I texted Toby when I got to the hotel and he came and helped me bring my stuff up to my room, even though it wasn't much and I really could've done it myself. We talked about Playlist Live and how we were so excited for it and we talked about how nice the weather in Orlando was. It was all pretty casual until we got to my hotel room and we were all alone. That was usually when everything got real anyway.
"So we should probably…" he said, glancing at my stomach, which I instinctively crossed my arms over, "talk."
"Yeah," I agreed.
There was a long pause as each of us waited for the other to speak.
"Actually, I don't really have much to say," he admitted.
"Me neither."
Another pause.
"Well, are you hungry? There's a restaurant here. Should be good. It's one of those places where they cook the food in front of you. You know, and there's fire."
I giggled. "That's fine with me."
He smiled and took my hand, which he squeezed. I squeezed back because I wanted to hold it so tight he wouldn't let it go.
I knew we'd have to talk about it sometime. Not just about it it, but everything else too. And I was afraid of that because last time I tried it turned into a fight; it turned into yelling. I didn't want to yell at him. I didn't want him to yell at me. And that's so funny to me now—how back then I just had no idea how bad it could get. How bad it would get.
The next day we went to Universal with a huge group of other YouTubers. It was a magical sort of place, even though I had never been all that into Disney. I kept getting aggravated though because each time I reached for Toby's hand I spotted a camera out and I had to let it fall back to my side. Because Toby and I were just friends. Well, to the viewers, I mean. Everyone else knew.
"Oh my God, you and Toby, Oh my God! I love it," Alli had said earlier, placing a hand over her heart with such excitement I couldn't help but blush.
"You and Toby make such a cute couple," Olga Kay—oh, the irony—commented at dinner and thinking about it now, I just have to laugh.
All the little comments like that made me smile. It made us feel new again. And for a while I saw him like I did a month ago. Impossibly beautiful. Flawless in a way I was afraid I could never be. No imperfections whatsoever. His hair fell just right. I ran a hand through it rather than saying 'God, would it kill you to run a comb through that absolute mess?' His smile lit the world and I admired it just like I did when I first saw him there across the room with his girlfriend that I wished would just disappear. Instead of rolling my eyes at his Tobuscus shirt and asking him why he couldn't wear something else, just for one day, I smiled at it, looking at the big letters and thinking how cute it was that he always wore one.
It was strange how everyone thought we were just a cute couple. Just a sweet new, no problems kind of new. I thought of how much we had already been through and how it probably shouldn't have been that way. But it was and there was no changing it. So just for a few days, surrounded by our friends, we would be new again.
The Harry Potter world was my favorite, even though I had never seen Harry Potter and had no interest in doing so. I got a wand from a little cart and Toby helped me cast some spells. I had buttterbeer, which I had never even heard of, but it was mind-blowingly delicious. The world itself looked so cool and I imagined it would be even better if I was actually into Harry Potter.
We rode a few rides, but when we were about to get in line for the first roller coaster, Toby stopped me.
"Maybe we shouldn't," he said, pulling me aside.
"What?" I asked, confused.
"Maybe we shouldn't go on this one."
"Why not? Are you scared?" I joked.
He smiled a little, but then it faded.
"No. I just… it says you shouldn't. On the sign."
I looked to what he motioned at and on the sign there were a lot of words—words that I didn't care to read—and at the very bottom were pictures that had big red x's over them, letting people know who should not be going on the ride. If you had a heart condition, no. If you were a small child, no. But what he was referring to was the drawing of a pregnant woman. I just rolled my eyes and waved it off.
"It's fine," I told him.
"But it says—,"
"Toby," I said in a stern voice, "It's. fine."
He let it go after that and it was fine. Well, I guess it was. I got off and I didn't die or bleed or anything, so I took that as a good sign. And then I went on more. Still fine.
Overall, it was one of my favorite days. It was one of the most carefree sort of days I can remember spending with Toby. There were few days with him when I wasn't worrying about something. Right in the back of my mind. Very few days where I could just let everything go and appreciate what we had. And things were just perfect.
