Gone

By Inzane

Disclaimer: Still not owning it. Still not making any money from it. Which sucks, but it's better than getting sued.

Summary: How much abuse can a guy take before he snaps? Events in Hello, Goodbye take a different turn. AU from that point.

A/N: I would like to thank everyone who has reviewed this story and offered me invaluable feedback. I have made a lot of improvements to my storyline due to suggestions from the readers. You all have helped to keep me on the right track. So, again, my deepest thanks.

I would have had this chapter out there sooner, but I was down and out with a stomach virus for about four days. And, might I add, yuck.

Warning: I just wanted to remind everyone who is reading this via alerts that the rating was changed to M. Ahem… just saying.


Chapter 12: Reach Out and Touch Someone

Max fell asleep, sitting on the couch, arms wrapped around her legs and head still facing the closed door of the bedroom. She had stared at it for an hour--hoping that maybe he would come out, or at least unlock the door, maybe open it a crack--before she was overcome with fatigue from the complete lack of sleep the night before.

When she awoke, it was with the uncomfortable jerk that accompanies falling asleep in an awkward position. She lifted her head from where it had rested on her knees, groaning slightly as the muscles in her neck protested. She automatically reached up to rub the sore muscles, eyes scrunching up against the mild annoyance of pain. Then the haze of sleep cleared from her brain and she sat bolt upright, eyes immediately locking on the bedroom door.

It was closed. Still.

Dammit.

Max turned her head, wincing as stiff muscles protested, to look out the window of the apartment. Sun streamed in through the dingy glass, strong and bright. She must have been asleep for four or five hours.

She could see a glimpse of brilliant blue sky beyond the glass, with the occasional puffy cloud floating by. It was if the weather itself had turned against her, mocking her. The beauty of the day taunted her with its stark contrast to the dark storm cloud that had settled over her life.

If a goddamn bird settled on that windowsill and started chirping merrily, she was going to kill it.

Max let her head fall back against the couch. As she stared at the ceiling, mirroring the same position Alec had been in when they had first returned from the hospital, she sighed. She couldn't let herself fall victim to depression. If she did that, she wouldn't be able to help Alec. She had to try to stay positive. He wasn't himself yet. She wouldn't allow herself to take what he did personally. To take that closed door personally.

That's what she told herself, anyway.

She shoved herself off of the couch and shuffled into the bathroom, grabbing fresh clothes along the way. She made a mental note to get to a Laundromat soon, or both she and Alec were gonna start smelling pretty ripe.

She closed the bathroom door, then told herself that she wasn't being petty when she pushed in the button lock. She turned on the shower, then slowly stripped off her clothes, not really seeing, eyes glazing as her thoughts turned inward. She clenched her teeth around yet another sigh that wanted to escape her lips, then closed her eyes and stepped under the hot spray.

She turned her back against the spray, letting her hair fall over her shoulders so that her sore neck was fully exposed to the hot water. She groaned softly in pleasure at the liquid heat loosened her tight muscles. As she began to relax, her mind drifted. And as there was only one person who had been on her thoughts over the past week--more like the past eight months--it was inevitable the direction those drifting thoughts would lead.

He was there, on the other side of that thin wall. So close, yet he might as well have been miles away for all the good it did her. She couldn't reach him. She didn't kid herself into thinking that she played any part in bringing him back as far as he had come. He had done that much himself. She was just along for the ride.

Alec didn't want to be reached. No. That wasn't quite it. Not exactly. He didn't want her to reach him.

He didn't want her.

The simple truth was that she had fallen in love with a man that did not love her back. He didn't even know that she loved him. And she couldn't tell him.

The rift between them was wide and deep, and she had no idea had to bridge that gulf. How could she help him, much let repair the rift between them, if he wouldn't talk to her? She wanted to bust through that door and make him talk to her, force him to deal with this shit between them. But if she did that, he would never trust her again. She needed that trust. She had already betrayed it once. She only hoped that, with time, she could earn it back.

