Chapter Twelve: Want to Drown My Sorrow
A guy needs somebody - to be near him. A guy goes nuts if he ain't got nobody. Don't make no difference who the guy is, long's he's with you. I tell ya, I tell ya a guy gets too lonely an' he gets sick.
-John Steinbeck
James' POV
James glanced over at Frank, who was still watching Neville. James glanced away, at the four teenagers, and his eyes landed on Evan, who was frowning, eyes flashing.
And James knew, much like he himself knew, that Evan knew that time didn't matter. The ache he felt whenever he glanced at Evan was enough of a reminder. He shoved the pain away.
"Alright," James said, glancing around. "Let's go get dinner." And, as if that was a trigger, Evan smiled, eyes flashing with another emotion that wasn't there before.
"Great, I'm starving," He licked his lips. "I haven't eaten in 2 weeks."
Remus choked. "2 weeks?" Evan bared his teeth into a smile, before tilting his head.
"Well, I had a few scraps of bread and stuff. Granted, it wasn't nice bread, but it was food nonetheless, and I lived," Evan said, shrugging. "Eventually, your stomach shrinks, and you don't need as much food." James was shocked, and he glanced over at the three other teenagers. Luna was frowning sympathetically, patting Evan on the shoulder, and Neville had a pained expression on his face. Hermione looked equally sad, and angry, and James was sure he and his friends looked pretty much the same. Evan paused, glancing at them all, before wincing. "I'm sorry, I forgot things like that could be upsetting," He apologized hurriedly, and again James watched as his mood flipped and he sunk into himself shamefully, like he had committed a horrible offence for coping in the only way he knew how, which was brush everything off with manic nonchalance.
James wondered who had made him feel that a little mistake warranted such self-hatred.
He smiled softly. "It's alright, Evan," James assured, and Evan glanced over at him, eyes hooded, before nodding, glancing out the window. James reached out hesitantly, but sighed, letting any doubts go and placed his hand on Evan's shoulder, squeezing it briefly.
Evan flinched, and James' heart clenched. The teenager turned to the older man, eyes wide. James smiled briefly at the teenager, who frowned, before sending him his own small smile.
"Let's go get food," Frank suggested, and Neville glanced over at Frank, who caught the boy's eye. James felt something prickle in the back of his mind. Luna smiled, glancing around at her friends, before walking over to Evan, slipping her thin, pale hand into his tanned, rugged hand.
"Let's go, you're no longer in Tartarus," She chirped. "You can reach the fruit now." Evan made a face.
"Don't compare me to him, Luna," He whined, glancing over at Luna, who was watching him solemnly. "I already told you. I'm not the son." Luna smiled. "I'm not. Besides, it wasn't their fault." Luna shook her head.
"No but that doesn't make you any less Pelops," She insisted. "Tantalus isn't them, but you don't need a Tantalus to be Pelops. The world provides you with a good enough reason." She patted his arm gently, but Evan was still white as a sheet. "Don't worry, Evan, the grass may not be greener here, but the beach is way cleaner."
Evan took on his miserable look, eyes glinting almost madly, and James fidgeted nervously. "It's not home though, Luna," He nearly whined, and Luna giggled.
"Maybe not," She agreed. "But the ghosts here aren't new, Evan! In fact, we don't know any of them!" She smiled, taking both his hands. "Isn't that great?" James felt horrified at what she said, what it implied, and Evan didn't seem any more assured, his face quite pale. James glanced over at Remus, who was watching the two teenagers carefully as well, his face pinched with concern.
Neville was already at Luna. "Luna, not right now," He murmured, pulling her away from the hyperventilating Evan. James could see him descending into his mind, his confused, grief-stricken mind, and James' heart broke. Evan glanced over at James, eyes dark, before glancing at Hermione.
"'Mione," He said pleadingly, and she placed her hands on her hips, glaring at Luna. The blonde winced, smiling apologetically at Evan.
"Oh, Ev, I didn't mean it," She promised, taking the boy's hand. Evan took in a shaky breath.
