Love Song
Chapter 12: Confessions
Kakashi slowly woke up feeling an unfamiliar presence pressed up against him. He opened his eyes and he suddenly figured out that he had fallen asleep. He hadn't meant to but he just was going to close his eyes for a bit. Taking stock of things he was now sleeping on his back with Hanare now snuggling up against him. Her head resting on his chest with one of her arms wrapped around his torso and apparently one of her legs over one of his.
Yep, he was trapped under her, there was no way of slipping away without waking her up. Now he wondered what to do, this was kind of an awkward position to be found in. He sighed as he came up with nothing on how to get out of this. He noticed that despite how they were, it was fairly comfortable. He saw that a few strands of hair were in her face and he used his free hand to gently move them aside. She stirred and for a moment he thought she was going to wake up, instead she just adjusted herself, snuggling even closer to him.
Kakashi could only stare down at her beautiful face, she looked very much like a sleeping angel. Even with the messy morning hair she looked cute. He sighed as he just kept looking at her, he wasn't sure when it had happened but somehow this woman who he had hardly known had somehow wormed her way deep into his life. She was a friend and comrade at first but she had grown to be something more and he could no longer try and deny it. He looked forward to seeing her when he got home, to her cooking, to listening to her sing and play as he read (or tried to read, sometimes he just looked like he was when he was paying more attention to her), even the little things he noticed.
How warm and welcoming the smile she had, how she had that cute little look on her face when trying to decide on something she was torn on. Now with her here, he was very comfortable with her warm soft body against his. He gently ran a hand through her long hair as he tried to think how to deal with his emotions. He never gotten too close to many people in life but for Hanare he knew she was a lot closer than anyone else.
He just stayed like that trying to think on how to deal with his emotions, he was in unfamiliar territory and if he did the wrong type of thing he could ruin things between them. If she only saw him as a friend then anything more from him would be unwanted and things would get weird. He sighed, this was why he preferred his novels sometimes, he didn't have to worry about things like that.
Hanare felt the soreness in her body from the battles of yesterday but she was strangely comfortable as she slowly started to wake up. She felt something she was cuddled up against and it was nice, warm and seemed familiar. She snuggled closer to the warmth as she felt something running through her hair. There was a constant beating she was hearing in one ear a soothing rhythm for her. She moaned as she wrapped her arm around whatever it was and felt the fabric and also something under it.
Now that her mind was slowly waking up she realized she was snuggled against a body, she tried to remain very still as she tried to puzzle out what happened. She could now tell that someone was running his hand (and it was a male that much she could tell) through her long hair and it felt really nice. No one had done something so intimate with her before and she just wanted to stay there and let him keep going.
His hand paused and she felt him being suddenly still for a second.
"Hanare?" Kakashi asked thinking he noticed that she was awake.
Hanare knew it couldn't last, but she wished it could have gone on longer. Being in bed with him, being this close to him, it just brought out all kinds of emotions that she had in her heart ever since she had been a young girl. Slowly she adjusted herself so that she pushed herself up and was now looking down at him, her hair spilling down and some of it on his body.
"Good morning," She whispered out as she looked into his face.
Kakashi paused as she was over him, he found that his hand was still in her hair and he didn't want to take his hand away. He just locked eyes with hers and for a moment neither said anything. She was so beautiful to him, just perfect in that moment that he wanted to pull her down slightly.
Hanare wanted to lean in, to finally let her feelings out and maybe to even live out the secret fantasies she had been having of them even since she had started living here. For as nearly as far back as she could remember, Kakashi had been in her heart and his place in it had only grown with time. She loved living here in this village but she loved living with him even more. His calm and laid back attitude was so different from the stressed and repressed emotions of those that had trained and looked after her growing up.
She could relax with him, have fun with him, she knew that he kept his emotions close to his chest but the little things he did show she could pick up on. Being here with him, she couldn't think of any other place she would rather be. Without realising it she had leaned down slightly, she could feel his breath on her face as her lips slightly parted. She wanted this so bad, she just wanted to finally do it for real, for once to touch those lips without the mask.
Kakashi watched her slowly lean down and for a minute his mind shut down as he felt his hand on her head almost want to pull her close. To pull her down to him but a sudden knock on the front door startled both of them as they jumped. Hanare sat up and blushed, what had she just nearly done? She had nearly given in and she might have done something that although might have been great, what if he didn't feel the same?
The knocking was heard again and Kakashi looked up at her. "I...better get that."
"O-of course," she slid off him feeling like she wanted to crawl under the bed and hide from the world.
Kakashi went to the door not sure to be thankful or not for the interruption, he thought that for a moment there, he was going to actually kiss her. He really wasn't sure what would have happened if he had. He had never felt such a pull towards someone before, sure he had been attracted to women but this was something more. When he opened the door it was a messenger, apparently they were going around to double check on everyone's status as well as informing everyone that missions would be on hold and that a funeral would be held in a few days.
