Chapter 10

When it rains, it pours.

That should be the tagline for her life since meeting Darcy. The series of ups and downs that she'd been on with him (and then without him) were more than enough to drive her crazy and yet, she'd managed to hold it together. For the most part.

Hearing what he'd done for Jane and Charles – that was an up. Kissing him only to realize that she hadn't gotten over her feelings for him – a down. Learning how he had helped Lydia turn her situation around, made it feasible for her to leave a man who was breaking her heart – up. Coming back to hear Darcy on the phone with someone who he obviously cared about, in all reality, probably his new girlfriend – down. It should have been time for an 'up', but instead, Beth walked down the hall to Jane's room, knocked on the door, only to watch it open in slow motion and be greeted by Caroline's coldly smiling face, all dressed and dolled-up, looking undeniably spectacular.

Definite down.

She stared in shock at the woman who was responsible for several unfortunate circumstances in her life, not the least of which was the partial role she played – encouraged – in allowing Darcy to break her heart.

"Hi, Beth," Caroline exclaimed, the deceptive smile on her face only growing larger. "It's so good to see you." She barely moved from the doorway, forcing Beth to shimmy her way into the room.

"Hi, Caroline," was all she could manage to respond with as she entered the room that was thankfully filled with the rest of her sisters, her mother, and Mrs. Bingley. She tried to quickly make her way towards Jane and away from Caroline, but she didn't move fast enough.

"How have you been?" Caroline asked with a smirk, continuing without a pause for Beth to answer. "I was just talking to your mother that you're in Boston now; that's quite a change of pace from here – and so sudden, too! I was wondering what had happened after my show when I was contacted by Mr. Gardiner that he would be taking over any future needs that I might have."

Beth seethed, knowing full-well that Caroline knew exactly why she had left and knew the role she had played in it. She took a deep breath. No, you cannot punch Jane's future sister-in-law on the day of her wedding. No. You. Cannot.

"Yes, I'm really enjoying Boston," Beth finally replied with a sickeningly sweet tone.

"Caroline, stop interrogating her," Mrs. Bingley said coldly to her daughter, the tension between them intensifying; clearly their relationship had only become more strained after she'd left. Before either could say anything more, Mrs. Bennet rescued the quickly declining situation.

"Beth! Finally, you are here," Irene exclaimed from further into the suite. "It's your turn for hair and make-up; they have been waiting." For once, Beth didn't mind the public scolding since it came with the welcome ticket to escape Caroline's toxic presence.

"Sorry," she mumbled, both as a response to her mother and to Caroline as she practically ran toward where the stylists were set up.

"Hey," Jane said as Beth approached her, mouthing 'sorry' as she got closer; Jane was sitting in the chair next to the one Beth was instructed to take, getting her hair done. She reached out to squeeze Beth's hand, the look in her eyes indicating that she saw the confrontation with Caroline and desperately wanted to intervene if only she hadn't been tethered to an eyebrow curler.

"Hey, sorry for being late. I got distracted eating breakfast," Beth gave her best attempt at a smile; she could not worry Jane today.

"Oh, it's fine," Jane assured her. "They just finished with Lydia, so I don't know who mom was talking about when she said that they've been waiting for you."

"Probably just herself," Beth grumbled as the hair stylist, Liz, introduced herself and asked how she wanted her hair done. "Jane, how should I have my hair done?" Honestly, it was the last thing she wanted to make a decision on right now; she did not care.

"How about a low bun with some wisps down by your face?" Jane suggested, her eyes closed as the makeup artist began to apply eyeshadow onto her lids.

"Sure," Beth shrugged. She stared at the mirror in front of her, even though she wasn't paying any attention to what was being done to her hair; she was just trying to block out everything around her as Liz went to work on her messy, boring-brown mane. Jane tried to make small-talk over the next few minutes until the makeup artist, Nicole, began to apply her lipstick and she was forced to keep her lips still.

