CHAPTER 12 – DENIAL
Meanwhile at May's room, both teen were still stumped by shock. There's no telling to who was more surprised at the moment, because both May and Brendan were equally pale in expression. Everything had gone from bad to worse.
"Did Drew witness the whole thing? Damn! Why did I forget to lock the door?!" Brendan thought.
"But Bren, even though I'd love to, I'm sorry, I already have Drew. I love him. I'm... I'm sorry!" May quickly said before dashing out from her room. "Why? Why was Drew there? What did Drew hear?" May thought while she sprinted as hastily as possible. Her blue eyes scanned around, but she found no one except Nurse Joy.
"Where's Drew?"
"He has left while ago." Nurse Joy replied. May nodded in gratitude and then paced into the elevator, repeatedly pressing the 'V' button as if it would make the elevator arrive faster.
Drew... Wait for me!
As the elevator opened for her, she entered it and realized she didn't have a clue where Drew had gone to. If he was planning to avoid her, he must've gone somewhere far to enclose himself with his thoughts. That would be...outside? Since he particularly liked to take a stroll at night to enjoy the cold wind.
When May had finally arrived to the first floor, the first thing that went into her mind was that the clouds were grey in color. It was going to rain. "It's about to rain. He'll get sick." The brunette muttered to no one in particular, before scurrying out to find Drew.
"Drew!" May called out, but no reply was heard. Where could he have gone?!
"Drew! Where are you?" she shouted again whilst looking around the darkness. All she found was just trees, trees, and trees. There was no sign of him whatsoever. No traces, no footsteps, nothing. She was already in a middle of the woods yet she still didn't find a clue on where he could possibly go to. She cursed herself. Why did she let him run?
"Drew! Drew, answer me!" she screamed, sprinting further into the woods.
Droplets of water fell onto her face. Damn, it's beginning to rain.
"Drew! Are you here?"
She didn't even know where she was. But honestly, she didn't care that she was lost in a forest in the middle of the night. She didn't care that she was running without a certain direction. The only thing she's concerned about was Drew. Where had he gone to? Why did he run? Did he hear the whole thing? Why didn't he question her instead of running away? It all was making no sense to her. Drew was never a type to run away. Could it be that this time, it finally became unbearable to him so he ran away from it?
He was jealous. He was running away from the jealousy he felt.
And it was all because of her who told him to not feel jealous so he tried to escape from the jealousy. He went away because he did not want to feel jealous so that he wouldn't disappoint her.
It was all her fault. How could she oppose him of such inevitable feeling? She should've known. She shouldn't have pressured him of his personality. If she loved him, she should've accepted him as he is.
"Drew! If you hear me, please answer me!"
The drizzle fell heavier, dropping unmercifully against everything under the sky, not excluding May. Albeit she was soaking wet by the rain, she didn't give up. Her vigorous blue eyes scanned around every now and then, hoping to find a familiar green-head around but it was fruitless. Her previously bright brown hair withered helplessly because of the rain. The tears which had fallen from her eyes were obscured by the drops of rain.
Why did it have to rain? Her body was getting weak, her lips were already pale, and her fingers were already wrinkled, but she still hadn't found a trace of him.
"Drew!" she yelled again. She felt her body weakening more by each second. She dragged her legs a few final steps before dizziness made her stop. Everything started to spin as her vision blurred.
"Drew..." she called for the last time, and the next thing happened was her body falling hard onto the wet ground.
Pokémon Center
"I'm going out to find May!" Drew heard Brendan's shouting voice.
Drew then also heard a woman's voice, which was obviously owned by Nurse Joy. "But, Brendan, it is raining hard now, you will get sick if you insist on leaving."
"Won't May also get sick, then?" Brendan replied loudly, "I'm sure she is outside now! She tends to faint in a cold weather, and if I don't find her on time, she maybe will-"
"Brendan, relax." Nurse Joy said, "I have an umbrella here, however, if she's really fainted, you couldn't hold the umbrella while carrying her, could you? I will let you go once the rain stops."
