So I'm back with another update. I hope you enjoy it. And as always thanks to you awesome people that alert or favorited this story. Not to mention a big thank you to all reviewers or people who send a PM. You guys are the best! I'm not kidding when I say you make my day whenever you hit that button :)
Disclaimer: Glee is not mine.
Danny was sitting in his apartment hovering over various notes he made about his conversations with Brittany. Since this ordeal started he thought that it was the wrong idea and now he felt it even more. He didn't know Brittany very long but they had talked much about her and her problems so he knew quiet a lot.
What he knew was that Brittany wouldn't come clean about the whole incident to either Santana or an official therapist. He was in a double bind : He was a therapist introduced to Brittany as a friends of Santana's professor and he was the only one Brittany seemed to open up to which meant he couldn't reveal to her that talking to a therapist wasn't so bad. Well she talked to him and it didn't kill her did it?
He spent hours everyday preparing for his talks with Brittany. He knew he was investing more time into Brittany's case than others. But he couldn't help it. He grew really fond of the blonde. He was not attracted to her in that way but she reminded him of someone he held dear and he wanted to help her. More than anything.
Brittany was lying on the living room couch. She was meeting Danny later the day and decided to just goof around until she had to get ready.
Her mind almost immediately drifted to the other night. She had kissed Santana and Santana had kissed her. She always thought that wouldn't happen ever again. She kind of felt glad? She didn't know, it wasn't really a feeling. More of pulse growing under the heavy weight of anxiety, shame and hate she carried underneath her skin.
Focusing her mind on her meeting with Danny Brittany tried to calm herself down and not think about all of it.
Sitting at her desk Santana just couldn't set her mind on work. Last night she and Brittany shared a kiss. It wasn't at all sexually charged but the sheer intimacy made her whole body tingle. She hadn't been this close to Brittany since the shooting, And Santana can't describe how much she missed being near the blonde like this. Given the fact that they cuddled every night it was not the same with sharing a kiss with one another. A kiss was not only a connection but also the will to share yourself with another person. At least that's what Santana thought it was. She felt like it was the first time verbally and with her body Brittany shared herself with Santana. It felt almost deliberating making Santana hopeful that she would be able to see the old Brittany resurface again.
Danny and Brittany were sitting at the park Santana once ran off to when she needed to cool down. They were even at the same pond the Latina once sought out in her frenzy to get away from the blonde. The more it seems fitting that here Danny started to address the subject "Santana" to the blonde at hits particular spot.
"So Britt what are you going to do? Do you still want to hide from her?" Danny was asking rather softly. Like whispering to a stray doe afraid of scaring it away.
"I told you Danny I need time to do this. Why are you so insistent on that subject?" The blonde was clearly distressed. Well she always was when Danny wanted her to open up.
"It's because I'm your friend Brittany and you won't get any better if you don't start to open up to other people. I know your story yes. But there is only so much I can do for you. I mean can't you see all the progress you have made just talking to me? Imagine what you could accomplish by talking to a therapist or for a start Santana? I mean don't you think she deserves the truth? I mean she has been caring for you since day one and you haven't told her anything." He knew this was a low blow but he had to get her worked up or rather a little bit aggravated so that she would see the necessity in his bidding.
Instead of getting angry or shouting at him Brittany broke down.
"I know I have to tell her but how should I start? She kissed me last night. It just felt right you know? When was the last time I could say anything felt anything than terrifying or hurtful? It's getting better she doesn't have to know what happened along the lines. I can tell her bits and pieces that will make the story add up and it's going to be okay. Why should I hurt her like this? We are getting there." She mumbled this words out. He could her the strain in her voice her desperate fight against the tears.
"Brittany stop with all this bull. You know just as much as I do that you can't just swallow what happened to you and live as if nothing happened. You know you can't run from these things and you know that if you won't tell Santana about it you might as well break up. She won't understand you if you don't say anything. She won't know how to deal with it when you break down again. Or even when you need to talk because you started therapy. Because you will have to start therapy or you will never be even close to the person you were before. You guessed already that you can never go back to the way you were before. You have seen and been forced to endure too much but you can get back to all your feelings and especially to be feeling like you again. Not the same, a new Brittany who will still be undeniably Brittany. Just you." He was shouting at first but his voice got softer and calmer with every word he said.
Danny was just so frustrated at his current position in Brittany's life.
Brittany looked at him with a deers in a headlight kind of expression. Her blue eyes were comically wide and her mouth was a grimace he couldn't describe. Her eyebrows were raised indicating surprise. It was ironic how Brittany's face seemed to start to remember what her body should feel.
"Will she... understand...be okay?" Brittany's question was a mere whisper but Danny caught it nonetheless.
"She is a tough one. Trust her like she trusts you. The Professor told me she never gave up hope that you would come back. Even on the shittiest days."
