"Ah, hell," Romana groaned, ducking her head and covering it with both arms. Boromir rose and hastened to greet the members of the Fellowship, and offer sincere apologies to Theoden. The king waved him aside and strode to the seated group. Like a teenager about to be ripped a new one by an angry parent for totaling the family car, Romana stood and faced her fate with bowed head. Elladan and Elrohir also stood and bowed respectfully to the king.

Rukhtorû merely raised the knee of his good leg and extended his arm to rest upon it casually. His gaze flicked to the halflings, and his eyes narrowed. They couldn't take their eyes off him either, and shifted nervously under his scrutiny.

"How about if we cut to the chase," Romana suggested, rubbing her hands together. "I talked Boromir into letting me bring the orc into the keep. It's not his fault he's a wimp."

"I am not a wimp!" the man roared, then appealed to Theoden. "She reminded me she could aid the healing with her music, and I thought it advisable..."

"You were swayed by a flash of cleavage," she translated, beginning to enjoy herself, "and didn't even know what you were agreeing to until it was over."

"Be still!" the king bellowed, silencing them both. "Gandalf warned me of what may greet us on our return. I confess I doubted your... tenacity. Now that he is here, it is water under the bridge." Turning to the wizard, he said, "I leave this matter in your hands, Mithrandir. And you, Romana," he said, leveling his stern gaze at her, "I hope I do not need to point out that his behavior reflects on you. If I hear of any disruption where he is the cause, you will be punished along with him. Do we have an understanding?"

"Yes, sir," Romana replied meekly. The king left to inquire after the health of the wounded men in the hall.

"Estel," Elrohir said, stepping forward and clasping the ranger's hand. "It is good to see you again. We have much to discuss." With that, the twins hastened away with Aragorn in tow.

"Hey," Romana said in a low voice, nodding at Gimli. "How much?"

Smirking at Legolas, the dwarf said, "Ten silver."

"Really? I find your lack of faith...disturbing," she said with a grin. "Should have wagered more. This is Boromir we're talking about." Turning to Merry and Pippin, Romana finally gave in and pulled them both into a fierce hug. "I am so glad to see you two!"

Still keeping wary eyes on the Uruk, the hobbits returned her hug with enthusiasm.

Romana released the hobbits and looked them over critically. "You guys all right?"

Pippin shrugged. "Better than we were. Treebeard took care of us, after..." He shot a significant look at the Uruk. "I didn't believe Gandalf. How could you...?"

Kneeling so she could look them in the eye, Romana said gently, "I know you had a rough time, guys. Really, I do. And I'm sorry about this..." She gestured rather helplessly at Rukhtorû. "I had my reasons."

"We know," Merry said stiffly. The look he gave the Uruk wasn't exactly hateful, but it wasn't altogether friendly, either. "Gandalf prepared us as much as he could."

"You know, I kind of figured facing you with this would be the hardest," she mused, offering a wan half-smile. "If it's any consolation, he's been... kind of... decent, since Saruman was defeated. Decent as orcs go, anyway. Evidently, Saruman couldn't leave well enough alone and had to poke around in their heads. Without him pestering him all the time, well...," she said, shrugging.

"I hope you don't expect us to believe he's become as gentle as a lamb," Merry said crossly.

"Oh, good heavens, no!" Romana cried with a laugh. "No, he's still a naughty little orc. That much isn't going to change. But, if you think about it, he's really no more dangerous than any of us. I mean, you would still consider Aragorn a nice man, right? Even after seeing him kill a whole bunch of orcs?" She arched an eyebrow at them.

Startled by the question, the hobbits looked at each other, then at the Uruk. Taken in that context, the Uruk seemed more like a rough man on leave from a military base, rather than a slavering beast with a taste for man-flesh.

"We are all animals," she said pointedly. "Some of us are just a bit wilder than others." She jerked her head toward Rukhtorû with a wink and smiled. "So did Saruman cry like a little girl when Treebeard dropped a water balloon on his house?"

"He was furious!" Pippin crowed.

"Excellent."

"Wormtongue threw something out the window, too," Pippin went on. "It was..."

"It was a none-of-your-damn-business, that's what it was," Romana said sternly. "Don't you remember what that elf-guy said way back when? Something about not meddling in wizard affairs or whatever. You might want to think about that."

"Indeed," Gandalf said wryly.

"Well, you sly dog, I forgot you were there!" Romana said with amusement. "Set yourself down and tell me how much fun it was to give Saruman the finger!"

"What 'finger' is that?" Legolas asked as he, Gimli, Gandalf, Boromir, and the hobbits all sat in a semi-circle around Romana and Rukhtorû. The Uruk didn't look entirely comfortable, being surrounded like that.

"This one," she chirped, demonstrating with unnecessary enthusiasm. "Figuratively, of course. I really wish I could have seen that."

"There was not much to see," the elf said wearily. He made a point of not looking at the Uruk, yet his words were clearly intended for Rukhtorû's ears. "The valley was flooded. There were so many dead orcs floating about, you could easily walk from the forest eaves to the foot of the tower without getting your feet wet."

Beside her, the Uruk stiffened, glaring at Legolas. Then he shot an angry look at Romana. Seeing his furious expression, she shifted uncomfortably.

"Um...yeah. About that. Remember when I found you? I told you the trees back home were pissed at your master? Well..." She shrugged helplessly. "It's, uh, quite possible you're... you're the only Uruk left. Maybe."

He blinked at her, then looked at each of the others' faces in turn, searching for someone's wink, telling him it was a joke.

"That may not be so," Gandalf said. "Treebeard said some may have slipped away. There may also have been a few more mobile survivors of the battle who escaped the Huorns' wrath."

"May have?" Rukhtorû snarled. It was the first time many of them had heard him speak, and they were taken aback by the rough, guttural sound of his voice. Merry and Pippin, however, had had their fill of Uruk-hai voices, and winced as memories flooded back. Glaring at Romana, he roared, "You knew of this! You... saw it coming!"

"Hey, calm down!" Romana cried, shifting to face him. "There wasn't anything I could do. Saruman brought it on himself."

"It is not my Master who is dead!" the Uruk barked.

"What do you want me to do? Bring them all back?"

"Do you have that power as well?"

"No, I was being facetious."

"Then shut the fuck up!"

"Well, didn't you just wake up on the wrong side of the keep this morning!"

"How could I sleep with you crawling all over me?"

"Oh, you didn't just go there, Rukhtor."

"That is not my name!"

"You bet your ass, it isn't. There's nothing pretty about you!"

"Ha! Then why do you call me that? You have also called me 'handsome'."

"You are so full of yourself! I most certainly did not!"

"I remember, and you did. Do not lie, do not deny it. You think me handsome."

"Conceited, egotistical, and completely out of your mind, but handsome? No."

"May I interject?"

Both Romana and Rukhtorû turned to the wizard with surprise. They'd completely forgotten they had an audience, and now looked at the shocked faces all around.

"Uh... yeah," Romana said sheepishly. "Feel free."

"It would seem you and... Rukhtorû, is it? You and Rukhtorû have developed a rather... unique relationship. I find it intriguing."

"Hmph," Boromir snorted. "It is the same when she speaks with me."

"Ah, but you are not an orc," Gandalf pointed out. "I would have expected blood to be spilled by now, wouldn't you?"

"I do not want to," Rukhtorû growled petulantly, subdued now that he was reminded of the wizard's presence.

"I rather hope not," Gandalf replied mildly. "She has tended your wounds and cared for you at great risk to herself. It would be most ungrateful to repay her with violence."

"He said he doesn't hear Saruman's voice in his head anymore," Romana said. "Apparently the rotten bastard thought it would get the job done faster if he nagged."

"I find it difficult to believe," Legolas sniffed. "It has never been my experience that orcs required urging to commit atrocities."

"It has never been my experience blah blah blah," Romana mocked. "Boat's waiting, Leggo-my-Eggo. Don't let the door hit you on the ass."

Seething, the elf turned to Gandalf. "Must I continue to endure her insufferable childishness?"

"Not for much longer, nancy-boy," she smirked. "I've got places to go, things to see, and not a damn one of them is in Gondor."

"Thank the Valar," Boromir grumbled.

"And I was so looking forward to meeting your dad," she said sarcastically. "The history books just went on and on about what a fine, upstanding gentleman he was."

"I have heard enough," Boromir snarled, then stood and stomped out of the keep.

"Yeh go too far, Romana," Gimli admonished as he followed Legolas out the door as well.

"Romana," Gandalf said sternly. "What has come over you?"

"I have kept my mouth shut for months, listening to those two and their phenomenally pompous attitudes," she hissed, leaning forward. "They're complete asses. When the history books were written, the writers totally glossed over what dicks they are. I'm thinking money changed hands or something."

"History books," Rukhtorû said hollowly. "You know of these things... from history books."

"Yes," she said absently. "In any case, if I'm out of the picture, fewer things will change. Like, total dickweeds who were supposed to die will get the opportunity." She rolled her eyes.

"Do you truly wish that?" Gandalf asked. "Is your hate so powerful that..."

"No, no, I'm sorry," Romana said, shaking her head. "I'm just... wound up. I just had to put up with Elrond's boys a bit ago, and they were being... Well, you know how I feel about elves."

"You showed Elrond the proper respect," the wizard said. "And I do believe you got along well with his daughter."

"Yes, well, some elves don't suck, and they, at least, are committed to seeing this thing through."

"Do you not recall that it was Isildur who failed to destroy the Ring? It was not an elf who left 'unfinished business' for Men to deal with."

"Details," she said with a shrug.

"Romana..."

"Okay! All right! It's not the elves' fault, and they can't help being big pusses and running off to their little heaven on earth instead of helping. Not their fault. Got it." She crossed her arms over her chest and pouted.

"And if I am not mistaken," Gandalf continued, "Elladan and Elrohir have come to our aid."

He was using that tone again, and Romana squirmed. "All right," she said quietly. "I'm sorry."

"It is not me to whom you should apologize."

"All right!" she snapped, then stood up. "I'm going, I'm going."

"Boromir as well."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," she grumbled as she left the hall in a huff.

"You've lost none of your style," Pippin commented with a grin.

Nodding to the hobbit, he then turned to Rukhtorû. The Uruk cringed slightly under his piercing gaze, though the wizard made no effort to seem threatening. "Now then. Has Romana said what will happen to you when she leaves us?"

Now it was Rukhtorû's turn to squirm. "She... has offered to... take me with her."

Gandalf's eyebrows rose. "Indeed." He held the Uruk's gaze for several moments, until Rukhtorû could stand it no longer and looked away uncomfortably. Sighing, Gandalf said, "In all truth, you would be a fool not to accept her offer. I have counseled mercy in your case, but I cannot guarantee that your imprisonment would be without suffering. Voice or no Voice," he said significantly, "you are still an orc, with an orc's tendencies toward violence, I have no doubt. Unless proved otherwise, all believe you pose a threat. In which case, they would feel compelled to slay you rather than set you free, regardless of how the war ends."

Rukhtorû nodded. "But... I do not want... I do not want to die."

"That is quite understandable."

"I do not want to hurt her."

"Admirable."

"How...," he began awkwardly, "how do I not?"

"Only you can answer that," he replied kindly. "As you have experienced, Romana can be... blunt, and sometimes hurtful. However, she is not truly a bad person. It is clear she sees something of value in you, or she would not have helped you, or asked for your company. I would suggest you try very hard to be worthy of the trust she has in you." Smiling, he added, "You should begin by developing a thick skin."