Disclaimer: I don't own ER or any of the characters mentioned within, apart from Jamie. Apologies for taking so long to post the next update of this, I'm not even sure if anyone, other than me, is still interested in Ray and Neela stories, but I'm determined to get this finished, even if its only for myself, and hopefully before the grey hair dominates my head.

Chapter 11 – The Mouths of Babes

'Hey Joe, my man, high five,' Morris crouched down, holding up his hand for the small boy to hit, 'who's your new buddy?' He pointed at the brown haired boy beside Joe.

'That's Jamie,' Joe slung his arm over Jamie's shoulder, 'he's not my new buddy, I've known him since he was borned, he's my best friend.'

Neela was highly aware of Ray's proximity to the admit desk, and the conversation between Joe and Archie. The name might not have any significance to the latter but she had a feeling it would to Ray.

Flashback

She'd been on a late shift, had arrived home just after midnight and her head had been so full of stuff that she couldn't imagine going to bed yet. Instead she'd plonked herself on the couch with her laptop, a beer, whilst she kept one eye on the TV. Then Ray had come home from a gig, taken control of the remote control, much to her annoyance, and was flicking the channels, not stopping on anything for more than a minute.

The apartment was silent apart from the TV and the odd knock of glass on the table as one or other of them put their beer bottle back down. Just like any other night.

'What's up?' Neela looked up from the email she was reading to find Ray looking at her.

'Sorry?'

He collapsed onto the couch beside her, picking her feet up from where they encroached on his cushion and laying them across his lap. 'You just smirked at something, like you didn't believe what you were reading.'

His thumb was tracing circles on her anklebone. 'What makes you think that?'

He looked at her as if she was stupid, 'I know you. Its what you do, sort of a snigger mixed with an eye role.'

She was incredulous that he knew her well enough to know that, she wasn't even sure that's what she did. 'Just an email from an old school friend.'

'And? What did she say? Its only fair to share, roomie, you can't keep the funnies all to yourself.' He looked at her, pushing out his bottom lip, and she knew there was no point arguing, he would win.

'It's nothing really, she's had a baby, so I've got half a dozen photos of the kid...'

He interrupted her, 'and its doing what? Has she dressed the kid up, or is it just a really ugly baby?'

She laughed, trust Ray, 'no nothing like that, its not the pictures, they're sweet. I just can't believe what they've called her.'

'Well share,' he ran a finger over the underside of her foot, causing her feet to squirm.

'Not if you do that,' his fingers stopped moving, 'they've called her Victoria Patricia Loudon, its just nuts, surely they realise how cruel that is.'

He didn't get it, that much was clear from the confusion knotting his forehead, 'I don't get it.'

'The poor kid's initials are VPL,' the knots stayed, 'you know, Visible Panty Line. Her peers are going to ridicule her for the rest of her life.'

Ray's face creased with laughter, 'shit, poor kid. God, you've have thought they would have thought about that.'

'Perhaps they didn't see it, you didn't. I know that Helen's mum was called Patricia, but still,' she shook her head in disbelief.

He lay one hand across her foot, the other still holding his beer bottle, 'I bet you've already got your kids names all planned out, haven't you?'

The questioning look in his eyes pierced right through her, 'no, of course not, what's that supposed to mean?'

'Roomie, look at me,' she raised her eyes to his again, 'what did I say earlier? I know you.'

'Okay, so what if I have? What's wrong with that?' Her beer bottle wobbled precariously as she placed it back on the table.

'Nothing, I never said there was,' he raised an eyebrow, 'so you going to share?'

Again she saw no point in fighting, he'd work it out of her eventually, 'Mia or Jasmine for a girl,' she wasn't sure where either name had come from, she assumed she'd heard them once and had liked them ever since.

'And a boy?' he tweaked her big toe, and she tried to pull her foot away.

'Don't really have any specific ideas, just names I would never inflict on a child,' he gave her another quizzical look, 'what now? There are just some names I don't like, that's all.'

'Such as?' he asked as he tilted the bottle to his lips again.

'Daniel, John,' thinking about the latter sent a slight shiver down her spine, and she hoped he hadn't noticed it.

