"Look at this headline," said Hermione, pushing her issue of the Daily Prophet over Harry's porridge.
NOTHING YOU'D MIND
Harry scowled. "How many people did you tell about," he glanced at the staff table, "our academic venture?" he whispered.
"Oh," said Hermione absentmindedly, folding the Daily Prophet. "A few people."
"Hopefully no Hufflepuffs show up," said Ron.
"Mmm," said Hermione.
"Did you go and tell a bunch of Hufflepuffs or something?" asked Harry, dropping his spoon.
"I honestly don't understand what you have against them!" said Hermione, looking back and forth between Ron and Harry.
Ron put an arm over her shoulder, and swung her around to face the Hufflepuff table.
"Oh, look at this! I've found my missing quill!" said a Hufflepuff, reappearing from under the table.
"I hoped you would!" said a girl sitting next to him. They hugged briefly.
"You found that quill?" someone shouted from the other end of the table.
"Why yes, yes I did," said the owner of the quill, looking at it proudly.
"You know, I actually lost a quill once," said a fourth Hufflepuff.
"Isn't that something?" said the girl.
"It was! My favorite quill, gone from right under my nose!" he said.
"Do you... do you reckon someone stole it?" said the girl in a scandalized tone.
The boy waved her off. "No one would do that!"
Ron spun Hermione back around. "I stole that quill. I did."
xxx
"This is where we're having the first meeting?" said Harry, looking up and down the inside of the filthy bar. There was a man wrapped in bandages by the corner with a big collar, looking like he had just popped in from the Naruto universe.
"Well, there are certainly less people in here to overhear us," said Hermione. They took a seat at a booth. The bartender, like every single fictional bartender of all time, was cleaning a glass with a very dirty rag.
Eventually, students started to show up.
"How many people did you tell?" Harry hissed at Hermione, as more and more students trickled in.
"Well, the more people that know, the better, right?" said Hermione.
"Curse your reasonable logic!" said Harry. He looked around, and noticed that everybody was looking at him. He stood up.
"Well, you probably all know why you're here," said Harry.
"I don't," said Luna quietly. She stared at Harry with her large, misty eyes.
Harry's eyes widened with fear. "Alright then. Luna, you are here because you would like to learn some real Defense Against the Dark Arts."
She nodded slowly. "That sounds really nice, Harry."
Harry looked at her, then at the door.
"And," said Ron, intervening, "Harry will be teaching us all sorts of cool spells, because he's been in tons of fights."
"Oh! So this is like a fight club?" said Seamus.
"No," said Harry.
"Will we be learning how to fight?" asked Seamus.
"Well, yes," said Harry.
"Was this started as a way to rebel against society?" asked Seamus.
"Er, yeah, but-"
Seamus leaned back in his chair. "This is a fight club."
"Dang it Seamus! Don't you have some lucky charms to find?" shouted Ron.
"Hey!" said Seamus, standing to his feet.
"Alright," said Harry reluctantly, "It's basically a fight club."
