Disclaimer: The title is a line from a song by Rascal Flatts.
That said, away we go!
Chapter 12: I Had to Lose Everything to Find Out
For the students, the month of October seemed to drag on for a dreary and rainy eternity and the Hogsmeade trip, they thought, would never get there. Satsa, however, wasn't particularly looking forward to it. Right now, she was just trying to make it out of this school year in one piece. Her sister was dead and Heket was bird-napped. Someone clearly didn't like the fact that she was alive, either that, or they were trying to get to her and were clearing out everyone in their path first. Neither seemed pleasant.
Despite the fact that her only sentry had been made off with, Satsobek opted to make the journey to Hogsmeade. She wandered through the streets of the village, pulling her cloak tight around her in a vain attempt at keeping out the blustery wind. Granted, it wasn't as cold as it would have been at Durmstrang this time of year and she was thankful for that, but the skin on her face was beginning to feel a bit numb.
She spied a tavern christened "The Three Broomsticks" by the sign over the door, from which all sorts of savory smells drifted out onto the streets. It looked like a respectable sort of place, somewhere where she might be able to get a mug of hot chocolate and mull over her thoughts.
She entered the tavern as quietly as possible and slid into a booth in the corner hoping no one would notice her, much less want to join her. She ordered their largest size of hot cocoa they had and when it came she began to reflect on all that was on her mind as she stirred the whipped cream into the cocoa.
The first thought to enter her mind was what had been bothering her all month long. She was unguarded. Heket wasn't merely a friend but a sentry of sorts. Heket knew everything that there was to know about the murder of Satsobek's mother and was always on the lookout for those who posed a threat to her mistress. Satsa needed Heket now more than ever and she was gone.
She knew why, though she hated to admit it. Voldemort was her father and someone who didn't need to know that knew it. Possibly those men in the burgandy robes? After all, Heket had said that they were the ones that had murdered Satsa's mother. Perhaps they were trying to assassinate everyone close to the Dark Lord. The concept seemed so foreign to her... why would someone want to kill her? She had never even met her father and since he was Muggle-born she wouldn't have anything to do with him. Somehow, while she knew the threat was very real, she wasn't afraid.
What she was afraid of was Lucius Malfoy. There was no getting around it. Surely a few kisses weren't all that he had up his sleeve. The look in his eyes that night after dinner testified to that. The kisses weren't what scared her. It was that she wasn't in control and he was. She had played around with boys before at Durmstrang but none of them made her weak in the knees like he did. She had always been in perfect control of her emotions as she played her little games but nowS now it was different. And to complicate things even more, she was a Mudblood. Lucius hated them with more passion than she had ever witnessed. What if he found out? All of Slytherin would know in a matter of moments. They were already suspicious of her because she caroused with Gryffindors.
And of speaking of Gryffindors, there was Sirius. She wasn't sure if she wanted to let her mind go there and fortunately she didn't get the chance.
"Excuse me." An oily voice broke into Satsobek's thoughts. She looked up to find Severus Snape standing by her table.
Satsa managed to force a smile on her face. "Hello Severus. How are you" She said with an air of false serenity.
"I'm just lovely, Satsobek." He answered, carefully. "But since you are alone in this corner, apparently brooding about something, I need not ask how you are faring. Something is bothering you and don't you dare tell me otherwise."
Satsa blinked a few times out of surprise. "Well, I won't lie to you, Severus." She said, delicately. "I do have a fair bit on my mind."
A smile pulled at the corner of Snape's mouth. "Don't suppose you could use an ear to bend could you?"
She gave a rough snort of amusement. "Prepare to have your ear bent off" She said, gesturing to the seat across from her.
Satsa must have rattled on for hours, about nothing in general. After all, what could she tell him? That she was a half breed? His hatred of Mudbloods was comparable to Lucius'. That she was becoming twitterpated about Sirius? They quite obviously hated each other. That Heket was gone? She could only tell him about the theft of her bird when she wrapped the story in half truths. So all she could really do was prattle aimlessly and all Severus did was listen politely and ask questions when she lost him. Only when she had seemed to have run out of words did he give his opinion.
"Well, Satsobek," He said with a small smile, "I haven't much advice for you. What's more, I don't know that you need any. At least not from me."
"Oh come on, Severus!" She almost sounded as though she was pleading with him. "Tell me something. I've been jabbering to you all afternoon!"
Snape snickered through his hooked nose, as he took her hand from where it lay on the table. "Satsobek, the only advice I can offer is that which I have tried myself. Just let whatever will happen, happen."
For some reason, hearing those words made Satsa feel relieved. "Thank you, Severus."
At that moment, Madam Rosemerta brought Satsa her check. She went to take it from her, but Severus' hand was there before hers and before she could protest, he had pulled a few Knuts from the pocket of his robe and laid them on the table.
"Severus you don't have to. If anything I owe you a mug of hot cocoa." Satsa told him with an appreciative smile.
"I may take you up on that, then." Severus replied. "Come, Satsobek. Let's go outside."