Hermione walked up then, placing both hands on Evan's shoulders. "Evan," She said warningly. Evan frowned. "Pull yourself back together. We're all fine, you're fine." Evan inhaled deeply, and closed his eyes, tensing.
When he finally opened his eyes again, they held a confident, determined glint, and James knew the teenager had reeled in the madness. "Alright," He said hoarsely. Hermione studied the boy a bit, before nodding. She turned to James, eyes dark as she glanced between the three adults.
"So, are we going have dinner or not?" She said, polite, but with an almost snide undertone. James felt a flash of irritation, before reminding himself how foolish it was to be annoyed with the unstable teenagers.
"Yes," He agreed, and nodded at his friends. "You guys go to the dining room. I'll go help Lily make the dinner." Evan looked up, face pinched, but his eyes were bright, confident.
"We can help too," He offered, and James shook his head, smiling.
"No, it's alright," He reassured. "Go sit down. Chat with Frank and Remus. We'll be fine." James saw Evan's eyes dart to Neville, before he smiled lightly.
"If you're sure, I'm not going to argue," Evan laughed. And he was back. Evan placed a hand on Hermione's shoulder, who was watching him carefully, frowning. Hermione seemed to shake herself, and she sent a brief smile at James, before turning to Neville and Luna.
"Alright," She agreed, a tentative smile on her face.
James watched the four teenagers walk away with his two friends in confused fascination, before shaking his head. He wasn't even going to pretend he knew what they were thinking anymore, not even going to try and predict their behaviour. Even if he was an Auror, almost all the criminals were less shifty than them.
Sighing, James walked out the opposite direction, heading back to the kitchen. "Heya Lils," He greeted, and Lily turned, Alice glancing over as well.
"Where's Evan and the others?" She asked. "You were supposed to get them."
James glanced surreptitiously at Calla, who just stared up at him, blinking. "Our resident pranksters were bothering them," He said firmly, and Calla huffed, crossing her arms.
"I was not!" She protested. "We were introducing ourselves!" James sighed.
"Okay, okay," He said exasperatedly. "Go help your sister set the table." Calla narrowed her eyes, before rolling them snootily and marching off, no doubt angry that she was brushed off again. James rolled his eyes, mouth twitching at his daughter's dramatics, before turning back to his wife.
"Where're they now?" She demanded, staring at him accusingly. James sighed.
"They're with Remus and Frank," He reassured her. Alice's eyes widened, body jerking.
"Frank's with them?" She asked quietly. "With-with Neville?"
"Al," He started cautiously. "He told us his name." She turned to him, but didn't speak. James studied her for a bit before sighing, glancing down at the ground. "His name's Neville Alliston. Not Longbottom." Alice didn't react, but James saw something in her eyes that made him feel oddly guilty. "I'm sorry, Al-"
She smiled at him, shaking her head. "I know, James," She whispered. "I just-I just hoped, is all." Lily smiled sympathetically at her friend, taking Alice's hand gently.
"There's nothing wrong with that, Al," Lily promised, squeezing the woman's hand. James swallowed thickly, recognizing Lily's own pain in her eyes. It hurt him too. The boy hurt him, the overwhelmingly valiant, but utterly broken young man, who was the spitting image of himself, with Lily's eyes. And that was enough to dig up the feelings that had long been buried, reminding them both of their Harry who had been lost all too soon.
And they needed them to go somewhere. They needed their feelings of loss to be abated. They needed this strange man to tell them that he wasn't fucked and that his life wasn't controlled by misery, because he looked like their son, he looked like what they imagined their tiny little baby boy would have looked like, and it was killing them that the grief-stricken, and angry man was what their innocent son could have grown up to be.
They needed the man to be Harry, but he wasn't. He wasn't theirs, not even in an alternate reality.
Yet, he was still here, and they found themselves still hurting, still hurting over the fact that they missed out on seeing their little Harry grow up, grow up into another young man with black hair and green eyes.
