Me: Hey people! Welcome to chapter twelve!
Erik: We'll keep this short. Just look at the bottom author's note for any and all news updates.
Disclaimer: Do I look like Andrew Lloyd Webber? Geez, I hope not. I'm a fourteen year old girl! A fourteen year old girl who doesn't own 'Phantom of the Opera'.
Erik: Meeegggaaan. Meeeeeeegggaaaaaan. Are you awake?
Me: *Throws a pillow at Erik*
Erik: I'll take that as a no. *Leaves* Well, what are we going to do now?
Christine: *Who had been waiting outside the door with Raoul* I don't know. Hey, didn't I see a birdcage in the other room?
Erik: I think so.
Christine: So obviously our only option is to go check it out! *Grabs Raoul and runs*
Erik: Well this can only lead to disaster and hilarity. *Follows*
Christine: Ooooh, look at the pretty birdie.
Brady: That's Blaze. He's a Quaker parrot.
Christine: Cool!
Ian: He's evil.
Raoul: Where did you two come from?
Brady: We were playing video games, but we thought following you guys around would be more entertaining.
Christine: *Takes Blaze out of his cage* Aaaawwww, hi birdie! Who's a pretty bird?
Blaze: *Bites Christine's finger*
Christine: OH MY GOD GET THIS THING OFF ME! *Shakes her hand wildly and Blaze flies onto Raoul's head*
Raoul: GET THE BIRD OUT OF MY HAIR!
Erik: *Stars whacking Raoul's head with a plastic sword and Blaze flies away*
Brady: AFTER HIM!
Ian: CATCH THAT BIRD!
Raoul: Th-thanks Erik.
Erik: Oh, I wasn't trying to get the bird off your head. I just wanted to hit you!
Raoul: I should have guessed.
Brady: YO! FICTIONAL CHARACTERS! GET YOUR ARSES UP HERE AND HELP US CATCH THIS BIRD!
Christine: Coming! *They run upstairs to find Blaze sitting on a light fixture*
Erik: Well this isn't good.
Christine: No shit, Sherlock.
Blaze: Chirp!
Ian: Uh, guys? How are we gonna get the bird off the ceiling?
Erik: I don't know.
Blaze: *Randomly attacks Raoul's hair*
Raoul: NOT AGAIN! GET IT OFF GET IT OFF GET IT OOOOOOOFFF!
Erik: *Starts beating Raoul with a large spoon*
Raoul: YOU ARE NOT HELPING!
Erik: Do you think I care?
Blaze: *Flies back on to the ceiling*
Brady: Well, now what?
Christine: Maybe we can just throw stuff at him until he comes down.
Brady: Somehow, I don't think that's a good idea.
Blaze: *Once again decides that Raoul's hair will make a perfect nest*
Raoul: THIS IS STARTING TO GET OLD!
Erik: I don't know. I'm still enjoying it.
Raoul: GET IT OFF OF MEEEEEEE!
Blaze: *Flies away and takes a chunk of Raoul's hair with him* CHIRP!
Raoul: MY HAIR!
Erik: That was particularly amusing. I think he drew blood.
Raoul: OH MY GOD! I'M BLEEEEEDIIING!
Christine: Now what are we going to do?
Ian: I think I have an idea.
Erik: What?
Ian: Well, the bird likes the fop's hair…
Raoul: *Still rubbing his newly-acquired bald spot* Oh, you THINK?
Christine: Geez, when did you get so sarcastic?
Raoul: I don't know, but I think I owe Megan money.
Ian: So all we have to do is use him to lure Blaze down and we can get him back to his cage!
Raoul: What?
Brady: Ralph, you are going to be bird bait.
Raoul: *Drops to his knees* WHYYYYYY? WHY MUST THE WORLD BE SO CRUUUUUEL?
Erik: You know, I'm surprised we haven't woken up Megan with all our shouting.
Brady: Just stand here and wait for Blaze to land on your head.
Raoul: But I don't want Blaze to land on my head.
Brady: Too bad.
Blaze: Chirp! *This is an evil chirp. Blaze is an evil bird who enjoys biting things. And people. Especially people*
Raoul: Here birdie birdie birdie. D-don't you want to land in my hair? (Please no.)
Blaze: *Fat chance buddy* SQUAUK! *Dive bombs Raoul*
Raoul: EEEEEEEKK!
Brady: QUICK! RUN TO THE CAGE!
Raoul: EEEEEEEEEE! *Runs downstairs*
Ian: Stick your head in the cage! In the cage!