God, this train of thought is fucking depressing, she thought, and tried to force her mind to a more pleasant topic. It could have been the hot water that heated her blood, or the slick feel of the soap as it slid smoothly across her bare skin, that caused her mind to latch on to a much more pleasant topic. A dangerous, but definitely more pleasant topic.

He was probably still sleeping on the bed. Her breath quickened as her mind began to fill in images of him on that bed: lying on his back, sprawled out and taking up the whole bed; on his side, curled up slightly, like a cat; on his stomach, on leg drawn up and his head resting on his arm. The images of Alec sleeping where interrupted by a memory: Alec, blue towel slung low on his hips, chest bare, muscles glistening with water from the shower. Her heart sped faster as the images of Alec sleeping once again flashed through her mind, but this time, there was bare skin and rippling muscles, as her mind imagined Alec slept in the nude.

The soap slipped out of her hand to land with a thunk at the bottom of the tub.

She reached up to push her wet hair out of her eyes, then let her head fall backwards. She could feel each individual droplet of water as it trailed down her skin. Her arms ran over the back of her head, down her neck, then came around and trailed down further until her fingertips grazed lightly past her breasts, her nipples now hard pebbles. Her hands slid slowly down her torso, caressing. Her breaths were fast and shallow now, and she imagined they were his hands, as they slid lower, lower...

Max spun around and twisted the handle for the hot water hard until it cut off completely, She found herself panting as a blast of cold water rained down to cool her suddenly super heated blood. She stood there, under the stinging needles of cold, letting the punishing water wash away the fantasy that she didn't dare indulge in. Not with Alec in the next room, separated only by that thin wall.

So close, yet so far away.

Once she had herself under some semblance of control, she turned the water off and stepped out of the shower, shivering. As she toweled off, she took a moment to dwell on how complicated life had become. Not only was she battling to save Alec's soul, but now she would also have to constantly fight her own feelings so she wouldn't scare him away. She would have to hide what she felt to protect the man she loved. The man that didn't love her back. The man she shouldn't have even let herself fall in love with in the first place.

Max dropped the towel to the floor and scowled at her reflection in the mirror. In her short twenty years of life, she had come to one profound realization.

Love sucked.


When Max exited the bathroom, she tried hard to not look at that door, the door she knew would still be closed. But she couldn't stop herself from looking, and couldn't stop her heart from sinking at the sight of it, even though she had known it was what she would see.

She made herself coffee, hoping that the smell of it might tempt him from the bedroom. When that didn't work, she made what she loosely called an omelet but ended up being more like scrambled eggs with cheese in it. She made extra, in case his transgenic appetite might force him from the room, but still nothing. She sat at the small table and ate her eggs with her chin propped on her hand and a frown on her face, purposely keeping her back to the door so she wouldn't look.

She waited. Waited for four hours, milling about the apartment, trying to keep herself distracted, and still the door remained closed. She couldn't even hear him in there. Nothing but complete silence came from that room.

After another hour, she couldn't take it anymore. The silence was killing her. She needed to talk to someone.

Max walked over to her bag and dug in a side pocket, removing the cell phone from where she had stashed it. She stared at the phone for a minute, then flipped it open. It still had two bars left on the battery. She'd have to charge it soon.

She had set the phone on vibrate when Logan had given it to her to use, silencing the ringtone so it wouldn't disturb Alec. Six days ago, she silenced the vibrate feature as well, so it would quit disturbing her. The reason why she had done this was right there on the digital display.

28 missed calls.

Max rolled her eyes upward. She didn't even need to look at the list of calls to know who had been doing the calling, but she did it anyway. Logan.

Max hesitated for a moment, staring at the closed door apprehensively. She didn't particularly want to make the call that she knew she had to make. And she didn't particularly want Alec to overhear her when she made it. But she also didn't feel comfortable leaving him alone.

She quietly stalked over to the bedroom door, then stood silently and listened. Not how an ordinary listened, but how a transgenic listened, shutting out all other senses but sound, so that nothing in the world existed but the sounds around her.

She felt a wave of relief at the sound of Alec's steady breathing. It was even and slow. She focused until no sounds remained except the sound of his breathing. He was still in the room, still sleeping on that bed. She didn't know what she had expected to hear. Maybe she had feared that she wouldn't hear anything, that he had managed to squeeze out the small bedroom window, scaled down the building, and run away from her. At that moment, the sound of his breathing was the sweetest sound she had ever heard.