'They seem fairly innocuous, what's wrong with them?'

'They remind me of people I'd rather not remember, people I've had issues with in the past,' she looked back down at her laptop, not seeing what was displayed on the screen, instead remembering long past events that had had no consequence on her life but still made her squirm.

'Interesting roomie.'

She wasn't sure what to make of his tone, and in a move to divert attention, and further questioning, from her, she asked, 'so, what about you? I bet, despite your rock hard exterior, that you've got a name or two tucked up your sleeve.'

He shook his head, 'uh uh roomie, I don't plan on settling down, why deprive all the women out there,' he took another long drink from the bottle.

'Don't give me that crap, you're just a big softie waiting to settle down.' She caught his eyes as they darted towards her. For a moment she didn't think he was going to respond, but as he tilted his bottle again she heard a murmur pass his lips, 'sorry?'

'James,' he didn't say anything else, instead he picked up the remote and started to flick through the channels again.

'James, I like it. Any reason?'

He dropped the remote on the arm of the couch, 'it was my grandfathers name. After my dad left,' he glanced briefly at her before dropping his gaze to his lap, 'he was really the only person who had much time for me. He didn't have much money but he tried to help me out when I went to medical school, he had faith in me when no one else did.'

Neela closed her laptop, placing it on the floor beside her, it wasn't often that Ray opened up about his family and she didn't want to stop him now, 'I've never heard you mention him before, is he still alive?'

He swallowed sharply, 'no, he died during my second year, he never did get to see me with a stethoscope around my neck.'

She could sense that Ray was uncomfortable with the way the conversation had gone, and knew that, even though she wanted to know more, it would be best to lighten things up. 'Well, with a story like that you'll have no problems convincing whoever ends up having your baby that that's the right name.'

His fingers pulled at the label on his now empty beer bottle, ripping small patches off. It was a few minutes before he replied and even then she could hear the build up of emotion in his voice, 'you think so? Would it convince you, roomie?'

She was taken aback by the seemingly wistful look he was giving her. What did he mean by that? He couldn't be implying... No, that couldn't be it. If she gave a serious answer to the question, he'd laugh at her, and tease her mercilessly, and in any case, she wasn't sure what a serious answer would be. For a moment the idea of his child growing inside her didn't repulse her, in fact she rather liked it. She gave herself a mental shake, what the hell was she thinking? It was utter lunacy to imagine her and Ray ever getting together, let alone starting a family. She was obviously overly tired, 'in your dreams Barnett, in your dreams.'

End Flashback

From the moment the ultrasound had confirmed that the baby was a boy, she'd know that she would call him James, after his great grandfather, no other name crossed her mind. It was only when she was lying on the sofa in her flat, seven months pregnant, reading a medical journal that she'd come up with the idea of Jameel. The author of the article had been a Jameel something or other, she couldn't remember what now, and it didn't matter. It was his first name that was important. Jameel would be the best of both worlds,, she'd escape the inquisition she'd surely have got for giving her child a purely western name, whilst still naming him after Ray's grandfather.

'Is that so?' Morris looked up at Abby with bemusement, 'so what are you guys doing here?'

Joe looked briefly at Abby, 'um, we've come to get Jamie's mommy, haven't we mommy?'

Jamie hadn't moved since Joe had draped his arm over his shoulder, a tentative smile on his face.

Morris grinned at the quiet child, 'and who would Jamie's mommy be?'

The look on Joe's face made Abby and Neela laugh, it said duh, don't you know. 'Auntie Neela of course, He doesn't have a daddy, I let him share mine though.

She closed her eyes briefly in embarrassment, when she opened them again she saw that Abby was biting her lip trying not to laugh. She caught her friend's gaze and Abby mouthed the words 'I'm sorry' in her direction. Neela shrugged her shoulders, it was bound to come out at some time and this way she didn't have to work out how to tell everyone.

She laughed again when she saw the incredulous look on Morris's face when he turned to face her. She watched as his eyes tracked up her body and back down again, and she stifled the urge to flinch under the intense scrutiny. It was as if he was looking for a visible, physical sign that linked her irrefutably to Jamie. But there wasn't any, dressed it was hard to see that her stomach was convex where it was once concave, or to see the stretch marks that decorated her belly. She knew that on the surface she looked very much like the Neela who had worked at County before, however much she'd changed.

