This is your fair warning that this chapter contains some *spoilers* for The Stolen Throne and The Calling...remember...you have been warned...


Chapter 12 – Even In Death, There Is No Peace

'Maric….'

Her mind raced as she struggled to make sense of this unexpected turn of events.

'Why….how….wh-what is he doing here?'

Everything here was her creation; the Manor in Gwaren, the seneschal and servants, all the places they visited and the people they interacted with existed as she wished them to; even Loghain was only the image of the real man that she held in her own mind. This was her Fade dream; the world that she escaped to when she sought solace from the hardships of real life. Here, she was strong, brave….and happy.

'Damn it! This is my sodding world and no one enters it unless I allow it!'

"Hello? Anyone there? How long are you going to continue staring at me like that?" His words interrupted her thoughts and she realized that she was standing there, dumbstruck with her mouth agape.

"You cannot be King Maric," she stammered. "King Maric died over 5 years ago, lost at sea. Loghain very nearly lost his own life looking for him. He would not have returned without him had there been any chance that King Maric yet lived."

"Loghain is a good man and a true friend." He smiled affectionately at the thought. "And please, it's just Maric. I am no longer King of Ferelden."

Parean's eyes narrowed suspiciously, "If you are truly Maric, then why are you here speaking to me? I would think that you would wish to speak with Loghain." She regretted the question as soon as it left her lips.

"I told you. I have come to tell you that it is time for you to leave The Fade." Maric spoke with a certainty that caused a sense of panic to rise in Parean. He would not be easily dissuaded from his purpose.

"Leave The Fade? What do you mean 'leave The Fade'? You're not making any sense." Her lie sounded hollow and forced. 'Maker's Breath, you are a terrible liar,' her mind chided.

Maric simply chuckled at her failed attempt, "My lady, regardless of what Loghain may have told you about me, I am no fool. After spending so many years with a man who can read almost anyone like a book, I did pick up a few of his tricks. You are quite aware that this is The Fade."

With the nonchalant dismissal of her attempt to feign ignorance, her last defense against him shattered. She felt her panic subsiding and a growing anger taking its place.

'Of course he knows about this place. Why wouldn't he? The Maker himself probably sent him to torment you. Look at him, standing there, smiling so smugly. He knows you have no way to refute what he is saying.'

She could not believe what was happening. Her sanctuary, her refuge, the only place where she felt truly safe was being taken from her. She had created this world many years ago, patiently and lovingly modifying and expanding it over time. Finally, with the inclusion of Loghain, everything was as it should be and she would spend the rest of her eternity here, with him, in her perfect world. And now this interloper, with one simple statement, sought to destroy all of her work and steal any chance for her happiness.

Parean had reached her breaking point. If she lost this Fade dream then there would be no place left for her except The Void. She would not give up her world without a fight.

In an instant Parean's stare turned into a glare as the rage she felt toward Maric's intrusion shot from her eyes. The intensity of her emotions caused him to shift uncomfortably where he stood. She was prepared to do what she must, regardless of what that may be, and damn the consequences. It seems she too had learned an unforeseen lesson from Loghain.

She approached him slowly and deliberately, her mouth twisted into a scowl that made her lips appear as a thin line. Her words were icy and dark, venom dripping from every syllable as she hissed through tightly clenched teeth, "How dare you invade my world and so blithely order me to leave it! The only reason I don't kill you where you stand is because of what you mean to Loghain. What are you? Are you the spirit of Maric or a demon who has taken his form?"

Maric seemed truly surprised by her attack. He hesitated for only a moment. "I am neither a demon nor a spirit. My spirit is at the Maker's side. I, like those in your dream, am an image of Maric; an impression as it were. Specifically, I am Loghain's image of Maric. Whenever he is troubled I come to him in The Fade and help to temper his overreaching sense of practically and efficiency with a sense of what would be morally and ethically sound. You could say that I am his conscience, just as I was for him in life."