He slept peacefully, and she wouldn't risk waking him. And even though he was asleep, she wouldn't risk leaving him either. So she compromised.

She left the apartment, opening the sticking front door as quietly as she could. She left the door wide open, then walked down to the other end of the hall. From there, she could keep an eye on the apartment door, pick up any loud noises from inside, but at the same time have some privacy.

She began pacing as she dialed, before the call even connected. Might as well get this first call out of the way. Her thumb hesitated a second over the button that would connect the call. She took a deep, bracing breath--Just do it, Max--then pushed the button.

She almost wished that he wasn't home.

Cale.

Max jerked at the sound of his voice. He sounded kind of different. It was the same soft and mellow tone he always had, but there was a slight edge to it, a tension that wasn't there before. She knew she played a part in putting that tension there.

Her face scrunched up as she frantically tried to think of the right words to say. She knew Logan was still hung up on her. Her realization and acceptance of her feelings for Alec had also made her realize a few other things as well, things that she had steadfastly ignored while preoccupied with the search for him. So how did you talk to a guy who was still in love with you about the guy you were currently in love with? Awkward didn't even begin to cover it.

Hello?

"Hey, Logan," Max managed to blurt out finally. There was a long pause, when she tried to think of something else to say. Nothing came to her, so she added, unnecessarily, "It's me."

Max?! There was a clattering noise in the background. She imagined Logan had been sitting in front of his computer, as expected, and had bolted upright, sending his chair skittering off behind him. She heard him suck in a deep breath before he continued.

Where are you? Are you all right?! Why haven't you returned any of my calls?! Did he hurt you? Because if he hurt you, I swear...

"Calm down, Logan," Max interrupted. "I'm fine. We're both fine. We're still at the apartment in Pismo." She didn't want him starting in on Alec. If they started arguing, she'd never find out what she needed to know.

What's wrong with your voice? You sound different.

Shit. Max wacked herself lightly in the head with the phone. Her voice was already a lot better than it had been, but it would still probably not be back to normal until tomorrow. Stupid. She should have known Logan would pick up on it.

"Nothing. I'm fine. Guess it's a bad connection."

Max, why haven't you returned any of my calls? Do you know how worried I've been about you? Do you even care that we've been climbing the walls back here, wondering if you're okay?

Max stopped her pacing and leaned into the wall in front of her, smacking her forehead against it several times. Of course, he wouldn't ask about Alec. She realized now that Logan had, on some level, always realized the threat Alec had been to their relationship. It was funny, almost, that out of the three of them, Logan had been the only one to realize it. Her head shook slightly as she answered his question.

"You know why. I told you not to call me. I told you that I needed to focus on helping Alec, not on giving you the daily 411 on every little move I make. We're in a tight spot right now, and I can't have interruptions wreckin' the whole dealio."

I don't think taking five minutes now and again to let your friends know that you are okay would wreck your whole dealio.

Max hissed through her teeth and pushed herself away from the wall, stance becoming rigid with defensive anger at having her own words thrown back in her face. "Friends, my ass! You mean I didn't call you! And don't you go using that condescending tone on me, Logan! I'm doing the best that I can here, and I don't need you second guessing me!" She had done enough second guessing herself. She didn't need it from anyone else.

Maybe he heard the slight edge of desperation in her tone, or the doubt in her voice, but he paused. The only sound Max heard was the sound of her own breathing, which had increased in her anger. She cursed herself silently. She hadn't wanted to get into a fight. She really needed to talk to him.

I'm sorry, Max. I know this must be hard on you.

Max gave a short, brittle laugh. "Hard. Yeah, I guess you could call it that."

I just wish that you would...

"Don't," Max interrupted. "We are not gonna get into this again. I won't abandon him, Logan. Don't ask me to."

There was silence between them, and for a full thirty seconds, neither of them could think of anything to say. Then there was the distinct sound of a clearing throat on the other end of the line, followed by a forced cough.

