Chapter 12:
If there was any time loop that I could steal memories from and keep, it would be this one. I don't know how my past selves would vote, but its too bad. I get the vote this iteration.
To be perfectly fair, I wouldn't keep all the memories. Maybe just the memories of this last day. It wasn't even over yet, but the morning I got to see something more incredible than a giant camel cricket.
It is August thirty-first. We were doing our duty and trying to escape from the endless summer. I had come up with the most stupid idea yet. We were going to run some insanely silly thing called a confidence course.
I know exactly where the idea came from, though I hadn't been paying attention much at the time. I had been watching baseball the morning we all went to go to the pool, but the deja vu monster made seeing it all yet again unbearable. So when I changed the channel, there was some military documentary about how armies around the world train their troops.
It wasn't my usual interest, but I didn't get a headache, and even got a small nap before Haruhi's fateful call instigated the loop again.
I must have heard about the confidence course then, but I hadn't remembered what exactly it was. I suggested that be our last day of summer event. Which, in hindsight, was really stupid.
Confidence courses are really torturous obstacle courses with really, really good marketing. The name certainly threw me off.
When we arrived this morning to try our hands at a realistic confidence course, my heart sank, along with Mikuru's. Itsuki seemed to be expecting what was to come, a bland smile on his face, and Yuki was stoic, as always.
Haruhi was brimming full of energy. Patton, ready to make his mark on the world stage.
She was insufferable the entire time. Shouting like a drill sergeant at us to keep up the pace and parading around like there was nothing this course could do to slow her down. Every balance beam or dirt crawl or wall climb or tire hop seemed to invigorate her while we, her mortal brigade members, were worn down.
By the second to last obstacle, we normal humans were dead tired and all of us, but Haruhi, were sweaty and filthy with mud. Even Yuki's school uniform's hem was covered in muck with her arms and legs streaked in drying mud. The rest of us fared far worse. Mikuru's cute clothes that morning were ruined with soil, and she had the drying mud all over her knees and up her back on her left side. Koizumi and I would be better suited to counting the areas without mud, having been used for all the heavy lifting and dirtiest work.
Haruhi somehow managed to stay fresh and clean, with only the hint of dirt almost artfully decorating her face.
Before her there was a gap over the largest puddle of mud yet, a rope suspended from above in the center. The gap was far too large to jump, even for our inexorably energetic brigade leader.
She stood before the gap, surveying the challenge, Koizumi and I panted as we had to scramble up the wall to get to the platform with the others.
Haruhi shouted, "Kyon! Get down there and get me that rope! Double-time! You have five-"
Whatever amount of time she was going to give me vanished, as a bug landed on Mikuru's arm.
The time traveler made an almost inaudible squeak and flung her arm out wildly, trying to get it off. Her hand knocked right into the center of Haruhi's back.
There was no heart-stopping moment, no last chance trying to balance. Haruhi had been standing right on the edge, away from us. She fell over like a domino, right into two feet of sludge.
The heart-stopping moment came then, as we four looked at each other. Mikuru showed a rictus of fear and guilt. Itsuki's face was simply awestruck, unable to processes the event. Yuki looked bemused, as if she couldn't quite decide what emotions would be most appropriate.
I, being myself, couldn't say what was on my face. We all stepped towards the edge of the platform to see our brigade chief and drill sergeant sputtering and struggling to stand up straight in the insidiously sticky mud.
Under an impulse I couldn't quite place, like a puppeteer suddenly took control, I lightly put my hand on Mikuru's shoulder, pulling her away from the edge before she could say something.
Haruhi was pulling herself out from the mud and to her feet when she looked back at the rest of us. She had fire in her eyes, ready to raze the earth. Her eyes met mine, and the slowly forming smirk on my face.
I looked at my right hand, covered in drying dirt, as I casually said, "Hey, while you are down there, could you get the rope for us?" The world didn't go completely silent, but I wondered at blood freezing in my veins. If it happened in an instant, would I feel the pain?
