Chapter 12: The day you went away
Hey guys, I was going to update sooner but…
I just got back from Florida. My Aunt passed away in a terrible car/truck accident so me some of my family flew in. It's one of the hardest things I've ever had to live through which will give me strength when writing future chapters. We left on Monday and got back on Saturday, so some sudden burst of energy is making me write this. lol sorry if this is making some of you sad. I'm always here to talk just hit me up 3
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Update: I've been back in Sydney for 3 months since that happened, as I mentioned in the previous chapter, have begun Year 12 and am expected to do STUVAC (which will be the literal death of me bc I am the laziest person on this planet).
I just feel like I should keep all my previous A/Ns in as both a comparison of my life at the time I wrote the chapter up until now, but I should be back to regular A/Ns pretty soon!
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Enjoy!
I've been avoiding Cato for almost two weeks. A seemingly impossible task, but I somehow made it through like a warrior. Only now, I've come to the grudging admittance that I need closure.
Cato and Thresh are back at school for half a day, needing to fill out some last minute administration forms and signatures from Principal Snow and all that. Cato is waiting near the gate, presumably for his father to pick him up. I figure now is my last chance. I open the door and a fierce wind battles me only to die down just as suddenly.
"Ahem" I subtly cough. Cato turns around, startled.
"Oh, hey" He offers weakly. "I'm sorry, I don't know what to say. I never meant to hurt you. Please let me just try to explain"
"You have five minutes"
"Seriously?" He raises an eyebrow. "You come to me and give me a time limit?". I concede as the wind picks up, slightly colder now, wanting to get inside quickly.
"You already knew I was serious about this sports thing and that this opportunity might come up."
"Yes, but that's not the part I'm -"
"Let me finish. I should have known better not to fall for you or make you to fall for me, or allow for any of this to happen." You're damn right about that , I think to myself. "But I couldn't help it, Clove. You're just too beautiful. And smart. And amazing. And I know you've had your heart broken before which is why I wanted to be careful. And I had every intention of taking things further with you, but then the offer came up - "
"So why did you keep going?"
"Because I was crazy about you! I still am. I was going to ask you out the weekend I got the offer."
"And you didn't consider how I might feel about this? How much it would hurt me when you went away?". He pauses as the wind fills the silence.
"I don't even want to go away."
"So why are you?"
"Because I have to"
"But why ? I thought you loved swimming"
"I do love it - for fun. But this scholarship will mean amazing things for me. I can't turn it down. It's all my father wants for me - to do well, be a success, make something of my life. All the opportunities he never had, he wants me to have. I can't let him down like this. I can't disappoint my parents anymore. I have to do this for them, and myself."
"There are other ways to do that"
"I'm sorry, Clove. I love you, I really do and I really hope you know that. I just never knew how to handle my feelings for you and deal with everything else at the same tikme, which is probably why I never told you. I guess this is the best way, now we never have to know what might have been, because I won't be seeing you for a while, Clove." I stand there, flabbergasted.
We turn our heads as we hear a car approaching down the far end of the street.
"You don't have to do this. You can walk away" I approach him.
"I can't, don't you get it?! My feelings for you scare me and I have to leave them behind. I have to move on now and it will kill me, but I can't deal with this right now. I have a future to look forward to." He says conflictingly.
"Yeah. A future without me in it." I can see the sting I've inflicted in his eyes.
"Clove…"
"You're a runner" I say without any malice or hatred in my voice, not even hurt. Just stating a simple fact, but I feel like I've pushed him too far.
"And I'm my father's son". Cato says coldly, and picks up his bag as the car gets closer
The white car pulls up near the gate and I turn to leave.I turn back around when I hear his voice calling.
"Clove, I…" He calls, with genuine sorrow and hurt in his eyes
"Seriously?" I ask, "What do you have to say for yourself?"
He opens his mouth in a defeated sigh, like he knew whatever he said would never be a good enough reason for doing this to me, then he shakes his head and shrugs his shoulders like all the boys do in movies when they're about to leave the girl they love and say 'I'm sorry' like there's nothing else they can do, that's the way it has to be. Except Cato doesn't say 'I'm sorry', he turns and walks.
The warm breeze picks my hair up and tosses it across my face, partially obstructing my view of Cato getting into his dad's car and driving off, leaving behind nothing but the howling wind and my broken heart.
Guuuuyyyyyyssssssssss,
Happy 2016! Hopefully you and your families had safe and relaxing time!
Remember to review guys!
Take care, dolls!
xx - S 3
