Chapter twelve – Staying up late to live tonight

'You don't look half bad', Scarlett says as she walks into the dorm. 'Where are you going?'

I spray some perfume on my wrists and check out my outfit briefly. Dark green trousers, black boots with gold clasps. A white jumper and a big golden necklace. The sleeves of my jumper are reaching just past my elbows, leaving my under arms and wrists exposed. Nothing fancy. Maybe it's because of the necklace, or the watch. I thank her nonetheless. 'I've been invited to a party.'

Scarlett whistles and sits down on my bed. 'I believe you're the first Slytherin to attend a party organised by the Marauders. How did you get in?'

My gaze finds hers, and I see that she's telling the truth. I had no idea it was organised by the Marauders. I try to conceal my surprise, but I'm pretty sure Scarlett will notice.

'You didn't know', the brunette says, and she laughs. 'You have to let me know how it was. I've heard so many stories about those parties.' She notices my hesitation and frowns. 'You are going, right? You have to go.'

I wasn't looking forward on going, but now I just don't want to go. But I owe Lily, and I don't like being in a position that I owe somebody, so I at least have to show my face. 'I'll go, don't worry. You'll get your gossip.'

Scarlett smiles, obviously looking forward to that. 'Oh, now you mention gossip, I need to tell you something', her voice becomes more serious.

'Mhmm', I hum and put in simple earrings, not really listening that closely. Scarlett shares a lot of "interesting" gossip. Most of the time it's not useful, just plain gossip.

'I saw your brother talking to Avery today.'

I freeze, repeating the sentence in my head again. 'Avery?' I ask and give her a side look.

Scarlett nods. 'Yes. I found it unusual. Are they friends?'

'Not that I know of', I answer, focussing again on my earrings.

Why on earth would Matts be talking to Avery? Avery is older, and usually just hanging out with members of the pre-Death Eater club – that's how Scarlett calls it. Matts is not interested in the Dark Arts, nor does he have a problem with Muggles. He has Muggle friends, for Merlin's sake.

'I thought it was weird.'

I nod in Scarletts direction, but don't say anything more.

'When do you need to leave?'

A quick look at my watch tells me that I promised to meet Lily in ten minutes. 'About now.'

'Good. Have fun. I want to hear all the details tomorrow.' She frowns. 'And stop looking so serious. People will think you're no fun. You're not, of course, but they don't need to know that. It's a party, after all.'

I roll my eyes. 'Sure, Scarlett', and I hurry off to the seventh floor.

Lily is already waiting for me. She has crossed her arms and is tapping her foot impatiently. When she sees me, she uncrosses her arms and motions me to walk faster. 'You're late', she says when I get in hearing range.

'Does running late actually counts as exercise?' I ask Lily, her irritation makes me smile. 'That verb really confuses me.'

'Whatever', she waves my diversion away. 'You're looking nice.'

Lily is wearing a long, simple dress, with short heels. She has her hair pinned up, some curls are hanging loosely, framing her face. 'That's a good dress as well. Glad to see you're not dressing as a witch in Muggle clothing anymore – well, you know what I mean.'

Lily returns my smile. 'Yes, I do. Thanks. Now, come on, the party is just a little further down the hallway.'

'How are the Marauders able to host a party in Hogwarts? Don't the professors prevent it from happening?'

The redhead shrugs. 'They never have, and the attending Prefects make sure nothing too absurd happens. They're usually really fun.'

'How comes you're not going with Potter?' I can't help but ask, watching Lily closely for her reaction.

Almost immediately, Lily starts to blush. 'He asked me, he always does. I said no, like I always do. I've never said yes to him before.'

'Why not?'

'He's-' she stops herself, frowning. 'I just don't.'

And with that it seems that the Potter subject has been closed. I don't push Lily any further, this is her decision. If she doesn't want to go out with him, she shouldn't.

'It's on the left. If anybody gives you a hard time, I'm sure you can handle yourself', Lily says while giving me a quick look. 'And if not, tell them I invited you.'

I grin and open the door to be perplexed. The door leads to a big space, with high ceilings and large windows looking out on the grounds. In front of me is a large dancefloor, filled with people who're dancing. At the end of the room is a staircase that leads to a platform. I can see some couches up there, giving it a more cosy setting. On the right side there is a large three that is shining a soft white light, illuminating the bar next to it. It all reminds me of a club.