So, Max, um, why are you calling? You are okay, right? I mean, your not just saying your okay when your not, are you?

Max could have worked up an anger over the fact that he didn't trust her to tell him the truth, but frankly, she couldn't, because she hadn't really told him the truth. She hadn't lied, but she had held things back, as she had always done with him. Righteous indignation was a little tough to maintain when the man had a point.

She was far from all right, and more than in just the physical sense. The emotional strain was getting to her. Constantly trying to repress her feelings for Alec was getting to her. Alec pushing her away was getting to her. But she couldn't tell him that. She wouldn't slap him in the face with her feelings for another man. As much as she was irritated with him at the moment, she didn't want to hurt him.

"Yeah. I'm good. Well, as good as can be expected. Honest. Just a little tired is all. Shark DNA giving me the usual trouble." When in doubt, blame the shark DNA. If she told him the truth, he would have been haulin' ass down to Cali before she could hang up the phone.

Well, as long as you're all right… There was a soft hum, as she suspected he was trying to think of something to say. Are you sure you don't need any help? Because I could catch a flight...

"No!" Max cut him off, then realized how her outburst must have sounded. She lowered her voice, then said again, "No. I'm handling it okay. It's just a touchy situation right now. And since you and Alec don't particularly like each other, I don't think it would be a good idea."

Hmmm... Logan apparently didn't know how to respond to that nugget of truth.

Max cleared her throat, and was pleased to find that the act only mildly irritated her healing vocal chords. "Anyway, well, I called, see... I could, uh, kind of could use some intel. The kind Eyes Only could get me."

Could be I could help you there.

Max turned her back to wall and leaned against it, then slowly let herself slide down until she was sitting on the floor. She smiled slightly. Honest, dependable Logan. Even with things so strained between them, he was still ready to help her out.

He was a good man. She wasn't sure, if there situations were reversed, that she would have done the same thing in his place. She just wasn't as noble, and she certainly knew how to hold a grudge. Alec had always taken the brunt of that difficult part of her personality.

She couldn't be what Logan needed, nor did she want to try anymore. She hoped that one day, he would come to accept that, because he deserved better.

Max squeezed the phone tighter as she tried to force her mind back on target. "I need to know if those certain bad guys are looking for Alec. Was wondering if you heard anything? Don't want any nasty surprises showing up on my doorstep, you know what I mean." And she especially didn't want to give Alec a reason to have to kill anyone else.

Well, then I have good news for you. Eyes Only managed, through his contact on the inside, to spread a little rumor that their prize fighter 494 was recaptured by the government. Apparently, they sent a crack squad of commandos in to infiltrate the club and reclaim their property.

Max's half smile turned into a broad grin. "Crack squad of commandos, huh?"

Yeah. Kind of figured what big guy trying to get made would want to tell his boss that a five-foot-six woman in evening wear had kicked his ass, you know? So, anyway, the fight club has apparently decided to relocate, and they are currently keeping a low profile so as not to draw any undue attention from the government. You should be in the clear.

Max heaved a sigh of relief. "Well, that's one less thing to worry about." Among a billion other things.

There was another moment of awkward silence between them--they seemed to be having a lot of those all of the sudden.

It's good to hear your voice, Max.

Max felt guilt well up in her chest at his tone. She could hear the emotion, the longing behind the words. It was her fault that he still had hope. After she had broken things off between them, after the incident with the virus, Alec had gone missing and she'd spent so much time with Logan that she must have sent him mixed signals. She'd been completely insensitive to his feelings, pretty much oblivious to them, and for that, she was sorry.

She didn't want to send him the wrong signals anymore, but she couldn't just tell him Hey, sorry, I know you still got a thing for me, but I've fallen in love with Alec. Especially over the phone. So she took the coward's way out.

She made a noncommittal humming noise in response to his comment, then winced as she began to tell the lie. "Damn. I gotta cut this short. Hear the landlord coming up the steps. Asshole probably thinks he can hose another hundred out of me. I gotta head him off at the pass."

Wait, Max...

"Sorry, gotta go." With that, she pulled the phone away from her ear and ended the call, telling herself that she was making a tactical retreat. No chicken DNA here.

