"Didn't Sam say something that we should get one that I would never wear?" I found a rainbow- patterned with a propeller and put it on. "Maybe not."
I and my mum were out the day after my second round of chemo, and knowing my hair would probably fall out by the next we were looking for about every hat or beanie that we could find. But I wasn't so desperate I was wearing one with a propeller…
"I think maybe we've had enough for today." Mum gave a kind smile when she lifted the cap of my head. "Do you want this one?"
I shook my head and laid it back on the shelf. Then took the ones we had already decided on and laid them on the check-out stand. For just a moment I was on my way to pay for it. Mum couldn't pay for everything today.
"These ones please." Mum shoved me away in one quick and gentle move and blinked at me. And then I couldn't help but see the weird look on the cashier's face when he took one cap after the other.
"It feels like to me we're not the first ones doing this." Mum said with a sad sigh as we left the store. "But I think we've found about every hat that there is in this town. Do you want to finish this for today and have some dinner and then go home?"
Sounded good to me.
It felt righter if I should eat first and then talk to her. Besides, right now by dinnertime the bistro was so filled up with people Stephanie wouldn't even have the time to actually listen to any kind of news at all. Let alone bad ones.
I and mum found us a table and not until I sat down I felt my feet hurting from not having been able to sit down all day. Maybe the chemo with its tiredness and other side effects was already showing more to me than I knew.
"Yoo- hoo."
It wasn't that I didn't like Mrs. Tinsdale. But I was already so tired.
Half a second after I had ordered pasta and mum a salad she came over to us and looked sneakily to the bag I had lying next to me.
"Can I see what you've been shopping for today? I'm so sneaky." I nodded at her and she sat down and took the bag. I doubted she would have taken a no for an answer. "Why all these caps?
You have such beautiful, dark hair dear Grace. Oh why would you try and cover it?"
I might have told several people already, but it still didn't feel real. Especially not now it had to be spontaneous.
"I'll probably be losing all my hair Mrs. Tinsdale." I answered after some thinking. "You see. I have…"
"Huh? Why would all your hair suddenly fall out? That makes no sense."
No, for certain Martha! It didn't make any sense.
It passed through my mind for the millionth time that I would have to start telling people I met often about what was going on. That it wouldn't be as simple as only writing a letter and putting it by the reception of Grey House.
That it wouldn't matter if I decided to do it before or after dinner.
That it would start showing when my hair fell off and people would be disappointed if I hadn't told them right away.
Martha kept on babbling while I was gone in my thoughts, and suddenly I heard myself almost shouting.
"I have cancer Martha."
It came out louder than I had planned it too. And when I had almost shouted it the rest of the bistro went silent as in the grave. I could feel my cheeks burning red and Martha just stared back on me with her mouth open in surprise.
I looked around for only a moment, then grabbed my bag and hurried out of the bistro with a mumble that I wasn't hungry.
I sat down outside and wouldn't have minded if I fell off the face of the earth in that very instant.
I had my back against the door, but when I heard it open I just felt that it was Martha.
"Oh, dear Grace." She spoke quieter and calmer than I had ever heard it before. "I am so sorry. I didn't know. And you know how I talk sometimes and won't let anyone else speak…" I didn't even look at her. "May I ask… where is it? In your body?"
I hesitated for a few seconds before I answered. If I told Martha then the whole town would know within a few minutes.
"My liver."
"Oh… I once knew one… I think it was a friend of my dad's… no, my mum's. She died of liver cancer."
I suppressed a sigh- if there was anything at all I didn't want to be told right now!
"Bu- but she was old. Oh yes, she was more than eighty years old… I know you Grace. And you're strong. If there's anyone who can get through this, it's you. So when you get out of this absolutely healthy- remember who told you first."
Behind me I could feel my mum coming out from the bistro holding a paper bag with two doggie bags with the food we had gotten. And it wasn't even until then that I remembered what we had actually been doing at the bistro.
"I'm sorry." I cleared my throat at last. "I didn't mean to fizzle at you like that… And I'm not going to make any excuses for it because I know it's not okay."
"Don't worry about that dear. I was asking for it with the way I kept on talking without stopping for an answer. And you must be worrying and too stressed right now. Even now, right after graduation. So you… You just call me if there's anything I can do?"
"I… we will."
"Here." Mum held up the bag when I stood up. "I thought maybe you'd prefer having your meal at home after… that." I shrugged and wasn't so sure what answer I could give. "Come on, let's just go home."
I followed silently and without looking up. We had left the bistro but still I felt like people from all directions were watching me.
It was also not the only feeling filling up my chest.
All day I had had a strange feeling that something was wrong. But I couldn't place it no matter how I tried….
"Are you having a feeling that something's wrong?" I asked my mum when we walked up the driveway to Grey House. "I just have a feeling and it must prove to be right but I just can't place it."
As on a given signal when we passed the threshold my phone started buzzing and calling.
The feeling that something was terribly wrong didn't exactly get any better when I saw it was a number I didn't recognize.
"Yes?"
For a moment I'd just forgotten how to greet nicely from the start.
"Hello." On the other side of the line was a voice of a girl- probably young, maybe twenties. "Is this Grace Russell?"
"Yes."
"My name is Piti Wembley. And I think you know my dad."
The name sounded familiar, and after half a second I saw in front of me how Stevie had told me about all of his children, their names and where they came from.
"Stevie? Yes."
There was a shaky sigh on the other side of the line.
I guess I knew what she was going to tell me already before she'd said it.
"I just called to let you know that my dad passed away last night."
Random fact
I had this chapter barely started for weeks. But I didn't continue as I kept wanting to write more chapters for "The search for a family"
