Yes I poke fun at fan fic writers in this update. Hope you enjoy!
WWE Silly Style
Chapter 12: Technical Difficulties, Discovering Slash, Golden Girls vs. Meatblob
Even though the first episode had not gone as planned McMahon decided he still liked the idea of WWE having a cooking show so he decided to try again. He thought with tonight's guest he had found someone who would do better than The Undertaker making a peanut butter sandwich. So, as was scheduled the program began taping live and Vince only hoped that this time things would go better.
"Tonight on the WWE's very own cooking program, 'Food With Fight' we have with us good ol' Jim Ross."
The camera panned out to show J.R. standing behind the counter in his usual cowboy hat and attire.
"Good evening and welcome to 'Food With Fight'." J.R. said. "I've been asked to make my favorite dish tonight and you all know what that means. Oklahoma barbeque!"
J.R. reached under the counter and brought up a bottle of sauce.
"Now, the secret's in the sauce. I guarantee you, if you go and get some of my special sauce people will be on your barbeque like flies on sh—well…maybe that's not a good analogy."
The camera panned in on the bottle of J.R.'s special sauce.
"But the first thing you really need to do to make a lip smackin' finger lickin' slobber knockin' barbeque is to get the right kind of meat. It has to be fresh."
J.R. disappeared off camera for a moment and came back into the picture with a rope tied around his hand.
"I'm going to make pulled pork barbeque. So, here's my pork."
J.R. pulled on the rope and dragged in a squealing and snorting hog. The camera men and crew began to look at each other nervously. J.R. rummaged in a drawer and pulled out a long knife.
"Y'see this is the first step to makin' some good ol' barbeque. It might be kind of noisy what with the hog squealing and it might be a little messy so you might not want to do this in your kitchen. Just when you do it it's like your mama pulling off a band-aid, do it quick and it won't hurt so much." J.R. raised the knife above his head. The crew began to grow frantic and someone stepped in front of the camera and drew his hand across his throat in a 'cut' motion. Just as J.R. was bringing the knife down the camera went to black and a message played across the screen: Please excuse us we are experiencing technical difficulties.
"Hey Mark, what are you doing?" Glen peered over Mark's shoulder, a habit the older man found annoying.
"Fan fiction. Have you ever read this stuff?" Mark replied as he scanned over some writing. His face twisted up into a look of disgust and he closed the story.
"No, what's it all about? It's just a bunch of people who have too much time on their hands writing about me right?"
Mark raised an eyebrow and watched Glen untie his shoes.
"Why would they spend all their time writing about you?"
"Because I'm awesome." Glen replied with a 'psh!' as though of course everyone knows that he is amazing.
"Some of the fic's are interesting but…I think most of these people are some kind of sick-o's or something."
"You know what they say Mark. It takes one to know one." Glen smirked.
"Fine, you can rib me all you want but you haven't read any of this stuff." Mark frowned and turned back to the computer ignoring Glen when he tried to ask more questions. That was a bad idea because the bald man just came back to reading over Mark's shoulder.
"I don't see anything wrong with this. It's about Shawn and Paul."
"It's slash."
"So…they get killed. That could be nice actually." Glen rubbed his chin thoughtfully.
"No not slash as in 'slasher'."
"Well then what does it mean? It's not me chasing DX around while wearing a ski mask and wielding a machete and finger knives?"
"Um…well I don't know I haven't read one like that yet but I think with these people and their imaginations anything is possible. Glen, slash is…well Shawn and Paul are more than just friends."
"Oh, I see." Glen pondered for a moment. "Well I guess that's not so bad. Are you homophobic Mark?"
"No, or else I wouldn't allow you around."
Glen smacked Mark in the back of the head and they both had a chuckle.
"So then I don't get what's so freaky about this stuff."
"It's…detailed." Mark got up from his seat and let Glen take it over so he could find out for himself. Now it was Mark who was doing the reading over the shoulder but he didn't find that annoying at all.
"Hunter ran a hand over Shawn's ass before pushing him to the bed. It had been too long since he had a piece of it. Shawn tangled his hands in Hunter's blonde locks pulling him closer and causing their lips to crash together. Their tongues fought for dominance in hungry mouths. Hands roamed bodies that became slicked with sweat as they both got hotter and hotter. Shawn moved his hands over Hunter's tight muscles and downwards until they found the growing bulge between his legs. Shawn opened Hunter's fly and pulled out his throbbing…" Glen trailed off.
"That's enough to give you nightmares and that's not even half of it. Jeff Hardy and CM Punk, John Cena and Batista, Matt Hardy and Edge."
"Wait a minute, do these people even notice who's feuding with who?"
"Everyone is everyone's lover. I mean, that's all we do is have sex so it seems. I mean it's wrestling fiction you'd think it would be about wrestling right? It's about deviant sex. That's what it is!" Mark crossed his tattooed arms over his chest and scowled disapprovingly at the computer.
"Well deviant sex is not always a bad thing." Glen mumbled.
"What?"
"Nothing." Glen felt his cheeks starting to burn red.
"You don't think it's that bad still? Well okay, I didn't want to have to bust this out but here it goes. I'll show ya."
Mark leaned over Glen and scrolled through stories until he clicked on one. After the story summary were two names: Mark and Glen. These two names were followed by that one disturbing word….SLASH!
"Us?" Glen cracked up laughing at the mere thought. He clicked on a chapter and started to read. "Glen fisted his hands in Mark's dark hair as the older man swirled his tongue around Glen's…head." Glen's laughter died down and with the heat in his face he figured he was now living up to his nickname 'The Big Red Machine.' He continued on reading. "Glen moaned as Mark caressed his member expertly. 'Fuck me Mark, oh baby fuck me!' Glen gasped. Mark raised his head and smiled seductively and then slowly ran his tongue over his lips which only made Glen groan again. 'Okay baby, I'm coming.' Mark spit in his hand making lube and…he…thrust in…to…the tightness of Glen's…ass."
Glen quickly closed the fic and shivered. He suddenly realized Mark was still leaning over his shoulder and suddenly he felt way too close to the older man.
"Get away from me…"
"I told you. Disturbing. Why would people write that crap about us?"
"Maybe you act gay in public." Glen shrugged. "Maybe I act gay in public?"
"Glen! I have never nor will I ever act gay in public."
"Just in private?" Glen smirked.
"I am not that way." Mark growled. "You on the other hand maybe I should worry about."
"Like you said earlier Mark…" Glen rose from his chair and made Mark very uncomfortable by coming nearly nose to nose with him. Mark backed away until the backs of his legs hit the bed and Glen pushed him back onto it. "Take's one to know one. That's what you said earlier wasn't it?"
"No, you said it."
"Oh, oh well. What do you say hmmm Mark?" Glen growled seductively as he crawled on top of his bewildered friend.
"What in the hell do you think you're doing!" Mark shoved Glen backwards and the big man toppled off the bed with a crash. He sat up like Kane out of sheer habit and rubbed the back of his bare head. "Ow."
Mark grabbed a pillow and held it in front of him as some sort of shield against unwanted male contact.
"Why did you do that? Don't ever do that again you idiot! You better tell me you were just yanking me around!"
"Well I didn't get that far."
"That's not what I meant. Glen, get out of here now before I spew vomit at you!"
"Fine, I can tell when I'm not wanted." Glen made a big show over pouting as he picked himself up from the floor and made his way to the door. Before leaving he gave one last smirk to a confused and frightened Mark. "If you change your mind, you know where to find me. I'll be in my room…finishing reading that fan fic."
Meanwhile Paul Levesque walked into the room he was sharing with Shawn. He shook his head when he saw Shawn sitting in front of the tv and as always he was way to close to it. Paul just knew that boy was going to ruin his eyes. Shawn didn't seem to even notice that Paul had come in. He just sat in front of the tv in his pink pajama's complete with feet in them and a button flap on the butt.
"Shawn, what are you watching?" Paul squinted at the tv screen and grimaced when he saw what it was.
"Duh Paulie, I'm watching The Golden Girls! Now hush, Bea Arthur is about to say something sarcastic!"
"Shawn, I want to watch Adult Swim! Aqua Teen Hunger Force is on!" Hunter complained as he flopped onto the bed.
"You think a talking meatball is more important that this?" Shawn waved his hand at the four elderly women bickering on tv.
"He's not a meatball, he's a Meatwad!"
"Whatever." Shawn pressed a button on the tv and turned the volume up to thwart Paul's attempt to argue with him about his choice of program.
"It's new tonight! I want to see what Shake is up to!" Paul whined.
"Go to McDonald's. Ba-da bap-ba-ba I'm lovin' it!" Shawn mimicked the jingle.
"I'm not lovin' it. You and your senile old bats on the tube, what's so great about that?" Hunter darted towards the tv intent on changing the channel but Shawn leaped in the way his eyes wide in terror.
"Nope! I will not let this happen! My Golden Girls will not be sacrificed so you can watch Meatblob!" Shawn shouted over the canned laughter that came from the tv in response to Dorothy talking about her sex life.
"It's Meatwad…say it with me Shawn Meat and then Wad. Meatwad!"
"You are a grown man wanting to watch a hunk of chopped and mangled animal flesh and a milkshake with hands! Milkshake's do not have appendages and if they did then…well they don't!"
"That's right. I'm the sick-o here aren't I?" Paul huffed. "I mean a woman well old enough for a senior discount and AARP talking about her sex life isn't disturbing at all is it. No, that' just good wholesome entertainment! How you find that to be even slightly amusing is beyond me! It's more like sickening!"
"If you were my real friend you wouldn't say mean things about The Golden Girls." Shawn's blue eyes welled up with tears and his lip poked out and began to quiver. "If you cared you'd let me watch it. If you loved me you would! What kind of person are you taking me away from my lovely ladies?" Shawn hugged the tv and stroked the top of it affectionately. Paul's shoulders sank and he sighed defeated.
"Ok…you're right Shawn."
Shawn burst into a huge grin and threw himself onto Paul in a hug.
"Yeah, right. It was nice of me. Remember that." Paul smirked. Shawn began to turn back to his program but stopped for a moment.
"Hey Paul?"
"Yeah Shawn?"
"Thank you for being a friend!"
"No prob."
"Travel down the road and back again!" Shawn sang the words of The Golden Girls theme song. "Your heart is true you're a pal and a confidant! Thank you for being a friiieeeeend!"
"Shut up and watch the show before I change my mind." Paul grumbled.
Was it lolable? Like it hate it don't care? Lemme know whatcha think! Peace and love!
