Exchange Programme - Chapter Twelve

Author: Milady Dragon


27 August 2010

Torchwood House

Aberdeenshire, Scotland

"I hate to interrupt, oh knight-type boss," Penelope said over the open comm, "but Iron Man just landed in the courtyard."

Jemma's eyes widened, and she turned to stare at Fitz, who looked just as shocked. "Wait…" he literally squeaked, "Tony Stark knows about Torchwood?"

"He does." Sir Archie pinched the bridge of his nose in tired dismay. "Bloody hell…and Ianto's off in Cardiff for that incursion."

Jemma wanted to hug the man, he just looked so distraught. The four of them – including Oscar – were out in the garden, watching as Jemma ran the last diagnostic on a now fully recovered Kren. It had been an extremely slow process removing all of the fungus from her sap, but the Cheem had finally regained all of her strength, and was back to her gardening duties…now that the last of the P. ramorum had been banished from the area. The treatment hadn't exactly been pleasant, either, but Kren had weathered it as stoically as she possibly could. Her bark wasn't quite back to its usual silvery brown, but it was getting there, and there were sprouts now where her missing head vines had been.

The entire affair had made her realise something about Fitz's great-uncle: he very much loved Kren, only he didn't seem to know that he did. All the pining was actually pretty sweet.

"Tony Stark is here?" Oscar's translator didn't translate the excitement in his true voice at all. He sounded like Darth Vader telling them that he was disturbed by their lack of faith.

It was hilarious, and Jemma barely held in her laughter.

"Are ye a fanboy, Oscar?" Sir Archie asked, sounding aggrieved.

"I do not know what that means." Oscar's large head cocked to the side, like he did when he was confused.

"I'd better go and head him off at the pass." The older Scotsman wasn't going to explain apparently, instead choosing to practically jog toward the house.

"Should we accompany him?" Kren wanted to know.

"We should," Fitz answered, a little too quickly. He didn't even wait for them to start off; he was practically running after Sir Archie.

No, Oscar wasn't the only Tony Stark fanboy.

But then, Jemma thought the billionaire was quite brilliant, herself. If a bit arrogant. And, if half the stories were true, quite the playboy, although that was balanced out by his philanthropy.

She grinned. "Come on, then."

Together, the three friends followed Sir Archie and Fitz toward the manor, Jemma setting a faster pace than she would have normally. Alright, so sue her…she'd love to actually meet Mr Stark as well.

She also wanted to know exactly how he knew about this place, because as far as Jemma knew it was above top secret…judging from the ache in her wrist once she'd finished signing all the forms she'd had to when they'd agreed to be a part of the programme. Including the Official Secrets Act, which was far more paper than it truly needed to be, in her opinion.

By the time they'd reached the courtyard, it seemed like everyone in Torchwood House had gathered just to see the infamous Iron Man. He certainly looked better than he had in the newscasts of the dust-up at Stark Expo, the faint glow of the arc reactor showing through the old Metallica t-shirt he was wearing. He really was much better looking in person, if she had to admit that to herself.

Malcolm had obviously struck while the iron was hot – no pun intended – and was busily monopolising Mr Stark's time as Sir Archie gently tried to peel the scientist away, without much luck. Mister Stark seemed amused by the entire thing, which was a good thing Jemma supposed.

Osgood looked as if she was having a panic attack, and Sir Archie took the time out of attempting to distract Malcolm to say, "Petronella, sweetheart, please use your inhaler."

He was the only person there who could get away with calling Osgood by her first name, simply by dint of the fact that he was just so polite about it. It also didn't hurt that Sir Archie was more like a benevolent grandfather to them all at this point.

Osgood nodded jerkily, reaching into the pocket of her lab coat for her asthma medication. She put it in her mouth, triggered the pump, and took a deep breath. It seemed to help get her lungs back under control.

"Nice place you have here," Mr Stark commented, his intelligent eyes taking in the manor. "There's even an observatory? How quaint."

