Chapter 12 - Lily's Locket
Selebi was standing in the hall outside Dumbledore's office, her arms crossed over her chest as she leaned against the wall. It felt like Severus had been in there for hours, and she was getting anxious. She wondered what was taking them so long, when suddenly the door opened and Severus appeared in the doorway.
The look on his face silenced her at once, and she took step back, giving him a wide berth as he moved past her. Severus was the sort of person who didn't need words to tell someone when he was upset. All you had to do was take one look at the fierce scowl on his face and you knew to leave him alone.
Selebi hesitated before following him down the stairs. "What happened in there?" she asked, quickening her pace in an attempt to keep up with his long, quick strides.
"What happend in there is none of your concern," Severus replied.
"But Snape, I -"
"I'm not in the mood, Selebi."
"But I want to know. What are they saying about me? I know they must be speaking ill of me. No one in the castle trusts me. And Merlin only knows what that drunken nutter has been saying about me."
Severus whirled around, seized Selebi by the shoulder with his good hand, and shoved her up against the wall. "Have you nothing better to do with your time than chase me around the castle like some wretched animal?"
Selebi glared at him, her lips pursed in an angry pout. "I was told to stay close to you. Something about you being responsible for me. I told you they don't trust me."
"Then stop whining about everything and try behaving yourself! Look at you. Always fidgeting, fiddling with your wand and threatening to curse anyone who crosses you."
"That's a lie! I haven't threatened to curse anyone and you know it."
"Maybe not aloud, but I've detected all manner of unpleasant thoughts running through your head," said Severus, his dark eyes boring into hers.
Selebi whimpered and tried to look away, but found that she was unable to move. It wasn't until he released her and slowly backed away that she let out a breath she didn't even know she was holding in, and slid down the wall into a sitting position on floor.
"I know how much you despise the people around you," Severus drawled, his voice resonating with deathly calm despite the look of furious anger that shone in his eyes. "You want to curse them, but you're too much of a coward. Tell me, how did you manage to last more than five minutes when you were with your old master?"
"Don't call me a coward!" Selebi spat in annoyance. She then glanced around the hall to make sure they were alone before continuing. "When I was with my master, I cursed several unfortunate souls into oblivion. It's just that these aren't the kind of people I'm used to being around. They aren't like me, and I feel as though these pure, perfect little walls are closing in around me. It's nerveracking. I feel like I'm being suffocated in here."
"What a pity," Severus replied, his voice dripping with sarcasm. "I told you that you would have to behave yourself when you got here. Though I understand your delimma, you can't expect anyone to consider you trustworthy if you don't behave. The world doesn't revolve around you, miss Williams. And the sooner you realize that, the better." He then turned and walked away, leaving Selebi sitting the cold stone floor.
.oOo.
Severus was shivering by the time he made it downstairs and into his private living quarters. His entire body was aching from head to toe, and all he wanted was to take a nice, hot relaxing bath and retire for the evening.
He turned the corner and made his way towards the bathroom, making sure to lock the door behind him in case Selebi got any bright ideas about barging in without knocking. He wasn't taking any chances around that annoying woman. Though he was sure she wouldn't intentionally walk in on him while he was bathing, she was so stubborn and used to getting her way that he wouldn't put it past her to just walk right in without thinking about what she was doing.
With a casual flick of his wand, Severus turned the bathtub faucet on and warm, perfumed water began to pour into the tub. The water smelled of soothing lavender, and was accompanied by a thick, creamy white foam that covered the surface of the water. He inhaled deeply, breathing in the warm, soothing scent of lavender that mingled with the sweet vanilla fragrance wafting from the rich foam. One by one he started unbuttoning the buttons on his sleeves, then his shirt, as he prepared to submerge his tired, aching body in the water.
A faint glimmer of light sparkled around his neck as he finished removing the last article of clothing. It flickered in the candlelight and reflected on the surface of the bathroom mirror, shining, like a hint of silver starlight against the blackness of the night skies. Slowly he turned, letting the cool material glide across his pale skin and onto the floor, the last remnant of fabric falling away to reveal a heart shaped locket on a silver chain. And inside that locket was a faded photograph, the last picture he had of his beloved Lily.
He remembered it like it was yesterday. Severus had gone to Godric's Hollow the day after Lily and James had been murdered. He didn't know why he went there, or what he hoped to find as he explored the wreckage of the burnt out building. He was currently in denial about her death, so maybe he went there seeking some form of proof, hoping against hope that the stories he heard weren't true, and that she hadn't given her life to protect her infant son. And yet there it was, the house with iron gate that was bent and hanging at a fortyfive degree angle as it squeaked and moaned in the wind. The upper floor had been blasted apart, with shards of glass and broken boards littering the yard. A few pieces of broken furniture landed the street, and parts of the house were still smoldering, with thin wisps of smoke rising on the cold autumn winds.
Time seemed to slow around him, the russet colored leaves falling slowly from the heavens, one by one, surrounding him in waves of amber and gold. How could this have happened? He was sure that she was safe. He thought nothing would ever happen to her.
He took a step forward, then another, moving forward as though guided by some unseen force. He moved across the yard into the house, and began sifting through the dust and debris that littered the floor, unaware of the hot tears that were streaming down his cheeks.
And then he saw it. A silver heart shaped locket, shining faintly in a ray of pale autumn sunlight that was streaming in through an open window. Severus pounced on it, brushing away the torn pieces of paper and shards of splintered wood that partially obscured it from view. His hands were trembling as he opened the locket, his heart racing as it leapt into his throat. There on the left side of the locket was a picture of Lily. James' picture was on the right, which he tore from the locket without a moment's hesitation, his fingers clawing at the moving image as he ripped it to shreds.
"Lily," he murmured, his fingers tracing the moving image as he sunk to the floor on his knees. It was finally over. There was nothing left but to admit the truth. Lily was gone, and she was never coming back. He held the locket against his chest, clutching the last remaining photo of his former lover as he hiccuped and sobbed. He didn't know how long he sat there, amongst the rubble and the smoldering remains. He didn't want to leave this place. If he could he would have stayed in that one spot, letting time pass him by until he wasted away to nothing.
Severus slipped the silver chain around his neck and tucked the locket under his shirt. He struggled to get to his feet, slipping in the debris that littered the floor. It felt like all the strength had gone out of his body, his heart aching and his head throbbing with horrible pain. He had to get up, he had to keep living. Lily wouldn't have wanted him to lay down and die. He had to force himself to be strong, and carry on through the pain.
He left Godric's Hollow, never to return again. He couldn't stomach the burnt remnants of this house and the memories that it held. He didn't want to remember her that way. He wanted to remember her the way she was, smiling and laughing like the picture he kept hidden beneath his shirt, close to his heart, where she always would remain.