Kakashi thanked him for the information and closed the door. He noticed that the shower was running and Hanare had to be in it. So he started breakfast, they would eat in silence, either one of them mentioning what had nearly happened that morning, they never brought it up. Thing would be very tense between them after that.
The next few days were also solemn ones for them, with the mass funeral that happened and the rebuilding it was hard not to be. Hanare was glad that no one she knew had been killed but there was still a list of ninja that had died. They might have been strangers but they were also comrades. It was raining that day, to her it was like the tears of the village were falling from the heavens.
Hanare stayed by Kakashi's side, either of them saying anything just wanting to be there for the other. They walked to where the funeral would be held, the large display had pictures of everyone that had died, in the center and the largest of them all was one of the Hokage. Hanare hadn't known him long but he had given her a chance at a new life. He could have easily had her killed but choose to let her serve the Leaf.
From everyone's expressions and actions he had been loved, even Hanare felt a bit of a loss. She would never get to know the Hokage like everyone else had. Looking around she saw Naruto there with his team and a little boy who was openly crying. She wasn't sure but she had a guess that was Konohamaru that Naruto had talked about a few times. The young boy had just lost his grandfather and Naruto was there for him. Hanare felt tears in her eyes, her home was in such pain and she felt it almost as though it was her pain as well.
Her home had been hurt and the wounds would take time for it to heal. Unconsciously her hand went to Kakashi's and he took it without hesitation. She felt her own tears mixing in with the rain that landed on her face. There were some words said by those that took the podium, they were kept short most likely because of the weather. She didn't really notice, everything just seemed so dark and the weight on her heart just seemed to get heavier as it went on. Eventually the funeral finally ended and people started to make their own ways.
She saw that Naruto was staying with Konohamaru, Sasuke went off on his own leaving Sakura looking slightly depressed and all alone. She noticed that the girl looked up at Sasuke but he never once looked back on her. She seemed to be thinking about something but eventually made her way to Naruto and the small boy. Hanare was curious about that, normally the girl would have gone after the other boy, had something happened during the battle?
She would ask her later the next time she saw her but the young girl looked to be trying to help Naruto with Konohamaru. Hanare didn't see anyone else she knew and she wasn't in any mood to stay in the rain. She normally didn't mind the rain but from this day on, she felt that for awhile at least, the rain would always remind her of this day. So without saying anything, she and Kakashi made their way home, she never let go of his hand and he kept holding it gently but firmly.
Kakashi looked at her as they neared their home, the rain had plastered her hair all over her and the sadness on her face as she looked around at all the destruction the village had suffered, looked like it was a knife to her heart each time she saw it. It most likely was, never had Kakashi seen anyone that loved this village more who had never been born here. It was like Hanare's spirit had been born here and it only took years for her to finally come home again.
He hated the sadness on her face, he could see the tears, she might think the rain was hiding them but they weren't. Just seeing her like this, it was a lot harder because to him, Hanare was always the one that smiled, laughed and loved life. Seeing her brought down like this, it made him want to try something. He slipped his hand out of hers and although she was surprised, she was even more so when he placed a comforting arm around her shoulder.
She soon leaned into his shoulder as they got to the door, taking as much solace as she could.
"You better get in the shower first," Kakashi told her as he opened the door. She just nodded her head as she went to get some hot water on her and get into some cleaner clothing. Kakashi waited until she was in the bathroom before going into the bed room to towel off and get out of his own wet clothing. He got into some loose clothing and waited for his turn. He hated funerals they only reminded him of all the death in his life.
He sighed as he sat on his couch thinking about today. He knew a few of the pictures that were shown today for the fallen, not well, but he had worked with them a few times. He even heard that Hayate had been killed while he had been training Sasuke. He only knew the man through Yugao Uzuki, who he had worked with several times while he had been in ANBU. She had been just starting out when he had been a captain. She spoke the world of the man he could only imagine how she was dealing with this.
Actually, he thought about what if Hanare had been killed in the battles of yesterday, he felt a familiar coldness in his heart that he felt before but the pain in it was a lot more than what he figured it would be like. He didn't want to lose her it was as simple as that.
"You're turn," Hanare said as she walked into the room. She was wearing her night shirt (which was actually his that she had taken to wearing) and sweatpants. She was drying her hair in a towel.
"I'm good, I already dried myself off," he told her.
She paused and placed her hands on her hips glaring at him, "You get in there and take a hot shower, you'll get sick from being in the rain all that time and just dry off."
Kakashi had to admit, she looked really cute when she was trying to look stern but it was hard for her to pull off. He also knew she wouldn't let this go but it was nice to see her break out of her mood. So he would relent for her sake. "Alright, hope you didn't use all the hot water." He got her towel thrown at him for the comment but he could see a slight smile in her eyes.
Hanare watched him go and when she heard the water she slumped down into the couch where he had been. Today was just so depressing for her, looking out the window she could see the rain still falling she didn't want to go outside again. But now she was left with something else that had been on her mind, for the last few days and that was her and Kakashi. Things had been slightly awkward since they had woken up together, she couldn't hide her feelings anymore.