Jemma didn't want to say that the observatory wasn't what he thought it was; that it was, in fact, a fairly complicated alien werewolf killing device. She wasn't sure he'd believe it, really, or how to explain it.

It was about that time that Mr Stark noticed the alien dromaeosaurid.

Sir Archie noticed as well, and the sigh he let out was audible over the undignified babbling that Malcolm kept on with even though Mr Stark was obviously not paying attention anymore.

"I had no idea I'd be stepping into Jurassic Park," he quipped, although Jemma could tell he was just a bit concerned. Well, who could blame him? Oscar did appear to be very fierce, with all those formidable teeth and dangerous-looking claws.

If what Penelope had said over the comm was true, then Jemma could infer that he'd arrived in his armour, but there was no sign of it at the moment…unless it was in the rather large case sitting at Mr Stark's feet. How did he get all that armour into that small case?

Which was yet another marvel. Fitz was most likely drooling at the moment.

Jemma didn't dare look at him, because she didn't want to break down into laughter.

And, well…she didn't want to give away the fact that she was just a wee bit starstruck as well.

Sir Archie was once again pinching the bridge of his nose. He was mumbling something under his breath, something that Jemma couldn't make out, yet sounded disgusted. "Oscar…Kren…and ye both thought it were a good idea to show yourselves to the unannounced visitor?"

"But…it is Tony Stark," Oscar objected, which had the effect of making their guest start in surprise.

"O…kay," Mr Stark drawled, "a dinosaur that sounds like Darth Vader, only without all the heavy breathing."

"I will excuse your ignorance at my race," Oscar said magnanimously, "since you have not had experience with my kind before. However, I am not a dinosaur…I am an intelligent dromaeosaurid from another planet and in the far future, and you may call me Oscar." He held out a three-fingered hand.

Mister Stark eyed the hand for a second, then grasped it in a surprisingly earnest manner. "It's a pleasure to meet you, Oscar. I take it you came through the Rift?"

Alright, he knew about the Rift as well…

"I did indeed. Torchwood brought me here, where I aid in the labs and the Archives." That many teeth on display meant that Oscar was very pleased.

Once past the awkward moment, Mr Stark didn't seem fazed by all that danger on display. Which was either vary brave, very stupid, or a sign that he trusted Torchwood not to set anything on him that could eat him.

Then, he caught sight of Anna, and the wide smile he'd been wearing for Oscar's benefit faded into something that could have been akin to pleasure. He walked right up to her, ignoring everyone else. "Ms Chang, it's nice to see you again." He gave Anna a little bow.

"And you, Mr Stark," she greeted him graciously, returning the bow.

"Wait," Malcolm spluttered, "you know Mr Stark?"

"I do," she answered. "We met in Cardiff last year. Mister Stark managed to come very close to tracking down Torchwood."

"After a game of Tag that everyone on the team seemed to enjoy playing," Mr Stark agreed genially.

"Rhys has his selfie with you as his screen saver still."

"Of course he does. He has good taste."

"Is there a reason for ye're visit, Mr Stark?" Sir Archie attempted to regain control of the situation. Which Jemma wasn't sure was possible at this point.

"Of course there is," the billionaire answered. "Wait…do you have a sentient tree working here as well?"

Kren nodded her large head, the small sprouts of the regrowing vines she's lost while ill wiggling with the movement. "I am Kren, of the Forest of Cheem."

"The more I know about Torchwood," Mr Stark said bemusedly, "the more I wanna work with you guys." His sharp dark eyes trailed around the rest of them standing there. "You also seem to have cornered the market on adorable geeks. That is so not fair."

"Not the first time I've been called that," Penelope admitted quietly to Jemma, who completely understood.

"I object to being called adorable!" Malcolm exclaimed heatedly.