Jane was finished after that, which meant that her seat in the chair was replaced with Kat – the only other person there, aside from Beth, who still needed make-up done. Kat, annoyed that she'd been pulled away from the conversation with her mother and Caroline, desperately tried to continue to listen and interject from halfway across the room. It was annoying, but it was better than trying to have to talk to her youngest sister who seemed intent on following in old Lydia's footsteps.

Thankfully, it only lasted a few minutes before it was time for Jane to get into her dress. The sight of which bringing back the vivid memories of that day at Kleinfelds, the argument with Darcy, Jane looking stunning in her dress, and Caroline trying to pry information out of her; not much had changed. The joy on Jane's face as she stepped into her gown, now perfectly fitted to her form, outweighed the heavy sadness on Beth's mind, and she smiled in happiness for her sister, watching as both mothers helped fasten the dress and arrange her veil.

"Last, but not least," the make-up artist said with a smile urging Beth to move over into her chair. "Any thoughts on how you want to look?"

Can you do 'invisible'? That would be great.

Beth bit the side of her cheek to prevent the self-deprecating smile from spreading over her face. "Just something natural is fine," she responded quietly instead. The upside about having her makeup done? Being told to close her eyes…until closing them brought Darcy's face to her mind.

Why was he helping her family? Was it really out of guilt for how he had treated her? Why couldn't he just apologize to her?

Not that she would forgive him; for his outburst, maybe, but not for sleeping with Caroline the very same night.

"Beth, can you open your eyes and look up for me?" Nicole's voice exited the image of Darcy's face and Beth's eyes shot open.

"Sorry," she mumbled.

Nicole laughed. "It's ok, I thought you'd fallen asleep or something; how anyone would be able to do that in this noise is beyond me."

Beth managed a weak smile, doing as she asked. Looking up put the clock on the wall into focus; it was almost one fifteen. Forty-five minutes. That was how long she had until she had to see, to touch, to talk to Darcy again. It was also how long ago Col's plane had landed, which meant he was probably in a car on his way here now. A wave of relief spread over her, knowing she would have his constant support soon, and for the night.

Shit.

He'd probably texted her. As soon as Nicole turned to look through her lip-gloss shades, Beth reached into the waistband of her yoga pants and pulled out her phone; she must have completely missed the vibrations from his messages.

11:00 - Just boarded. Can't wait to see you!

12:32 - Just landed!

12:35 - I'm sure you're just busy, but is everything ok? Haven't heard from you…

12:47 - Just got in the car. Hope you are still expecting McDreamy as your date.

Beth groaned. He'd referred to himself as 'McDreamy', which meant he was worried there was something wrong. Crap. She hastily typed back to him.

~ omg I'm so sorry. It's been a crazy morning…hair…makeup…can't wait to see you, too!

She partially regretted her words the moment she sent them; she was excited to see him, but probably not in the way that he was excited to see her. If her confrontation with Darcy had shown her anything, it was that she clearly hadn't resolved the feelings that she had for him.

Maybe it was time that she stopped running and let her heart finally finish breaking. Maybe then she could feel something for someone like Col who was only trying to help piece it back together again.

"Beth!" her mother yelled, snapping her fingers in front of her face. "Where's your dress? You need to get dressed! We need to leave in fifteen minutes." Irene was in full-on frantic mode, trying to get everyone organized and ready even though it seemed like most everyone was.

"I'm going. It's in my room. I'll meet you at the limo," Beth said quickly, brushing past her mother's shocked and reddening face before she could be scolded any more for not bringing her dress to change into here.

Closing the door behind her, she breathed in the silence of the hall, before hurrying back to her room; she'd wanted to change alone, but she also didn't want to hold everyone up. She tossed on her dress, doing a double-take as she passed by the mirror, not used to seeing her hair and make-up especially while wearing a fancy dress. These few months had done a lot to remove the frequency of galas, balls, and parties from her memory.

