Ohayo!! Wuzzup, mina-san??
Thanks for all the awesome reviews!! So many of you are pissed that Matsumoto opened her mouth and told everyone Hitsugaya's secret. Ha! It's funny, if ya ask me!! Also, ya wanna know how Hitsu is gonna have to deal with it all… heh heh…
Anyway, this chappie, I was gonna have a lot of it centred on Karin and her zanpakuto and the big bad secret she's been keeping from herself. But I'll need to tie up the loose ends from the other chapter and I'll probably throw Hinamori in this chapter too… so then… I hope you enjoy!!
This is chapter 12!! Read and review!!
Chapter 12: What she was hiding…
"Ichigo Kurosaki's younger sister??" Ukitake was shocked, but managed to stay calm.
"Y-yeah," Hitsugaya muttered.
Ukitake was silent for a while, just sitting there wide-eyed. Finally he smiled weakly at the younger captain, "I suppose you had no choice but to hide her from the Gotei 13 and disguise her as a soul reaper, but…"
Ukitake's gaze turned serious as he watched Hitsugaya. Ukitake noticed that Karin wasn't paying any attention and was deep in thought as well as concentrating on waiting for her tea to cool down so she could drink it. Ukitake took this opportunity to ask Hitsugaya something very important.
"Hitsugaya, why did you take her with you?" he stared at Hitsugaya.
Hitsugaya glanced at Karin out of the corner of his eyes and then looked away. He sighed really quietly and said, "I… really don't know."
That evening, around the time when the sky was almost getting dark, Hitsugaya and Karin walked back to the Tenth Company building. Hitsugaya was frowning really hard and Karin was stressing over why Hitsugaya would tell someone she was a human.
Hitsugaya pulled open the sliding door to the headquarters. He stepped inside and sighed.
"Huh?" Karin entered the building and stared. This was the first time she'd ever seen drunk, passed-out people in her life.
All over the floor were drunken people fainted and unconscious. Karin's eyes were wide and her mouth hung open.
She looked at Hitsugaya who was carefully grabbing Ikkaku's arm and dragging him out of the building. After that, he proceeded to drag all the drunken people outside and left them lying there.
Karin said nothing. Man, Toushirou's done this before?? This was the first time she'd ever seen such a scene and Hitsugaya had faced it just about every day of his life as a captain.
She stared out the open door at the quickly darkening sky. And so… another day at the Soul Society had come to an end. She thought about what her family back in the Living World might be up to and couldn't help feeling really sad. Man, she even missed her old man!!
She sighed as she carefully slid the door shut.
Karin didn't know, but sitting at his desk, Hitsugaya was gazing at her.
Next morning, Matsumoto woke up and found herself lying on the ground outside Tenth Company. She got up and discovered she had a dreadful hangover.
"Urgh…" she muttered as she slid open the door and went inside the building. She frowned as she saw her captain sitting up at his desk with a stack of paperwork. Karin was sitting on the couch, trying to decipher one of Hitsugaya's papers.
"Matsumoto, you're awake." Hitsugaya said, barely glancing up at her. He stood up and said, "Good. Take over this paperwork. I've got to go out for a bit."
Matsumoto blinked. "What about Karin-chan? You never go out without her."
Karin frowned from her spot on the couch.
Hitsugaya sighed a little. "…Rumours are already flying around the Seireitei and I can't risk her being in any danger. People are really going to start suspecting her of not being a shinigami, especially without a zanpakuto."
Karin looked up and stuck out her tongue at Hitsugaya. "Man, it's not my fault."
Hitsugaya quickly looked away from Karin, thinking about his conversation with Ukitake yesterday.
"I'll be back later." he said, leaving the building.
Matsumoto felt kind of guilty for some reason. Her taichou was being extra careful about letting Karin be discovered today and she was feeling very strange. She suddenly gasped out loud and raised a hand to her mouth.
Dammit!! Just what had she said while she was drunk??
Matsumoto picked up and piece of paperwork, glanced at it and put it back down again. She was so restless and bothered right now. She frowned as she tried to remember who she had blurted it out to yesterday.