Before he could call back, she immediately dialed another number. By the third ring, her leg began to bounce nervously. "Come on, pick up. Pick up. Please."

The sound of Original Cindy's irritated voice burst over the line.

No, Sketchy, Original Cindy is not gon' cover yo' shift, so for the last goddamn time, you don't quit callin', a girl gon' hafta lay the smackdown on yo' lazy ass.

Max felt her muscles go to jelly in relief, and she collapsed back against the wall in a boneless heap. Original Cindy must've answered her cell phone without even looking at who was calling. OC getting all bent out of shape over shifts at Jam Pony made Max think longingly of the days before the incident, when the weight of a man's life didn't rest on her shoulders.

"Hey, Girlfriend," Max replied, and wasn't really that shocked that her voice wavered with emotion.

There was a little yelp on the other end of the line. Christ, Max, is that you?!

Max could hear both panic and relief in her best friend's voice. Just the sound of Cindy's voice made her feel a little better. "Yeah, it's me."

Damn, boo, 's'good to hear you! Tell you straight, OC can't sleep at night, worrying 'bout you two. How is yo' boy, anyway? More his smartass self yet?

Max smiled sadly. At least she could count on Cindy to care about Alec. But thinking about how to reply to her friend's question brought up the gamut of emotion that threatened to overrun her. Alec was so not himself, and he was shutting her out, and she had no idea how to help him.

"He uh..." Max began, but paused as her voice shook. She swallowed hard, then tried to keep her voice level. "He's not... he's... ... No," she finished simply, because her throat started to close up around her words, and she found herself blinking as her eyes began to burn.

Shugga, you aiight?

Max nodded her head, as if Cindy could somehow see her through the phone, immediately going for the automatic response to that question. But then her bottom lip started to tremble, and she bit it as she went from nodding yes to shaking her head no.

"Not really," she managed to get out around a throat constricted with emotion. She tried to continue, but was afraid that if she spoke at that moment, she would break down, and she couldn't afford that luxury.

OC waited for her to continue, but when she didn't, her friend's soothing voice sounded over the line.

Come on, girl, you know you can talk to Original Cindy. You'll feel better you let it out.

Max took a couple of shaky breaths, until the tightness in her throat had eased some. "It's hard, Cindy. Seeing him like this. I'm not sure how much more I can take."

Hey, don't talk like that, Max. You the strongest person I know, an' Original Cindy ain't talking 'bout your jazzed up DNA. If anyone can get him through this, you can.

"Yeah, but... I don't know what to do, Cindy. Everything I do just seems to make things worse. He just... he's closed off. I can't get him to talk to me. Right now, I can't even get him to be in the same room with me. He's shutting me out, and I don't know what to do about it."

Aiight. Lookit, boo. He's a man, right? The mens, they don't talk 'bout shit. They bottle it all up inside and ignore it, thinkin' it'll go 'way. You go trying to shake that bottle up, with all that pressure in there, might just explode in yo' face. Men need time to settle, let the pressure ease a bit, go flat, if you get me. He a man, and he gonna need time, Max. You jus' gotta play his game, wait this bitch out.

There was a long pause, as OC gave her time to digest that bit of sage, if a little off the wall, wisdom. Only Original Cindy could compare men to a carbonated beverage and make it sound completely legitimate.

'Sides, this Alec we talkin' 'bout here. Sooner or later, his natural instinct to run on at the mouth gon' rear its ugly head, then yo' be thinkin' fondly of these days of blessed silence.

A harsh laugh exploded from Max's lips, and she rolled her eyes upward as if seeking divine intervention. "Oh, God, I hope so." She reached up and ran a hand through her hair, then let it fall bonelessly back down to her side. "Thanks, 'Cin. I really needed that."

Original Cindy be here to serve.

"Hey, thanks for not giving me a hard time. For not calling, I mean."

Girl, I know you got things on yo' mind. Not every day you gotsta save some pretty boy super soldier from himself. There was a pause, and Max could practically hear Cindy's teeth grinding as she tried to hold her tongue. But Original Cindy and tongue holding really didn't work well together, so the pause was very short. You called Logan, didn't you? He give you shit?