Her makeup wasn't overdone – a gentle neutral gold around her eyes, but enough foundation to conceal the dark circles beneath them. Her hair was just what Jane had briefly described. Pulled back in a low, curled mass, with wisps of waves framing the sides of her face, softening the sadness that seemed to linger there. It flowed with the style of the dress – a comfortable chiffon, not too low or too form-fitting; she looked nice. Not sexy or evocative, just nice.

Good.

She'd unknowingly evoked enough in the past few days; now, she just wanted to blend in and resolve the tumultuous emotions that circled inside of her. Beth shook her head, the time-crunch breaking her trace. She hastily grabbed her clutch, shoving her phone inside the handy, concealed pocket in the dress, and darted out the door.

Leaving her room should have been like crossing the street – where you look both ways before stepping away from the safety of the sidewalk. Instead, Beth liked to rush headfirst into oncoming traffic…or, in this case, Mr. Darcy.

He was also leaving his room, closing his door just as she hurriedly stepped out of hers. By the time she spun around and realized his presence, he was already staring at her with that same hunger melting through his gaze.

"Darcy," she gasped softly.

He cleared his throat before he found himself able to speak. "Beth…" They stood in silence; their eyes locked, remembering their last encounter. "You look beautiful," he said hoarsely. His eyes left hers as his hand came up to rub his temples. He hadn't wanted to say that, but he'd been unable to stop the words from coming out of his mouth, their truth needing to be free.

Beth felt her face flush. "I…ahh…I have to go," she mumbled, awkwardly turning to start down the hall.

"Shit, I'm sorry, Beth," his words soft, yet frustrated. "I didn't mean… I would really like to talk to you. Please."

The plea in his voice had her stop and turn, seeing the hurt etched across his face and knowing that it was reflecting her own.

"I… um… ok. Maybe. I just… I have to go now," she conceded, hating herself for still wanting him and wanting to give in to him yet, maybe just a discussion – a good one, could just put their past behind them, and allow her to move on.

His small nod of acknowledgment set her free and she swiftly continued down the hall to the stairs to the lobby, meeting a waiting limo and an annoyed mother inside of it.

"Beth," Irene huffed, "I was about to tell them to leave without you; we cannot be late!"

Beth just nodded; there was no point in arguing that she'd climbed into the car at exactly one thirty – the time when they were scheduled to leave.

~ Just leaving to go to Blue Hill, she texted Col.

- Dang! I'm about five minutes away from the hotel. Just have to change and then I'll be over. Don't trip down the aisle ;)

Beth laughed, excited for the comfortableness of his presence; he was the eye, the calm, in the center of this storm.

~ Very funny! As long as you don't trip me, I think I'll be just fine.

- Well, it depends, if I trip you does that mean I get to catch you? ;)

Her breath caught; the first thought that ran through her head was 'what if I've already fallen?' It was the fear buried deep down inside of her. What if she had already fallen? And not for him?

She clicked off her phone, unable to answer as she chewed on her lip, trying to decide how justified that fear truly was. She had all these questions for Darcy, things that she'd tried to convince herself no longer mattered and no longer should play a role in her life, but instead of allowing her to move on, those questions had become a weight tethering her to her past with him. Regardless of how much she physically desired him, maybe Jane was right, maybe it was time to just put everything out in the open.

Her heart had been broken, and these past four months all she'd focused on was trying to manage the symptoms; it was like she'd been shot in the chest, and instead of getting the bullet out and letting everything heal, she'd put a Band-Aid over the wound and tried to just stop it from bleeding. Sometimes, no matter how much you want to, you can't force yourself to stop caring about something…or someone.

Who knows? Maybe her desire for him was only so potent because she felt that a physical connection to him was the only way to reach him. Or maybe she was just trying to justify that desire, and her need to be with him, by thinking that talking about it would her sever whatever remained between them.