But their Harry's green eyes wouldn't have glowed with grief-stricken madness and his hair wouldn't have been matted and unkempt, and his body wouldn't have been tortured and abused. He wouldn't have been this broken man, a man that had suffered through the very things they fought so hard to protect their children from, things they wouldn't have wished on any versions of their children.
Yet, this person, this person who was a man, but in so many ways, still a child, had suffered through it all. And he wasn't theirs. He wasn't theirs to fix.
He was Evan Jameson, not Potter. And he didn't even look like them through it all, not really. His eyes were a brighter green, especially when they glowed with madness and grief, and his hair was lighter than James', his nose wasn't as narrow, and he wasn't as tall. He was thinner too, but, by what they had seen when Evan was being healed, could have been due to starvation. He wasn't theirs, wasn't even theirs in another universe. He was simply a muggleborn wizard with black hair and green eyes.
And James knew, from the pain gleaming in her eyes, Alice felt the same way for Neville.
"C'mon, dinner's ready," James informed them, plating the salad he had just finished making. Lily blinked a few times as she placed the chicken onto a plate, before nodding. Alice picked up the bread basket and James grabbed the broccoli. He raised an eyebrow when he saw the bottle of wine clutched in Lily's free hand. His wife narrowed her eyes warningly, and huffed, tossing her hair over her shoulder.
"What? God knows we'll need this," She said defensively, and James chuckled, kissing her on the head.
"Hey, I wasn't judging you," He protested. She only smiled at him as they entered the dining room, placing the wine onto the table. "We're going to need it dealing with the twins and four traumatized teenagers." He smiled half-heartedly, but he knew Lily didn't particularly like his dark humour.
As evidence, Lily's face only darkened. "This is going to be hard when-when they look the way they do, won't it?" She looked up at him. James could only stare back, but he did grin darkly.
"Who said it was going to be easy?" He retorted, and Lily genuinely looked like she was about to cry now.
"It should be," She snapped, clenching her jaw, hand tightening around the neck of the bottle. "Fucking hell, it should be easy, after-after everything." James quickly placed the salad down, pulling his wife into his arms.
"I know, Lils, I know," He soothed, before holding her in front of him, staring at her intensely. "And I know it hurts, but we have to hold it together. For Calla, and Ren. And the dimension travellers too."
Lily stared at him for a bit, before nodding, inhaling deeply. "Where're the kids?"
James nodded towards the living/dining room and Lily inhaled deeply, before walking over to the dining room. James hesitated, debating whether to go with her, but she was already through, the kitchen door swinging on its hinges. He sighed, praying up to whoever was above to make this dinner bearable.
Sirius' POV
Sirius sighed. "How fancy does your mum want this dinner?" He complained, folding the napkins haphazardly and placing them down with no set plan. Calla followed behind him, redoing everything, and he smirked, glancing over at her. Calla sent him a glare.
"Do it right, Uncle Sirius," She chastised. "You know how neurotic my mum can be." Sirius burst out laughing. Calla sent him a smirk, blue eyes flashing, and Sirius ruffled her hair.
"Don't let your mum hear you saying that," He warned, and Calla pouted.
"It's true! She's super neurotic when it comes to guests," She whined. "Do you know how much we have to clean when mum has people over?" She shot a glare at the door leading into the hallway, as if her glare could travel through the house to wherever the world travellers were. Sirius knew she'd certainly would be the one to do it, if it was possible. "What's so great about them, anyways? They don't look like Ministry officials."
Sirius stiffened, glancing at the door as well. "No, but that doesn't mean they aren't special," He smiled at her. Calla sighed, studying Sirius.
"Why?" She asked, and Sirius smiled, grabbing her shoulder.
"I think we're good here," He chirped, glancing over at Ren, who looked up when she heard his voice, eyes hopeful.
"Really? Oh, thank Merlin," Ren sighed, glancing at the living room. "Can we watch the telly?"
Sirius crossed his arms, staring hard at them, before nodding. "Why not?" Calla grinned, and the twins all but ran into the room, leaping onto the couch. "Why do you even have a telly anyways?" Ren shrugged.