"I believe May will be alright. She'll find a shelter." Nurse Joy continued. It didn't soothe Brendan's nerves, though. If anything, it was making Brendan more aggravated. May was reckless, she'd do anything that comes up in her brain without thinking whether it was risky. He recalled there was one time when their neighbor's son, Wally, went missing and May went out to find him in the rain, ending up fainted in the deep Petalburg Woods. In the end, she got a bad influenza which took eight days to recover. He couldn't let this thing happen again. He didn't manage to save May when it first happened but his time, he'd save May. He couldn't let May collapse because of that stupid Drew.
Drew inhaled a deep breath. Should he go to find May? Sitting on the emergency stairs didn't seem as the right thing to do in the moment. Additionally, he had spent about twenty minutes on the empty stairs just to cogitate about what he'd seen earlier.
He stood up, inhaling a deep breath before walking out from the dark place where he had spent his time. But how should he react when he sees May? What should he say? A few contemplation made him to hold back his urge to find her.
"The idea of travelling with you is wonderful." he recalled her words.
"I'd love to travel with you," she said.
He just couldn't forget what she said. He just couldn't forget her smile when she agreed to Brendan's request. As far as he remembered, May didn't have that beautiful smile when she offered to travel with Drew. But then again, of course she'd choose Brendan. They were childhood friends, and they had a better relationship than May and Drew had, much to Drew's disappointment. Past these days with Brendan, never once did he see her argue with Brendan. It was the exact opposite when May was with Drew. In short... he lost. Drew lost.
"I have no time to be waiting like this!" Brendan shouted, then sprang up from his seat.
"Brendan, take this umbrella!" Nurse Joy was about to stop him, but the red-eyed boy had already gone. Sighing, Nurse Joy slumped down on her seat. She could just hope nothing would happen to both Brendan and May.
Just a while after Brendan left, Drew walked past the counter.
"Drew," Nurse Joy called, "Are you going to search for May too?"
"Yes." He answered without turning around.
"Here, take this." Nurse Joy gave him two yellow umbrellas, which he accepted with a brief smile.
"I'm sorry, May." Drew thought. If Brendan was telling the truth, and May was really in danger, Drew would never forgive himself. Why did he run like a coward? Yes, he didn't have any precautions if he were to be caught eavesdropping but running away was such a cowardly action to do.
The rain was merciless. Just one step out from the white building, Brendan was already soaking wet. The harsh droplets of the rain hurt his skin, but he didn't give a damn. He didn't need an umbrella or a coat. He didn't care if he was going to fall sick from this. May's life was more important than his. If only he had locked the door... If only he didn't confess...
And he recalled May's words. May told him she loved Drew. Why? Why did she? She'd admitted they were only pretending, right? Did she really fall for Drew? Or was it just an excuse to reject him? The thunder roared in the sky, halting Brendan's movements.
This is not good. May is scared of thunder.
That urged Brendan to sprint more speedily. His desperate will to find her, it was blazing in his eyes. In this moment, he needed nothing than May's safety. Her rejection was nothing compared to seeing her sick.
Meanwhile, Drew was roaming around the forest. With every step he took, the rain poured heavier. His steps became faster when an image of a fainted May appeared in his mind. He had a bad feeling about her well-being. It occupied his mind, and he just couldn't shake it off no matter how much he convinced himself that May would be fine.
"May, please be okay!" Drew thought in panic. His grip on the umbrella became tighter. Why didn't he just get angry so none of this would be happening? If either Brendan or May really got sick, he would never ever forgive himself. He could've cared less about Brendan, but it was gnawing on his conscience. He had brought this upon everyone, therefore, he should make up for his mistake. He'd do all it takes to fix everything.
He jogged into the woods more briskly, his darkening green eyes darting around. All he saw were Pokémon sheltering from the heavy rain.
When his eyes caught a figure lying helplessly ahead of him, his panic turned into horror.
