Flowers From Hell


Baits and Pranks


Summary for this chapter: Because apparently, Ken thought savagely as he skidded to an abrupt halt at the corner and crashed into the wall before picking up speed again, utilizing his ghoul speed out of habit and not using Flash-Step in his haste, my subordinates are idiots!

I felt the need for humor.

I just ate a really good cake that my neighbors made.

It's delicious :3

Still don't own 'em...


Ken gaped at his superior, his captain, his friend. "What?"

"Some dumbass seated officer in Fifth just crushed some Hollow bait in the middle of the freaking Seireitei," snarled Ichigo, scattering papers left and right as he ran a hand through his hair and stood quickly, caught in his outrage. He visibly gathered his calm, cooling his head, then snapped his gaze towards him. "A friend of that dumbass seated officer—we will from here on out call him 'poor soul' because of what I'm going to do to him once this fucking mess has been sorted out—released another one about two miles out. You take care of that one." Ichigo gave him a long searching look, even despite the clock ticking away. "You gonna follow me?"

Ken's eyes narrowed, and his zanpaku-tô swirled before releasing without a word. "Always, sir."

Ichigo nodded—he looked half satisfied, half about to cry, even though Ken knew he never cried ever and that was just a delusion and that the expression was just hard to describe—and turned on his sandal-clad heel, tearing out of the office. Ken blinked, then charged after him.

I thought Fifth Division members were smart? Ranted Ken in his head, the shock having given way to fury.

Mm, hummed Rize, amusement laced into her tone.

Aargh, they lied to me!

How so? Hiirokari seemed to be on the verge of laughter.

Because apparently, Ken thought savagely as he skidded to an abrupt halt at the corner and crashed into the wall before picking up speed again, utilizing his ghoul speed out of habit and not using Flash-Step in his haste, my subordinates are idiots!

Don't be too harsh, said Hiirokari, her voice on the precipice of thoughtful. They're just young—

—And foolish! Cried Rize, putting her two cents in. Ken scowled at the ground, frightening a small officer with an armful of books. She squeaked as he dashed past, staring at the wrathful look on the lieutenant's face, dropping the stack of calligraphy studies in her shock.

As soon as he was out of the barracks, he curled his fingers into claws and dragged his hand across the air in front of his face, and reiatsu, the scarlet of blood and of kagune, trailed from them, tearing a mask of black leather into existence that covered his human eye, and his left eye bubbled over black, its pupil dilating and turning red. Nearby officers noticed, gasped, and hurried away.

Ken leaned forward, crouching down, making an effort not to go after anyone other than his given scent. Ken was the resident "tracker", as was his eloquent nickname, courtesy of Ichigo. Give him a smell and he could go after it on all fours like a dog.

He dashed away, ignoring the startled cries of those he blew past, mind full of savage thoughts as he wondered what he would do to the poor idiot who started this whole mess.


Ichigo's gait was a panther's, long and rolling and just barely threatening. There was a long purposeful silence as he stopped, then said very evenly, "I will pull off every one of your limbs, kick your ass six ways to Sunday, and sic Ras—my Hollow on you. Are there any complaints so far?"

Ken was making a visible effort not to lunge at the two cowering officers, and as it was his clenched fists were trembling as he shot his most deadly glare at the duo. They stimultaneously eep-ed and clutched each other's arms.

"Try not to kill him, Ichigo," said Lieutenant Kuchiki Rukia, half teasing and half serious. Kurosaki Ichigo's temper was known far and wide, and when incurred, it was deadly. The rest of the captains and lieutenants in attendance winced in sympathy, and Soi Fon actually growled quietly as her hand drifted to the hilt of Suzumebachi.

"You idiots," he hissed, and in his anger his reiatsu slipped from its carefully controlled state into something wild and unstable, pressing down upon everyone present, flaring out about him, bright blue mixed with black red. The two seated officers, unable to win against the roaring tide, fell to it.

The fact that the other unrelenting captains present decided to flare their own reiatsu to muffle the explosive power of Ichigo's didn't help. If anything, the officers' faces, planted in the ground, pressed further into it.

Ichigo rolled his shoulders back and unconsciously tugged his haori closed over his shihakushô with long fingers, and kept them there. It was a habit he'd taken to whenever he pulled his reiatsu around him, reining it in if it needed be.

"There could have been innocents killed," he snarled, and this time Ken clearly jerked his head, scowling heavily. Both captain and lieutenant had an identical look plastered on their features, Ichigo's hand twitching towards Zangetsu and Ken's eyebrow dancing dangerously.

Jûshirô grimaced. It looked like this set of officers would be subject to shunning for the rest of the week... Or month, or year, or a few decades, depending on how long their superiors held the distance and how angry they were about it. Ichigo knew very well how to hold a grudge, and Ken's upbringing was all about hate.

"Captain Kurosaki," interceded a voice from the front of the room. Kyôraku no Jirô Sôzôsuke Shunsui, Captain-Commander of the Thirteen Court Guard Squads and one of the few forces that could hold Ichigo's temper at bay, though more out of loyalty than anything else, rapped the table in front of them—still remaining there after the Quincy Blood War and a constant reminder never to let your guard down, hence why they had not removed it. "I insist you calm your head." He tilted his chin, offering the two suddenly-hopeful officers a caustic eyebrow and a "Though this is an incident that affected most of the Seireitei population, you may punish the two offenders with any penalty you see fit."

Ichigo bared his teeth in the mere semblance of a smile.

"My pleasure, Captain-Commander."


"Two thousand yen[1] Ichigo-kun murders them," said Shunsui with a cup of sake at his lips. Kenpachi laughed with a "Nah, three thousand five hundred[2]. Ichigo was pissed! I heard him and Kaneki yelling when I passed their office."

The conversation—and subtle betting—ceased as soon as Ichigo and Ken entered the bar.

The room grew at least ten degrees colder.

There was blood dripping from the corners of Ken's mouth, from his own wound or from another's impossible to tell.

All members of the Thirteen Court Guard Squads knew of Ken's... "eating habits", as they called them. The half-ghoul's gaze was fixed upon some indiscerible point in the air, and Ichigo was saying crisply, "That field report was beyond terrible, I mean, really, who says the word 'powwows' nowadays—"

"Ken," said Soi Fon, very evenly. All eyes went to the bloodied half-ghoul. Hearts plummeted when Ken opened his mouth to answer, and his speech was severely stilted, as it usually was after... A hunt. "Captain." He snapped his shoulders back in a straight, respectful line, and tilted his head with an easy smile.

The effect was disconcerting.

"What did you do?"

Ichigo looked away, his hair, longer than it had been before the Quincy Blood War, shading his eyes as the line of his shoulders trembled minutely. Soi Fon noticed, as was her job, and her frown grew deeper, a flash of fear in her eyes.

"Ken, what did you do?"

Ken's answer was formal and still stilted. "I ate, Captain. What else?"

Hands moved slowly lower, to zanpaku-tôs. Shunsui's relaxed posture tensed, and Kenpachi's grin dimmed as he tugged Yachiru closer to him ever so slightly. There was a long silence, then—

"Pfft—Hahahahaha!" Laughed Ichigo, collapsing against the wall with tears in his eyes. Ken, signaled by his captain that the prank was over, gagged and leaned over a trash can in the corner, retching, scrubbing the acryllic paint from his mouth with a doleful "Ichigo, why paint?!"

There was another long pause, this one filled with Ichigo's rare laughter and Ken's heaving, then was promptly punctured by Tôshirô's very calm "I'm going to freeze this establishment over in ten... nine... eight..."


[1] about twenty bucks or so

[2] about thirty bucks or so