"Mum likes the muggle programs," She said simply, flipping through the stations so fast Sirius was getting a headache. Sighing exasperatedly, he snatched the remote out of her hand. "Hey!"
But before they could do anything else, James, Lily and Alice walked into the dining room. Ren pouted, eyes darting between her parents. Lily raised an eyebrow, tilting her head to the dining room, and Ren sighed.
"C'mon, mum!" Calla whined. "We just started watching the telly!"
Lily continued watching the twins but spoke sharply. "Go sit down." Calla sighed, obeying. Ren simply smirked, not one to admit defeat, sauntering back into the dining room.
"Alright, Ma," She sniped, and Lily glared at her.
"No mouthing off," Lily warned, ignoring when Ren threw her hands up in the air, and Calla sat down as well. James stood beside Lily, squeezing her shoulder, and Alice went to sit down. Sirius didn't like the tension in the room, or the pained arc of Lily's shoulders, the quiet Alice and the brooding James.
He made his way over to his friends, picking up the bottle of wine. "Nice choice, Lily," He appraised before leaning closer. "Cheer up, yeah? Don't want our dimension travellers to pick up on anything." He gave them pointed looks, and, as the trained Aurors they were, they straightened up, faces going smooth.
Sirius flashed a smile, before walking into the hall, looking around for Frank, Remus and the four teenagers. No one there. Sirius frowned, walking down to the sitting area facing the beach.
"They moved here after Harry died," Sirius heard Remus say. The four teenagers remained silent. "The house in Godric's Hollow was too painful, and they needed something…fresh." He paused, and no one bothered to fill the silence, but before Remus could continue, Sirius butted in.
"Um, Remus?" He asked tentatively, and five pairs of eyes darted over to him, two in a relaxed manor, confident in who they thought was talking, three in a cautious, hostile manor, and the last pair of eyes wasn't even looking in his direction, staring out at the sea.
"Is it dinner now?" Luna asked, still staring out at sea. Hermione broke eye contact, and glanced over at the blonde-haired girl. Luna turned to look at Sirius, smiling. "Because I'm hungry, and so is Evan."
Sirius cleared his throat. "Yeah," He said gruffly. "Yeah, it's ready." Luna clapped her hands.
"Great!" She turned, grabbing Evan's hands, hauling the stiff boy to his feet. "C'mon, clear those cobwebs out of your brain and put on a nice suit!" Sirius shook his head quickly.
"No, you don't need-" He began, but was cut off by Hermione.
"That isn't what she meant," Hermione snapped, before sighing, pinching the bridge of her nose. "I'm sorry, Mr. Black. I didn't mean to be rude."
Sirius tilted his head, glancing at Remus. 'Mr. Black?' He mouthed, and Remus shrugged. Sirius frowned, turning back to Hermione. "Please, call me Sirius." Hermione didn't look at him, nodding slightly.
Neville shifted from foot to foot, before smiling, placing a hand on Hermione's shoulder. "So, what's for dinner?" He asked confidently, and everyone seemed to relax at his calm voice.
Sirius smiled. "Come along and see." Sirius smirked, and Neville grinned softly, before following into step beside Sirius. "Lily is a wicked cook, and James is even better."
Neville licked his lips. "Nice," He said happily. "Hermione and I are rubbish at cooking, and we don't trust Luna enough in the kitchen." The blonde-haired witch pouted. "H-Evan's great at cooking, but he hasn't done it a lot since everyo-well, since everything." Neville was only broody for a second, before snapping back into a confident smile. Sirius glanced over at Evan, who was standing stick straight, eyes hard, but he was smiling lightly, however forced it looked. "But we're really looking forward to dinner, and it's beautiful here."
Luna bounced on the balls of her feet. "Very beautiful! It'll make the food go down nicely since we don't have to hurry." Luna paused, studying Sirius carefully. "Right?"
Sirius didn't quite know what to say. "Right," He agreed hastily and Luna's face burst into a smile. "Here we are." Sirius reached out, opening the dining room door.
Alice, James and Lily were already seated, as well as the kids, and Sirius glanced over at James, trying to read his emotions. But the Auror was good at hiding his emotions, and Sirius got nothing from him.
"Took you long enough!" Ren chirped, and Lily glared at her.
"Enough," She snapped before turning to the four teenagers, smile taut. "Why don't you sit down?"
Sirius glanced at the four teenagers, nodding towards the chairs, and Evan was the first to move, sitting down beside Lily, Hermione sitting down beside him. Luna took the seat next to her, facing Sirius, who avoided making eye contact with the mad girl, and Neville sat down beside Luna, Remus on his right. Good, Remus could keep them calm. The rest were scattered in the empty seats.
Before they could eat, a ringing went off in Alice's pocket, and she took out the wizard equivalence of a cellphone, glancing down at it quickly before frowning. "Oh, Lils, I'm so sorry, but we've got to go!" Alice apologized, biting her lip as she glanced up at Lily. "Theo just called. Olivia's got a bad case of the flu, and she's throwing up and he doesn't know what to do," Alice glanced over at Frank, who nodded, standing up with his worried wife. Frank glanced over at Neville.
"Nice meeting you," He said quietly, glancing at the rest of the dimension travellers as well. Lily glanced quickly between them, before nodding.
"Oh, that's fine!" She reassured. "Go, if your kids need you." Alice smiled.
"Thanks for having us, Lils," She apologized again, hugging her friend. "It does smell delicious."
And with another quick wave, they disappeared through the fireplace in the dining room and were gone.
Ren sighed. "Now can we get eating?" She whined, and Lily sent her a glare.
"Guests first," Lily reprimanded, before turning to the four dimension travellers. Evan smiled lightly.
"It looks good," He said, his stomach growling. Evan blushed, and Lily smiled, serving him generous helpings of all the foods. Evan frowned, glancing at Hermione, who smiled reassuringly, taking his plate and replacing his with hers. "Sorry, Mrs. Potter, I can't eat that much after star-well, being where I was. My stomach can't handle it." Evan was staring at the ground, and Sirius glanced over at Lily, who was looking incredibly guilty.
"Oh, of course, I'm sorry," Lily said hurriedly, filling up his plate again, this time with small portions. Evan continued to look down at his plate, but smiled softly.
"Thank you," He murmured, and the three other teenagers watched as they served themselves before taking some food. Evan didn't even take a bite until everyone had food on their plates.
"Here, Siri," James said, pouring him a glass of wine, and Sirius smirked, taking a sip. James grinned, pouring himself a glass, and Sirius watched as he then turned to Evan, offering. "Do you drink, Evan?"
Evan was silent, studying James and Sirius carefully, eyes darting between the two of them and the wine. "Not really," He shrugged, but touched his glass lightly, holding it out. "I'll have some, though."
"Are you sure?" James asked carefully. "You don't need to."
Evan grinned. "It might help me loosen up." Sirius snorted.
"Merlin knows you need to," He teased, and Evan smirked, a reaction Sirius was not expecting.
"It might even be good for me," Evan smiled, chuckling softly, and Sirius stared at the boy, trying to figure him out. The teenager wasn't touching the wine, despite having agreed to it, and Sirius found it odd as he sipped on his own wine, noticing as Evan's eyes continued to dart over to James and him. Sirius didn't know why, but it caused something to stir in his gut, and he didn't like the looks he was receiving.
"So," Calla started after a few minutes of silence. "How're you liking our home?" Evan looked up, glancing over at Hermione, and Hermione glanced over at Neville, who glanced over at Luna. Luna smiled at her friends, all too eager to answer the question.
"It's oh so beautiful!" Luna chirped happily. "Even though there's no castle, it's still very magical, and the beaches are nice and white." She glanced around the room. "I love the house, especially the clean carpets and empty closets." She grinned. "And there isn't a dungeon, which is always a perk." Lily choked on her drink before the room fell into a dead silence.
