Raven – So, you and Lexa have been talking a lot recently. ;)

Clarke – And?

Raven – And I wanna hear all the details!

Clarke – There aren't any details to tell, Raven, we talk a lot. So what? We're friends.

Raven – Mmhmm, and that's the first thought I have when Lexa starts giggling at her phone like she's in fucking second grade. _

Clarke – What do you want from me, Rae?

Raven – Just admit that you like her!

Clarke's eyes widened incredibly – sure, that's about what she expected Raven was thinking, but she didn't expect her to just say it. And it really wasn't a good time either, the blonde was sitting at her usual lunch table, waiting for Octavia to show up. She couldn't be having this conversation right now.

Clarke – What makes you think that I like her?

Raven – Uh, the fact that you DO! Come on, I won't tell her, cross my heart and hope to fucking die! Just admit it! I can't take it anymore D:

Clarke – You're being ridiculous Raven. I haven't even known her for that long.

Raven – You mean that it takes you more than a month before you start being able to tell that you like someone?

Raven – Look, blondie, I know that this is new for you, but if you like Lexa, you should tell her.

Clarke – Yeah, and then what? It's not like we're next door neighbors, Raven.

Raven – No, but you guys get to meet in less than two week! Hello! Major opportunity! If you guys don't get together before then, you're missing a huge sex-opp.

Clarke – RAVEN

Clarke – I AM AT SCHOOL

Clarke – YOU CAN'T SEND ME SHIT LIKE THAT

"Why is your face all red? Who are you texting?"

Clarke looked up quickly to see Octavia's hazel eyes looking at her with confusion. "Nothing, no one. Um. Yeah, nothing."

"Okay, sure, except I don't buy that for a second." Octavia sat down across from the blonde. "What on earth is up with you, Clarke? You've been getting weirder and weirder the past few weeks, and I can't tell if it's a good thing or a bad thing. At first you were getting more and more closed off, and then you started to be open again and even up to trying new things despite the shit I put you through with like, the Valentine's date any everything. But now I've caught you 'recording videos for your mom' and 'texting nothing.'" She used air quotes for emphasis, and Clarke exhaled slowly. "And you were busy all weekend – what was up with that? We need to be planning for spring break."

"Yeah, I just wasn't feeling up to hanging out, I'm sorry. I was really stressing about something."

"About what?" Octavia asked, and for the first time, Clarke realized how helpless her best friend sounded. She was completely unable to read into Clarke's thoughts, left utterly in the dark. "Clarke, you can tell me anything, you know? Seriously."

"I know, Octavia, but it's not a big deal." Clarke bit down on her tongue for a second. "Let's talk about spring break, yeah?"

"Um, no. We need to talk about this, Clarke. You keep evading whatever it is, and I'm sick of it. If something is wrong, you have to tell me. I'm not going to let you internalize something and let it turn into some deep, dark complex that you can't even talk to your best friend about."

Clarke's foot began tapping the ground restlessly. "Octavia, I really don't want to talk about this."

"Why not? What could possibly be so bad that you don't want to talk to me about it?"

"I need to use the bathroom," Clarke muttered, because it was starting to become apparent that Octavia's raised voice was drawing attention. She wasn't about to come out to Octavia in front of the whole school, so she quickly escaped the table, hearing Octavia's rushed footsteps behind her.

"Clarke!"

The blonde darted down the hall and into the nearest bathroom. She knew that Octavia would be right behind her, so she quickly flung herself into a stall and locked it.

"Clarke Griffin! What the fuck is going on?"

"I don't want to talk about it, Octavia!" Clarke exclaimed, leaning against the wall of the bathroom stall and bringing her hands to her face, covering her eyes. "Please leave me alone."

"Does this have to do with Nathan? Or is it me being a shit friend while I was dating Patrick? What's going on? Do you not want to do spring break?"

"No, I do want to do spring break, and no it doesn't have to do with Nathan or you or anything," Clarke exclaimed. "It has to do with me, and I don't want to talk about it, okay? It's really not a big deal, and I don't want to talk about it with you, Octavia."

The brunette was silent for a few beats – so silent that Clarke actually wondered if she'd somehow been whisked into another dimension. "There it is," her flat voice finally said, "you don't want to talk about it with me."

"Octavia…"

"No, I get it, whatever Clarke. You don't want to tell me, that's fine. Keep it to yourself. Let it tear you up inside. I'm just trying to do my duty as your best friend, but if you don't want me to, that's your choice, I guess. I'll let you be."

