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Chapter Twelve

Belied Myself

My skin was tingling the whole drive to Fangtasia, it seemed my body was hyperaware and happy to be in his presence once again. I'd be danged if I ever admitted I enjoyed what his presence did to me and I'd die before I admitted that maybe, just maybe I had missed him a little. All in all, the drive was uneventful but it gave me time to think about the boy and though normally I would have been all but happy to think about a case, my mind kept wandering to a certain vampire.

I was a little irked, to say the least, about me being 'requested' by him but I would rather shove my feminist ideals aside, do his bidding as long as he stayed the hell of away from Bon Temps and well, me. I didn't know how I'd feel if I found him lounging on my doorsteps one night, I might try to kill him but I knew there was that needling hunger that would do anything to let him in. I didn't trust him as far as I could throw him and I was starting to lose trust in myself when the subject was Eric.

"It sure took you a while to drive here." I heard a voice dryly comment besides me as I stood in the damned long line outside of Club Immorality or was that the Club of Discontent?

I shrugged and followed her weaving us through the throngs of people, "I don't have special powers like all of you."

Pam glanced behind her shoulder at me for an uncomfortably long minute, "I highly doubt that, Erin." I swallowed and waited until she began walking again, "I know you…dislike Fangtasia."

I caught myself before I could snort my agreement, "Why do you say that?"

"Is it the disdain dripping from your voice and face every time you are within fifty feet? Or is it the fact that I can see an amused glint in your eyes?" She started and I had to mentally shove myself away from retreating, I knew she was keen but she still shocked me. "Despite what you may think, people are enthralled by this…place." She dryly finished. I heard a wisp of boredom from her voice, more than normal and I was about to ask her if she was tired of playing herself into the palms of mortals when she stopped in front of the same damned wooden door and began walking away.

Where was the facetious Pam? The one whom kept everyone at a distance with her sarcasm and dry wit…dear god, we were even starting to sound alike. She was changing the circumstances and I was beginning to wonder why and if indeed I wanted such a change. "Pam?" I asked glad she stopped walking but still unnerved. "Why are you telling me all this?"

She didn't bother glancing behind her back to face me, she didn't have to; she had heard the nervous uncertainty plain and clear in my damning voice, " I know you're smart, Erin. Smarter than the rest of the cattle, so I'm not going to dictate you about asking intelligent questions. Might as well get used to each other, I say. I'll see you around."

Was that…a small hint of kind welcoming I detected in her voice? Dear god, I preferred Killing Pam than Kind Pam any day. Heck, even Cold Pam was a step in the right direction. This changed things; she had decided to change our reluctant friendship into…a real one. I was in way over my head and retreating was not an option anymore. I just hoped when the time came, I knew where my humanity stood.

As I reached for the doorknob it was ripped open revealing a glowering Eric, "I was starting to wonder if you were going to make an appearance."

I shoved past him, careful to not touch him, how could I when I knew the moment we touched; I would never be able to stop. I barely glanced at him, I couldn't help that either, I was still imprinted by his touches and he hadn't even kissed me yet! Not that I was holding my breath.

"You can wonder as much as you like but—"

"Don't. Push. Me." He warned still hanging by the now closed door. So he was giving me space, I was thrilled yet disappointed at the same time.

I snapped, I couldn't help myself this time. I was tired of being shoved; of flinging myself to his every whim and finding I enjoyed my time with him. I just wanted to go back to my bed, under the covers and pretend like he never existed. Maybe Terry could be my lifesaver after all. "Stop pushing me then! This is it Eric, I'm tired of playing into your hands, just leave me alone."

He didn't even flinch at my tone, didn't even raise an eyebrow at my audacity; he was stone and I was human, "What about the boy?"

"I can find him on my own." I replied tiredly.

Eric shrugged, ice burning in his eyes, "It would be pointless now."

I found myself taking an earnest step towards him before I dug my heels in the ground, "You found him?"

"It was…an easy find." Eric shrugged, the first movement he made since I snapped. He was starting to worry me, I wasn't worried about him, I was worried about what he was going to do with me once the ice melted his limbs.

"Where is he now?"

Eric raised an eyebrow, "I wouldn't push too hard, Erin. I may be lenient on you but that's my own excuse." He warned.

I opened my mouth and slammed it shut just as I caught myself. I was starting to feel horrified about myself, was I getting comfortable around him? I hoped not, I really did. God knows what would happen then. I shifted my feet and tucked a strand of hair behind my ear when it almost poked my eye out, almost being a very generous, relative term. Before I had a chance to think of something to say, I saw a flicker of something shift in his eyes and was thrown roughly against the door.