'Pretty cool, isn't it?' Lily asks, standing next to me and smirking.

'It's okay', and I make sure that I don't look surprised anymore. Lily laughs out loud.

Lily is about to say something when somebody calls her name. Most likely a friend. I recognise the girl as Mary MacDonald. Sweet girl, a bit dense, and I'm really not in the mood to hang out with her. Lily gives me an apologetic smile, but I tell her to go to Mary. 'I want to check out the bar anyway. I'll see you later.'

'Are you sure?' The redhead asks, obviously uncertain about us splitting up.

'Yes, I don't need a babysit', and I give her a little push in Mary's direction. 'I'll see you later.'

Lily walks over to her friend, looking pretty guilty, while I walk over to the bar. I sit down on a barstool, and grab a paper with beverages on it. There is nobody behind the bar, so I guess you can just grab whatever you want.

'I recommend the Jack and Coke.'

Without looking next to me, I know that Sirius is standing there. Probably smirking. I have no idea how he found me so quickly, but he sounds really happy about it. I'm uncertain if I should just ignore him, or tell him to go away.

'I can tell that you don't want me here', Sirius says as he sits down next to me, 'But before asking me to go away you should look left for a second.'

Even though I don't want to, I look left. A guy with big glasses and a rather unattractive smile waves at me, pleased with the attention. Without greeting him back I turn back to Sirius.

'I thought so', Sirius says and he winks. 'Want that Jack and Coke?'

Because I don't really have anywhere to go, I say yes. Sirius hands me a rocks glass. I take a sip, hide my grimace and turn around, so I can lean against the bar and look over the dance floor. Unfortunately, I don't see anyone who will be happy to see me – besides Lily with Mary by her side. 'You do realise that people are going to notice that you're acting civil to me, right?'

'I don't mind if they do.'

I look at Sirius, who looks completely earnest, and raise an eyebrow. 'Correct me if I'm wrong, but not long ago you were insulting the evil Slytherin.'

For a moment he looks in doubt, his white teeth catch his lip and he bites it, as if he's deciding what he's going to say. 'I want to apologise for that, actually. I'm sorry, I was wrong about you. The Sorting Hat made a mistake or something - I don't know. You're not evil.'

I take a large sip, ignore the burn and look at Sirius. I can see all kinds of emotions on his face, hesitation, eagerness, caution, glee. It seems like he's happy to be able to apologise to me, but afraid of my reaction. As he should be, it's absurd what he's saying. 'No, Sirius. The Sorting Hat wasn't wrong about me. I value the traits that are characteristic for Slytherins, there is just more to life than that.'

Sirius instantly looks like a kicked puppy. Big eyes, hunched shoulders. 'That's what I meant.'

Without even thinking about it my eyebrow raises again. 'No, you didn't. You can't place everyone in a box, life is bigger than that. But I am cunning and ambitious, yes. But so are you.'

'I don't understand that', Sirius says, frowning.

'You're ambitious – you hate losing at Quidditch, or failing your classes even though people can't know about that', I tell him, watching how his frown deepens. 'You're cunning – scheming your pranks, even lying about things to get your jokes just right in the end. The thing is, everybody is, up until a point.'

Sirius empties half of his glass, staring in front of him, clearly thinking.

'People are not evil for being ambitious or cunning. They're evil if they find pleasure in hurting people. Nothing is black or white', I add gently.

Still staring at the wall, Sirius finishes his drink. 'Slytherins always have been evil', he says eventually. 'I can see your point, I do, but a lot of evil people came from Slytherin.'

I shrug. 'Maybe so. Are all Gyffindors brave though? Like, incredibly brave?'

Now it's Sirius turn to shrug, but I can see that he knows where I'm going. He stands up and fixes himself a second drink, asks me if I want a refill as well but I decline.

Since I think it's unwise to push Sirius that far that fast, I decide to drop it and let him think on it. I've given him all the cards now, he should be able to find a way to come to terms with it. 'Do you think Lily will say yes to Potter?'