Beth shook her head as the limo pulled up to a stop in front of the venue, the bridal party beginning to unload.

It didn't matter. For her to move on, whether alone or with Col, she had to dig in her heels, prepare for the searing pain of reliving her past, and finally dig out the bullet of betrayal that was so deeply embedded inside of her – otherwise she would always be tied to him.

Lydia brought her back to her immediate surroundings by linking her arm with Beth's, maybe for moral support or maybe just because her feet were really hurting and having someone to lean on helped.

They followed the trail of pale teal into the building behind the courtyard. Glancing over at the setup, she saw that the musicians were there and tuning their instruments, the photographer and videographer seemed to be conversing about something involve the aisle, probably coordinating their shots. When the photographer saw them arrive, he broke from the conversation and proceeded to follow them inside the building for more posed portraits now that everyone was dressed and ready.

Beth, not too dissimilarly from Lydia, posed where she was told, smiled when she was told, only truly enjoying the few moments she had with Jane as they took photos together.

"You're not upset by what I told you this morning, are you?" Lydia questioned her quietly as their other sisters took turns posing with Jane.

"No, I mean, certainly not upset with you," Beth answered, then paused to think about the question. "No, I'm not upset. Of course, I'm grateful that he helped you, I just want to understand why – aside from the obvious reasons, I mean."

Lydia nodded. "Well, he didn't tell me that, unfortunately, but if you want my opinion…I think you might already know why; I think his reason was no different than the first time he saved me."

Beth's eyes darted to her sister; Lydia didn't know, couldn't know everything that had happened between her and Darcy. She could only know barely the surface. Why would Lydia suggest that he did these things because he loved her? Because that was his reason the first time.

"I'm sorry, Lyd, you just don't know…" she broke off. "It's not possible, after what happened between us. He left me, he left and chose someone else." There wasn't any reason to keep it from her; she couldn't explain why Lydia was wrong otherwise.

Lydia's brow furrowed in sympathy for her sister. "I see," she replied, realizing that sympathy was the last thing Beth needed right now; it was past the time for that. "Every day since I left George, I wake up and wash my face, and the first thing I notice is my broken heart; the sadness suffusing from me. It was what I saw on your face yesterday when we were here. And it is what I saw on Darcy's face when he asked me about you." The look on Lydia's face said that the firmly believed in what she thought she had seen, no matter what Beth would say to the contrary.

"He asked about me? What did he want to know?"

"Who asked about you, Beth?" Caroline's sickeningly sweet voice oozed into their conversation; they'd been so deep in their conversation that they hadn't notice her approach them after Caroline had finished her photos with the bride and her mother.

Beth turned her head, meeting Caroline's eyes with a cool confidence. "No one," she responded, returning Caroline's smile tightly. Lydia just stood silently to her side, probably completely unaware of the silent battle that was waging between the two of them.

"You look tired, Beth," Caroline pressed on, completely ignoring Beth's first attempt to shut her down. "Is everything ok? You really don't look well. Old flames can do that to you." Her phony sigh punctuating the loaded statement.

Beth felt anger burn through her, wanting to smack the smug look off of Caroline's face – a look that taunted Beth that she had lost. Why purpose it could possibly serve now was beyond her. If she had won, if Darcy had chosen her, why would she care about Beth? Why would Caroline bother harassing her?

"Time to line up everyone! We need to head outside!" Mrs. Bennet's shrill voice rang out through the room, but the noise didn't break the stare between Beth and Caroline. Lydia grabbed her arm and pulled her towards the door at the other end of the room that would lead them out the other side of the building to where the bridal party had been instructed to assemble; the strong tug forcing Beth out of Caroline's presence for now.

As they walked through the narrow hallway, Beth tried to look out the lightly tinted windows into the courtyard where guests were gathered in their seats, the string quartet playing, waiting for the processional to begin. She tried to look for Colin, and thought she finally spotted his dark, wavy hair just before the end of the window cut off her sight.