"May!" he called. He was about to run towards May, but he immediately paused when he saw Brendan sprinting towards the fainted brunette. Brendan lifted May up, unnoticing Drew, and dashed back to Pokémon Center.
Drew just stood there watching Brendan carrying May in his arms. It felt like his heart had stopped. The shock, the fear, they mixed into an unspeakable emotion. Never had he felt so screwed up. It was far worse than seeing Brendan confessing to May while ago. It was far worse than hearing May agree to Brendan's offer.
He lost. He lost again. Brendan got to her faster than Drew. It was all clear now. How could Drew be May's partner, when he's even unable to keep May safe? How could he be May's partner, when he's always making her upset? How could he be May's partner, when he's the one who caused all this mess?
"I am useless." He mentally said to himself.
He had no right to claim he loved May. All this time, he had only caused turmoil and sadness upon her. Had they even gotten through one day without quarrelling? No. Everything they had was contradiction. They were never going to be peaceful—as how she wanted. To think that he wanted so much to be her boyfriend, now he was sure he had no right to be his boyfriend.
Is this what they call heartbreak?
Because it didn't feel that way. He felt like every parts of his body were breaking too. Sure, it was pathetic for him to think and feel so, but his condition now, he couldn't describe it in other words other than pathetic.
He was pathetic. He was useless.
May was right for not choosing him. He understood it now, why May didn't want to have a relationship with him. It was simply because he was useless. Now he knew that May understood him more than himself. Now he knew May was not dense, but rather, she was too smart, just she didn't want to hurt his pride.
"I am useless." the words echoed endlessly in his mind.
"Oh my gosh! Chansey, get a towel for Brendan! I'm taking May to the examination room!" Nurse Joy panicked when she saw a soaked Brendan carrying May into the Pokémon Centre. She quickly pulled a stretcher and asked Brendan to lay May on it.
"May, hang in there!" Brendan uttered at last before Nurse Joy pushed the stretcher into the examination room.
The front door pushed open and Drew walked into the building, closing back his umbrella. However, even when Drew had his back on Brendan, he could feel Brendan's ruby eyes piercing against Drew. Drew had predicted this would happen, though.
"Happy now?" Brendan screamed heatedly.
Drew glanced at Brendan before giving back his umbrella to Chansey. His eerily calm expression only infuriated Brendan more. It seemed to Brendan as if Drew wanted all of this to happen.
"Do you realize what you've done?" Brendan yelled. Again, Drew didn't bother to reply. He knew he was in the fault, he deserved to be scolded.
"Say something, idiot!" Brendan grabbed his collar and shook it furiously. His flaming rubies clashed with Drew's rigid jades, emanating raw anger. Drew, however, avoided Brendan's burning gaze after a while and coldly tossed Brendan's hand away and walked off.
"She loves you, bastard!" Brendan screamed again. It did make Drew pause. Brendan, with his clenched fists trembling, stared at Drew, wondering what Drew was going to do, or say.
"I know." Drew replied emotionlessly. He didn't want any debate with Brendan right now, all he wanted was some time to calm himself down after the total breakdown his mind suffered.
That bastard!
Brendan charged on Drew, but didn't manage to reach Drew as Chansey pushed on his legs, preventing him to land a hit.
"You heartless bastard! If something happens to her, I'll never forgive you!"
"She will be fine." Drew said.
"Oh, yeah, easy for you to say! Because while she's looking for you in the rain, you're just casually walking around with an umbrella! Have you no sense of guilt?" Brendan scolded, his urge to hit Drew in the face badgering him. He was on the peak of his anger.
"What are you aiming for, Drew?" Brendan continued reprimanding, "Does it satisfy you to see others get hurt because of you? You can just reject May if you don't like her! No need to hurt her like this! What do you get from hurting May? Even though you don't love her, you can't treat her like she's a trash, you bastard! Just what the hell do-"
"I love her!" Drew finally blasted as he turned around to face Brendan with his intense jades.