"No, O, that isn't what I meant." Clarke heard footsteps, so she quickly unlatched the bathroom stall and pushed the door open. Octavia was gone. "Fuck."

Just as the word slipped out, one of the assistant principals stepped into the bathroom, and look of pure annoyance on her face. "Miss Griffin. If you'll follow me to the front office, please."


"You know, you're lucky it was just a one day suspension, Clarke," Abby growled vehemently. "What were you thinking, causing some big scene, running into a bathroom, slamming doors? And cursing in front of an administrator? Do you expect us to allow you to go to Los Angeles after this?"

Clarke held her head in her hands, squeezing her eyes shut. "Mom, it wasn't like that. Octavia and I were fighting, it just got a little out of hand. I didn't mean to curse in front of anyone."

"But you did Clarke, and I am royally disappointed. When your father gets home, we will discuss the full extent of your punishment."

"Mom."

"No, don't you mom me. I can already hear the other doctors at work asking me what's wrong with you. They talk you know, about the kids at school? Because the kids talk, and everyone saw you run out of that cafeteria."

"And you don't think that's punishment enough?"

Abby sighed. "Look, Clarke, I just think that something is wrong with you. You've been acting out, getting distracted. Your grades even dropped, I looked yesterday."

"Mom, there is a perfectly good explanation for that…"

"Great, I'll hear it later. Right now, go to your room."

"Mom!"

"Your room!"

Giving in, Clarke stood up from the dining room table and began to storm upstairs. Of course this would happen. Of course she would be fighting with her best friend, and now her mother, over problems that were just stupid extensions of this one big fat secret she had hidden. Why couldn't she just tell everyone?

Because she'd become even more of a freak show than she already was.

Because her mother might finally choose to just give up on her entirely.

Because with every new person she ever met, there would be a chance they would hate her on the basis of no more than just her sexuality, and that thought hurt.

In her room, she tossed her book bag onto the floor and was about to throw herself onto her bed when she heard a vibration. Her phone. Biting her lip, she crouched down and dug through the bag until she had the device, and then she locked her door, slipped off her shoes, and climbed into her bed.

She had a few more messages from Raven – those are what the vibrations had come from – but Clarke didn't answer those. Instead, she went over to her snapchat messages with Lexa.

Clarke – I know you're at school and this is probably like the worst timing, like you probably won't even see this message for hours but I just got sent home from school for doing something stupid and now I'm pretty sure I've lost my best friend forever and my mother hates me and I locked myself in my bedroom and I'm never ever leaving because the world fucking sucks.

She hit sent before she even realized how much she'd typed, and when she reread the words she realized that it sounded like it was maybe more extreme than it actually was.

Clarke – I'm sorry I'm just freaking out, it's really probably not that bad but right now it feels awful and the best friend part is true and the mother part is true – actually now that I think about it the only part that was exaggerated is that I won't leave my room because I probably will, though my mom might have to break out the fucking jaws of life or something before I do.

Clarke really wasn't expecting a response, but when she saw that Lexa had just entered the message screen, relief spread through her entire body.

Lexa – What happened?

Clarke – Can I call you?

Clarke – Oh shit, you're at school, of course I can't call you.

Lexa – You can call me, I have lunch for half an hour. I'm outside, don't worry, call me.

Clarke hesitated.

Lexa – Clarke, call me right now.

She gave in, and she hit the live snap button. She considered just doing a voice call, but she wanted to see Lexa – that would probably calm her down the most, honestly. Lexa's face appeared in front of her in moments. "Clarke, what happened?"

"I fucking screwed everything up," Clarke growled, her hand coming up to her hair and dragging through what had become a tangled mess of blonde strands. "I should've made some shit up or something."

"What are you talking about?"

"I was messaging Raven earlier and she made some offhand comment about you and me –"

"Wait, what?"

"Never mind, it doesn't matter. I just… I blushed, and Octavia came up and asked why I was blushing and I had no answer so I said nothing and she started going off about how I've been weird lately and she wanted me to talk to her about it but I freaked out and ran out of the fucking cafeteria and into a bathroom and we were basically screaming at each other there and then I said something stupid about how I didn't want to talk about it with Octavia and she got all mad and literally left me there, and of course the one time I let the f-bomb drop at school is when the assistant principal comes into the bathroom to see what the big deal was, and I got a one day suspension from school which is like, super scandalous at my fucking private school and now everyone at school thinks I'm a freak show, including my best friend, and my mother is plotting my punishment which will probably include cancelation of any and all plans I could've ever made for the next year and taking away my right to do absolutely anything at all."