His face showed a hint of sadness as he continued, "He was greatly disturbed over what you revealed to him last night. More so than he will even admit to himself. I must say that he has devised several very…let's say, interesting…ways to handle the issue of Ser Alrik. If there is anything he can do, however, it must be handled in a more…proper…manner, and so here I am."

"That does not explain how you came to be here, in my dream. I did not call you nor did my Loghain. How do you even know who I am? Why do you care about what I choose to do with my eternity?" Parean was growing frustrated with the way he avoided answering her question. It made no sense that he would appear to her at all.

"You underestimate the impact you have had on Loghain." Maric's expression was serious. "As I said before, in life, I was Loghain's conscience; his moral and ethical guide. Though you may not know it, he has begun to see you in that role. I know who you are because I've seen the image he holds of you in his mind. And that, my lady, is why I say that you must leave The Fade. He needs the guidance of someone outside of The Fade to show him that there are alternatives to his cold, hard and unyielding practicality. Without it, I fear that, at best, he will be perceived as an arse and, at worse, he may turn the country against himself, even bring it to the brink of civil war."

Parean scoffed at his mad ravings. "You are insane. There is no possible way that Ferelden would turn against Loghain. He is The Hero of River Dane! No offense to your namesake but, without Loghain, 'Maric the Savior' would never have been and there would be no Ferelden. I am not a fool, and wild, impossible fairy tales will not convince me of your delusions."

Maric started to protest but Parean held up a hand to silence him. "Even if I believed you, I cannot go back. In the real world, I am dead. By the time anyone has discovered me, I will have been dead for several hours, far beyond the point of any revival spell or healing magic. More likely, Loghain, Alistair and Morrigan have moved on and my body is currently being picked apart by wolves or, as is customary, has been weighed and thrown into Lake Calenhad to be devoured by the vile creatures that inhabit the lake."

Maric shook his head, "No, they have not moved on. Even now your mage friend is trying to revive you. Can you not hear her calling you?"

Parean listened and heard only a faint whistling of the wind through the room. "I hear nothing of the sort. As I said, there is no way for me to return. Your sojourn into my dream has been a waste of your time and mine."

She turned her back on him dismissively, "Because I know how much you mean to Loghain, you may remain to see him when he returns and come back to visit as often as you like, provided that you do not let him know that this is The Fade." She gestured toward the door, "and now, if you will excuse me, I must ask you to leave the room as I need to prepare for the king and queen's arrival." Without another word, Parean walked over to her dressing table, sat down, and began her grooming.

In a moment, Maric was behind her, staring incredulously at her in the looking glass. "Do you really think you can be rid of me that easily? That I can be shooed away like some petulant child? Like it or not, you must face the reality of your situation. If you cannot, then I shall wait for Loghain and make him see reason."

Parean sighed heavily and set her brush down on the dressing table. Why was he pushing so hard for her to leave? She dismissed the thought as irrelevant since there was no possible way for her to return. What did he want from her? She is dead. Why can he not understand that and leave her be?

'This tactic obviously isn't working. He will not see reason and now wants to involve Loghain. You must get him to leave before Loghain returns. More…drastic…measures may be called for.' Loghain had mentioned once that Maric allowed himself to be ruled by his emotions. Perhaps she could exploit that weakness to her advantage.

She rose from her chair, stepped out from behind the dressing table, and turned to face him. Her expression pleaded with him to understand, her voice brimming with emotion. "You do not understand what this dream means to me. My whole life has been one misery after another. I have been afforded contentment, even brief glimpses of happiness, only on rare occasion. Just when I begin to believe that it might actually last, it is ripped away from me. The Maker's idea of a cruel joke."

She studied his face for any reaction and saw the sympathy in his eyes. "I created this world because I can control not only what happens but who I am as well. In this world, I am a normal mage with normal powers. It doesn't matter if I lose control of myself here because I am no more dangerous than any other mage. In the real world I was unsure, inept and in a constant state of melancholy. In creating this Fade dream, I became strong, confident and, for the most part, content."

