Enjoy(: All Bella's POV.


Cullen.

My head spun and I fought to remain conscious as all of the air was instantly ripped from my lungs. My chest constricted painfully, terribly painfully, as I tried to make sense of the situation. There was only one thought running through my mind, over and over and over again. Not now. Not when I was finally awake, not when I was finally alive.

I couldn't accept it, refused to accept it. If he was back… but he couldn't be back, not now, never, he didn't want me, said goodbye, shattered my heart and left and broke me and he wasn't coming back. Jake was lying. Jake was wrong. Wrong wrong wrong wrong.

I was absolutely furious. Furious because for a single second, I had let my heart soar at the prospect of his return. Furious because for a single second, I was hoping and wishing it were true. Furious because after all this time, he still had that power over me. But it wasn't true, couldn't be true. He wasn't here. He was somewhere far, far away, enjoying his life without me.

I would prove it.

Before Jake could react or make any move to stop me, I shoved open the door on the passenger side and jumped out of the car, running towards my front door and slamming it open. My hands were trembling and my vision was blurry. It wasn't until I noticed the drops spilling onto my clothes that I realized I was crying. My hand instantly went up to roughly wipe away the tears. I wasn't going to cry because of him. Not anymore. I was going to walk up to him, slap him, hurt him and hate him and tell him to get the fuck out of my house. I was going to jump into his arms and hug him and make him promise to stay with me forever. I would kill him. I would kiss him. I would love him, and I would hate him. I would blame him for the nightmares, the heartbreak, the pain. I would show him what he did to me, make him feel guilt, hurt, remorse, something for everything he caused me. His departure was no ordinary goodbye, it was murder, the kind that ached and burned and tore and throbbed and never completely went away. A permanent scar, to dull and fade but never disappear, never forgotten, never far from my mind.

I should hate him and hit him and blame him and hurt him, but I knew and I knew and I knew I would forgive him, and it was this that made me hate him all the more. If he was back, which he wasn't, could not be, impossible, if he was back… I would forgive him.

I could vaguely hear Jake shouting after me, running after me, feel him grabbing me and pulling me towards him. Because Jake was not Edward. Jake did not abandon me, he chased me and pursued me and loved me and would follow me to the ends of the earth. But despite this, his shouting was nothing but a whisper in my mind. His pull on my arm was nothing but a gentle caress. I was barely there, barely feeling, barely alive. The only sound I could hear was the pounding of my own heart as I shot into the house and ran upstairs to find him. No, not to find him. To prove to Jake that there was no one to find, that he was far, far away, gone forever. That we were alone.

But before I could I could do this, before I could break away from Jake's grasp and search the house from corner to corner, I saw her coming down the stairs. Beautiful as ever, not so much walking as gliding, Alice Cullen made her way down the stairs towards me. And it was not the beauty of her face, but its expression, that entirely destroyed me and brought me back to tears. Never before had I witnessed someone look so absolutely beautiful while in such pain. Her face was contorted in an expression that proved to be more heartbreaking than any amount of tears she could never shed. I didn't understand, couldn't comprehend the reason for her pain. And despite the months without her, despite all our time apart, her pain was mine and my heart was partly hers and I loved her and missed her and wrenched my arm from Jake's grasp to run to her side.

"Oh, Alice!" I cried, as I wrapped my arms around her and squeezed her tightly, to make up for all those lost days, missing hugs, should-have-been's. She hugged me back, just as enthusiastically, shouting in my ear.

"Bella! You're safe! You're alive!" she yelled, trying to mask the pain and despair evident on her face from her tone. "I knew he could save you, I knew it!"

"Alice, what are you talking about?" I finally released her and attempted to stop my crying. I needed to figure out what was going on, fast. I needed to find out where he was, to make sure he was nowhere near me, to forget the past few minutes completely.

"Oh, Bella, when I saw you jump, I didn't know what to do, how to help you. I was too far away, I wouldn't be able to get here in time. But I couldn't do nothing, and I'm so grateful that I was able to reach Jake when I did." She turned to face Jake, her eyes shining with gratitude. "Thank you." Jake shook his head, the hard, wary expression on his face melting into a kinder one. When he spoke, his voice was low and solemn.