"Okay, babe, you need to take a breath," Lexa said, once Clarke finally had to stop talking due to lack of oxygen. "Seriously, Clarke, breathe."

"I fucked up, Lexa."

"You literally did something that any normal person would do when they don't know what to do, okay? You're not a freak show, and you didn't fuck everything up. It might feel that way, but that doesn't mean you actually did. Give it a few days. Octavia will come around if she really is your best friend. And you always have me, okay? You can call me whenever. I will always answer."

For the first time since all the drama started earlier, though it was probably overdue, tears began leaking from Clarke's eyes. "Fuck, how is it that you are the only person capable of understanding me?"

"I like to think that over the past month, I've become a Clarke expert," Lexa said lightly, and Clarke smiled despite herself. "Hey, look… I don't want to make you feel any worse right now than you already do, but if you want my genuine advice… do you?"

Clarke nodded.

"Okay, then yeah… I'd say that you might need to come out to Octavia. Nobody else, but she is your best friend, and she knows you well enough to know that you're hiding something from her. She's going to keep on loving you, Clarke, because you're amazing, and she would be absolutely ridiculous to abandon you over something like that."

Clarke wiped at her face with her right hand, clutching her phone with the other. "What if she won't talk to me?"

"You make her talk to you," Lexa said softly. "Personally, just the sound of your voice would make me want to talk to you."

Redness rushed to the blonde's pale cheeks. "Yeah well, not everyone is as affected by my particular charm as you are, Lexa."

Lexa bit down on her lower lip, and Clarke felt a sudden heat rush down between her legs, something she was definitely not expecting. "I have trouble believing that, you do have a lot of charm."

"Says only you."

"Well then everyone else is wrong and I am correct."

"What makes you so sure of that?"

"Like I said, I'm a Clarke expert now."

Clarke smiled genuinely at the brunette in her phone screen.

"Hey, can I ask you something? Unrelated to either of the topics we were just talking about."

"Sure, of course. Anything to get my mind off of this shit day."

Lexa nodded slowly, and then she inhaled. "So you said that you were talking to Raven, and she made a comment about… you and me?"

"Oh. Yeah. Um. I didn't really mean to mention that."

"What sort of comment did she make?"

"Just that we… talk a lot. You and I. That we're always talking and that you giggle at my messages."

Lexa's jaw dropped. "I don't giggle." There was a slight crack in the brunette's voice that brought a grin to Clarke's face. "Oh my god, I'm going to kill Raven."

"You might want to kill her more once you hear the rest of what she said."

"Doubt it."

Although it was against Clarke's better and worse judgment, and if she had been thinking more clearly she might've realized that it had the possibility of tearing apart the one good thing she had going for her right now, she decided to just say it. "She told me that if I like you, I should tell you, because if I don't, and we meet during spring break, we'd miss a great opportunity to have sex."

Lexa's jaw dropped, but she didn't look mad – just stunned.

"Conveniently, that's when Octavia walked up and saw my face."

Lexa was silent for another moment, and then she asked, "Do you?"

"Do I what?"

"Like me?"

"What do you mean?"

"Come on, Clarke, we aren't in kindergarten, you know what I mean."

Clarke bit down on her lower lip. "Yeah, I do. I didn't want to say something and make things weird though, if you don't like me too. I've never really liked any girls before, especially not girls I met on the internet and haven't even seen in person, so I don't really know what I'm supposed to be doing."

"You know, the saddest part about this conversation it's not in person, because if it were, I would've been able to kiss you before you even finished that sentence," Lexa breathed out.

"Wait, so you…"

"Like you? Yes, Clarke, and I've been so fucking obvious about it that I'm surprised you didn't either tell me to stop or just give in and tell me that you like me," Lexa said, but again, she didn't sound mad. Right now, she actually sounded mostly relieved. "And I'm in the same boat as you, you know? I've never liked anyone I met online – and well, I kind of thought doing so would be like the worst idea on the face of the planet… but I'm really glad that I met you, and I wouldn't undo it."

"You know, for someone who's always so smooth and cool, you're such a sap," Clarke said with a small chuckle, but then she let a natural smile take over her lips. "Thank you."

