hardcore ;p

Hope this one was worth the wait... I'll update sooner on next chappie...

Please review! I'm aiming to get 120+ reviews before I finish the story (: Lame... I know... but that's me.

SkyexHIGH