Confused – Kate's POV
The couch was so comfortable, and she fell asleep almost immediately. It had been a long night, and an even longer day. But before she fell asleep she thought about the kiss with Sawyer. She wasn't even sure why she'd done it. But it shocked her to find that there was something there. Something for Sawyer. Something that she'd thought was long dead. She still loved him, but Jack was long gone to her. She'd had eight months to tell him about the baby – a part of her was beginning to wonder why she hadn't.
Sawyer was there for her now in a way that he hadn't been on the island. She was beginning to see through the cold, sarcastic exterior, and she found that there was actually a very caring loving man under there. But it was buried beneath a rock hard wall, protection from all the hurt and pain that he'd endured.
She was so confused. Jack – she loved him and missed him so much, but if she couldn't even talk to him then how was it supposed to work?
All she had to do was say the word and she could be with Sawyer. She knew that he loved her, completely. And she was beginning to wonder if there was something in her that wanted to return that love. She wanted so much to be loved, and it'd been so long.
And Sawyer was there. And maybe, just maybe, it could work.
She woke up again in the middle of the night. And again she felt alone.
For the first time in three months, she was crawling down the hall again to Sawyer's room. He woke the moment she pulled back the covers and slid into bed next to him.
Through the dim moonlight that lit the room she could see the questioning look in his eyes. In answer she kissed him.
He kissed her back, pulling her to him tightly. She could sense that he'd wanted this for so long. A part of her had too. But another part had wished it was Jack. She was beginning to have doubts, but it was too late…
He was asleep. Soundlessly she crept out of bed, pulling her tiny little pyjamas on and creeping back into the hall.
Rather than going back to the couch, she went into the baby's room. He was awake, but he wasn't crying. Just lying contentedly in the cot, sucking his thumb. He was so beautiful.
She picked him up. It almost hurt not to hold him. The maternal instinct that she felt was stronger than any she'd ever felt before. Stronger than her instinct to run. Born to run - that was her. Kate. She was running, even now. She was running away from Jack, from what could be a happy ever after. Couldn't face him, the man who'd loved her so entirely. The father of her child. The only person who'd ever really meant anything to her.
She was still running. She didn't think she could stop. But now she had a reason to. Her baby, the perfect little baby in her arms, deserved its father. It needed someone good in its life, someone better than her. She had to go to Jack, for her baby. No matter how scared she was, she had to. She took the baby out and sat on the couch, pulling her knees up and resting the baby on them, so that his tiny little face was inches from her own.
How could she go to Jack? After what had just happened with Sawyer…
She'd always imagined that sex with Sawyer would be hot, angry. From the Sawyer that she'd known on the island, that was what she had expected.
But it wasn't. He was gentle, and so passionate. He loved her…like Jack loved her. It was almost the same as Jack. But she didn't want it to be like that. She wanted it to be different, she needed it to be different, so that she could put them in different places in her heart.
The tears started running down her cheeks. He woke, somehow sensing her tears. He started to cry. It was too much; she pulled him close to her chest, hugging him, crying and wishing that it had never happened.
She knew without a doubt now that she wanted Jack. She just wanted Jack back.
I'm so sorry! I had already had this written, and I've been too busy to rewrite it, and so I posted it anyway, coz you were all begging for an update. But I only just found the skate spoilers for S3! And I am so sorry for posting this now, after seeing that kiss clip. For any of you who don't know, Sawyer is the 'island boy' who gets kissed again. The thing is, he doesn't get kissed – he kisses. So he kisses her, and we don't know the rest, so hopefully she pulls away. And maybe explains to him that she loves Jack. Coz there is no way that Skate's gonna happen. Not while there's still breath in my body! I can't WAIT for S3 now! I need to know what happens!