Max huffed and tried to sound unaffected. "'Lil bit. Maybe."

That asshole! You jus' give Original Cindy the word, boo, and she will go over there and break him into teeny little pieces, then stuff what's left of him in a blender and hit puree.

Max laughed at the image of Original Cindy bitchslapping Logan. "No. It's cool. It didn't really bother me that much. Well, maybe a bit, but I'll get over it. No big."

Aiight. But you change your mind, OC got your back.

"I can always count on you for that."

So. You want tell me what's down wit' you and yo' boy?

Max sat up a little straighter. "Nothing," she said a little too quickly. "Nothing's going on." And it was the truth, too. Nothing was going on between them. No matter how much she wanted the opposite, nothing was going on, and nothing would.

Mmmhmmm. Translation: bullshit.

"What?" Max replied, defensive. "You think I'd go and do something stupid like fall for him? 'Specially when he's like this? Be serious."

Max.

The command in OC's tone had Max curling in on herself, putting a hand to her forehead. "God, Cindy, I'm so stupid. I am such a fucking dumbass."

Always been of the opinion that fallin' for any man be stupid, but I might be a little biased, there.

"He hates me."

No matter what he said, Max, I'm sure he don't hate you, Original Cindy said softly.

Max thought about the moment when he'd held her life in his hands, and had been unable to extinguish it. She took her hand from her forehead and slumped, and since no one was there to see her, pouted. "Maybe he doesn't hate me. But he certainly doesn't like me very much right now."

Hmmm, let's see. You taser his ass, drag him bodily out of a building against his will, knock him unconscious, lock him up, and drug him. All for his own good, mind you, but still.

"Broke his hand, too," Max muttered.

What? You broke his hand?!

"Well, not really. But it was sort of my fault it got broken." Before Cindy could ask any more questions about that painful topic, Max cut her off. "Long story. Don't make me go there."

Uh huh. There was another pause, as Cindy was mulling over whether or not she was going to press the issue.

Okay. Let's just set that aside for now.

There was a reason Original Cindy was her best friend.

Not to take his side or anything, 'cause you know I'd never flake out on a sista, but you gotta admit, the boy's got a right to have issues for a while. Don't worry, he'll get over it. Men got short memories. One night, they can pound each other in the face and then the next go out drinking together like nothin' ever happen.

"But what if he doesn't forgive me? I told him I wasn't gonna lock him up or drug him anymore. What if he just up and leaves me?" Max closed her eyes against the thought.

Max, you could spend the rest'a yo' life wond'rin' what if, but it ain't gonna change anythin'. Might as well not worry 'bout it.

"Easy thing to say. Not so easy to do."

Just be there for him, Max. The rest will come in time.

Max raised her head, and her eyes stared straight ahead, unseeing. "What if it doesn't come?" she whispered, afraid to ask the question too loud since she already feared she knew the answer.

Then I'll be there to get you through it, boo. You can count on that.

Max sucked in a hitching breath, then sniffed as tears threatened. She had already lost eight months with Alec. The thought that she might lose him again, for good, brought her perilously close to breaking down.

He'll come around, Max. Wait and see.

Max swallowed hard around the lump in her throat. "I hope you're right."


Over a thousand miles away, Original Cindy closed her phone, reluctantly ending her call with Max. She glanced at her watch. She and Max had talked for over an hour, until Max's cell had threatened to go dead. After they had gone over the heavy issues, OC had given Max the lowdown on what was going on back in Seattle, giving her updates on their friends, a message from Joshua, anecdotes about Sketchy's crazy antics, anything that would keep Max's mind off her problems. She hoped the call had cheered Max up a bit, because it had certainly done the opposite for her.

OC was now more worried than ever about Max. Her girl sounded depressed, and worse than that, scared. Max had finally admitted to herself that she felt something for Alec, and that admission came at the worse possible time. Now she had all of those feelings on top of everything else, and Original Cindy knew from personal experience that Max didn't do too well with the whole feelings thing.