The groomsmen were lined up and waiting as the women exited the building. Beth's step faltered as her eyes found Darcy's, standing and waiting for her to take her place beside him; his face far too handsome to be looking so grim, especially for a wedding, however, there was a faint spark of hope that shone bright in his eyes. Could it really be because of her? She broke her gaze from his; she couldn't afford to believe Lydia, not now. Jane, on the other hand, knew (mostly) the whole story, which meant her advice to at least talk to Darcy about what happened, for her own sake, was valid. Yes, Lydia had completely changed since Beth last saw her – a complete one-hundred-eighty degree turn of personality and priorities, and yes, she seemed to gained a measure of wisdom and maturity that Beth would have previously thought impossible for her. But, it wasn't enough to allow Beth to trust her instincts about Darcy; Lydia barely knew him.

She had loved him and even she had been completely wrong.

Beth stepped beside the imposingly impressive man who had invaded her thoughts, looking up at him from underneath her lids.

"Are you ready? You look a little flushed," he asked her quietly. "Don't worry, everything is going to go smoothly." A small smile accompanying his uncharacteristic gesture of support.

Beth took a deep breath. She was fine; she was ready. She placed her hand on his arm, unsuccessfully controlling the shiver that ran through her body, the slight contact beginning to heat every cell inside of her, wanting more. His eyes widened slightly at her reaction, the hope in them intensifying slightly, unsure if he'd misread her reaction of anxiety as desire. Before she had a chance to assure him that she was, at least, ready, his head jerked to the side to look at who had placed their hand on his other arm.

"It's so good to see you, Darcy." The syrupy smoothness of Caroline's voice flowed over her like lava, burning every pore with disgust.

Beth felt Darcy's entire body tense underneath her hand, his muscles taut with what looked like anger written on his face. Her brow creased, confused by what was going on. Hadn't he gotten back together with Caroline? Yes, Jane had insisted that they weren't together, that Caro was being funded by Mrs. DeBourgh, but Beth could only trust what she had seen with her own two eyes.

"Caroline," Darcy ground out, his tone barely civil.

"Oh, don't give me that attitude," she continued, silkily, leaning into him, brushing her chest against the outside of his arm. "I'll see you later and give you something to smile about." And then, she had the nerve to wink at Beth before walking further up to take her place in line.

Beth felt like her face was beet-red after watching their interaction, her breathing labored in confusion, wishing she hadn't seen it or heard anything that Caroline had said; it brought so many thoughts – real and imagined – into her mind that made her want to vomit.

Darcy's arm was still tense, to the point of vibrating, underneath her hand. Why was he angry? Maybe their relationship was still a secret. Maybe he didn't want her to approach him so publicly…like it had been the last time they were a couple. Beth groaned, the thought still painful to her.

"I'm sorry about that…about her, Beth," he whispered as the Bingley's made their way down the aisle, commencing the procession.

Two more couples from the bridal party made it down the aisle before Beth could find the ability to respond. "Don't…don't be sorry," she said, forcing a smile, as the came up to the edge of the building prepared to be the next to walk down the aisle. "Don't be sorry for wanting her."

His head turned sharply towards her, shock shining in his eyes. "What…" he began, but it was their turn to walk. His expression became pained as one foot moved in front of the other carrying them out from behind the building and into the sight of the guests.

Her eyes were now focused ahead, only in her periphery could she see how tightly his jaw was clenched trying to hold back from speaking. They were only a few steps away from the start of the rows of chairs, Beth beginning to look for Colin in the crowd, when she heard the hard, harsh, yet almost imperceptible whisper from the man beside her.

"I never wanted her."

Her breath caught, her vision blurring at the implications of his words just as she managed to catch Col's eyes, and smiling face, in the crowd. She stumbled slightly on the length of her dress, barely noticeable because she was able to grip more firmly onto Darcy's arm; turning her gaze forward, trying to keep the smile on her face from turning into shock.