Things between them had been tense since the bed incident and she hated it, she wanted things to be back to how they used to be, well, that wasn't exactly true. She wanted that and more but first she had to tell him how she felt. She had been thinking about how to tell him for the past few days, she couldn't run away from what she felt anymore. If he didn't feel the same, she could live with it, but she had to say something.
Today had been just filled with sadness, she wanted something else to lift this weight in her heart from today. So she gathered up her courage and waited for Kakashi to finish. It seemed to take forever and she wasn't sure if it was just her imagination or if he was just taking longer than usual. She smirked at that, it was funny to her how she knew little things like how long he usually took a shower and yet they weren't even romantically together.
When she heard him finally get out and appeared fully dressed in a gray t-shirt and loose pants and of course his usual mask, she got up to face him. "Kakashi, there's something I want to talk to you about."
"Oh?" Kakashi could see she was serious about this and his mind was racing on what she could want to talk about.
"I just want you to know that, this time with you has been the best time of my life," She blushed slightly as she looked down shyly. "I love living in this village, I love the people and the life I have now, your team and all the friends I've made."
"Hanare..." Kakashi started but she held up a hand to stop him.
"Please, I've been going over this a few times in my head and I want to say this just right," She smiled at him but it wasn't the usual one full of joy, this was one was a bit more forced. "Most of all, I've loved the time I've spent with you. Living with you is, I have no words for it. I have been alone all my life and I never knew what it was like to actually have a life of my own before now."
"Ever since we first met as children, you've been in my heart," She looked up with him with her emotions showing in her expressive eyes. "I always used to wonder about you, what you were doing, who you really were and if I would ever see you again. Then one day we did meet again and I got to know the real you."
"I want you to know that I cherish the friendship we have as one of my most precious things in my life, but you should know that what I feel...it's more than just friendship. I've liked you for a long time now but I didn't want to ruin the friendship between us. I want us to still see each other, talk and do many things we already do together. But, if you don't feel that way about me I can't be here, it's not fair to either of us."
"Are you saying that you're leaving?" Kakashi asked her feeling slightly numb from her confession he wasn't sure what to feel at the moment as he tried to process it all.
She nodded sadly, "I don't want to but if you don't feel the same about me it's just not right. I want to stay here with you but only if you want me, I know I should have picked a better day for it, but seeing all those sad faces of those that people have lost...I made me think that life, especially our lives, are so short and I didn't want to regret not saying anything."
"So...if you want me to go I will..." she looked down at her feet preparing herself for what was to come. She hadn't felt like this since the day she knelt before the Hokage waiting for his decision to accept her or to kill her.
Kakashi looked at her and moved to step in front of her, he had been thinking about her a lot lately and hearing what she had said, it started to make a few choices he had easier. Now that he knew how she felt, he had to admit that was brave to be the first to say it too, he couldn't let her courage go unanswered. He gently took her shoulders in his hands as he gently said her name making her look up at him.
"I know that I'm not the most...forward with my emotions," Kakashi chuckled. "I've kind of had to learn how to push them aside in my life. So I've never really opened up, I've never tried to experience a real relationship, maybe part of me thought that I would die before that ever happened, maybe I was just scared of losing someone else important."
"I don't know how, but you've become someone very important to me Hanare," He saw her eyes widen slightly and a sense of hope in her eyes. "I don't want to see you go because I like having you in my life, having you here especially. I'm...not very good at this," he chuckled as he rubbed the back of his head with one hand.
"You'd think with all the romance I read I would be better," he admitted.
She shook her head, "No I think you're doing well." She smiled for real this time. "So, does this mean that you like me as well?"
"I'll be honest, you've been on my mind a lot lately. I don't want to lose you or see you go, I want you here with me. I can't see anyone else being by my side in my life and if you can accept me as I am, I'm...willing to try, with you that is." Kakashi felt his face heating up, this was one reason he had never gotten into any relationship, he felt he wasn't good at the talking part. There was so much he wanted to say but didn't know how to say it. All he knew was that he wanted to be with her and for her to be with him.
Hanare smiled as she pulled herself to him and buried herself into his chest. Kakashi slowly closed his arms around her as he felt her slim arms wrap around himself as well. It felt nice, naturally to be like this with her. He smiled as he rested his face into her hair, this was a big step he knew, he never once thought about a serious relationship, at least until now. Now he was going to have to try something he had never really done before, dating.
Hard to believe that he felt a small part of fear, not about dating Hanare, that was strangely a nice warm feeling. The fear was what if he screwed that up? He never dated seriously before so what was he supposed to do? Well at any rate he could put that off for later, right now he just wanted to enjoy the feeling of her against him.
For so long both of them had been alone in life, for Hanare she was raised separately from everyone, having been forced to have no bonds with anyone in life. For Kakashi, his bonds had been stolen and left him guarding himself from being hurt again. Yet both of them now in that moment, felt an empty place in them finally being filled for the first time in their lives. For the first time they both felt like they were taking the first steps to becoming whole once again.
Next up Chapter 13: The Date
Well the confession part I was having trouble with, so I hope it worked out well.