Sirius swore he could hear the crickets.
Lily's POV
Lily shot a glance over at James, her eyes wide, and brain racing to find something to say. James didn't respond, watching the four teenagers carefully. Lily glanced at her daughters. Calla only looked slightly interested, which Lily knew she did to hide her worry and unease, and Ren was biting her lip worriedly, glancing between the adults in the room.
Hermione elbowed Luna in the ribs and Evan full out laughed. "Damn, Luna," He said, eyes twinkling. Lily felt nervous. "What she's trying to say is that the last house we were in that was this big and fancy was Ma-a manor." Evan immediately darkened. "People died," He said coldly, before taking a bite of chicken. Lily immediately felt uneasy, and with a glance at her husband, she knew he felt the same. "Hmm, this chicken is delicious, Mrs. Potter!" Evan blurted out, and glanced over at Lily, who floundered to gain composure.
"It was actually James who made it," She finally managed to choke out, forcing a smile. Evan frowned at her display, and he sighed heavily, placing his fork down.
"I'm sorry," He said quietly. "I keep forgetting that these facts about us upset people." Evan laughed wryly. "We aren't trying to insult you. Your home is very beautiful, and kind." Evan smiled softly at her and James. "And we needed some beauty in our lives when we came here." Lily was still in shock, so James cleared his throat.
"Thank you, Evan," He said gruffly. "And thanks for the compliment." Evan grinned lightly.
"Thank you for having us here," Evan said genuinely. "I've never been to the beach before."
Calla looked up then. "Really?" She asked in astonishment. "Not even for a visit?"
Evan's eye twitched, but he smiled. "No, I lived in Surrey," He said simply, as if that was an excuse. Lily didn't like the eye twitch, and she felt vaguely familiar with Surrey, for whatever reason.
Ren didn't seem to think it was an excuse. "Surrey isn't too far from the ocean," She commented, taking a bite of her salad. "Couldn't you have driven, or whatever muggles do?"
Evan glanced over at Hermione, but nodded. "Yeah, I guess, but they never took me," Evan said, shrugging again. Ren studied the teenager, before nodding. Lily felt her gut tighten even more at the mention of the unknown 'they', who she assumed were Evan's guardians. Then, why no familial titles, no affection when he talked about them? Lily had a tickling suspicion that it had a lot to do with the condition Evan's body was in.
"Well, you can go down to the beach now," Calla pointed out, smiling. "The water's bloody freezing now that it's winter, even if we don't have snow, but we usually build a bonfire and roast marshmallows." Sirius laughed, and Lily glared at her daughter.
"Calla, language," She chastised, and Calla sighed, looking at her.
"Can we go down to the beach tomorrow?" She diverted. "We don't have any plans, do we?" Lily was quiet, contemplating. Not that she didn't trust the four teens, she just didn't trust that her kids would leave the four of them to their own business. The nosy buggers never quite learned discretion. She blamed James and Sirius for that.
"Well, we have work, so it'd just be you guys," Lily gave in, and Calla smiled.
"That's fine," She enthused, glancing at the four teenagers. "You're all what, 18?" Evan hesitated, but nodded. Calla smiled. "Alright, so we should be fine." She glanced over at Lily, who had the look she always had when she knew she was losing. "They can handle themselves around a fire." Evan chuckled quietly, and Lily rolled her eyes, glancing over at James and Sirius to see them scowl, while Remus simply chuckled as well.
Luna grinned. "Don't worry, Mrs. Potter," She said cheerily. "We've been around our fair share of fires, and survived." She frowned at Evan. "Pretty much."
Evan grinned, rubbing his arms. "Dragons just seem to love me, Luna." Evan shrugged. "Not my fault."
"Dragons?" Ren asked in amazement. Evan nodded, smiling lightly. Lily prayed he wouldn't tell her what really happened. She and James hadn't quite decided what they were going to tell the kids just yet.