"After the incident with 'Ser Violeur', I withdrew from any interactions with others in the Circle, Templar and mage alike. I spent my days alone in the library reading stories of ages past when I came upon a book about The Orlesian Occupation." Parean sighed as a slight smile crossed her face. "I was captivated by the depiction of Loghain, the son of a farmer who rose up to become The Hero of River Dane and Teyrn of Gwaren. For the next few months I read everything written about him, trying to discern how I could emulate his strength and bravery in my own life. Admittedly, I developed a strong hero-worship of him."

Maric smiled and nodded, "Many people feel that way about him. It amused me how irritated he would become when someone would fawn over him. 'I hope you're happy. It's because of you that I must endure all of this,' he told me once. I laughed and told him how delighted I was over it as it gave me no end of pleasure to see how awkward he became when receiving the accolades of his adoring public. He scowled and said, 'I'm glad that my suffering can provide such amusement for you. I'll be sure to let you know the next time something humiliating happens to me. I wouldn't want to deprive you of your entertainment.'" He laughed at the memory, his expression was bittersweet.

Parean smiled inwardly as her attempt to stir up Maric's fond memories of his time with Loghain seemed to be working. "Actually meeting Loghain changed everything for me. I was a babbling fool any time I tried to speak with him. Then when I was charged with healing him at Redcliffe I saw a different side of him. I felt privileged to be allowed to see the private side of his relationship with Anora. It helped me to see him as a human being and not as an object of worship. Over the next few weeks, as I came to know him better, I found my feelings of hero-worship were gone and that I was developing a true affection for him. I've learned so much from him. His inclusion into my Fade dream made it complete at last. Last night, when I chose to end my life, that was the first brave act I had ever done in the real world. I was not fearful of my end as I knew that he would be waiting for me and that we would have an eternity together."

As she ended her story, she realized that tears were rolling down her cheeks. Her mind had been flooded with the memories of her own time with Loghain. The thought of losing him, even just her own image of him, was more than she was willing to bear.

Parean looked into Maric's eyes. "We are happy here," she said simply but firmly. "Why do you insist on trying to deny us that? You are his friend; his brother. Don't you wish to see him happy?"

His hesitation concerned her. 'He's still not giving in. You need to push harder.' Her mind recalled something that Loghain had confided in her one night, after consuming far too much wine. She hated herself for descending to this level but she was desperate.

Parean glowered at Maric, anger building up inside her once again. "Perhaps you do not wish him to be happy. Maybe he was right in that his suffering brings you great entertainment. He has been a loyal and devoted friend to you. He truly looks upon you as his brother. He has sacrificed so much because of the duty he felt he owed to you. You took his father, his friends, his future, even his love."

Maric's pained expression affirmed to Parean that she had, indeed, struck a blow to him. She pressed her advantage.

"He gave up the woman he loved, the woman you were unfaithful to, out of duty to you. He had to stand by you in silence as you married her and had a child with her. Then, after she passed, he left his wife and child in Gwaren to stay in Denerim with you for two years as you wallowed in self-pity, leaving him to manage the kingdom and raise the son that should have been his, all out of his sense of duty to you." She spat the words at him with all the disdain she could manage.

Parean stared at Maric, her eyes boring into him and disgust carved into her face, "Where is your loyalty and duty to him? Has he not suffered enough, or does it stroke your ego that he is willing to do anything for you? He felt duty bound to sacrifice love and happiness once for you and, it seems, you have deemed it necessary for him to do it again. No, I don't believe you wish him to be truly happy and find love as that would not fit into your own selfish motivations."

Satisfied, she again turned her back to him, "I think you should leave now." Suddenly, she felt a strong hand grab her arm and spin her around. Maric's face was a contortion of anger, rage, disgust and anguish as he held her arms roughly in his hands. His voice came out in a low growl, "Do not presume that you know anything of what has transpired between Loghain, Rowan and I." Realizing that he had lost control of himself, he took a deep breath and relaxed his grip on Parean, but did not release her.

"Of course I wish for Loghain to find happiness," he sighed, "he deserves it more than you will ever know. I am here to help him, the real Loghain in the real world, not your image of him. You have spent so much time in this Fade dream that you have lost touch with the fact that your Loghain is a figment of your imagination."

'No…that's not true…and even if it is, what does it matter? This is all I have left…'

A movement in the room caught Parean's eye. As she glanced over Maric's shoulder, she saw that Loghain had returned. Fortunately, Maric's back was to Loghain and Parean surmised that he assumed the man with the long blonde hair currently restraining his wife was, in fact, the craftsman's apprentice. She had to act quickly.

"Release me at once!" she shouted, struggling faintly against Maric's grasp. His shocked reaction to her sudden outburst proved to be the distraction she had intended as he did not notice Loghain cross the room in an instant. Before Maric knew what had happened he was spun around and struck solidly across the face by Loghain's powerful right fist. He stumbled back but did not fall. Rubbing his chin, he jokingly quipped, "It certainly has been a long time since you've done that. I can't say that I've missed it."

Loghain stood there, speechless, for a long moment. When he finally spoke, his voice was just above a whisper.

"Maric? Is that really you?" The look of recognition and disbelief in his eyes spoke volumes. He glanced at Parean, "What is the meaning of this, Parean? What is going on?"

'Forgive me, my love, for what I'm about to do,' Parean thought as she rushed toward Loghain. She grabbed his arm and clung to him like a scared child, a look of panic on her face.

"It is a demon, Loghain, trying to turn me into an abomination! It has taken Maric's form to try and deceive you. Please, my love, don't let it take me!" She buried her face into his arm as her grip tightened.

The jovial expression on Maric's face turned quickly to concern as he watched Loghain draw his sword. "You don't really believe that…do you? Do you doubt your own eyes?" He glanced around the room looking for something to defend himself with but found nothing. Tentatively, he took a step back. "Loghain, you know me better than anyone in Thedas. Can you not tell that I am Maric?"

Loghain's icy blue eyes were cold as steel as he searched the face of the man claiming to be Maric. "You would appear to me to be Maric, yes, and in any other circumstance I would believe you to actually be him, as improbable as that may be. However, since my wife has declared that you are not Maric but a demon in his form, I will trust her judgment as my own may be faulty in this particular instance."

The wave of guilt that swept over Parean was insignificant compared to the ache in her heart at Loghain's words. He trusted her so completely that he was willing to put aside his own assessment of Maric's identity and take her word on faith.

'What am I doing? How can I do this to him?'

"Loghain stop! Don't kill him!" Parean grabbed his sword arm as he lifted it to strike. In stunned disbelief, he lowered his sword, bringing a sigh of relief from Maric.

"Parean, what is it? Why did you stop me?" Loghain looked at her with confusion in his eyes.

"Because….I lied. You were right. He is Maric." Her shame was evident on her face. She dropped to her knees before him, sobbing uncontrollably.

'How ironic…in my desperation to save my Fade Dream, I have done the one thing that is certain to destroy it. The Maker must be enjoying himself immensely right now.'


Parean sure can be a manipulative bitch when she wants to be...even though she's not very good at it...I mean, damn, she really didn't pull any punches...

Update (4/10/12): Thanks m00sygrl for the review! I wanted to share my response here for others that may feel the same way. I want to say that I'm not attempting to make suicide seem like a good thing...Parean's viewpoint is, somewhat, skewed in that she feels that her whole purpose in life has been as entertainment fodder for The Maker...she sees ending that life as a way of not only protecting herself from those that wish to harm her but she's also protecting innocent people and those she cares about from herself (ie her uber insane power)...also, she thinks that by dying and refusing to move on past The Fade, she can have what she has been denied in life (ie happiness) while throwing a huge FU to The Maker at the same time...