The Feeling
"How often are you having this dream?" my father asked.
I had called him to make for my return during the summer, but as we chatted somehow I brought up my lack of sleep which lead to the reveal of my returning nightmare to him. It was impossible for me not to tell my dad everything important, he had always been there for me and has always been on my side no matter what.
"At least twice a week," I said.
I was at my apartment, classes having ended for the year, summer right around the corner. Makoto was already at the community center working, I had to change and pick up the papers I had graded. I still had a week left at the center before I was replaced by actual teachers that volunteered during the summer.
"And it's still from that day?" he asked.
"Every time," I said. "It'll pass, it always does."
"And it always come back," my dad said. His tone was firm with concern, I could almost see the wrinkles form across his forehead in my mind as he spoke. "You can't keep adjusting your life around these relapses. I can't stand watching you stress about the past."
"They're much more spread out," I pointed out. "It's been almost two years."
I scurried about my apartment with my phone pressed between my cheek and shoulder as I gathered the graded papers. i still had no idea what I was going to wear.
"Does this have anything to do with that boy you're seeing?" he inquired.
I stopped moving at his question, my hands frozen halfway through packing the papers. My brain felt like it was crashing from faulty wiring like a toasted computer, but when he called my name it all snapped back to me.
"You think it's Makoto's fault? That just isn't possible," I quickly said.
"I'm just looking after you. Yuri."
Sighing I said, "I know daddy. Well I have to go now, I have to change for the center."
"Okay, I'll see you in a few weeks?" he said.
"I can't wait to be home."
"Love you, Yuri."
"Love you too. Bye."
"Bye."
With that I hung up and slid my phone into my bag along with the papers. Makoto couldn't be the problem, the issue was me, and had nothing to do with him. My past was mine. My dad was just being overly suspicious.
Shaking my head I pushed away those thoughts as I hurried to my closet to change before rushing out the door for the center.
"So wait, what's happening?" I asked.
Makoto had just finished his shift and we were leaving the community center hand-in-hand.
"One of my friends from my hometown bought tickets and made extensive plans for the week we head to my parents," Makoto said.
"So?" I questioned.
"It won't be the quiet trip we thought it would be," he explained. He sounded like he was waiting for me to get mad, even his shoulders were tense. Or did he feel guilty?
"I never said I wanted a quiet trip," I said.
Makoto's expression brightened as we stepped out of the building, his hand tightening around mine.
"Then you're okay with getting dragged around that week?" he questioned.
"With you and your friends? Of course not," I smiled up at him. "It sounds like fun, besides I really want to meet your other friends. Haru is nice, but he's not very social," I said.
"Wait until you meet Nagisa," he chuckled. "You'll miss Haru's silence."
His green eyes twinkled down at me as we slowly made our way to the bus stop. I was going to stay at my place tonight so I could get my things ready for the trip tomorrow, but Makoto's expression made my heart leap. I could always feel his love when his gaze met mine, or with the soft squeezes he gave my hands when he held them. He was the diamond in my life shining where I lacked something, and bringing me joy when I least expected it. Makoto was still too good to be true, even after several months of dating I couldn't believe it, but here he stood not to me. I doubted I would ever get use to that look he gave me so casually.
I moved closer to Makoto's side as we stood waiting for my bus to arrive.
"You know," I began, glancing down at the ground. "I think I will stay the night."
"Wah-, really?" he stammered surprised. "I thought you wanted to pack tomorrow?"
"I can. When I get home," I said quietly.
"Yuri-chan?" he asked softly.
I slowly looked away from the green straps of my wedges up to Makoto, who's cheeks were brightly flushed. I thought my face felt hot, but Makoto's had to be burning from the look of it.
"Makoto-kun, can't I?" I inquired.
I never really got an answer. Makoto just spun on his heel and guided me to his apartment with our linked hands. My heart was sprinting in my chest as we walked from my implication. I wasn't chickening out, in fact I wanted it to be with Makoto. He was sweet, kind and gentle. I was just nervous about my first time. With my distrust of boys I rarely gave that a thought, but now I couldn't stop my body, or heart from wanting Makoto the way I did in that moment.
When we entered his apartment we both dropped our things in the entryway and took hold of one another. Makoto held me close while we kissed, my hands tangling in his hair as we stumbled to his bedroom. And he was gentle; in kisses, in touches, and in every word he whispered to me. "I love you, Yuri," being my favvorite with the way it sent a wave of emotion through me.
"I love you too. Makoto, I love you," I panted in return.
When it was over Makoto almost fell asleep immediately while I curled up beside him staring happily at his face. It was relaxed and slightly damp from sweat, his mouth was parted with his breath coming and going evenly. He was so handsome that my heart clenched with love.
"Makoto," I said under my breath. "You're too perfect, you know that? It's not fair how quickly you can disarm me with a smile, or how special you make me feel with a kiss."
Makoto stirred with a small yawn. His arm pulled me closer to his side where I made myself comfortable. Resting my head on his chest I glanced up at him.
The tightness grew in my chest as a wild thought crossed my mind. I bit my bottom lip as I tried to ignore the thought , but it was right.
"I'd be lying if I didn't say I did not want to be alone tonight," I whispered.
I didn't want to be alone if that nightmare came back. If I was scared awake I wanted someone to be there with me, and if it was Makoto then I could wake up safe. I wanted to stay near him, I wanted Makoto to always be there.
"Please," I said as I pressed my lips to the skin over his collarbone.
As if to answer Makoto, still asleep, pulled me into his chest wrapping both arms around me like he was protecting me.
And it worked. I made it through the night without that dream plaguing me.
Sooo sorry that this took so long. I've been really busy lately, but here you have this chapter. Also sorry that it is so short, but I promise the next one will be longer, with more Haru, and Makoto's family. MAYBE EVEN THE REST OF THE IWATOBI GANG
please leave a review, they keep the story going.