"We were-" He glanced quickly at Hermione, who was giving him a look. "-travelling in Romania, visiting our friend who's a dragon tamer, and we ran into a…hostile dragon." Hermione snorted, but muffled it as a cough.
Ren frowned. "Your friend works with dragons?" She asked incredulously. "What kind of friends do you have?" Evan seemed to darken a bit, but managed to keep it contained.
"We had great friends," Evan said simply. Lily frowned, noticing the past tense. Evan didn't seem to want to talk anymore, taking a sip of wine, and promptly started to choke. Sirius chuckled, Lily sent him a glare, and gave Evan a glass of water. "Sorry, I don't really drink." Evan smirked lightly.
Ren raised an eyebrow. "What? Partying wasn't your thing?" She drawled, and Evan grinned.
"We got in different kinds of trouble," He promised, smirking at Hermione, who titled her head in a haughty manor. Evan laughed at her, and she huffed, flicking her hair.
"Yeah, and every time I saved you boys before you could kill yourselves," She sniped, and Evan pouted.
"Hey! How about the time you were petrified?" Evan protested, and Hermione narrowed her eyes. Petrified? "We did it all by ourselves then." Lily was shocked, and glancing around, the others were too.
"Dumb luck," She sniffed, providing no recognition. Evan snorted, shaking his head.
"Alright, 'Mione, me and Ron needed you." Evan darkened slightly, but forced a smile. Calla looked shocked.
"Petrified?" Calla asked in astonishment. Evan shifted uncomfortably.
"Yeah…" He trailed off, smirking lightly. "Rough year."
"How old were you?" Ren asked, leaning on her hands as she put her elbows on the table. Lily refrained herself from telling her daughter off.
"12," Evan said, taking another bite of chicken. Evan shrugged. "Hermione got petrified because of an accident in class, but me and Ron saved her." Lily spluttered, and everyone else all seemed shocked. How the hell did Hermione manage to get petrified? Calla's eyes widened, and Ren frowned.
"What kind of school does magic that can petrify people?" She asked in mild disdain. Evan laughed.
"An American school," He said simply, and Ren shrugged it off as if that explained everything.
"Was every year that crazy?" Calla asked in awe. "And did you get in trouble?"
Evan grinned. "Our headmaster liked us, so no, not a lot." He glanced at Hermione. "And yes, every year." He smiled. "First year we had this crazy professor who tried to steal a-" Hermione sent him a look. "-thing belonging to the headmaster." Lily noted he didn't mention the stone, and she sighed in relief that she wasn't going to have to worry about having to explain dimension travel to her children. "The second year there was the petrification."
Hermione butted in then. "Third year we had an issue with an escaped convict and fourth year we had a crazy competition that a student died in." Evan took over again, eyes dark.
"Fifth year our headmaster was kicked out of the school, we had a Nazi as the defence professor, and my godfather died. Sixth year our headmaster died, and we didn't go to seventh year," He stated.
Calla frowned. "Your godfather died?" She asked quietly, and Evan nodded solemnly.
"I made a mistake, and he paid for it," Evan said stiffly, looking away. Hermione took his hand, squeezing it gently. Evan clenched his jaw, before flipping into another mood so fast, Lily felt a headache coming. "Anyways, how crazy have your years been?" Ren and Calla grinned.
"Pretty crazy," Ren bragged. "Not as much as yours, but nearly as much."
"Yeah, all crazy because of you guys," James laughed, smiling proudly. Lily fought the urge to scold him for encouraging their daughters. He turned to Evan, as if to explain. "They like to prank people. Not always nice ones either." Evan grinned.
"We had friends like that," Evan chuckled softly. "They were twins, always getting into trouble."
"We had twins like that, too!" Calla said in astonishment. "Fred and George Weasley. They graduated a while back, and now they own a joke shop." She stared into space dreamily. "It's so cool."
Evan didn't look like he thought so. His expression was dark, grief-stricken, and he nodded slowly. "So cool," He murmured, glancing over at Hermione, who caught his eye, equally as haunted.
