Me: Hey people! Welcome to chapter twelve!

Erik: We'll keep this short. Just look at the bottom author's note for any and all news updates.

Disclaimer: Do I look like Andrew Lloyd Webber? Geez, I hope not. I'm a fourteen year old girl! A fourteen year old girl who doesn't own 'Phantom of the Opera'.


Erik: Meeegggaaan. Meeeeeeegggaaaaaan. Are you awake?

Me: *Throws a pillow at Erik*

Erik: I'll take that as a no. *Leaves* Well, what are we going to do now?

Christine: *Who had been waiting outside the door with Raoul* I don't know. Hey, didn't I see a birdcage in the other room?

Erik: I think so.

Christine: So obviously our only option is to go check it out! *Grabs Raoul and runs*

Erik: Well this can only lead to disaster and hilarity. *Follows*

Christine: Ooooh, look at the pretty birdie.

Brady: That's Blaze. He's a Quaker parrot.

Christine: Cool!

Ian: He's evil.

Raoul: Where did you two come from?

Brady: We were playing video games, but we thought following you guys around would be more entertaining.

Christine: *Takes Blaze out of his cage* Aaaawwww, hi birdie! Who's a pretty bird?

Blaze: *Bites Christine's finger*

Christine: OH MY GOD GET THIS THING OFF ME! *Shakes her hand wildly and Blaze flies onto Raoul's head*

Raoul: GET THE BIRD OUT OF MY HAIR!

Erik: *Stars whacking Raoul's head with a plastic sword and Blaze flies away*

Brady: AFTER HIM!

Ian: CATCH THAT BIRD!

Raoul: Th-thanks Erik.

Erik: Oh, I wasn't trying to get the bird off your head. I just wanted to hit you!

Raoul: I should have guessed.

Brady: YO! FICTIONAL CHARACTERS! GET YOUR ARSES UP HERE AND HELP US CATCH THIS BIRD!

Christine: Coming! *They run upstairs to find Blaze sitting on a light fixture*

Erik: Well this isn't good.

Christine: No shit, Sherlock.

Blaze: Chirp!

Ian: Uh, guys? How are we gonna get the bird off the ceiling?

Erik: I don't know.

Blaze: *Randomly attacks Raoul's hair*

Raoul: NOT AGAIN! GET IT OFF GET IT OFF GET IT OOOOOOOFFF!

Erik: *Starts beating Raoul with a large spoon*

Raoul: YOU ARE NOT HELPING!

Erik: Do you think I care?

Blaze: *Flies back on to the ceiling*

Brady: Well, now what?

Christine: Maybe we can just throw stuff at him until he comes down.

Brady: Somehow, I don't think that's a good idea.

Blaze: *Once again decides that Raoul's hair will make a perfect nest*

Raoul: THIS IS STARTING TO GET OLD!

Erik: I don't know. I'm still enjoying it.

Raoul: GET IT OFF OF MEEEEEEE!

Blaze: *Flies away and takes a chunk of Raoul's hair with him* CHIRP!

Raoul: MY HAIR!

Erik: That was particularly amusing. I think he drew blood.

Raoul: OH MY GOD! I'M BLEEEEEDIIING!

Christine: Now what are we going to do?

Ian: I think I have an idea.

Erik: What?

Ian: Well, the bird likes the fop's hair…

Raoul: *Still rubbing his newly-acquired bald spot* Oh, you THINK?

Christine: Geez, when did you get so sarcastic?

Raoul: I don't know, but I think I owe Megan money.

Ian: So all we have to do is use him to lure Blaze down and we can get him back to his cage!

Raoul: What?

Brady: Ralph, you are going to be bird bait.

Raoul: *Drops to his knees* WHYYYYYY? WHY MUST THE WORLD BE SO CRUUUUUEL?

Erik: You know, I'm surprised we haven't woken up Megan with all our shouting.

Brady: Just stand here and wait for Blaze to land on your head.

Raoul: But I don't want Blaze to land on my head.

Brady: Too bad.

Blaze: Chirp! *This is an evil chirp. Blaze is an evil bird who enjoys biting things. And people. Especially people*

Raoul: Here birdie birdie birdie. D-don't you want to land in my hair? (Please no.)

Blaze: *Fat chance buddy* SQUAUK! *Dive bombs Raoul*

Raoul: EEEEEEEKK!

Brady: QUICK! RUN TO THE CAGE!

Raoul: EEEEEEEEEE! *Runs downstairs*

Ian: Stick your head in the cage! In the cage!