Suddenly, she was watching her father, teary-eyed with happiness, give Jane a kiss on her cheek and give her away to Charles. Blinking a few times, she realized that she'd completely missed the rest of their walk down the aisle, Jane's entrance and procession. Nausea rolling through her as Darcy's words crashed over her in wave after repetitive wave.

I never wanted her.

The music ended and the preacher began to welcome everyone to the ceremony. Beth tried to direct her focus onto her sister, and keep it away from the man standing on the other side of the aisle whose gaze remained solely and intensely grounded on her. The urge to meet it burned through her, tortuously tempting her to him – a trap she'd willingly tumbled into so many times in the past. Unable to take the heat of his stare any longer, she turned her eyes out toward the guests, searching for Colin, her lifeline, in the crowd. It took her a minute to remember where she'd seen him sitting.

She found his concerned face, realizing that he, too, had been watching her, only she hadn't felt his stare; for some reason, her body only resonated under Darcy's eyes. He'd watched her as she walked down the aisle, and seeing her every day over the past four months, most of those days beset by hurt and sadness, he could see that something had upset her.

She gave him a small smile to try and comfort him; the last thing she wanted was him to worry about her. Her attempt worked – his face lit and Col mouthed, 'I saw you trip,' a huge grin spreading across his face, one that she couldn't help but return in equal measure. She quickly mouthed 'jerk' back to him, biting her lip to keep a laugh from escaping. That's when she noticed a few of the other wedding guests looking at her and then over to Col's general area.

Beth went to turn her head back to focus on Jane and Charles exchanging their vows, but it was halted as her eyes inadvertently caught Darcy's. She should have been more careful. Where hope had been present before, now only sadness and pain resided, the faint hint of possessiveness tainted his every feature.

He'd been watching her too, just now – her and Col.

She swallowed over the lump in her throat. Hadn't Charles told him she was bringing a date? He probably hadn't realized that it was Colin; he'd been jealous of Pat before and now she'd brought his brother to Jane's wedding. She knew the conclusion he would draw – it was the same conclusion that Col had drawn when she'd invited him; and she wasn't sure that either of them were correct in their assumption. They both made more out of it than she felt and she didn't know how to gently tone down Col's expectations let alone explain all of this to Darcy.

He doesn't deserve an explanation.

"I now pronounce you husband and wife," the minister boomed in the background, almost completely unnoticed by Beth.

She pursed her lips in frustration – only for a second before the clapping and cheers reminded her of celebration going on around her and she quickly searched out a happy smile for Jane and slapped it onto her face as Charles leaned down to kiss his new bride.

The walk back down the aisle was much different than the walk up it. From the outside, she was sure nothing would have appeared off; on the inside though, something had changed. Even though she was holding on to him, he was distant; his face devoid of emotion, barely a smile gracing it just to appease the photographer and the wedding guests cheering them on as they passed by.

Funny how months ago she'd dreamt of this walk down the aisle – only she'd been the one wearing white, not Jane, and the man she'd been holding onto didn't feel like he was trying to get as far away from her as possible.

When they finally cleared the guests, Darcy went to pull away from her, and her fingers tightened on his arm.

"Darcy," she said, stunned by need to comfort him. "We'll talk later?" she asked him quietly as they approached the rest of the gathered party – including Caroline, who was watching them through narrowed eyes.

His mouth tightened and he gave her a slight nod, almost in resignation, before his arm slipped away from her and he turned to congratulate Charles.

She watched him go, her tongue burning to call his name and say 'I never wanted him. I never wanted Colin.' But, he was already gone.

Beth turned and found herself in the warm embrace of the new, Mrs. Charles Bingley, hoping that the love and happiness of her sister was contagious.

"Congratulations, Jane! I love you," she whispered in her sister's ear, grateful that such extreme happiness was also a reason to cry; whether it was her reason for the tears cascading down her face was another story.