No, my blood didn't freeze, though my comment was met with icy silence for several seconds. It was definitely the most angry I have ever seen Haruhi. She was so livid she wasn't saying anything. It was the first time I could… well, the second time I could remember her speechless, but counting those seconds before a bizarre shared dream ended was silly. This moment was far less flabbergast than it was furious.
I think everyone was staring at me, as if expecting something terrible to happen to me on the spot. After about ten seconds passed, and Haruhi turned away from me, from us, towards the rope. She seized it and swung it back towards us without a glance. Yuki was the only one of us that had the wearwithal to grab it before the rope swung back out of our reach.
We stood there, waiting as Haruhi slogged out of the puddle back to the other side of the platform to climb back up. She was coated in mud, head to toe. Her back was relatively clean, but her face and all of her front got covered. She was as dirty as Itsuki and I, but without any time to let the muck dry and fall off of her in the oven hot air, like it had for us.
It was very quiet among us as Itsuki moved to offer a hand down to Haruhi, to help her up. Haruhi did not take it. I stared off into the distance to the side, innocent, as she stomped over to Yuki and took the rope from the humanoid interface.
Haruhi effortlessly swung across the gap, landing and throwing the rope back to us in the same action. She surveyed the last obstacle from the platform, coincidentally facing away from us.
The last of the course was run in the same stony silence. I had a hard time not laughing, every time I saw our fearless leader as dirty as the rest of us, even if the act would have gotten me slain in an instant.
We cleaned up as well as we could at the fountains provided by the park, but there was only so much a faucet stream could do. Haruhi still wasn't talking to us as we got on the train back to town. We arrived back at our home station at around noon.
"Club dismissed," she said flatly, barely above a whisper and the only words she had said for an hour She stomped away, sparing me one last cold glare..
The four of us watched her leave. We didn't say anything until she was out of sight.
Finally, we stopped watching for Haruhi's return, and looked to each other. Mikuru was first to break the silence, "Kyon… you didn't have to…"
I shrugged it off, " Don't worry about it. She gets mad at me all the time. She'll get over it. I doubt she will even remember this tomorrow, am I right?" No one laughed at my joke. Belatedly, I looked to Yuki, suddenly more regretful than I had been for any moment of Haruhi's misfortune, "I'm so sorry."
Yuki didn't say anything. She did meet my gaze, understanding what I meant.
Itsuki was smiling blithely again, something he didn't dare to do while Haruhi comforted us with her presence of glowering anger. "Well, I think it's safe to say we are not going to escape the summer with this attempt. I am not sure I would be up for the load of work required to calm down her subconscious if summer does end."
I shrugged again, "It was a bad idea on my part anyway. She didn't need to be inspired to take over a general's disposition anymore than she already does. I can't imagine her taking that attitude into the next school semester. She'd try to invade the school council or something."
Mikuru still looked upset, "Yes, but…" She shook her head, as if changing her mind, "Well, thank you."
"Don't worry about it," I repeated, "You guys want to get together this afternoon? I don't really feel like wallowing in my room, but I definitely need some sort of shower before going anywhere else."
I motioned, but they all knew what I meant. Our clothes were filthy and there was still dirt here and there about our body.
We made the arrangements and decided to meet in another couple hours for a late lunch.
Both Yuki and Mikuru separated to go their own ways home while I watched. It did not surprise me that Itsuki decided to stick around a little longer. What did he want to talk about?
"Oh, like you need to guess. Do you really think it wise to… anger Haruhi so casually?"
I rolled my eyes, "You treat her like she will end the world if she gets pushed too far, Koizumi."
His lopsided smile held a bit of displeasure at my joke, "You know full well that she can do that, Kyon. Why would you risk that?"
I sighed, "Because I was tired of seeing her drag Mikuru through the mud for no reason but her own twisted logic." Haruhi actually did drag Mikuru at one point, when Mikuru balked at crawling under a barrier. "Because I'm annoyed she forced us to scrub out that broken freezer with all the bad meat, just so she could get a stupid costume. Because I was tired of seeing her look so immaculate while we did all the work." I didn't say anything for a moment.