Raoul: *Follows Ian's orders and Blaze jumps off*

Blaze: Chirp!

Brady: Shut the door, shut the door!

Erik: With pleasure. *Slams cage door*

Brady: Great job. But how are we going to get Ralph out of the cage?

Raoul: *Sitting in the cage* I think the bird pooped on me! Eeeeeeeeww!

Erik: Why should I let him out? We could just keep him in there and laugh at his misfortune!

Brady: There's an idea…

Christine: *Sigh* You guy's need lives. *Opens cage and Raoul falls out*

Raoul: Thank you thank you thank you! *Hugs Christine*

Christine: Erg, how about you wash the bird poop off you first.

Raoul: Sorry.

Erik: So what should we do now?

Brady: I'm gonna go play more video games.

Ian: Me too.

Erik: Well, I guess their time is up. What are we going to do in the meantime?

Christine: Let's cook breakfast!

Erik: Why?

Christine: Because I'm hungry.

Raoul: That is a perfectly reasonable explanation for attempting to use modern cooking equipment with no one to help us. Let's go.

*Our trio head back to the kitchen. Now you know, and I know, that this can't end well. Let's see how long it takes for our friends Christine, Raoul and Erik to figure it out!*

Erik: This can't end well.

*Three seconds for Erik. I'm impressed*

Christine: Quit being a Debbie Downer. Raoul, can you look in the fridge for some eggs?

Raoul: Sure! *Opens fridge* I can't find them!

Erik: You are looking in the freezer. The fridge is the door on the other side.

Raoul: I knew that. *Opens the real fridge* Megan's fridge is easier to understand.

Erik: You need things easier to understand, don't you?

Raoul: Umm, noooYES! I mean, no? Yes? WHAT IS THE RIGHT ANSWER?

Erik: …I think I broke him.

Christine: Erik, can you help me with the stove?

Erik: Sure. What do you need?

Christine: I'm not sure what temperature to set it to.

Erik: Umm, just turn it up I guess.

Christine: Thanks! *This is gonna be fuu-uun!*

Raoul: I have the eggs! *Trips on a polar bear/great Pyrenees sitting in the middle of the floor* YAAARG!

Eggs: SPLAT!

Christine: EEEEWWW! MY DRESS! *Three guesses where the eggs landed, and the first two don't count*

Erik: Christine! *Smacks Raoul* Stupid fop!

Raoul: Ow! *Grumbles* Stupid polar bear.

Christine: I have egg in my haaaiiir!

Erik: If it makes you feel better, I hear egg is good for your hair!

Christine: That doesn't make me feel better.

Erik: And I'm shutting up.

Raoul: What are we making anyway?

Christine: Pancakes. Go get me some more eggs. And this time, watch for polar bears.

Raoul: Sure! *Gets more eggs*

Christine: Great! Let's put the batter on the stove! Erik, get me a pan, would you?

Erik: With pleasure, Mon ange! *Pulls out a pan and puts it on the stove*

Christine: Thanks! *Pours batter into pan* Lets wait until the pancakes are done!

Erik: Shouldn't we watch them?

Christine: You're right… thanks for offering Erik! *Grabs Raoul and runs for it*

Erik: …This isn't what I meant!

*Ten minutes later*

Christine: *Sitting in the theatre room with Raoul and Ian watching Brady kill zombies* I wonder how the pancakes are coming?

Distant explosion: BOOOM!

Brady: I think that just answered your question. *Runs upstairs followed by the rest of the group*

Ian: Oh my God.

Erik: *Standing in front of the stove, which is smoking slightly, and looking as though he just walked out of a cartoon explosion* What just happened?

Christine: I think our pancakes exploded.

Brady: Let's just throw these away and watch some TV, alright?

Erik, Raoul and Christine: Okay. *They proceed to follow Brady's instructions, then go back downstairs and watch TV*

*One hour later*

Me: *Just getting up and still in my pyjamas* Hey guys! *Notices Raoul covered in bird poop with a bald spot, Christine covered in eggs and Erik covered in explosion dust* Umm, what did I miss?

Erik: Trust me, you don't want to know.


Me: He's right. I didn't want to know. You guys are all grounded.

Erik: Does this mean we don't have to go on the phangirl trip?

Me: No, you're still coming.

Erik: Aww.

Me: Speaking of the phangirl trip, this time I overestimated the date.

Erik: So just to me clear, the phangirl get-together for the Wisconsin Dells is no longer accepting applications.

Me: We'll be going on the 21st, and I'll announce the next location after the Dells. You have until then to vote!

Christine: And don't forget to review!