Raoul: *Follows Ian's orders and Blaze jumps off*
Blaze: Chirp!
Brady: Shut the door, shut the door!
Erik: With pleasure. *Slams cage door*
Brady: Great job. But how are we going to get Ralph out of the cage?
Raoul: *Sitting in the cage* I think the bird pooped on me! Eeeeeeeeww!
Erik: Why should I let him out? We could just keep him in there and laugh at his misfortune!
Brady: There's an idea…
Christine: *Sigh* You guy's need lives. *Opens cage and Raoul falls out*
Raoul: Thank you thank you thank you! *Hugs Christine*
Christine: Erg, how about you wash the bird poop off you first.
Raoul: Sorry.
Erik: So what should we do now?
Brady: I'm gonna go play more video games.
Ian: Me too.
Erik: Well, I guess their time is up. What are we going to do in the meantime?
Christine: Let's cook breakfast!
Erik: Why?
Christine: Because I'm hungry.
Raoul: That is a perfectly reasonable explanation for attempting to use modern cooking equipment with no one to help us. Let's go.
*Our trio head back to the kitchen. Now you know, and I know, that this can't end well. Let's see how long it takes for our friends Christine, Raoul and Erik to figure it out!*
Erik: This can't end well.
*Three seconds for Erik. I'm impressed*
Christine: Quit being a Debbie Downer. Raoul, can you look in the fridge for some eggs?
Raoul: Sure! *Opens fridge* I can't find them!
Erik: You are looking in the freezer. The fridge is the door on the other side.
Raoul: I knew that. *Opens the real fridge* Megan's fridge is easier to understand.
Erik: You need things easier to understand, don't you?
Raoul: Umm, noooYES! I mean, no? Yes? WHAT IS THE RIGHT ANSWER?
Erik: …I think I broke him.
Christine: Erik, can you help me with the stove?
Erik: Sure. What do you need?
Christine: I'm not sure what temperature to set it to.
Erik: Umm, just turn it up I guess.
Christine: Thanks! *This is gonna be fuu-uun!*
Raoul: I have the eggs! *Trips on a polar bear/great Pyrenees sitting in the middle of the floor* YAAARG!
Eggs: SPLAT!
Christine: EEEEWWW! MY DRESS! *Three guesses where the eggs landed, and the first two don't count*
Erik: Christine! *Smacks Raoul* Stupid fop!
Raoul: Ow! *Grumbles* Stupid polar bear.
Christine: I have egg in my haaaiiir!
Erik: If it makes you feel better, I hear egg is good for your hair!
Christine: That doesn't make me feel better.
Erik: And I'm shutting up.
Raoul: What are we making anyway?
Christine: Pancakes. Go get me some more eggs. And this time, watch for polar bears.
Raoul: Sure! *Gets more eggs*
Christine: Great! Let's put the batter on the stove! Erik, get me a pan, would you?
Erik: With pleasure, Mon ange! *Pulls out a pan and puts it on the stove*
Christine: Thanks! *Pours batter into pan* Lets wait until the pancakes are done!
Erik: Shouldn't we watch them?
Christine: You're right… thanks for offering Erik! *Grabs Raoul and runs for it*
Erik: …This isn't what I meant!
*Ten minutes later*
Christine: *Sitting in the theatre room with Raoul and Ian watching Brady kill zombies* I wonder how the pancakes are coming?
Distant explosion: BOOOM!
Brady: I think that just answered your question. *Runs upstairs followed by the rest of the group*
Ian: Oh my God.
Erik: *Standing in front of the stove, which is smoking slightly, and looking as though he just walked out of a cartoon explosion* What just happened?
Christine: I think our pancakes exploded.
Brady: Let's just throw these away and watch some TV, alright?
Erik, Raoul and Christine: Okay. *They proceed to follow Brady's instructions, then go back downstairs and watch TV*
*One hour later*
Me: *Just getting up and still in my pyjamas* Hey guys! *Notices Raoul covered in bird poop with a bald spot, Christine covered in eggs and Erik covered in explosion dust* Umm, what did I miss?
Erik: Trust me, you don't want to know.
Me: He's right. I didn't want to know. You guys are all grounded.
Erik: Does this mean we don't have to go on the phangirl trip?
Me: No, you're still coming.
Erik: Aww.
Me: Speaking of the phangirl trip, this time I overestimated the date.
Erik: So just to me clear, the phangirl get-together for the Wisconsin Dells is no longer accepting applications.
Me: We'll be going on the 21st, and I'll announce the next location after the Dells. You have until then to vote!
Christine: And don't forget to review!