"No, thank you. It was my error that placed her in such a dangerous situation, and I will never be able to forgive myself for it. I owe you her life." Jake and Alice's exchange confused me, and I tried to piece it all together.

"Jake, what's going on?" I asked, taking a step towards him and grabbing his large hand in mine. I looked up at him inquisitively, waiting for a response. He took in a slow, deep breath, closing his eyes for a moment before he spoke.

"When I first phased into a wolf, and recognized the implications and consequences of my change, I vowed to stay away from you forever. I wasn't willing to let myself be near you, not when I could hurt you so easily, Bells. It killed me to do it, but I knew that if I was to stay away from you, I had to run. I left, like a coward and a fool I ran away, and I was still running when Alice called me. She told me that she saw you hurting yourself, Bells. Killing yourself. She knew that I would do everything possible to save you. She knew that I would rather die than see you get hurt, and I turned back immediately to find you."

I was too stunned to speak. I had been with Jake the entire day, confessed my deepest and innermost secrets, kissed him and loved him and watched him give me everything he had, but he had kept this from me. I released his hand from mine and looked up at him, and I knew that hurt and betrayal must have been evident on my features. I was hurt, and I wasn't going to hide it.

"Why didn't you tell me?" I asked, in a low but firm voice. He looked at me and his eyes widened, filled with guilt and remorse.

"Bells, I swear, I completely forgot. From the moment I heard what Alice had to say, every part of my body was focused on saving you. And when I did, and you told me how you felt about me, and with the incredible day that I've spent with you, it was the furthest thing from my mind. I love you, Bells, and I've been honest with you about everything. You have to believe me, I didn't mean to keep this from you." Jake grabbed me and pulled me closer to him, placing one hand on my cheek and staring at me with an intensity I had never before seen. I could see the guilt in his eyes and I knew that he was telling the truth. "Please, Bells, I'm sorry." I merely closed my eyes and nodded, letting him know that I was letting it go. I let myself delight in the warmth of Jake's hand on my face, breathing in his scent, before Alice's shaky voice interrupted me.

"Bella, there's more. Edward was in the room with me when I saw you jumping off the cliff." The sound of his name was too much for me, and I visibly winced. I turned to face her, and was met with the same expression I had seen on her face when she first walked down the stairs. I didn't understand what she was saying, or why it was so important, and I waited impatiently for her to continue. "He saw the same thing I saw, Bella, he thinks you're dead." Silence. I didn't get it. What was that supposed to mean? He left. He doesn't love me. He doesn't care.

"Well then you'll tell him I'm not dead," I said through gritted teeth. It's not like he really gives a damn.

"It's not that simple, Bella. When he saw my vision, he didn't even give me time to say something, to stop him, to try to change the future. He left. To Italy." And all of the pieces of the puzzle began to fall into place. It was too much. I couldn't handle it.

Italy. Volturi. And I heard his voice, as clearly as if he were next to me, remembering the day he'd told me that nobody messes with the Volturi unless the were asking for death. The realization hit me hard, and I let out a strangled sob as I collapsed to the ground.

"BELLA!" Jake shouted, picking me up and carrying me in his arms. The entire world was spinning again, and I didn't want to think, just wanted to forget, to pretend. But the truth was staring me right in the face and I couldn't deny it for much longer. Edward was going to die, and it was all going to be my fault.

"Put me down, Jake," I demanded, and he reluctantly obliged. My heart was beating erratically in my chest and my head felt like it was going to explode. I couldn't take much more of this. "Alice, why are you here?" She was silent for a moment, and I was becoming more and more annoyed by the second. "Alice!"

"Bella, there's still some time. If you come with me, if we find him, we can show him that you're alive, we can stop him before he provokes the Volturi!" she was speaking quickly, begging, pleading. "Bella, please, I can't let him die, I can't!"