Why did I act like I pushed Haruhi into the mud? Mikuru probably would have gotten a little punishment, but Haruhi would have believed it being an accident on Mikuru's behalf. What was that little thought at the corner of my mind, saying that I wish I did push her myself? Was I angry at Haruhi? Why did I smirk? Because throughout human history, there are always stories of the mighty falling, and for once, I got to see a legend's petard be hoisted
"I am not proud of what I did. It was petty. But I am not sorry for it. If the world ends because Haruhi got a little dirt on her face, then I am not sure we had much of a chance in the long run anyway." I wasn't surprised by my words so much as I was surprised at how true they were. And did I sound as resentful as I thought I did?
Itsuki seemed to stare at me for a little while, considering, before he gave a shrug, "Well, there's nothing for us to do about it now. We just have to try again next time. Preferably without embarrassing Haruhi when she... makes a mistake." He shook his head, as if he still couldn't believe it happened.
Really though, who could believe that Mikuru would push Suzumiya into the mud? Even as an accident.
I smiled, "Maybe. I'll let you come up with the idea though. I'd rather not make the mistake of being the person to recommend that sort of torture for us." I chuckled, not laughing at my own joke, but still amused. "See you in a few, Itsuki."
Nothing really more to be said about my following actions. I'd like to avoid boring you with details that I wouldn't remember even if the world wasn't going to be reset, Haruhi forbid.
Suffice it to say that we met up at a small diner to actually eat lunch. By this time, Yuki was not the only one to eat their food with a speed that, under other circumstances, would have been cartoonishly fast.
The four of us were refreshed and refueled, when we discovered that none of us really had a plan for the evening.
The four of us were quiet for a bit, not sure what to say.
Let me say it without any bit of padding. The silence was a bit awkward. We ate without talking much, and now we were left without any real conversation to pick back up. The time lengthened, and I was struck by how hard it would be to break the silence with something constructive. Even now, I could sense that the others were gravitating towards heading to their prospective homes, to quietly watch the world end.
"I passed an arcade on the way here. Would you guys be interested?"
It took me a moment to realize I was the one to speak.
When did I start making suggestions to hang out on the last day of the summer? Surely this isn't the first time…. Was I becoming more than just a mediator between Haruhi and her differently-abled minions? More than a go-between for three different political parties that didn't quite understand one another, didn't quite trust one another, but that must rely on one another?
Gods above, please keep me from taking on something so responsible as to be called a leader.
Yuki seemed interested, given the way her dark eyes glowed with the fluorescent buzzing light that rained from above our heads. Mikuru was the first to speak, however, murmuring, "I haven't ever been to an arcade…"
She had looked away from the table to Yuki, as if concerned, "I haven't, have I?"
Yuki looked over to Mikuru, laconically responding, "You have not gone to an arcade while in my presence, but I cannot speak for every moment of your life. Will they have arcades in your past?" Yuki almost sounded like she was joking there, and Mikuru didn't look so much seem appeased as annoyed. Adorably, her response was simply to stick her tongue out at the humanoid interface.
As if her own gesture surprised her, Mikuru almost immediately closed her mouth, turning pink with embarrassment at her reaction. Not one at the table commented, but I think we were all feeling a little less oppressed by the awkwardness of before.
Itsuki chuckled, saying, "I don't think I have been to an arcade in years. You don't mind, I would like to make it my treat. We can't rely on Kyon's generosity at every event, after all."
He stared at the center of the table, where the single check lay for us, with my change on top. I had paid for everyone without even realizing it. Had anyone noticed it at the time? Even Itsuki didn't seem to smirk more than usual as I paid. Wow, how many times have I paid for dinner in the past thousand years of summer that it became second nature to cover the bill rather than second nature to complain?
I chuckled, which lead Mikuru to smile a little and Itsuki's smirk widened. Yuki even seemed especially amused, though she didn't quite show anything.
