Author's Note: I apologize for the wait, you guys. This chapter just kept growing and re-formatting itself. It got so long that I've decided to split it. This is the first part. And I'm actually thinking I'll have to split the "second-half" because it turns out these two have more to hash out than I'd even anticipated. Ha. But here it is!


Previously:

"She's been crying off and on all day, but she knows you're here. Just wait out here, okay? She'll come out when she's ready."

So Hyde sat and waited.


42 Minutes Later

February 26, 1979

4:37 p.m.

Hyde looked up quickly when he heard the bedroom door open and watched Jackie appear. He took in her splotched cheeks and red, searching eyes. She stopped short upon seeing him.

"You're still here."

He thought about not answering but a memory popped up.

"No! No, a shrug's not gonna cut it! Steven, I need you to say something…"

He looked at her and held her gaze. "You're worth it," he said softly.

Her head dropped as a pained expression came across her face. She took two deep breaths, then, "Thank you."

Those two little words and the soft, almost shy way in which she said them made Hyde want to open his mouth and tell her every thought and feeling he'd ever had about her.

He had always known what he'd had when he'd had her, but as it turns out…he should have let her know he knew that too. Maybe they would have ended up differently and not here in this room filled to the brim with pain and tension. Hyde searched his mind for something to say when his gaze landed on one of the boxes strewn about the room—boxes he'd been eyeing heavily for the past forty-five minutes. "You haven't unpacked."

"No."

"Jackie…I'm really trying here."

She nodded her head. "I know."

"I don't really know what you want though."

Jackie ignored his unspoken question. Instead, she took a deep breath, rolled her shoulders back, and walked confidently over to the couch. He watched her as she took her time to sit. He smiled softly at the way she'd brush imaginary lint off of her skirt. She was a strong girl putting on a brave face—he just didn't like that he was the one causing it.

"Look, Steven, I know a lot of this isn't fair to you. I mean, you don't really know what happened so it doesn't make sense for me to be mad at you. But," she said, pausing as she turned towards him, "I have been here. I do remember everything. And I can't just forget all of that and give you what you want." She shrugged a shoulder. "But you do deserve time to figure out everything. I can give you some time, Steven. But I can't promise more than that. So, no. I haven't unpacked yet. It took too long to do it the first time and I don't wanna do it all over again when…this…is finished."

His stomach dropped. "Finished."

She nodded, unable to look him in the eye.

"You're already done with me."

Jackie sighed. "I'm not done with you, Steven. I'm here, right? We're here. I'm just…done hurting."

"I'm not gonna hurt you, baby."

She shook her head slowly. "You don't know that."

"What are you talking about? Of cours—"

"No, Steven. You don't. You don't know what you've said or done. You don't know how it's been for me these past few months." Jackie dropped her gaze and spoke softly. "I would watch you with her. Your eyes would follow her around the room when she had on those slutty outfits. You would grin and hike your eyebrows when she'd call you to your room. I remember how you'd run after her. I remember the noises." Tears fell down her face and her gaze unfocused with each awful memory. "Remember when you said you hated my perfect memory? We got in that fight over Michael and 'get off my boyfriend' and I reminded you about that girl from the record store. You said you wish I didn't have to remember every little thing."

He nodded, solemnly.

"Me too now. 'Cause I remember with perfect detail every moment you burned me, reminding me all the time that I was a snotty, stuck-up bitch with no job and no boyfriend."

Hyde flinched at the harsh words that left her mouth, words that were laced with pain. A pain he didn't know—not entirely. But he could feel it coming off her in waves and now dreaded the idea of those lost memories coming back to him.

"I remember how I'd burn you back. How hurting each other became a routine. I remember when I'd start to expect glares from you, instead of those little smiles I used to get."

Hyde expelled a breath. "Jesus."

Jackie looked up at him. "So, no. You can't know that you won't hurt me again, because you don't know what it felt like to do it before."

"That's not true."

She looked at him and Hyde saw a touch of apprehension in her gaze, as if she were afraid he'd burn her now. It was in that moment he realized something: she really didn't trust him. He knew he'd have to fix that, even if it ruined his chances in the process.

"It's not the same," he said slowly, not wanting to scare her off. "We were kids and before anything ever happened, but I do remember what it was like when we hated each other, doll. I remember how easy it was to burn you. And I remember how easy it was for you to burn me and then run off with Kelso. But it never felt good. Even then."

She sighed. "I know that, Steven. But don't you see? That's what made it harder. I had to keep reminding myself that deep down, you didn't really mean all those horrible words you threw at me every day. It was the only thing that would get me through. But…even then…" She looked down, but continued softly. "You did it so easily. You'd call me a bitch and not flinch. I remember when you punched a guy for calling me that."

"He was a dillhole."

She smiled briefly.

"Don't be done with me yet, Jackie. Even though I did all of that crap I can't remember. Just…don't be done. Okay?"

Jackie collapsed into the couch, already feeling exhausted after just ten minutes of conversation with the man who'd broken her heart. A man who looked at her in the type of way she'd almost forgotten he was capable of. He was here. Her Steven. And yet, memory after memory of his cold, spiteful gaze trained on her wouldn't leave her mind's eye.

"Look," he said when she didn't answer. "I know I probably shouldn't bring this up, but there's something I need to tell you." He glanced again at all the boxes all over the room and blocked Donna's voice out of his head. "Even though I know you're gonna be mad at me. But you deserve to know."

o-o-o

Meanwhile…

"What are you doing?" Kitty asked upon entering her kitchen and finding Donna furiously mixing a bowl of ingredients, a dusting of white flour on her left sleeve, her pants, and sprinkled on the tops of her shoes.

"Making brownies."

"She is too nervous," Fez said from his spot at the kitchen table.

"Nervous…oh. Are they…right now?"

Fez nodded. "I left him over there about an hour ago. I don't think she's killed him yet. Too soon."

"You don't think he'd tell her, right?" Donna asked as she grabbed muffin tins from the cupboard. "I mean…right?"

"About his fake marriage?" Kitty asked.

Donna nodded, continuing to mix the contents of the bowl with furious, furtive movements. A bit flew out of the bowl and landed on the kitchen counter, making Kitty apprehensive over state of her kitchen if she didn't step in.

"Steven was never good at lying," Kitty said, grabbing a washcloth and wiping the counter. "But if he decides to tell her, then that will be his choice. You can't make it for him."

Donna groaned. "But he's such an idiot and way too good at screwing something like that up. If he does tell her, she's gonna kill him." She turned to Fez. "Should we check on them?"

"Are you kidding? It'll be like a battle zone. You don't just walk in there unannounced and without protection. Jackie'll kill you right after she kills Hyde. Ooh, maybe we should borrow Red's gun."

"You're not borrowing Red's anything," Kitty admonished, reaching in the cupboard to grab the flour. "Now, Donna, help me make some cookies. Steven and Jackie will need some food later after all that yelling."

o-o-o

Jackie shook her head back and forth as she read the letter once, twice, and then a third time—each word more painful than the last. Tears streamed down her face and she finally looked up at Hyde. He was looking at her so intensely, studying her face to gauge her reaction. His eyebrows were furrowed in worry but Jackie didn't care. She saw red.

"How could you?" she whispered furiously.

"Jackie…I'm so—"

"How could you do this to us?!" Jackie shouted, ignoring his attempts to apologize. She looked back at the letter and continued shaking her head in disbelief. "You flushed us down the drain for that disgusting slut. You made me feel like shit for months, telling me as many times as you could in as many hurtful ways as possible that we were nothing compared to what you had with her. I had to listen to you screwing her! I had to listen to Donna tell me how great she was and watch Fez fawn all over her whenever she was in the room. And now you tell me your marriage wasn't even real?!"

Hyde looked down, hating himself more than he'd ever had before.

"You took away the one thing I wanted, shoved it in my face as many times as you could, and now you're telling me all it took to ruin everything was one drunk night and some deceitful bitch who snuggled up to you? Look at me!"

Hyde looked up, surprised at her outburst.

"The worst thing is," Jackie said as she held his gaze, "you were okay with it. You embraced her. She was your wife after all, right?" With that, Jackie dropped the paper and walked to her bedroom, slamming the door shut and leaving Hyde defeated, once again.


Author's Note: Please tell me what you thought! More will be up...and soon! I promise!