Drew's words rendered Brendan speechless for a moment, but he quickly countered, "Oh, you're telling me you love her? If you really do, then you're doing a damn bad job on it!"
"Please stop arguing," Nurse Joy suddenly said, causing the two boys to look at the nurse.
"Don't raise your voice in the hospital," she continued sternly, "Anyhow, May is fine. She has woke up, I believe you two want to see her. She is still weak, though, so please don't argue or force her to do something."
"I get it, thank you." Brendan said before scampering into May's room.
"Aren't you going to see her?" Nurse Joy asked when Drew made no move to enter May's room.
"I," Drew bit his lip, "I'll see her later."
"Fine, be sure not to forget to visit her, though. She was asking for you when she woke up."
"Alright, thanks." Drew uttered before heading to his room.
"Drew?"
Drew's steps halted.
"Don't think too much. Everything is fated by God. God loves us, hence, when we do something wrong, something good always comes from it."
"May," Brendan called, sitting on a chair beside the bed, "How are you feeling?"
"Hey, Brendan. I'm okay." May's weak voice greeted.
"Where's Drew?" May asked.
Brendan's frown deepened.
Even though she's ill like this, the first thing she asks for is Drew.
Why? Why did she still ask about Drew even though he was the one who caused all this mess? Why did she still care for Drew when he had treated her so cruelly? Did she love Drew that much?
"I don't know. Didn't see him," Brendan lied.
"Oh," May seemed to slump down slightly, "I thought he has come back."
May's despair saddened Brendan. The look of disappointment in her eyes showed how much she cared about Drew. He didn't want to see her in such state. Although it hurt him, he wanted her to be happy. And if it means to let her be with Drew, he'd do it. He'd never force her to stay away from something she loved so much.
Even if it was the one who caused this pain to her.
"He has," Brendan, despite reluctantly, disclosed.
"He just went to do something else first, I guess." he continued, "I'll find him for you if-"
"No, it's fine, I just wanted to know if he's back," May said, "I thought he's still out there in the rain."
"Okay." Brendan replied, "Well..."
"May, I'm sorry."
"For what?"
"I'm sorry. If I hadn't-"
"No, there's nothing you should apologize for." May smiled, "I think I should be the one to apologize. If I had told you since the beginning that I loved Drew, you wouldn't have gotten the wrong idea. Did I...disappoint you? I'm sorry."
"No, no. I kind of expected it, honestly," he said, "I just... I hope things will go well between you both."
"I appreciate that, Brendan." May replied. "I'm also sorry things got complicated here."
"No, no. If anything, I should be in fault." Brendan shook his head, "Anyway, I guess you should get some rest."
"I don't think I can sleep peacefully after everything that's happened," May joked lightly, "But I'll try. Honestly, this hospital bed is much more comfortable than the bed in the rental room."
Brendan chuckled. "Geez, May, if you put it like that, it seems like you like being hospitalized."
"I guess I slightly do."
Drew raked his hands over his hair, his fingers clawing hard into his skull. A remorseful groan escaped his lips. What should he do? Did he really deserve May's faith and affection?
"Fuck. You're such a coward, Drew. You can't even find the damn courage to face her now. Where's your fucking mind? Have you lost it?" the inner voice in him outraged. How the hell had things come to this? All was going so well.
"Oh, you're telling me you love her? If you really do, then you're doing a damn bad job on it!" Brendan's angry yell rang through his thoughts. Somehow, the furious accusations made by Brendan enraged him. Just because he saved May, doesn't mean he had the right to say that Drew didn't love May. Why? Why did I become such a screw-up? I'm not fucking doing a bad job in loving May. All these years, I've always tried to improve her in all aspects. What did I miss?
His fingernails dug deeper into his skull, possibly leaving scars, but he paid no heed to the pain. Trying to get a grasp of different perspectives, he clenched his hands on the back of his neck and rose up. Maybe the first thing I've got to do to prove that I'm worthy is to apologize.