'Really? I thought...' Morris stopped, maybe aware that he was about to stick his foot deep in his mouth. 'Wow, that's a surprise. I guess I thought if you ever had kids you'd give them Indian names.'

She'd heard it all before, her mother being the first to utter those words.

Flashback

'What are you calling it then?' Neela's mother stood at the bottom of her hospital bed, coat buttoned to her chin, arms folded tightly across her check. It may have been down to the hormones charging around her system, but she didn't think she'd ever seen her mother look less welcoming. And today was the day she was meeting her new grandson. Neela felt alone. Her parents had just arrived even though her son had been born six hours ago, and even though they only lived three quarters of an hour from the hospital. She'd never felt so alone.

She was all over the place, one minute she wanted to cry, the next laugh hysterically; she was plain out exhausted. Her labour had lasted twenty five hours. There'd been complications regarding her lack of dilation, and her anxiety had heightened with them. They'd talked of a caesarean, but finally, finally it had started going as it should, and she'd given birth to her son in the early hours of the morning.

Neela was so in awe of the little creature she held in her arms, a mop of dark hair covering his scalp, and his eyes tightly shut. She couldn't believe that he was finally here. She smiled down at his tiny little hands curled into fists, so perfect. It was too early to look for physical traits that he might have inherited from his father but despite that she kept wondering if his eyes were the same shade as Ray's, or whether his nose was the same shape. She;d wanted her mother to barge in and say that his hair was hers, that she'd had the same thick mop when she'd been born, but it hadn't been like that, her mother wasn't going to be like that with this grandchild. 'Mum, this is Jamie Rasgotra.'

She looked at her mum as she spoke, and she saw the anger and dismay push the nonchalance away. 'Ah, what sort of name is that? Is it not bad enough that you're not married, and that the father,' she was relieved that she'd never told her mum it was Ray, 'isn't a nice Indian man, but you're going to ignore our culture too. Why could you not give him a good strong Punjabi name?'

She sighed, she'd always known his name, his great grandfather's name, and she'd always known that her parents wouldn't approve of it. 'Mum, please don't start all that again, this isn't the way I ever intended to have children, but he's here now, and I'd really like it if you could be supportive. I know that you and dad are upset that his father isn't Indian, and you think he should have a Punjabi name, but that just isn't going to change,' she paused, running a finger over the soft skin of his cheek, 'but I did want him to have a link to our heritage and that's why I decided to call him Jameel Michael Rasgotra, Jamie for short.'

When she'd first discovered she was pregnant she'd felt that she'd some how betrayed Michael but as the months passed and her body changed as the life grew inside her, she'd been able to remember what he'd said in her video. He'd wanted her to move on, and have babies. He may not approve of her baby's father, but he would never have thought she was being disloyal to him. Naming her son after him was her way of paying homage to his memory, she couled only hope that people would understand, Abby thankfully had.

She glanced up again, and watched in surprise as her mother's face brightened with a smile,'Jameel, that's a good Indian name, it means beautiful you know, your great uncle on my side's father was called Jameel, he was a good man. Far better than that bastardised name.' As she spoke she moved to Neela's bedside, the closest she'd been since she arrived, and reached out an arm to tentatively touch her grandson's clothed foot. 'And Michael,' she paused, 'your son should be honoured that you've given him that name.'

Her mother edged forward closer still, carefully taking the small bundle from Neela's arms, 'ah, look at him, he lives up to his name, doesn't he? He's perfect. Hello Jameel, I'm your nanni.'

End Flashback

Neela laughed, 'why don't you tell Dr Morris your full name, Jamie?'

His eyes seemed to grow larger, as he stared directly at her, shaking his head madly, still to shy to speak to the red haired doctor.

'No? Well then, I will, not that its any of his business,' she was still too aware of Ray leaning against the admit desk even though she made sure not to make eye contact, it may not have been Archie's business, but it was definitely his, 'his name is Jameel Michael Rasgotra, Jamie for short.'

'Mummy!' She felt a small pair of arms wrap tightly around her legs in a hug, 'can we go yet?'

She laughed, rubbing her hand across the fine hair on his head; she wasn't surprised when he tried to push her hand away. 'Just give me a minute, I need to speak to Dr Pratt first, why don't you wait with Auntie Abby?'

She tuned out of the conversation going on around her as she filled Greg in on his patient, totally focused on her work, until she heard Jamie's voice. She looked across to where Abby and Joe where waiting but Jamie wasn't there. Her heart rate increased. She looked all around her but she couldn't see him. She felt an overwhelming sense of panic rising up inside her. She'd just heard him, he had to be here somewhere. And then he spoke again.

'Who are you? Do you work with my mummy too?' his voice sounded so serious as she turned towards the elevators to see him tugging at the bottom of Ray's lab coat.

'Jameel Rasgotra! Leave Dr Barnett alone, he's a busy man.' She was stunned. Jamie didn't talk to people he didn't know. In fact, it took him a while to warm to anyone new, she only had to look at how he'd responded to Archie to see that. This wasn't his usual behaviour. And why Ray? Why had he picked him out of all the people here to talk to? She knew that Abby would say she told her so, that Jamie somehow knew that Ray was his father, but that was bollocks, how could he know that?

Neela saw Ray look at her briefly before he crouched down beside Jamie, 'I'm Ray, and yes, I guess, I do work with your mommy. You're name's Jamie, isn't it?'

She bit her lip as she watched the interaction, tears smarting her eyes. Ray was doing this for her, she knew that. It was ironic that when he found out the truth he'd hate her.

Jamie grinned, nodding enthusiastically, 'how did you know that?'

It felt like her heart was doing somersaults in her chest, seeing the two people she loved the most, who were most important to her, together for the first time. She'd imagined it so many times, yet it was a sight she'd never thought she'd see. She blinked back the tears, she couldn't cry here, not in front of all these people, not in front of Ray.

'I heard your buddy, Joe, telling Dr Morris. I guess you've come to pick your mom up, is that right?'

'Uh uh, Auntie Abby says if we're quick we can watch a dvd when we get back. Are you a doctor like Auntie Abby, Uncle Luka and mummy?'

'Yeah, I am, but your mom is a much better doctor than I am,' she noticed Ray glance across at her again. He smiled, and she gave him a weak one back.

'Why don't you look like them then?'

Everyone at the admit desk laughed at the comment. Jamie looked around flustered and confused. Neela knew that he didn't understand why they were laughing, and that if she didn't say something quickly it would end in tears, 'Jamie, come on, its time to go home. You can talk to Dr Barnett another time,' she expected him to run back to her, but he didn't. Instead he and Ray turned to her with identical expressions. It stole the breath from her. It was so unexpected. The eyes, the cheekbones, she'd thought that there wasn't a physical resemblance but she'd been wrong. She could see that now and it took her breath away.

She tore her gaze from them, trying to breath past the lump in her throat, as she looked for Abby's support. Her friend was ready, 'right guys, we need to get going if you want to watch Monsters Inc tonight. Joe, Jamie, come on.'

The two boys ran towards Abby, everything forgotten in the rush to see the film. For some reason it was their favourite, and neither got to watch it as much as he thought necessary. Necessary being at least ten times a week, and really more likely twenty.

Neela felt Ray's gaze on her. Even as he stood back up he was looking at her. She closed her eyes, swallowing deep. She couldn't return his look, her emotions were too close to the surface. She didn't know what she would do if she did, probably hurl herself at his feet admitting everything. There was one question repeating in her head, drowning out everything else, how could she have ever thought that keeping those two apart could be anything but wrong?

'Neela. Neela, are you ready?' Abby was shouting her name. It took a moment for it to sink in and then the thoughts started to clear. She needed to go home.

'Umm, yeah, see you guys tomorrow,' she mumbled as she walked past the desk, following Abby and the boys out the sliding doors.

Abby was waiting for her just outside, and as the doors slid shut, she put an arm around her shoulder and gave a gentle squeeze, 'like father, like son.'

That was one comment too many, the tears that had been welling up spilled over.