Okay… there was Shunsui. He would keep it to himself. And there was Ikkaku and Renji, who probably were still trying to believe it. There was Iba and Izuru. Matsumoto let out a little sigh of relief. Well… there wasn't anyone who would blab it around the Seireitei.
But… Matsumoto's eyebrows crumpled over her eyes. She had to make sure Hitsugaya never found out what she had done while she was drunk. She had told everyone about Karin and how she wore his clothes, for goodness' sake!!
Matsumoto's eyes were almost closed and she looked very sheepish. Tachio was going to be very angry!!
There was a knock on the Tenth Company door and Karin immediately froze. She hadn't really been anywhere without Toushirou, so she wasn't feeling very secure right now.
Matsumoto yawned and said, "Come in."
Momo Hinamori opened the door and came in. She smiled at Matsumoto. "Good morning, Rangiku."
Matsumoto brought herself to smile, though she was still half-asleep and completely winded. "Hello, Hinamori."
Karin heard that name and she tensed. She remembered that name somehow. Wasn't it… Hinamori Momo… the girl Toushirou was in love with?
Karin cautiously looked up at the black-haired girl who was standing nearby. Hinamori noticed Karin and gave her a warm smile.
"Hello. I'm Momo Hinamori," she said in friendly way.
Karin bowed her head down a little to the assistant captain. "Um… nice to meet you. I'm Karin…"
"You're the new shinigami in Tenth Division, hm??" Hinamori smiled. "You'll like it here. You have a great captain. Don't you think?"
Karin was a little surprised. Why was she bringing Toushirou into the conversation?
She felt awkward as she replied. "Y-yeah, Toushirou is-" She suddenly stopped. Ah!! She had forgotten to call him by his title again!!
But the assistant captain of Fifth Company just giggled lightly. "It's okay," Hinamori told Karin, "I still call him Shiro-chan even though he hates it."
Hinamori and Matsumoto talked for a while and then Hinamori left. Karin sat on the couch in silence just thinking.
"Can I guess what you're thinking about?" Matsumoto interrupted her thoughts.
"Huh?" Karin looked confused.
Matsumoto gave Karin a cheeky grin. "Yup, Tachio is completely infatuated with Hinamori! Have you noticed how he tenses whenever you mention her?"
"…yeah," she answered.
Karin glanced at the paperwork she had been trying to figure out and shrugged, throwing it down on the couch. She stood up and said to Matsumoto, "I'm… going outside for a bit…"
Karin left the Tenth Company building.
"…huh?" Matsumoto frowned.
Karin was confused. Oookkaaayy… why did I just do that? She hadn't even been out in the Seireitei by herself, and she knew she would have to be careful.
Where was she going? Karin frowned. Damn, what was wrong with her?
She wandered around and found somewhere that looked empty and secluded. Karin looked around her quickly to see if anyone was around.
Sitting down with a sigh, she leant her chin on her knees and hugged her legs tightly. She lifted her head and looked at the sky.
You have to stop, Karin. Hoshi Matsuri's voice spoke up. You have to stop hiding your feelings.
Karin blatantly ignored her zanpakuto and kept staring at the sky.
Hoshi Matsuri seemed to sigh a little. You always hide from those things that hurt you most. You're scared of being hurt, so you push it deep down and cover it up. All your emotions, your feelings, pain and suffering, you push them deeper and bury them. And now you're doing it again.
Karin had a huge frown on her face. She still didn't answer to her zanpakuto.
You think doing this will protect you… you believe that by doing this, you can keep yourself from being hurt- this is your way of defending yourself but in actual truth it worsens everything.
Karin was silent. Her head was bowed and her arms under her knees.
Actually… She closed her eyes for a moment. I've kinda realized things have been slipping from my grip… but… I can't help it. I have to do this… I have to not let myself get sentimental. Because… I kinda think being weak to these emotions makes me pathetic…
So I refused to let it get in my way.
But… now everything is weighing me down. I hate to admit it, but there are so many troubles and burdens I thought I had gotten rid of. Karin rested her head forlornly on her knees.
I know I stopped crying. That's what I stopped doing when Mum died… I thought life was going good after I stopped letting emotions get in my way. Then I met Toushirou… and realized that I hated it.