There was nothing she could do for Max except be there when she needed to talk. It wasn't much, but it was all she had.

A wicked smile spread across her face.

Well, not quite all she had.

She jumped up from the couch in their apartment and headed out the door. She planned to pay a little visit to Logan Cale.

She wouldn't smack him around. Max hadn't wanted her to do that, and she would honor that request. She wouldn't lay a finger on the man.

But she had no problem giving him a piece of her mind.


After ending her call with Original Cindy, Max sat in the hall for a while. She blanked her mind, purposely trying to think of nothing. She focused on a spot on the opposite wall, letting everything else slip away. But as much as she tried, she couldn't find peace. All of the worry, the pressure, it was a nagging buzz in the background. Still, she kept at it for a while. When she finally gave up, deciding that meditation was definitely not her thing, the shadows in the hall had lengthened, and the sky outside the hall's single window had turned pretty shades of pink and purple.

Max picked herself up off the floor and slowly walked back down the hall to the apartment door. She stood in the threshold for a moment, head down, unable to go in and face that closed door. She didn't have to look to know it was still closed. She just knew.

Finally, she stepped inside and closed the door, bracing her back against it. She told herself that she wasn't a coward, and forced herself to raise her head. Her eyes went unerringly to that door. That goddamned closed door.

Max straightened up, squaring her shoulders, a look of grim determination on her face. She made herself walk across the room, focused on putting on foot in front of the other, until she stood in front of the door that separated her from Alec. She reached up and placed the flat of her palm against the door, then leaned in until her forehead touched the wood.

"Alec," she said quietly, keeping her voice low, the rasp in it mostly gone. She closed her eyes, but not in time to keep the single tear from rolling down her cheek. She wiped it away angrily. She was tired of feeling weak. She mentally steadied herself, then continued.

"I don't know if you're listening. I don't know if you even want to listen. But I'm gonna say it anyway. I'm not going anywhere. No matter how long it takes, no matter how long you stay in that room, I'll be here."

Max was quiet for a moment, listening for any response. A sigh, the rustling of sheets, anything. But he was silent. The only sound was the sound of his deep, even breathing. If he was awake, he was masking it well.

"You have every right not to trust me. Hell, the way I've always treated you, I probably don't even deserve it. But people can change." She laughed softly. "Even stubborn-ass bitches like me. I won't let you down again. I swear it."

Max paused, and when she spoke next, the words came out in an unsteady whisper. "Just… please… give me a second chance."

Max jerked slightly as she heard a sound. There was a rustling of sheets, accompanied by the creak of bedsprings as Alec shifted. It sounded like he might have rolled over on the bed. After that, there was silence once more.

Max's eyes were wide as she slowly slid down to end up sitting in a heap at the bottom of the door. Then she turned, bracing her back against the door. She blinked a couple of times, a blank look on her face as she tried to process the information. She didn't know what to make of that noise. Had he heard her? Had he rolled away from the sound of her voice, turning his back on her? Or had he rolled toward her, thinking about her on the other side of the door? Maybe it been a random movement made in sleep and he hadn't heard a damn word she said.

Max ran a hand over her face. She had to quit overanalyzing stuff. She was going to drive herself crazy.

She thought about getting up off of the floor, but couldn't bring herself to actually do it. Since she decided to stop overanalyzing, she didn't really bother with figuring out why. If she had, maybe she would have come to the conclusion that sitting there against that door was the closest she'd been to Alec since he locked himself behind it.

As the light faded from the room, her body began to feel heavy. She found herself drifting, and it was such a comfortable feeling that she let herself go.

She fell asleep, sitting against that door, and dreamed of the man behind it.


A/N: Okay, how many people did I fake out with that chapter title? Come on, how many of you were thinking that there was gonna be a little sexual healing for Alec in this chapter? You can admit it. (Or am I the only one that thought that about the chapter title? Note to self : get mind out of gutter.)

Well, I'm off to take my boys to the beach. I promised that I wouldn't take my laptop with me, so the next chapter might be a little longer in coming. Feel free to overload my inbox with reviews while I am gone. I'm sure they will help motivate me to dive right in to the next chapter once I get back.