We walked down to the arcade in good spirits, and Koizumi exchanged a fair portion of real money for valueless imitations that could be used in the machines. He handed them out and we roamed the machines together, a dim forest of blinking lights and digital audio, punctuated by the occasional gasp or shout of the other patrons.
I motioned to a game that was supposed to represent the a race on jet skis. There were four consoles and there was no one playing the game, probably because it cost an unreasonable amount of fake currency. Still, Itsuki didn't skimp on the tokens, probably because he had plenty of spare cash from never paying for lunch, if I may add, and we played.
Well, "we played" is a bit of a misnomer.
Itsuki and I played. Yuki and Mikuru definitely were mostly in it for the experience. It was not an easy game to grasp immediately, as you could rock from side to side, as well as steer with the handlebars. The throttle wasn't labeled and I don't even know if there was a brake.
So while Itsuki and I raced, Yuki, who seemed to not quite get the idea of steering, nor the idea of racing, barely twisted the handle, puttering along in an absolutely straight line. She continued on this straight path until she collided with the side of the race track, which she scrapped along at an even slower, glacial pace.
She was being outpaced, slightly, by Mikuru, who seemed to take to tilting on the jet ski facsimile with abandon, accompanied by a cornucopia of murmurs, stutters, slight shrieks, yelps and other miscellaneous noises as she moved full throttle in wide rocking circles and stylish twists. I could have sworn that she was going backwards more often than forwards, but she still outpaced the exothermic-death-of-the-universe speed that Yuki sported.
Itsuki beat me, though we were far outpaced by the computer players. We could have been there for hours, but fortunately rounds were also timed, so soon after, the game ended. I wanted to challenge Itsuki again, but Yuki and Mikuru seemed disinclined. I suggested they find a game to play together while Itsuki and I have a showdown.
This second game was clearly better matched, as I beat Itsuki. We still were beaten by the computers. He offered for a two out of three match, but I had noticed a dilemma already forming.
Yuki and Mikuru had moved several paces away, into a little open space between games. Mikuru was looking flustered, as she pointed to games, offering in a quiet voice to play that one, or this one, or maybe the one over there, while Yuki politely looked to each offering without saying a word.
Mikuru didn't seem to understand what I clearly could see on Yuki's face, that Yuki just wanted to enjoy the ambiance, and didn't care what game was played. She was just being too polite or shy to say it.
Mikuru seemed to stutter more, as if she was getting embarrassed by her own lack of communication skills with the humanoid interface. I motioned to them for Itsuki, and we walked over.
"Come on, Yuki, I think I saw some pinball machines in the corner." She took to my words like she did most things. That is to say, quietly and without any form of rebellion. I figured Itsuki and Mikuru could find something they enjoyed more easily, given that they both were relatively well-adjusted humans. Yuki was a relatively well-adjusted humanoid interface. I don't know what that made me.
As I pulled back the plunger to launch my first ball, I could sense her eyes tracing the multitude of pathways and lights and little doodads on the playing field.
By the time I lost the first ball, I glanced back at the others to see Itsuki explaining the basics of a dancy-rhythm game. Mikuru looked both in awe and determined to figure out the strange cultural nuances.
By the time I lost my second ball, the pair were playing, Itsuki a quite a bit less enthusiastic than Mikuru.
By the time I lost my final ball, Mikuru seemed to actually begin to pick up the basics, and Itsuki was having to actually try in order to beat her.
I smiled, glancing at Yuki. She seemed more interested in the next pinball machine, so I shifted over and started a game, so she could enjoy the nuances of a very slightly and completely different pinball machine.
I don't know how long I took to make my way down the series of six differently themed pinball machines, but Yuki and I seemed to enjoy ourselves. She had even begun to pay for my feeble attempt at the next machine in preparation for my impending loss.
Itsuki and Mikuru had moved onto an air hockey game. I glanced at Yuki, but she didn't seem particularly interested in anything at the moment, so I wandered around a little, with Yuki following. I didn't think she really wanted to interact much, so no more competition games. She might like the cold precision of rolling a ball up a ramp, or perhaps a rousing game of trying to toss coins onto a conveyor belt to get tickets.