Ren studied them. "What's wrong?" She asked them in concern. "Do you not like jokes?"
Evan smiled softly. "No, we do," He reassured. "Just, we lost the twins we knew a few months ago."
Calla flinched, glancing down at her hands. "Oh, I'm sorry for bringing it up."
Evan shook his head. "Don't be," He smiled. "Not like it was your fault, anyways." Calla smiled softly at him, before glancing down at her hands again.
"Did you lose them because of the war?" She asked quietly, and Evan stiffened, before nodding slowly.
"Yeah," He whispered. "Yeah, we did. We've lost a lot of people, actually." Calla winced.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean-" She started.
Evan cut her off, shaking his head. "S'not your fault, no need to apologize." He went quiet, and Lily looked down at her plate, glancing over at James, who caught her eye, frowning. The table was plunged into stiff silence.
Harry's POV
Harry hated pity. He hated it from the bottom of his heart. He loathed seeing it on other's faces, and loathed hearing their sickly-sweet words of obligated condolences and seeing their shaking heads, as if to say can you believe what that boy has gone through? I couldn't imagine. Anyways, when were you going to tell me about him/her? And off they'd go, sucked into their own lives that didn't suck as much as his, forgetting the passing comment of pity that didn't do well for either him or themselves.
Harry didn't know why he told her. Why he said it out loud in front of six strangers at that. He looked down, avoiding the inevitable pitying expressions and shallow survivors guilt that every well-wisher always had, the I'm sorry this happened to you, and I feel bad that I haven't suffered as much as you have because you suffered, but I'm still glad it wasn't me. It was in everyone, and Harry couldn't fault them for it.
He sighed, glancing over at Hermione, who obviously noticed the tension as well. She reached quietly over to take his hand, squeezing gently. Harry glanced quickly around him, noticing that everyone else had similar faraway looks in their eyes, as if reminiscing about their own memories of loss.
Suddenly, Calla chuckled, and Harry felt a wave of shock run through him. "Well, this is depressing," She stated calmly, glancing at everyone with an eyebrow raised. Harry raised an eyebrow, mouth twitching, and saw Lily open her mouth. But it quickly snapped shut when Harry started to laugh. Her eyes widened in shock, and Harry made eye contact with her when he looked up between his chuckling into his plate, trying to muffle them.
Harry felt he needed to explain. "I'm sorry, I really shouldn't laugh," He choked, mouth twitching. "I know it's not funny, it's just-" He inhaled deeply, before smiling softly. "We're so used to receiving pity." He grinned across at Calla, who laughed, smiling back. "It's nice having someone who doesn't react like that."
"Well," Ren chirped, sending a look at her sister. Harry noticed the conniving part of her personality, probably one reason why she was placed in Slytherin. "Calla isn't known for her sensitivity." Ren smirked teasingly, elbowing Calla affectionately. Harry felt a stab of jealousy, but he shoved it down with as much force as he could, not just shoving it away, but obliterating it into wisps of smoke, floating out of him like a tea kettle. He was sure everyone could hear it. "What with being a Gryffindork and all." Ren snickered, and Calla sneered.
"At least I'm not a snake," She said haughtily.
"Is that the best you've got?" Ren smirked.
"Oh, give up already, Ren, you're embarrassing yourself," Calla sniffed, tilting her chin. "We all know I'm the favourite."
"Yeah right," Ren snorted.
Before anyone could continue, Lily interrupted. "Alright, enough, you two!" She scolded lightly. Harry watched Lily soften. Would his mother have been as lenient as this world's Lily was? Or would he have caused her too much of a headache? Lily chuckled, shaking her head. "You're all great."
James laughed then, glancing over at his family, such love on his face that Harry felt another stab of jealousy, but like before, he shoved it away hard, clenching his jaw briefly to get control of his emotions.
He had already decided he wasn't going to be a part of that. He couldn't be a part of that. It wasn't his, and no matter how much he wanted it, no matter how much he needed it, it would never be his.
And Harry needed to accept that. And he did.