She couldn't be. There was no way. Impossible. She was asking me to leave my family, to leave Jacob, in order to save the one man that almost destroyed me. But the worst part, was the fact that I would actually consider it. No matter how much I was angry with Edward, and no matter how much he had hurt me, a part of me would always love him. How could I let him kill himself because he believed me to be dead? Guilt. I felt guilty and awful and angry and once again I loathed him for making me feel this way. I stood there, in my house, shaking and thinking and contemplating, and hating the way that I felt an obligation to him and to Alice and to the Cullens. I would do it for him in a second, and it made me sick. But I owed Alice that much, and what reason did I have for staying?

Jake.

He wouldn't let me go. He wouldn't let me run off to save a bloodsucker. And when I turned around and saw his face it nearly killed me, because he must have believed that I would go. His eyes were wet with tears that he refused to let spill, and his face reflected a myriad of emotions. Fear. Pain. Loss. Betrayal. He thought he had lost me, that I would run off to find Edward and leave him behind, and I wanted to slap him for entertaining such notions, and slap myself because he was almost right. He had no reason to trust me, and I didn't blame him for doubting me like that. I couldn't stand to see him in such pain. I couldn't stand myself for causing it. Jake had done nothing but try to make me happy, every second of every day, and I could not repay him like this. He was my life now, and I was his. I had fallen completely, absolutely head over heels for this man, who I had for so long considered nothing more than a friend. I wouldn't go. I couldn't go, couldn't leave him, couldn't put him through that. I couldn't choose Edward over Jake, not this time, not again.

Edward chose his path months ago, and I was not a part of it. That wouldn't change now. Alice would go to him herself, she would convince him, he would read her mind and see me, alive and well and happy, in love with Jake. That would be enough. It would have to be enough. Edward was stubborn, but not that stubborn. He wouldn't be able to deny the truth, he would see me in her thoughts, he would understand, he must understand… Right?

But in the end, Edward didn't matter. He chose his path, and I chose mine. Mine was with Jacob by my side, and I wouldn't abandon it for anything in the world. I wasn't Edward. I didn't abandon the people I love.

"I can't do it, Alice. I can't, I'm sorry but I just can't." She was silent, and I was afraid of what I would see if I looked into her eyes.

I couldn't stand seeing Jake in pain any longer. I wrapped my arms around his waist as tightly as I could and buried my face into his chest, breathing him in. He didn't hug me back, just stood there limply, eyes closed. I had to make him understand, make him see that there was no one in the world that I would choose over him. I brought my lips to his ear and whispered to him softly.

"I'm not leaving you, Jake, I promise, I swear. I'm staying here with you, no matter what. I love you, Jake, and nothing is going to take me away from you. Nothing."

Jake still didn't hug me back, and I was becoming increasingly worried by the second. Didn't he believe me? I was about to scream out in frustration when I felt hot tears falling into my hair. It nearly broke my heart, and I tried to pull away from him, to look at him, to kiss him. But when I tried to step back, he wrapped his arms around me and crushed me back to him with his embrace. He spoke then, lowering his lips to my ear, still keeping my body pressed closely to his. His voice was weak and unsteady, filled with emotion.

"Bells, I want to tell you to stay. I want to tell you to let the bloodsucker get out of his own mess. I want to tell you to stay by my side and never leave… But I can't… I can't let myself get in the way of you doing what you feel is right. I love you, Bells, so much, more than you know, but that's exactly why I can't let you stay. There's so much I want to say to you right now, but the only thing I can think of is that stupid, ridiculous quote that I always hear people say. I never understood it, not until this very moment, Bells. 'If you love somebody, let them go… If they return, they were always yours. And if they don't, they never were'... Bells, as much as it kills me, I need to let you go."

His words were too much for me, and I realized then that I would never fully appreciate just how much he loved me. I couldn't live without him, and his words were tearing me apart. He was asking me to leave. He was asking me to go on without him. And even though I knew that he wasn't abandoning me, that it was just temporarily, that he was doing it for me, because he knew I wouldn't be happy if I let Edward get hurt if I could have prevented it, it still didn't hurt any less. I couldn't control my emotions, and before I knew it I was sobbing into his chest.