Santana was already home when Brittany arrived after her meeting with Danny. The blonde still hadn't made her mind up if she should talk to Santana. When she came into the living room she found an endearing sight. Santana was curled up on the couch still in her work clothes. She had covered herself with a blanket that was now covering more of the floor than the Latina herself. She had her face scrunched up in discomfort and shifted on the couch to find a comfortable position.
Brittany kneed down in front of the couch and started lightly stroking Santana's face.
"San you have to wake up or else your back will ache tomorrow and you will be really sore." Instead of an answer Santana grumbled something incoherent.
"Come on sleepy head lets get you into your comfy sleep wear and into our fluffy comfortable bed."
At the words 'fluffy' and 'comfortable' the Latina opened her eyes lazily.
"Warm too?" was all she could say while she looked as if she was still asleep.
"Yeah warm too." With that said the blonde grabbed the Latina's hand and got her off the couch and into their room. She quickly undressed Santana who was literally sleeping while standing and got her dressed in shorts and a tank top. Then she dragged her body over to the bed and tucked her in.
Just as she was about to leave to get ready for bed a hand caught her wrist.
"Don't go B." Santana had her wrist in a vice like grip as if she needed to hold onto her or else she would vanish.
"Please Britt stay with me. You have to stay with me. I love you. I need you so much so please, just eat something and we can tuck you into bed so you can get a little bit of sleep." The Latina was openly pleading.
Brittany realized only now that Santana must still be asleep. And apparently she was dreaming about her. It could be about a time when she was still out of it. Quinn and Santana had vaguely filled her in what she exactly happened but she knew they were leaving the harsh parts out. They didn't want her to feel bad about any of it.
But she did already. And seeing Santana clinging to her so desperately begging her to hold on broke her heart all over again.
She had caused Santana so much hurt already she couldn't burden her soul with any more of her baggage. Just when she was about to vow to never tell Santana anything about what happened she felt Santana's grip loosen around her wrist and instead she saw the Latina's pinky search for her own which she offered willingly. Santana clutched the blondes pinky possessively and tucked her to bed and into her arms. She held Brittany tightly while never breaking their pinky hold.
Brittany was surprised by this action seeing the Latina still breathing evenly and sleeping.
"Thank you just for being here. I know what happened to you must have been painful beyond understanding but I hope that one day you have it in your heart to leave it behind you. That you can tell me everything and I can be by your side every step of the way. Because Brittany whatever will be there at the end of your road will be on mine too. I will stand by you forever. So don't worry all will be fine."
Brittany couldn't say when exactly the tears started but she was now full on crying into the crook of Santana's neck. After all the Latina had gone through with her she still wanted to be with her forever. Although Brittany had excluded her and only talked to Danny she never gave up on her. Brittany searched and searched. She closed her eyes and could almost see the darkness inside of her but under all of it she found what she was looking for. It was smaller than a grain of sand but shining brightly and fiercely. Struggling to burn further and further to illuminate the darkness. It was the grain Santana implanted into her: it was love. Just in that moment Brittany could feel it, a flicker that was gone before she could even revel in this feeling.
But it was this tiny flicker that gave the confidence and strength she needed right now.
Meanwhile Santana had woken up again. She felt something wet against her neck and wanted to make out the source. When she opened her eyes she was greeted by a crying Brittany nuzzling into her. She immediately tried to calm her down.
"Britt Britt what's wrong? Did something happen? Can I do anything- " the Latina was cut off. Brittany held her finger to those plump lips of hers. She looked into these brown orbs that she held so dearly.
"Shh San you have given me everything already. Don't worry all the time. I'm stronger now and I'm going to fight for myself this time. I'll fight for my sanity- our sanity. I will fight to be with you again. I mean really be with you so I can give you back what you have given me. To be with you with every fiber of my messed up being. I know I'm not able to show it but you have to understand and believe me that I love you."
With that Brittany kissed the Latina's forehead tenderly before snuggling up to her again.
Santana chest was bursting from love and pride. Not only seemed Brittany determined to fight but she told the Latina she loved her. And that was all she ever wanted and needed.
Brittany got nervous again but knew if she didn't start now she would never be able to.
"I never told you what happened at that dance studio.. aren't you curious?" Santana swallowed audibly.
The reply was quiet and a little shaky "Actually I'm terrified Britt. Of course I want you to be able to share with me what happened but at the same time I'm so fucking terrified. Just thinking someone might hurt you makes me sick. Knowing someone actually did anything to you it's just unbearable." Brittany could her the sincerity in Santana's voice. "But I will deal with it. I mean I can. With you. We can deal with it together. Seeing you getting better is what is important now. You don't have to hold back on my behalf. I told you before I would never judge you. I mean even though we are together I take pride in calling you my best friend and best friends tell each other everything, right?"
"Yeah San. You're my best friend too. And so much more. That's why I need you to hear me this from me."
Santana let out a shaky breath preparing herself for finally hearing what made Brittany hide in herself and prevented her from being fully there even now.
A/N: Okay it's kind of a cliffhanger and I'm sorry but I have to keep you hooked :D