Finally, we settled on a claw machine. I tried for a couple of the easier looking toys, but, as usual, the claw seemed to slip around them, rather than grip, even when I got it perfect. I was about to try for a fourth time, when Yuki grabbed my elbow, gently but firmly, "This game is…" She paused, looking for the right word, "rigged. Don't waste your coins."
I chuckled, thanking her, as I re-pocketed the coins. I looked around, noticing that we were near the entrance of the arcade. Outside, a vendor had set up a little stall with a bit of a line to it. His sign advertised deep-fried sweet dumplings. As my eyes found it, Yuki's eyes seemed to lock on to the desert being doled out to those in the front of the line.
I smiled, putting a light hand on her shoulder. She looked at me, not sharply, but with a quick turn of her head. A little worried I went too far, I pulled my hand away. "I'll go tell the others where we are. Wait in line for me?"
She seemed a little disappointed, at what I couldn't tell, but nodded with interest when I asked her to get in line. She floated over and I wandered back into the arcade, vaguely wondering at our casual touch and wondering where the heck did the other two had gotten to.
They were playing a different rhythm game, this one with drums. This one was definitely not Mikuru's style, as she was already knocked out of the game while Itsuki played on. She didn't seem to mind watching, however. I told her where Yuki and I would be, and told her we would get enough for everyone.
She offered to come back with me, but I waved her off. It wouldn't take three people to get some dumplings. Besides, she seemed to be trying to figure out the drum game, which would be easier while watching Itsuki.
I returned to the front of the arcade and standing in line with Yuki before long. We didn't talk much, but there wasn't much to say. I had this impending sense I was in a dream that was about to end. When I woke up, I wouldn't remember any of this, and, for that, I was sad. Hopefully, Yuki could remember and enjoy it for me. All the good times at least. I certainly think she was enjoying herself, but I wasn't great at reading her.
The line was slow, as the vendor was frying them right as they were being ordered. We stood in comfortable silence.
I couldn't say what I thought about for much of the time, but I was happy, nonetheless. Our silence was one of mutual understanding, synchronized and unfettered by the ordinary turmoil of idle chatter. It was nice.
We got our fried treats and found that Itsuki was waiting for us just outside the arcade. "I found a small bench just a little ways from here. I think it would be nice to sit for a while as we eat."
I agreed. "I'll go find Mikuru. Where's it at from here?"
He gave me the directions and I dived back into the arcade, looking for our time traveler. She was back at the dancing game, determinedly stomping to the beat. She did pretty good and finished the round far better than I would have.
She followed me back to the bench, exactly where Itsuki described.
They were sitting at opposite sides of the bench, located in a small little park that was nearly impossible to spot from the main road. Both of them were silent, holding their own, and one extra tray of dumplings for us. Itsuki was smiling, but I could tell it wasn't quite comfortable, nor was it quite uncomfortable either. Something about it told me that he wasn't quite sure what to say.
I wondered if he tried to initiate a conversation with Yuki. She didn't seem to be in a talkative mood, really. Or maybe she just seemed to be her normal self right then. Either way, she probably wouldn't have responded to some of Itsuki's philosophical commentaries, even if he had tried.
She seemed to be soaking in the experience we had here. I guess she had to enjoy them as she found them.
Once we all settled down, the conversation started again, mostly between the humans, though our alien friend would offer a slight opinion occasionally.
It was all good memories, even the awkward memories, but I wouldn't remember any of it, so the details seem a little moot. The universe will forgive if I didn't dedicate my time to remembering every nuanced joke, or each honest comment. I hope it would. I didn't want to waste the energy remembering every moment. I just wanted to be with my friends for one last night. Too bad it all ended tonight.
If I had my choice I would have bottled the memories like a perfume to savor forever. But even if we weren't in an amnesiac time loop, I'd never be able to memorize all these good instants in time. It was all just a shame.
Well… I guess there is tomorrow. I could make lasting memories next time and hoped they would stick. But for tonight I enjoyed what time we had left.