Air whooshed out of my lungs and I gasped trying to force myself to breath when the function was quickly forgotten. Eric tightened his steel grip on both of my wrists with one of his and held it above my head, making my back arch into him. I knew fighting would be futile but I still squirmed, I could have fought harder but my body wouldn't let me. My body already began lusting and wanting him and I couldn't help feeling betrayed by my stupid self.

"You push me, Erin. I've let you before, all new puppies push their new masters but mark my words, there won't be a next time if you continue on this obstinate road." He quietly lectured; I ceased my movements and held still, just like a prey before being ripped apart by the predator.

His other hand slithered its way down my neck and side, wrapping his arm around my waist. Normally, under different less wayward circumstances, I would have relished the feeling of him pulling me closer to him, of his body pushing against mine, my hips nestling his, but I had to force my mind to focus. I knew he was dangerous, I just never realized that I'd have to fight myself along with him.

"Let go." I bit out fighting the moan in my throat when his breath feathered on the sweet spot behind my ear. Bastard.

I felt his chuckle more than I heard it, "I let you stay in good graces, I told others not to touch you and yet you come to me smelling of another." His voice had taken on a deadly edge, more deadly than I've ever heard him use, and he was deadly incarnate. Pain sheared through me and I bit down hard on my tongue when I thought my wrists would shatter from his force. When or if this was over, I was going to kick his ass.

"Eric." I breathed out. I shuddered when he sniffed once again at my neck, normally I would laugh, a man sniffing a woman's neck? But this was no living man and we weren't a couple, I was suddenly very angry with Terry and Sookie for not helping.

"I'd…advise you not to let it happen again. I don't like people pawing at what's mine." My futile struggles became stronger, to hell with him. I was no one's but my own. Eric must have known his wrong-sided possessiveness would rile me, he chuckled darkly and I clamped my mouth shut to hide my moan when his breath fanned out on my throat. Damn him.

His hand tightened on my hip and I would have begged him to push against me, I would do anything to feel him, to feel him shove his hips harder into mine, if I wasn't careful I'd invite something dangerous to happen. But my hips weren't getting enough force, enough attention and it was getting lonely down there.

He moved his face away from my throat to face me, his hand making its way back up to my throat. I squirmed again when he cupped his long fingers around my neck, "You are mine Erin. The less you fight it, the more enjoyable you might find things to be." He commented airily. Or as airily as a sarcastic, dry, dangerous vampire could ever become. I refused to be damned by fighting what felt like the futile. It wasn't futile; my soul, my everything was at stake and it might be fun descending to the abyss but I was too strong to go down easily. And hell if the remedy was worse than the disease, at this moment; it was all bad in my books.

He let go of me and moved away as if my mere presence was disgust as if I suddenly sprouted two heads or became a leper. He didn't find me so distasteful when he was threatening me. I was still struggling to breathe, to even think straight had become such a task I wasn't sure if it was really worth it. My knees wobbled and I locked them, glaring at Eric who'd taken a seat at the table.

I hated him for what I became around him, I hated him for feeling things that were unjustified and illogical. I hated Pam, I hated the boy, and I hated everyone for screwing with me. I'd have loved to grow into a large, giant gorilla and get all King Kong on their Asses. It would have felt so good to stamp on all of them. Wishful thinking, at best.

"Leave." Eric ordered from his spot at the table. I had ignored his presence so well when he sat down, it felt like the last hour or two hadn't even existed. If I tried hard enough, maybe I could make myself forget.

I knew my pride was at stake, if it weren't, I would have stayed and fought, but I had to pick up what was left of my pride from the floor and leave in humility. It was a lesson that had to be learned, I knew that but I refused to be confined by it and I refused to let this lesson change or shape me in any way. I had taken a beating but I wasn't broken and I'd be damned to let him break me.

With what was left of my shattered nerves, I walked out, my spine straighter and harder than it has been in a while. I never expected a frontal attack from Eric; I hadn't anticipated his jealousy or was it possessiveness? I almost forgot about Pam's 'attempt' at a mutual friendship, or Terry's kiss or even the date with Sookie and Gran. And when was I going to get the stupid boy back? My stomach plummeted on the way to my car, my life was in the gutters and I really didn't want to face any one or anything anymore.

But I've proven my resilience before and if anything, I knew I'd survive. What that survival consisted of, it was anyone's guess. But even though life was constantly throwing hurdles my way and it was hard, there were times when I didn't think I could ever go on and sometimes when I didn't want to. But I knew I could. I'd have to because at the end of the day, things don't ever stop, especially not for mere mortal inclinations.