There was a sudden knock on Clarke's door that made her jump, but it was actually fairly gentle. "Clarke?" It was her dad – her mother had likely called him and asked him to come home early. "Please unlock the door, I'd like to talk to you."

"I have to go," Clarke said quietly to Lexa, but the last thing she wanted to do was stop talking to the brunette. "I'll message you later."

"You're gonna be okay, Clarke."

"Thanks."

"Clarke?" It was Jake again, and Clarke finally ended the snapchat call and dropped her phone, climbing off of her bed and unlocking the door.

"What?" Her voice was steeled over.

Jake looked at Clarke with a sort of heartbroken look, and for a second, Clarke thought he was going to start talking like her mom. Then, true to Jake-fashion, he stepped into the room, closed the door and said, "I'm not mad at you, kiddo."

"You're not?" Clarke took a few steps back and sat on the edge of her bed, and her dad came to sit next to her.

"No. You've been sending so many clues that something's been up, and we pushed you so hard about school that you didn't feel comfortable telling us what's really going on. But clearly there's something if you've been fighting with your best friend and getting in trouble at school, because I know that's not my Clarke. Something has to be up," Jake said. "And I know you might not want to talk about it, but I really hope you'll tell me what's going on. I can't help you if I don't know what I'm dealing with here, kiddo."

"I don't know if that's a good idea, dad…"

Jake sighed. "Let's start off easy. Why were you and Octavia fighting?"

"Because there's something I don't feel ready to tell her, and she wants to know, but I can't… I can't tell her. And I can't tell you, it's… I just, I can't…"

"You can tell me, sweetie. I'm your number one fan, you know that there's nothing you could tell me that would change that."

Clarke looked at her dad carefully. Something about his gaze told her that maybe he already knew. But how could he? She hadn't really dropped any hints, had she? Other than defending gay people to some limited extent in that one dinner conversation, had she even said anything remoted related to anything LGBT issues around her parents? Still, there was something there. Without much thought to her next words, she heard herself say, "If I tell you, you can't tell mom. You have to wait until I'm ready to tell her."

"Cross my heart, I won't say a word."

"How?" Clarke wondered. "How could you promise that? She's your wife. Isn't it like, your every duty to be honest with her?"

"I love your mother, Clarke, but she's not the most understanding person. And you're my daughter. Sometimes you deserve to be prioritized over her."

Clarke felt warmth spread through her chest, and even though it was possibly not the right thing to do, her instinct was pushing her to tell him. He would be the first one she'd tell outside of the online community – sans Nathan. Even before her best friend – was that bad?

Well, she'd already messed that up anyway.

"I'm bi." As soon as she said it, a major relief spread through her whole body – she felt a tingle in her toes and tension in her shoulders immediately began to unravel itself. She'd said it, out loud and proud, to her father.

His first reaction was a smile, and Clarke knew that she was going to cry tears of joy before they even started to flood her eyes. "Come here, kiddo." He opened his arms, and Clarke just about threw herself into them, burying her face into his shoulder. "Something like that could never change what I think of you, Clarke. You're my daughter, and I'll always love you. And frankly, how could I blame you for liking women? They're pretty awesome."

"Oh my god, dad, don't make this weird," Clarke said with a happy sob, pulling away from the hug. "I'm just… scared to tell people. Mom would hate me."

"I don't think it would be that extreme, but of course, I'll let you decide when you want to tell her. It's your decision when she knows. I won't say a word."

"Thanks, dad."

"Is that the same thing you won't tell Octavia?"

Clarke bit down on her lower lip. "What if she looks at me differently? Like, I know she won't hate me, but what if she thinks it's weird to change in the same room as me? Or sleep in the same bed as me? What if she thinks that I like her? What if it gets weird? She's the best friend I've ever had, and I'm so scared of things changing."

"You know what, kiddo, she might be the best friend you've ever had, but if your friendship changes based on your sexuality, then she isn't the best friend you'll ever have," Jake said with a soft smile. "Plus, the best friend you'll ever have is probably the girl, or guy, you end up with one day anyway."

Nodding, the blonde blushed a little when her thoughts drifted to Lexa. "Can I ask you a question?"

"Of course, Clarke."

"Am I still in trouble? For what happened at school? Mom said she was going to take away my LA trip…"

"I'll talk to your mother. You might not believe it, but your mom has gone through rough patches too, and I think I can reason with her. I don't want to take away your spring break trip. But are you going to be on good terms with Octavia by then?"

Clarke let out a long exhale. "I sure hope so."