The door to May's ward opened slightly amidst the brunette's laugh. Brendan and May was reminiscing the old times and making jokes about their childhood. When the door opened fully revealing a glum-looking Drew, May's voice stuck on her throat. She wanted to speak, but her mind seemingly stopped her lips from doing so.
Apparently, seeing Brendan and May happily laughing and having fun wasn't the most satisfying sight for Drew, but he did feel better hearing her melodious giggles.
"I see you're feeling better." he attempted to make a civil conversation.
May pursed her lips and smiled. What was this nervousness? It felt like she had just met Drew after 10 years of separation. Her lips literally trembled when she tried to call his name. She wanted to talk to him, but why wasn't her body cooperating?
Drew somehow had concluded this would happen. May was a bundle of nerves, and her silence meant either she was nervous of seeing Drew because she was mad at him, or she was too elated to see him thus causing her to be cordoned by nervousness.
Upon noticing the disconcerting atmosphere in the air, Brendan rose from his seat, "Maybe I should give you two some space,"
"No," Drew intercepted, "You can stay here. I'll just be here for a while."
Brendan shrugged and plopped back down. "Alright, if that's what you want."
Drew swallowed and bit down on his teeth. If he was going to prove his faith for May, Brendan had to stay. He had to see Drew's proof of devotion, so that his dumbass head would finally comprehend that his love for May was real. After all, Drew had no reason to bluff; he adored May to the point that he'd give up his life for her.
"May," the green-eyed began, "I'm sorry."
Apologizing hadn't been very easy for Drew. In fact, it could be considered rare that he could so easily apologize to a person when another people are around. May recognized this verity about him; and thus she accepted his apology straight away, with a smile and teary eyes that screamed for a hug. Drew was delighted of her acceptance. He embraced her against his chest while stroking her hair in an attempt to soothe her sobs. He had never liked seeing her cry, all the more if he was the cause.
"I—n-never-blamed you," May's sobbed out almost incoherently.
"I'm sorry. I have been here all along, I didn't think you would go out searching for me... I'm sorry..." his voice trailed off.
"I-was-stupid-to guess-that you-went out." May forced out.
"I've never felt so useless before."
"No-you're not-useless." May rose to look up at him.
"I caused all this crap."
"It doesn't matter,"
"Yes, it does."
"No-it doesn't, Drew." May's grip on Drew's shirt tightened. "Trust-me."
Somehow Brendan felt queasy watching this scene before him. He was jealous, and he failed to keep it to himself. He stepped into their little dispute by uttering to May, "May, I want to apologize too. I shouldn't have said the things I said."
May's gaze went on to Brendan. After swallowing through a sob, she found her voice and replied, "Brendan, you're my best friend... No matter what things you said, I'll still-take you as my friend. You-did the right thing. You shouldn't have kept-this heavy burden yourself. What I don't know is, why did you decide-to tell me now."
Brendan went stiff.
"But if you had told me sooner, probably I wouldn't have Drew." she smiled weakly, while averting her gaze onto Drew. "Perhaps I would accept you instead of Drew, because I thought my liking was love. And when I met Drew, I realized it wasn't. So, I ought to thank you, Brendan."
Her words pierced both the boys right in their chest. Brendan mentally cursed himself, regretting why he was afraid to tell her sooner. If he did, May would be his. And now he was filled with grief. His lack of courage has led him to a severe loss. His unwillingness to take a chance has led his heart to emptiness. Now all was left was regret. There wasn't any way to change the situation. May had became Drew's, and there's no way she could love Brendan more than how she loved Drew. As much as he hated to admit it, the way May's eyes gleamed when looking at Drew reverberated her apparent attraction to the chartreuse-haired boy.
Meanwhile, Drew was ruminating over May's words. She had just admitted that she had liked Brendan first. Deep down, he felt slightly jealous. However, it was all in the past, and her fondness wouldn't grow to love, right?