Sirius turns around as well, to look at Lily and James talking. James looks over the moon, Lily seems to be flattered by something James just said. 'I hope so, for him. Besides, he would be good for Lily. They would make a great couple.'

'I can't disagree with that.'

For a moment we just watch the two of them talk, until Sirius turns to me, looking like he just realised something important. 'You address me with my first name and James with his surname. Why?'

'Eh', and I try not surprised, but I'm pretty sure I'm unable to conceal it completely.

'It must mean you like me', and he looks like a five-year-old on Christmas morning.

'There is a crucial difference between liking somebody and fancying somebody', I explain to him slowly, as if he really is a child. 'Besides, I address Remus with his first name as well. So stop feeling like you're special.'

Sirius leans back against the bar, grinning. 'Somehow I doubt that you fancy Remus. However, I can see you fancy me. After all, what's there not to fancy – great facial structure, good-looking hair, handsome in general, really.'

I can't deny it entirely, because I'm not completely sure that I can pull it off without him suspecting a lie. Buying myself some time, I take a sip of my drink. My best option is to give him an overload of information to baffle him. I take another sip, this time for some courage. 'I might fancy certain parts of you. However, this doesn't mean that I fancy you. Do you understand the difference? The first is admiring your hair, while the second is liking every aspect of you – or at least accepting and understanding you as a person.'

For a moment, Sirius actually looks taken aback. Then he straightens his back. 'What don't you like about me?'

Casually, I finish my drink, while deciding what I should answer. I got to hand it to him, he's resilient. 'I don't like how fast you're to judge things.'

'What do you mean?' Sirius asks, frowning.

'For example', and I give him my glass for a refill so his attention focusses on the glass. I don't want him to see how bad I feel for rubbing his mistake in his face, again. 'How fast you were to judge that I was evil when I was Sorted into Slytherin. Can I get another drink?'

Sirius takes my glass and makes me a new drink, remarkably quiet. He hands me over my glass and sits back down on his stool, staring at the people on the dance floor. 'Another example', he says eventually, his voice soft, 'is how quick I was to judge you had an eating disorder.'

Silence hangs heavily between us and I desperately try to act casually without looking at him, while feeling his gaze on me. I can feel anxiety course through my body and I take a big gulp of my drink, hoping the alcohol will override it.

'I'm sorry that I did', Sirius says sincerely. 'Before making up my mind about it, I should at least have asked you about it. Besides, it wasn't my business. It isn't my business. If you don't want to talk about it with me, then that's fine as well.'

At the end Sirius' voice sounds a bit forced, so I know it was difficult for him to say that. He probably talked with Remus about this. I'm glad Remus was able to talk some sense into him, but I don't want to discuss this. Not now. Not with Sirius. My gaze catches Sirius', and his light grey eyes are calm, they steady me in a way. Invite me to talk. Or maybe it's the alcohol. It's probably the alcohol. I flash him a smile and look away.

'Have you been upstairs?' Sirius asks, his voice light and upbeat. 'There is a pond up there, a sort of Muggle wishing well. I bet you like it.' He gets up and gives me an expectant look.

Happy with the subject change, I get up to follow him to the platform. But after just a few steps he turns around abruptly and suddenly his face is really close to mine. 'We should make a toast', he says softly.

He is almost whispering, but I can hear him perfectly fine. Just as I can feel his hot breath on my face. He's far too close to me, and I almost expect him to kiss me, but somehow I can't make myself back away. 'To what?' I ask him, my voice equally quiet.

'To us', and his eyes glitter with mischief. 'To tonight.'

Together with Sirius, I raise my glass. My eyes lock on his lips for a moment, as he brings the glass to his mouth to drink. Afterwards his full lips – especially his bottom lip – is gleaming a bit because it's wet. Sirius gives me a hopeful look, so I take a sip as well, larger than I intended and I can feel the liquor burn at the back of my throat. Sirius seems satisfied, turns around and walks away.

Almost breathless I stare at his back, wondering why I feel disappointed. Did I really want him to kiss me that much? I bite my lip, trying to focus, and follow him.


Author's note A belated Happy Birthday to Sirius, and a rather large scene with him in the spotlight. I hope you enjoyed it!