"No, no, no, I don't want to go! I want to stay with you, forever, I don't care about anyone else, Jake! Why can't you be selfish?! Why can't you ask me to stay?!" Jake looked at me silently, with an understanding look in his eyes.

"Because it's not what you want," he sighed. "You know you would never forgive yourself if you stayed and something happened to him, even if it kills me to acknowledge it. Your heart is too big, and you're too much of a good person to let it happen as long as you can help it. You'll always love him, Bells. And I can't let you do something you'll regret." I was still crying relentlessly, but I knew he was right. Jake loosened his hold on me and I turned to kiss him, needed to kiss him. The moment our lips met, I knew everything would be all right. Because I loved him, and nothing would change that. Because he would be here waiting for me when I got back. Because I knew in my heart that I was doing the right thing, that I owed it to the Cullens, that it would all be okay. The kiss was soft, slow, but passionate.

"I love you so much, Jake," I said, breaking away the kiss. And he smiled, and it lit up my world, and I knew that I would search the world for that smile, and not even the Volturi would be able to stop me. Jake pulled away from me, much too soon, always too soon, and I turned to look at Alice once again. She had been silent during my entire exchange with Jake. She looked up at me expectantly when I walked over to her.

"Okay," I sighed. "I'll go." Alice wrapped me in a bone-crushing hug and could barely contain her excitement as she squealed and yelled and hugged.

"Oh, thank you thank you thank you, Bella. You don't know how much this means to me, to all of us. We can't lose him, Bella, we just can't. There isn't much time, we're going to have to leave for Italy immediately. I'm going to go pack a few things for you quickly while you say goodbye." She darted up the stairs before I even had a chance to respond.

Goodbye.

I had to say goodbye to Jake.

Before I could turn around to face him, I felt his arms wrap around my waist from behind and instantly leaned back into his chest.

"Not goodbye, Bells. You'll be back before you know it, and we'll be together again."

I wrapped my arms around his neck as I turned around, and we kissed once more. When Alice came bounding down the stairs again, this time with a large bag full of my things, I was ready. I knew it was all going to be okay.

"Ready to go?" she asked. I nodded and made my way to the door, with Jake by my side.

"Alice, wait, what about Charlie?!"

"Don't worry about Charlie, I'll take care of it," Jake interrupted. "I'm not sure you won't get grounded for life upon your return, but I'll make sure he knows you're safe, and with Alice." I smiled at him and headed towards the car, getting inside. Alice joined me a minute later. Jake stuck his head in my lowered window to give me one last kiss.

"You better take good care of her, Alice," he joked. "I don't relish the idea of flying to Italy and facing a bunch of ancient vampire dictators, but if I get even a single hint that Bella is in danger, or that she's not being treated properly, by you or your brother, I won't hesitate to hop on the next flight to Italy." His tone was more serious now, and I knew that he was worried about my safety. As Alice started up the car, I turned to Jake.

"I'll be fine, I promise. Don't worry about me." His eyes flickered up and down my face, finally focusing on my eyes.

"I love you," he whispered, and I knew he meant every word.

As Alice pulled out of my driveway, I couldn't help but tear up. I watched Jake wave at me from my house as his figure became smaller and smaller with every second Alice kept driving. She looked at me sympathetically and I managed a small smile. Whatever happened, I knew that Jake would always be there for me. Whether measured in feet, meters, or miles, I knew that distance was no object when it came to the love Jake and I shared. It was this thought, and this thought alone, that kept me sane as I watched Jake's figure disappear into the distance.


Hm, I think this may be the longest chapter so far.

Thanks again so much to all of my readers and reviewers, you all make the world go round(:

I kind of love this chapter, but I really want all of your opinions so remember to REVIEW!

The next chapter might take a while since I'm going to be very busy these next few weeks /: Spring Break officially ended for me today, and now it's back to reality. And reality means AP Exams in May -_____- Cheer me up with a review, will ya? (: