Hello, so here is chapter 12. I hope you enjoy it and review it :) I thought it was time to show you that Melanie has other sides to her, so I'm hoping that my crappy writing will improve soon, I've been having problems writing for aaages now :(
disclaimer: I do not own twilight or anything related to it.
Chapter 12
Discover
The first thing I noticed was that Paul started to breathe heavily, his chest was heaving, working him up, giving him more oxygen than he needed. It was as if he was trying to work up an adrenalin rush. Then, he started to tremble. Shivers went through his whole body making his figure unclear by the edges. I had seen him like it many times before, but now I knew for sure why it was happening. It was the anger that drove them.
I didn't blink when his body started to rip open, I thought I would have, but my determination not to miss anything must have been greater than my need to blink. Women blink more than men. Everything was going superfast, the only reason I managed to catch the details were because of my sight.
Fur was standing out from his spine, spreading outwards, bones were cracking and growing. The stretching of his skin sounded terrible. I could see him turning in agony. He fell down on his hands as they grew longer and they were covered in grey fur. His head was huge and everything changed in it, except for his dark brown eyes. A tale formed in front of my eyes and suddenly, after what couldn't have been more than two seconds, a horse sized wolf was standing only a few meters away from me, whining like a hurt dog. It growled loudly before managing to stay calm and collected, and its head bend downwards in submission.
"Holy shit," I whispered and started to blink frantically. A human being had just turned into an animal. An Animal I had seen plenty of times before. "Dear god,"
I bent down, touching the grass with my hands and sat down. My eyes were fixed on the wolf, on the creature. I don't know.
"How is this possible?" I asked Emily while staring at it. I couldn't quite comprehend what had happened. It wasn't normal, it wasn't something that should be possible. It became so real.
"It's the genes, they change when vampires come around," Emily answered next to me and I felt compelled to roll my eyes. "It was a rhetorical question," I whispered and laughed nervously.
"Can I… can I walk over to them?" I asked her and stretched my hand slightly out. Was that safe? Or did the genes make the instincts take over, were they still their selves in wolf form? I had so many questions that needed to be answered, but I had to touch it first. Emily put a hand on my neck and I wondered if she was looking at Sam.
"You can go to them, " I sucked in another breathe of air before standing up and letting it out. "He won't hurt you," she added and I could hear the smile in her voice. I already knew it wouldn't hurt me, just like the last time we had been sitting on the forest floor, having a personal conversation. It blew my mind that this creature was someone I knew. That it was a person inside there, at least to some degree.
My eyes lingered on it the few meters I had to walk, and when I reached it I stopped.
"So this is a person?" I asked Sam who was watching me carefully. "Not just a wolf."
He seemed surprised by how easy I was taking it all, how little surprised or shocked I was. Maybe Emily had reacted differently. "Yes, it's Paul in there," he said and I nodded my head.
"Hi" I whispered and reached out my hand to touch his head. The wolf whimpered softly in return. "We've met like this before," I smiled as the words left my lips, feeling like a big fool. He had known all along, he hadn't been eavesdropping on me at all, I had told him everything as it was.
I searched the eyes, but there was nothing horrifying or scary about them. They were filled with an emotion, a happy one I think, but I had never been one to read people by the eyes. They weren't, in my opinion, a window to the soul.
"I guess that's why you came to Sam's later, wasn't it?" I asked and laughed. He barked and wiggled his tail. My hand went through his fur, enjoying the warmth it produced before backing away. "I believe you," I said and looked at him sincerely. "There are wolves, there are vampires, I believe you, but what does this have to do with me?" I asked curiously, but also a little scared, because a small part of me feared it. What if I had Sam's genes?
Emily and I walked back into the house first to let Paul change back and get dressed, there were some things I apparently didn't need to see. Which made me wonder what she thought of my past, Emily I mean, she must have thought me a virgin with no experience with boys. When we sat down on the couch yet again that day, I felt a sense of realief that I hadn't felt for ages. Things could go bad from here, we could find out that I was some sort of freak as well, or more of a freak than I already was, but it could also be better. We could get a better connection, the secrets would be out.
I didn't know exactly what I thought about it all, maybe the shock would come creeping later or maybe it would become a nightmare like the incident with the vampire. I didn't know. But the possibility that I wouldn't go into shock was still there. I had heard a lot of crap in my life and I had to swallow it all as it was. I didn't get hurt in a murderous car crash, my senses were stronger than everyone elses, I had a brother, there were wolves in the neighborhood the size of horses, and so on and so on. All these things I had taken as they were, and I hadn't gone into shock. Yes, it had scared me for a while, but the fear had gone away.
"Oh, here they come," Emily said next to me even though I had already heard them walking in. my eyes were fixed on the wall, but they snapped to the front door as soon as her voice sounded. Sam looked determined with a small frown on his face, he was a stubborn guy and he wanted to be right. I could sense Paul's nerves all the way to where I was sitting. He was fidgeting with his hands and small droplets of sweat were forming on his forehead, but he seemed content and happy. Maybe because he didn't hurt me, or maybe because I hadn't run away or gotten angry. When they finally sat down, it was time to talk again.
"So tell me how it works, I want to know what happens to you guys when you're in wolf form," I said excited to be talking about something so absurd and yet so real.
"Like, how do you communicate? Are you controlled by instinct or are you still yourself?" I asked and looked at them both with a new found interest. Emily sniggered lowly to herself and I could imagine her rolling her eyes in amusement.
"We are still ourselves when we phase, but the instinct part does get stronger in wolf form and in human form. As for how we communicate, we read each other's mind. We see and hear whatever the others see and hear, so there are no secrets,"
I wrinkled my nose at Sam's answer, reading minds seemed kind of far fetched, but didn't all of this sound farfetched? "So that's why everyone knew what I was telling you," I stated and stared at Paul, he nodded his head carefully in shame. "I tried not to think about any of it, but it was hard," I understood, it had to be hard, but that also meant that none of the guys were trustworthy, they simply couldn't keep a secret. It wasn't possible.
"How many are you?" I asked, just to make sure.
"So far we're nine, but we're expecting more to come. The gene has already been activated because of all the vampires we come across and because of the Cullens. I nodded my head, fear filling my very being. "Is Leah the only girl?" Sam nodded his head and I knew that he was thinking the same as me. What if I was next?
"And Doctor Cullen will be able to tell us if I'll phase or not." I stated and breathed out. We were all thinking it, I realized, because the possibility was there. And I had met one, I had met a vampire.
"I don't want to," I whispered and covered my face with my hands. I couldn't do that. I couldn't chase someone down, I couldn't kill anyone. Vampire or not, I wasn't a killer!
"If that's what happens, it won't be so bad," Paul said and I felt his hand touch my shoulder. The warmth was comfortable.
"Leah doesn't seem to think so, when I met her she was angry and bitter," I said and took a deep breathe while uncovering my face. "But nothing's decided yet, there might just be something else," I finished and leaned back on the couch, removing Paul's hand from my shoulder at the same time.
"I need some fresh air," I stated after a while of silence and stood up to leave. I felt suffocated, scared, not because of what they told me, but because I didn't want it to happen to me. The reality of it had never really. It hadn't been there before. "We need to talk more about what happened to you, and what have been happening to you," Sam said forcefully and stood up as well.
"No, not today,"
"Yes, it's important,"
Paul stood quickly up from his seat and stared at Sam with a determined look.
"Let her handle it her way, I'll stay close if anything happens," he said and I turned around and walked out the door. I was sick of them talking about be in third person, as if I wasn't even there. Of course I knew that there was more to discuss and I was curious, but I had to take one step at a time, and I had taken too many for one day.
I ran down to the beach and broke into a quick jog. My heart beat fast in my chest and the cold air was slapping me in the face. I could still hear Paul run after me a few meters away, I guess he wanted to give me some privacy and I appreciated that.
I had been unfair to him, said things I didn't necessarily mean, and after finding out about the mind reading between the boys I felt guilty. Guilty for blaming him.
I wondered what it was that changed him. He had been obnoxious when we met, either yelling or walking over me, but now he was different. It hadn't been more than a week since we were hating on each other. It was okay that he liked me or had feelings for me, whatever it was, it was okay, but I didn't understand how he could have come to that in the course of a week.
And I wondered what it would mean for the future. I had no plans to succumb to it, I didn't want to be with him. He was unstable, and we didn't have much in common anyways, we hadn't shared a moment of happiness, we hadn't laughed together or done anything unserious. I didn't want to take care of anything but myself, not before some time. I wasn't ready to let go of my rules and my ways of living, I wasn't ready to change.
After a few minutes of jogging I turned around to face Paul as he ran my way, but he stopped a few meters away from me. His breath was still calm, there was no sweat visible on his bare chest and his expression was blank. I swallowed hard.
"You don't need to look after me, nothing will happen, nothing can," I shouted a small light of anger was flaming inside me, and I couldn't make it go away. I was tired, the day had been long and the sleep short.
"You're not untouchable Melanie, I don't know why you think that, it's stupid." He stated and I grinned. Of course I wasn't untouchable, but nothing was going to happen to me now, nothing that couldn't have happened before, and I had been alone before.
"I'm not stupid, I just don't see the point in being constantly watched,"
A breeze ran through the beach, and I felt myself shiver. I was getting cold again, forgetting to take with me a jacket or proper shoes. Paul seemed to notice too and I watched him debate whether he should walk over to me or not.
"What is it that makes you watch me? You've been doing it since we met, I don't understand why." I asked and took a step towards him. It was strange talking to a person at this distance and not shouting. But I knew I didn't have to, they were just like me when it came to the hearing and the sight.
"I don't know," he said and looked away from my face. I started to laugh.
"You're lying, but if you don't want to tell me, that's okay. I don't need to know," I said and kept the smile on my face. Keeping secrets from others was a privilege, if you had someone to keep a secret from, you were privileged.
"I said I would leave you alone, but I don't think I can now," his eyes were sad, but his body was calm. I traced it with my eyes and took in the small details.
"What's up with the tattoo?" I asked, ignoring his statement. I knew it annoyed him, he wanted to make me listen, but I wasn't going to.
Paul shook his head in frustration and took a few steps towards me. I noticed how the sand stuck to his feet, he wasn't wearing any shoes.
"The tattoo is the symbol of our pack, two Quileute wolves." He answered and I nodded my head in slight amusement. "You know, if you don't wear shoes, people will eventually think you're some kind of hobo," I stated and pointed at his feet.
"It doesn't matter what they think, I'm saving their asses every day anyways" he shrugged and smiled. He had a wonderful smile.
"Where are the others now?" I asked and cocked my head to the side. It was hard to decide whether it was a good or a bad question.
"Some are at home, some are hanging out and some are out on patrol," I nodded my head and decided to ignore the curiosity that once again grew inside me. What was patrol?
My hair was starting to flow in all kinds of directions and I groaned in annoyance. Why couldn't it just stay in place? Maybe I should do like the boys and cut it all off, it had to be fun with short hair. Maybe I could seek Leah out and ask how it was. Well, if she didn't bite my head off first…
"Are you never going to stop watching me?" I asked and noticed how I wasn't angry. It was gone. My voice was calm and collected, but it wasn't serious.
Paul's eyes closed for a few seconds, but it was answer enough, I don't think he could stop. I don't think he was able to.
"Listen, we have a connection, I can't deny it, but I don't want to do anything about it right now." I tried not to worry about it, I tried not to think about how his body changed into a defeated position, or how he tried to hide it from me. He didn't want me to feel guilty or mean, but how was I supposed to feel okay and happy when I was the reason for another human being's hurt? When I cared about him?
"It's too much going on for me, I don't feel safe with who I am at the moment," I stated and decided to stop making excuses. They weren't doing him any good… or me.
I started to get nervous after a while when he hadn't said anything, and felt the need to keep talking, to keep convincing myself of why we weren't a good idea. If I kept talking, then it wouldn't be awkward, and he wouldn't hate me, or wish he could change me. Dear god, it was embarrassing, I wasn't used to having to care. I wasn't used to letting people I cared about down.
"And you don't know me, Paul, you don't know who I am, so it doesn't even make sense for you to like me," I said and shook my head. "I can't understand it, I'm not a special, I'm not particularly nice, normal people stay away from people like me. I have a negative effect on others," I started to laugh, noticing how much shit I was saying. It sounded as if I wanted him to pity me, to tell me it wasn't true, but I really just wanted him to understand me.
"I just want you to be happy, that's all," Paul said after a while as sincere as a child's first laugh. He looked vulnerable and small, and I had a feeling that it wasn't something people often saw. He wasn't the big bad wolf, or the unstable guy who could explode in your face any second. He was a teenage boy telling the girl he cared about, that he wanted her to be happy.
The situation was so normal, so natural, that I couldn't help but to smile brightly. Normal was exactly what I was craving. Nothing had ever been normal in my life.
I stared at him silently before walking over to him. He was shocked to see me come so close, but I made sure not to touch him. I stared at his eyes and felt compelled to keep looking. I didn't want to look away.
His breathing got a tiny bit heavier and I could hear his heart accelerate in his chest.
"I'm making you nervous," I stated and smiled even brighter than before. His body was responding to my proximity, to me taking a step forward instead of backwards. I was doing the opposite of what I was telling him I wanted to do.
A blush covered his cheeks as soon as the words left my lips, and he tried to look away.
"Hey, don't do that, I like your eyes," I said as he moved his face and reached out my hand to touch his face. His skin was warm, as if he was running a constant fever, but I liked the feel of it. His eyes widened at the touch and I noticed how his lips parted, just a bit, in surprise.
And there it was, the connection I couldn't deny existed. He had something in him which made me confused as fuck. There was something in him that made me want to keep him close, and then there was the other part that told me to stay with my rules. That told me it was stupid to act so boldly in front of him, because he did not know who I was.
But he had been watching me since I came here, looking at me from the window, from the bushes back and forth from work. He was there all the time, aware of me and I was aware of him as well. So maybe he did know me. He knew who I was when I was alone. When I felt comfortable and free.
"Does it feel the same as when you're a wolf? When I touch you I mean." I asked and slowly removed my hand from his face. I could see him restraining himself from taking it.
"No, it feels better when I'm human," he said and smiled.
"I'm confusing you, I'm sorry," I murmured and looked down at my feet. I wasn't being fair, playing by my rules and ignoring his. I was playing with him and I didn't even mean to.
"Don't look away," he whispered slowly and I sighed deeply.
"I should go," I murmured and took a step away from him. "I'm sorry, I really am, I just… I need to cope," I whispered while walking away from him, step by step. My head shook in shame, I was acting absolutely ridiculous, saying one thing doing another, and so on and so on. It wasn't fair to anyone, but… but I had to stick with what I said.
I knew it wasn't right to start any kind of relationship with someone in the state I was in, I was emotional and vulnerable, and I didn't want that to control me.
It was one heck of a roller coaster I was riding and I feared that I soon had to take him with me.
Thanks for reading!
-Emma