"Of course he would," Jemma said back to Penelope. She and the former FBI computer technician had become quite friendly, even to the point where Penelope felt comfortable offering Jemma fashion tips. Jemma thought her friend's idea of putting a bright red streak in Jemma's hair was something that needed to be honestly considered, although she was drawing the line at shorter skirts and corsets.

"Well, it's not like he actually is," Fitz chimed in, just as quietly. Cameron, standing beside him, nodded in agreement.

"Aw, how adorable," Mr Stark cooed at Malcolm, whose face turned red in rage. "However, to the reason I'm here." He clapped his hands. "I've been speaking with Ianto, and he said something about getting a robot to help handle some of the more dangerous shit the Rift drops on Torchwood's lap. I actually do have an appointment…but, apparently, Ianto isn't here…?"

Penelope had her PDA in hand, tapping into the interface.

"There was fairly major incursion in Cardiff," Sir Archie answered. "He was recalled for a couple of days."

"Yeah, aliens wait for no man…"

"Mister Stark," Penelope spoke up, "according to the schedule your appointment isn't until next week."

He gave her an incredulous look. "I'm pretty sure it's today." He tapped the Bluetooth device that was dangling from his ear. "JARVIS, check my schedule and confirm that I was supposed to be at Torchwood House today…"

Fitz had his jaw practically on the ground. Jemma could understand. In certain scientific circles, people knew about Mr Stark's AI; it wasn't common knowledge, but SHIELD had been buzzing about it ever since the genius had become a consultant. There was an entire section of SciTech that was working on a SHIELD specific artificial intelligence, and not making much inroads, even with access to several scholarly papers on the subject.

When Fitz had discovered that one of those papers had been written by Toshiko under an assumed name, Jemma thought he was going to swoon.

Penelope seemed a bit confused; but then, would the FBI have necessarily known about JARVIS? Jemma fully expected Fitz to corner her at some point to discuss it, and to drag everyone else into it. She already knew that Malcolm would be insufferable about it, although he really didn't have the right to be. But then, Malcom had a tendency to insufferability. If that was an actual word. If it was, there would be a picture of Dr Malcolm Taylor next to the definition in every dictionary.

Jemma was getting used to it. And it wasn't as if he was rude about it, since he genuinely thought that about himself and wasn't putting on unnatural airs. She'd found she could put up with it easily in that circumstance. Fitz, though, still got into arguments with Malcolm on a daily basis, and was having a blast.

"Oh," Mr Stark spoke into his earpiece. "You don't need to get sassy with me, J. I have you to keep track of all that shit." He shrugged. "Okay, I'm off by a week. However, since I'm already here…" He gave Sir Archie a pleading expression, although there was a glint in his eyes that said he was fully expecting to be catered to. "Or, I can go and look up Ianto in Cardiff, see I they need any help…"

Sir Archie apparently considered that some sort of threat, because he quickly responded. "No, Mr Stark, we can take ye on a tour now, if ye wish."

"I wish." He held out a hand. "I'm sorry, but you seem to be in charge but we haven't been properly introduced, and I can't keep calling you 'Random Scottish Guy' in my head."

That had the Scotsman laughing. "Sir Archibald MacLeish, at ye're service. Please, call me Sir Archie… everyone else does despite me asking them to drop the 'Sir' part."

"Sounds good, Archie."

Sir Archie turned to look over his shoulder, amused. "See, children? That's how it works."

Nope, Jemma thought she'd never be able to be that familiar with the man. It just wasn't happening.

"Come on then," Sir Archie offered, "and let me show ye the area of the Archives we're going to be putting the more dangerous materials."

"Awesome. Let me get my case and we'll get this done."

Jemma glanced toward Fitz as they all headed back to the house. This wasn't at all what they'd thought this assignment was going to be; they'd been shown things that no one else had ever seen before. But, to actually meet Tony Stark…just how hard was it going to be, to go back to their lab at the Triskelion?

That was a good question. One that Jemma had been pondering for a while now.