I hated having to depend on him or someone else all the time because I wasn't able to protect myself, so I awakened my shinigami abilities. And then I ended up here in Soul Society… and… Karin bit her lip and furrowed her brows. I hide it but… the truth is I really… I really miss being home. I miss my family and my normal life… it sucks but sometimes I wonder if I never met Toushirou, would it be okay??
The spirit of Hoshi Matsuri seemed to be standing beside Karin, and listening to her.
And Hoshi Matsuri… you're making me think of all these confusing things!! DAMMIT!!!
Karin lifted her head for a second and glared ferociously at the sky, clenching her fists.
Darn you for making me flustered over all this!! I never would have been so troubled with this!! I never would have worried about my feelings and stuff that I kept hidden!! I wouldn't be missing home and my family, I wouldn't be in such a mess with not having a zanpakuto and… I wouldn't… I…
Karin's fist was tightened really hard.
Toushirou wouldn't… be on my mind like this…
Hoshi Matsuri's gaze was serious and ruthless. Like these feelings for Toushirou, you haven't recently discovered them; it's been a while now and you hid them away from you!! You keep denying it, so often and so hard. And you keep refusing to accept it. You're still afraid!! So you hide from it even now. Is this meant to stop you from suffering?? Is this meant to ease your pain??
Karin wouldn't stop glaring intensely with anger at herself. She had worked hard for this, you know! It took a lot of effort to build the kind of character she had. She had decided sentiment was a weakness so she was against it. So she refused to let it affect her. That was the reason she had to hide it!!
Karin, you know, right now, at this instance you are suffering from those emotions you thought couldn't hurt you. And your hurt is deeper because of how you thought you covered it up.
And even now you are running away. You refuse to acknowledge your love for Toushirou. You're too scared, so you won't venture out of this shell you have created for yourself. You don't want to be hurt, and you won't even try to face this.
Karin made a tiny almost undetectable sniffling sound from her position.
Hoshi Matsuri's voice softened. Karin… please let a little of your pain go. Don't push it any deeper. It's okay.
Karin made no movement.
Just… let yourself cry. Hoshi Matsuri's voice became soft and sympathetic. Karin felt as thought Hoshi Matsuri had placed her hand on her shoulder.
It's okay, Karin's zanpakuto told her, No-one's here. Nobody will see.
No-one will see… Karin.
Karin looked up at the sky once more.
The truth is… I told myself so many times that Toushirou was just a friend, but actually… I think about it and that really isn't what I want! All this time, I've thought about how he's a shinigami… and how he has his childhood friend that he's in love with… I thought that I'd be okay if he had someone else… because I knew all along I was just a human girl.
Maybe… if I just believed that I didn't care, I'd be all right. But I think of him with Hinamori, and I'm gritting my teeth, having to fight back tears because it… doesn't make me happy at all!
Yeah… even now, those crappy tears are coming. Karin hurriedly started swiping at her eyes. Karin couldn't help a sob rising up in her throat as tears started falling.
Dammit… Its true… that I'm in love with Toushirou!!
Hitsugaya frowned as he stepped inside the Tenth Company headquarters. He looked around him and then asked immediately, "Where's Karin?"
"Hm?" Matsumoto said, "She said she was going outside for a while."
Hitsugaya was wondering why Karin would have gone by herself. "Okay," he said. He left to look for her.
No-one will see.
Nobody will see you cry, Karin.
Hitsugaya saw Karin sitting by herself and quickly ran up to her, ready to lecture her. Then he suddenly stopped, his icy-blue eyes wide open.
Hitsugaya stood about two steps behind Karin and saw the tears hitting the ground.
End of chapter 12!! Hooray!!! Yippee!! Woohoo!! I'm so proud of this chapter!! I actually planned it all and put it down on paper about 3 weeks ago. It's changed a little from the draft, but I'm so happy with it!! Yeah, this chapter was all focused on Karin. I'm pretty sure, now that this chapter is over, everyone will want to see Hitsugaya's POV.
By the way, next chapter, Ikkaku and Renji will have finally put the pieces together and are going to start putting Hitsugaya in a lot of trouble. As well as Karin having to make up some pretty darn good excuses for her tears. Heh heh!!
Thanks for reading!! Please review!!
