Chapter Eleven
"No. Hold your arms a little higher. Now spread your feet further apart." She smiled at him warmly, her blue eyes twinkling in the low, hazy light of sunset. "Now you've got it."
Aang observed as Katara patiently showed Zuko where to place his arms and legs for the waterbending form they were practicing. In the days since they'd escaped Zhao, she and Zuko had made a great deal of progress in their bending. Now that they were both learning to relax, they were finding it easier to manipulate the water. Their bending had become more fluid and confident. And, as they improved together, they naturally became closer, teasing each other with the frequent snags that came up during the learning process. Aang had even glimpsed Zuko smiling once or twice. Through their common goals to become master Waterbenders, they discovered they suffered similar impediments and shared similar drives. In many ways, they were very alike.
However, rather than making Aang happy to see them progressing so far, so quickly and bonding as they did so, he instead found himself stabbed with surprising and unexpected pangs of jealousy. The realization aggravated him because he didn't want to be jealous. He wasn't a jealous person…or at least, he hadn't been before. He didn't want to be pricked all over with twinges of envy and spite whenever Katara and Zuko spoke or laughed together. He didn't want to be bothered by the time they spent together or resent the closeness they shared. But he did and he was.
Those feelings hadn't come on suddenly either, much like his realization that he liked Katara as more than a friend hadn't been sudden. Just as he had daily, unconsciously become enthralled with the pretty Waterbender's smile and gentle, nurturing nature, he had also found himself being slightly annoyed by anything or anyone who diverted her attention away from him. The realization made him feel childish and petty. What had begun as mere flashes of irritation or eye rolls whenever Katara and Zuko shared an inside joke or dissolved into water play rather than waterbending, had progressed to teeth grinding and muttering under his breath whenever they were close.
In the beginning, he'd thought their deepening friendship to be rather sweet. Katara was so protective and sheltering of Zuko, almost as a sister would be for a little brother. Aang could relate to that because he harbored similar protective feelings for the Avatar. But when the time Zuko spent with Katara gradually began to outpace the time Aang spent with her, suddenly that sibling scenario didn't work for Aang anymore. He began to seriously wonder if Katara saw Zuko as a brother, a dear friend or something much more than that.
Zuko wasn't the issue for Aang. He was oblivious to most anything that didn't include his training and getting to the North Pole. It wasn't uncertainty over the Avatar's feelings that left Aang twisted internally with jealousy and confusion. He wanted to discover what was in Katara's heart. He wanted to know what Katara wanted.
In the logical portion of his brain that was still functioning, Aang knew he was being ridiculous and arbitrary. He had absolutely no claims on Katara. They were friends and that was all. In fact, she had never once given him any indication that she saw him as anything more than a good buddy. Yes, they talked frequently and there were no secrets between them, but wasn't that the way it worked with all good friends? So why was it driving him insane that she was laughing with Zuko, spending time with Zuko and touching Zuko?
Aang emitted an inward growl of intensifying frustration. It wasn't as if Katara was the first pretty girl he'd ever encountered or even liked for that matter. He had several crushes in his life, both mutual and one-sided. In fact, of all the girls he'd known, she wasn't even the prettiest, the smartest or even the most sophisticated.
So why did being in her presence make his palms sweat and his chest ache? Why did he have that dizzy, sick feeling in the pit of his stomach whenever she was close to him? Why did he look at her and feel like he'd found home? Why couldn't he shake the instinctive, pervasive feeling that they were connected in some inexplicable, primal way? Why did thoughts of her continue to invade his brain even when he made every effort to concentrate on other things?
The questions were seemingly endless and, quite frankly, driving him nuts! He was only doubly frustrated because he didn't have an answer to a single one of them. Matters were made worse as Katara moved behind Zuko to take hold of his arms so that she could personally demonstrate the manner in which to make the water flow. Aang knew he couldn't sit there another second. If he did, he was going to totally lose it.
Abruptly, he surged to his feet, inadvertently drawing the attention of the entire camp when he did. Even Appa and Momo stared at him expectantly. "I'm going for a swim," he declared awkwardly.
"Um…kay," Sokka drawled, unable to fathom why he'd made the announcement at all when the water was less than two feet away. He could literally take three steps and be there. "You do that. Thanks for sharing."
Catching the strange look and belatedly realizing the reason for it, Aang clarified, "Downstream. I'm going to swim downstream."
"Downstream?" Katara echoed, "Why are you going to do that?"
"Why can't you swim right here?" Sokka asked right after.
"Is that really a good idea?" Zuko considered before Aang could even respond to the first two questions, "Aren't you the one always going on and on about how we shouldn't get separated?"
"Zuko's right," Sokka threw in, "You know what happens when we relax. You'll go downstream and the next thing we know you'll be eaten by a sea monster or spontaneously combust or some other thing too horrible to imagine!"
"Will you all relax?" Aang snapped with uncharacteristic sharpness, quelling their arguments simultaneously. "I just want to be alone, okay!"
"You want to be alone?" Zuko parroted, as if the words Aang had spoken were completely foreign. He wasn't the only one left befuddled by the declaration. Everyone was looking at Aang strangely, which only served to sour his mood further.
"Yes, alone," Aang stressed, "As in by myself, solitary, without company…alone. I can want that sometimes! Sheesh!" He started to walk away and, as Momo started to scamper after him, he turned back and commanded harshly, "You stay here, Momo! Alone means alone." Chastened and disappointed, Momo slumped away, tail between his legs and ears down.
"What's eating him?" Zuko wondered after Aang had stomped off down the bank and disappeared from sight.
"Isn't it obvious? He's finally dropped the façade," Sokka replied in a matter-of-fact tone. "Honestly, he could only keep it up for so long before he cracked. Pfft. I knew it was an act the whole time! No one is that happy, especially Fire Nation. It's not natural." He expelled a heavy sigh. "I'm actually sort of glad. His constant optimism was starting to get a little annoying."
"It's not an act, Sokka," Katara retorted with a roll of her eyes, "That's how Aang really is."
"Sure he is," Sokka patronized, "And that's why he stomped away like he had a beetle-bee in his shorts a few minutes ago."
"He's just having a bad day," Katara considered aloud, more to herself than Sokka and Zuko. "If he's moody like this, something must really be bothering him."
"How would you know?" Sokka challenged.
Katara plunked her hands onto her hips, lifting her chin to a haughty angle. "Because I talk to him, that's why!"
"Oh-ho, if you know him so well, then what's bothering him, oh intuitive one?" Sokka charged snidely.
The question caught her off guard, alerting Katara to the fact that she wasn't nearly as "intuitive" as she would have liked to be. Sokka crowed over her loss for words, which earned him a face full of ice cold water. "I suppose I deserved that," he mumbled miserably.
"I don't know what's wrong with Aang," Katara considered aloud. "Maybe he's just missing his uncle. You know how close they are."
It was impossible not to know because Aang talked about his uncle, the once great Fire Nation general, practically all the time. Despite being estranged from his father, away from home and practically a fugitive, Aang spoke of the three years he'd spent traveling with his uncle as if they had been the best years of his life. It was as if those experiences had been nothing less than an adventurous vacation for him. He was always telling stories about the things he'd learned and seen, handy skills he'd picked up, a few of them rather surprising. There was never a hint of regret in his tone when he spoke of those times, only the wistful nostalgia due to fond memories. Katara suspected that's exactly how Aang viewed that time…as fond memories.
Though Zuko and Sokka probably hadn't given it much thought, Katara was well aware of the fact that, until almost a month ago, Aang hadn't spent a day apart from his uncle in three years. They had become as close as a father and his son. Well, the normal ones anyway, Katara amended mentally. She could only imagine that their separation was depressing Aang a bit. That was how she'd felt in the initial months after her own father had left their village to lend his expertise to the resistance.
"But I don't get it," Zuko grumped, "He just sent him a message when we stopped in that town the other night. It's not like he's never going to see him again. His uncle is supposed to meet us in the North Pole, right? Good grief! He's practically sixteen years old," he concluded in a disgruntled mutter, "You'd think he could function without his uncle holding his hand by now."
"Well, we can't all be as self sufficient as you, Zuko," Katara replied sweetly.
"I think you mean anti-social," Sokka coughed behind his hand.
Zuko leveled them both with a dangerous glare. "You two aren't hilarious in the slightest."
Katara nudged him. "Go see what's wrong with Aang," she urged, "I think he needs guy talk."
"And you're sending Zuko?" Sokka balked. "Why him? What's wrong with me? I'm a guy and I actually get along with Aang on a regular basis!"
Katara leveled her brother with a meaningful glare, hoping that he would back off that argument because it put a serious crimp in what she had planned. "I said he needed guy talk, Sokka, not moron talk," she retorted.
"Oh, I'll show you moron!" Sokka threatened.
Before they could fall into a round of their usual bickering, Zuko stepped between them with an exasperated groan and said, "Sokka's right…for once. Why do you want to send me? I don't do that…emotional stuff. You know…comfort and encouragement and caring…garbage like that—,"
"Wait, caring isn't garbage," she interrupted in mild affront.
"I'm just saying that's your thing, Katara," Zuko continued doggedly, "You're the hand-holder in this group. You go talk to him."
"Yeah, since you're soulmates and everything," Sokka taunted, "You can just look into his eyes and know exactly what he's feeling. Ooh, smoochie-smoochie, I think someone's in love!"
"Stop it! I never said he was my soulmate, Sokka!" Katara snapped irritably, "And I don't think he needs to talk to me. I said I thought he could use guy talk, remember? I'm not a guy. Besides," she added, switching to outright cajolery as she turned to address Zuko again, "this would be the perfect opportunity for you to get to know Aang better."
"Why do I need to know him better?" Zuko griped. "I eat with him every morning. His face is ten feet from mine when I go to bed at night! What else is there to know?"
"Well, you are still pretty snippy with him," Sokka pointed out meekly.
"Who asked you?" Zuko fired back.
Knowing better than to get on Zuko's irritable side, Sokka threw up his hands in surrender. "And I'm stepping out of it now," he returned smoothly.
"Don't lose your temper and hear me out," Katara soothed. "I was just thinking that this would be a perfect opportunity for you and Aang to…I don't know…bond maybe?"
"Is it really necessary to bond?" Zuko asked, his reluctance concerning the prospect quite palpable.
"It's necessary for me," Katara wheedled with a smile.
Zuko made a sour face at her. "You're just going to keep bugging me until I agree, aren't you?" he sighed.
"Absolutely."
He grumbled under his breath. "I'm only doing this because you'll make me miserable if I don't," he prefaced but then added when both Sokka and Katara snorted, "Well, more miserable than I already am anyway."
When Zuko cleared the trees on the far side of the lake a few minutes later, he discovered Aang sitting on a large boulder, his knees pulled tightly against his chest, apparently lost in thought. However, the moment Zuko came within a few feet of him, he snapped to attention, his brows drawing together in a displeased scowl. "Did you misunderstand me when I said I wanted to be alone earlier?" he asked tersely.
"You are in a foul mood," Zuko observed in mild surprise.
"That's almost hysterical coming from you," Aang retorted.
"I'm not judging you," the Avatar said, "It's just…strange. I don't think I've ever seen you in a bad mood before."
"Well, everyone has an off day," Aang replied evasively. "What are you doing out here?"
"Katara wanted me to come and check on you."
Just the mention of her name had Aang perking to immediate attention, but then, one moment later, he felt like a complete idiot because he did. "Katara? Why would she send you out here?"
Zuko shrugged. "She's worried about you."
Aang's eyes widened with the statement. "Is that what she told you?" he queried, careful to keep his tone neutral though his blood was fairly racing at the possibility.
"Well, she did send me out here to you," Zuko informed him with a disinterested grunt, "So, I assume she is."
Though Zuko didn't realize it, his reply immediately drove home to Aang just how silly and immature he'd been the majority of the day. Obviously, Katara cared about him. They all cared about him and that should be what really mattered, Aang reminded himself. A few weeks ago he had been their enemy and now they were making his feelings and happiness a priority in their lives. That should be his focus. After all, a crush was just a crush and, likely, it would pass with time. In the meantime, he'd simply have to find a way to live with his awkward feelings where Katara was concerned.
Unaware that Aang had already worked out his issues from earlier and was moving on to regret over how he'd acted, Zuko reached out and patted Aang's shoulder awkwardly. "There, there," he said.
Aang squinted at him. "What are you doing?"
"I'm comforting you," Zuko replied, as if the answer should have been blindingly obvious. "That's what people do when they comfort you. They pat your shoulder and say stuff like, 'there, there.'"
"Oh, I see," Aang said, reaching around to pluck Zuko's hand from his shoulder, "Well, you can stop now. It's freaking me out a little."
Zuko wilted with relief. "Thank goodness. I'm no good at it anyway."
"No kidding," Aang mumbled under his breath wryly, but then added in a louder, more contrite tone, "I'm sorry about being so sullen and rude to you earlier…to all of you. There's no excuse for it. The only thing I can say is that my head's been in a really crazy place lately."
"Tell me about it," Zuko mumbled in commiseration. "But don't sweat it. I'm sullen and rude all the time and I never apologize. I just figure you guys know what I'm going through and you'll make allowances. I'm trying to do the same thing for you."
"Thanks, Zuko."
"No problem. You feel better?" Aang bit back a smile and nodded. "Good. My work here is done."
However, when he stared to scoot from the boulder and return to camp, Aang asked, "Hey, what did you mean earlier about your head being in a crazy place?"
Zuko became instantly guarded. "I didn't say that."
"Yeah, you kind of did," Aang insisted. "Well, I said it and you agreed." Zuko regarded him with a wary, enigmatic stare. "You want to talk about it?" the older boy offered.
"There's nothing to talk about," Zuko lied smoothly.
"It's not good to hold it inside."
"Probably not."
"Zuko, this is the whole point of having friends," Aang pressed, "So we can have someone to talk to."
"Are we friends?" Zuko challenged.
"I'd like to think we are," Aang countered softly, "We should be." He watched indecision flitter across Zuko's usually guarded features. "You can trust me."
Zuko hesitated for so long that, when he finally exploded, Aang literally jumped. "You want to know what's bothering me?" he fired, "I feel like everything I do is completely futile, that's what's bothering me!"
Not the least bit offended by Zuko's flare of anger, Aang asked patiently, "Why do you feel that way?"
"We get to the North Pole and then what?" Zuko charged. "I find a waterbending instructor. I master waterbending and then I'm right back in the same boat when it comes to earthbending! If finding a waterbending instructor has been difficult, finding an earthbending instructor will be impossible! I'll be right back at square one!"
"You're worried about finding an earthbending teacher?"
"Was there some part of my monologue that was too confusing for you?" Zuko bit out rudely.
Aang made a deliberate choice to ignore his irritated rejoinder. "What I'm saying is that you don't need to worry about that," he reassured Zuko. "I know a guy." The Avatar's eyes flared wide with hope. "Well, I don't technically know him," Aang elaborated further, causing Zuko's eyes to darken with disappointment just as quickly as they had brightened, "He's a friend of my uncle's. They go way back. His name is Bumi. He's…he's a little…er…eccentric, but he's the greatest earthbender I've ever seen!"
Zuko eyed him suspiciously. "What do you mean by 'eccentric'?"
After trying several times, and fruitlessly, to phrase his answer in a delicate manner, Aang confessed rather frankly, "Okay, he's a walking bag of nuts."
"What?"
"But he's good," Aang reiterated feelingly, "He is incredibly good. And he's the King of Omashu so he can't be incompetent or anything. I'm sure he's perfectly qualified to train you."
"You think a king, and a crazy one at that, is going to teach me earthbending?" the Avatar charged doubtfully.
"Only one way to find out," Aang said. "After we leave the North Pole, we go to Omashu and ask him."
"Just like that? We show up to his palace, knock on his door and ask him to teach me earthbending?"
"That's basically what we're doing now, right?"
"Good point."
"So does that put your mind at ease?" Aang asked, "Do you feel better now?" Zuko nodded, but there was something that flickered in his eyes that caught Aang's attention. "What?" he urged his friend softly, "What else is there, Zuko? You can tell me."
"Do you ever have…dreams?" he asked Aang haltingly.
Aang contemplated that for a moment, wondering briefly if he was going to regret the line of conversation. "What kind of dreams?"
"I don't know…weird dreams," Zuko sighed, "Dreams that feel like they're trying to tell you something…give you a message maybe…"
"Oh…well, yeah," Aang answered with some relief, "sure I have."
"I haven't been sleeping well lately because of all the dreams," Zuko confessed. "I don't know what they mean. They scare me a little."
"What happens in your dreams?"
"I keep seeing Roku, the Avatar who came before me," Zuko recounted. "He keeps telling me that I need to come to him. He says that it's urgent. And then I see this bright flash…like a flaming ball of fire hurtling through the sky. And then the whole world is burning and I know instinctively that everyone I ever cared about is gone. I'm standing alone and the world is burning and I know it's because of me," he finished tautly. "In my dream, Roku tells me that he can help me understand, but I have to come to him…," he lifted his gaze to regard Aang somberly, "…on the solstice."
"Zuko, that's in a few days," Aang realized.
"I know."
"Why didn't you say anything sooner?"
"Because I figured it was just a nightmare," Zuko flashed back. "If Roku is real then the rest of it is real too! I can't handle that right now! I'm dealing with enough already!" He began a frenetic pacing, unreasonably angry with Aang and frustrated with himself. "Besides, I haven't told you where Roku wants me to come to him. It's on a crescent-shaped island…in the Fire Nation."
"I know that island," Aang confirmed, shoving down the conflicted feelings that rose with the offer he was about to make. "I can take you there."
"You think I'm going to go?" Zuko snorted. "I told you…it was only a dream."
"I don't think it was," Aang refuted. "Roku is inside of you, Zuko. Maybe he's trying to tell you something."
"Doubtful. You'd think he would have spoken to me long before this."
"Don't dismiss your dreams," Aang told him. "I've been dreaming about you since I was old enough to remember."
"About me?"
"About the Avatar," Aang clarified, "I've always known that you and I would be connected in some fundamental way someday. I didn't know how or why, but I knew our destinies were intertwined and now look where I am. Look at us. Dreams mean something, Zuko."
The Avatar's cynicism was almost a tangible thing. "What if you're wrong?" Zuko charged, "We'll be risking all of our lives for nothing."
"It won't be for nothing," Aang insisted, "Everything happens for a reason and, if your dreams are telling you that you need to go to Roku on Crescent Island, then that's where we're going."
