Uploaded: 2009.11.11 (I've decided I'm pretty bad at the whole monologue thing.)
Disclaimer: Whatever
Who it is?
"Don't you even want to know who it is?"
'Who it is.' That thought echoed over and over in Squall's mind. He hadn't been able to sleep all night. These thoughts plagued him ever since Rinoa broke it off with him the evening before. 'Who is Rinoa marrying? Who am I marrying? Does it matter? She's not marrying me. And I'm not marrying her.'
Squall rubbed his eyes. He was tired. Beyond tired. Every time he woke up last night he tried calling her, praying she would answer. Praying to hear her voice. Even if it was only to yell at him for waking her up.
'What did I do?' Squall was confused. 'It was going so well. She seemed to be having fun at the orphanage. She even told Matron Ma that she was going to cancel the wedding.'
Squall shook his head. Something was amiss. 'She seemed adamant about helping the children. To not add more to their ranks. To not start a war. How could her marriage prevent a war?'
Knock, knock!
Squall was jolted from his thoughts. 'What does Seifer want now? Today is definitely NOT the day to fuck with me.' Squall propped himself up. "What?"
The door opened to reveal his spiky blonde haired friend. "Dude, you were making a shitload of noise in here. Thought you died or something."
Squall glared at Seifer bitterly, 'I did die.'
Seifer shuffled nervously under Squall's stern gaze and unfriendly silence. "Um, well I also just thought you'd like to know it's noon." Seifer broke eye contact with Squall. "Um, I was going to go eat lunch with Quisty, was wondering if you and Rinny would want to go."
Squall frowned. 'Lunch. Maybe. Rinoa. Not likely." He shook his head.
Seifer decided Squall wasn't in the greatest moods. "Alright, well I'll be out. See you later." He turned to leave Squall to his foul mood but was stopped by Squall's voice.
"I'm going back to Esthar." The decision was sudden. For both Seifer and Squall. 'She won't even talk to me. I can't stay here. It only reminds me of her.'
Seifer eyed his friend wearily. "Did something happen?"
Squall diverted his eyes. 'A lot happened.'
Seifer sighed. He wasn't going to get any more information out of his friend. "Alright, I'm going to stay here a while longer. You mind if I stay in the apartment 'til the lease is up?"
Squall shrugged. 'Like I care.'
Seifer nodded and headed out the door. He knew something wasn't right, but nothing would come of him trying to pry it out of an unwilling Squall, well besides an angry Quistis for being stood up.
Squall frowned as Seifer closed his room door. He fell back onto his bed. He was tired. Maybe he could sleep now.
It was dreamless. The brown haired boy awoke to a dark room. 'How long did I sleep?' He found the clock. Late evening.
Squall stepped out of his room. Seifer was apparently busy with Quistis in his own. Squall decided not to bother them.
He simply left. No clothes. No luggage. No phone.
He loaded Lionheart into the trunk of his car. He'd have it shipped back to Esthar. He looked at the car. 'Maybe I'll sell the car too. Too many memories of Rinoa in it.'
Squall sighed and drove to the Deling Train Station. He was lucky. 'Yes. Lucky.' Squall thought bitterly as he arrived just in time to secure a train ticket back to Esthar. He finalized a few quick instructions to get his car back as well before boarding the train. Hopefully to never set eyes on the horrid city that was Deling again.
Squall sat back in his seat. He was next to an old lady and what was probably her granddaughter. The brat wouldn't sit still. Wouldn't shut up. She constantly jumped on her seat as the train whizzed by various places. Squall was reminded of Rinoa's enthusiasm for life. He frowned at the memory. He turned his back to the happy pair.
Squall thought back to the last time he was on a train. 'Ironic. I came here with only a gunblade and a phone hoping to find my purpose. I leave here with no gunblade and no phone and no purpose.' His mind screamed one last thought despite his attempts to quench it. 'And no Rinoa.'
He frowned.
Squall walked along the streets of Esthar. The city's brightly colored buildings irritated him. The fresh breeze coming from the west angered him. The cheerful children laughing and playing around him gave him a headache. 'How could anyone like this Hyne-awful city?'
Squall kicked a stack of newspapers waiting to be delivered. It was early morning. The train ride had taken the entire night.
Without a car, without a phone, and without notice, Squall was forced to walk all the way to the Presidential Palace. Nobody knew he was here. Nobody except Seifer and he was miles away. Squall grumbled as the stack of newspapers flew in every direction. He didn't care.
He didn't care that it made a mess. He didn't care that he was littering the streets. He didn't care that it was a 100 gil fine if caught. He didn't care that a man's voice shouted after him angrily. He just didn't care anymore.
"Mr. Loire!" A shocked doorman shouted when Squall entered the palace. "You've returned!"
Squall ignored him. He didn't care about him either.
The doorman didn't take the hint. "I'll inform his Excellency right away!" The foolish man ran to do just that.
Squall didn't wait for him to return; instead he made his way to his room. 'I wonder if it's still MY room.' Squall thought bitterly.
He pushed open the door to be welcomed by his room. Untouched since he left it. Squall frowned. It was big. He didn't care. He flopped down onto his bed. It was soft. He didn't' care. He closed his eyes. It was peaceful here. No frantic rushing of Deling City. He didn't care.
Squall was woken up by an annoyingly cheerful voice.
"Good morning to you! Good morning to you! It's another bright sunny day and oh what a view!"
Squall groaned. 'When will that man ever shut up? Does he know that only 5-year-olds were woken up like this?'
"Come on Squally! It's time to get up! I'm so glad you came back! Just in time too!"
Squall shot up. "Don't EVER call me that again!" He gave the president a harsh glare, one that he hoped would kill.
Unfortunately Laguna seemed immune to the Squall-glare-of-death. He simply smiled. "You missed so much fun! Your fiancé came over and we had a great time! Ellone told me they took her on the grand tour of Esthar!" He looked out of one of Squall's many windows. "Oh I think she fell in love at first look!"
"It's 'first sight', you idiot!" Squall mumbled. 'Dear Hyne, please tell me I'm not really related to him.'
Again Laguna didn't seem to hear Squall. "Anyway! The wedding is soon! Aren't you excited? You'll be marrying that wonderful girl! She looked so much like an old acquaintance of mine. I wonder who her mother is."
Squall ignored Laguna and decided it would be best to escape or he would be trapped there all morning listening to his rambling. Squall ducked out the door. Laguna was still staring out the window, talking to himself.
Squall made his way down to the kitchen to find Ellone.
"Squall!" She got up from her cereal to hug her brother. "You came back!"
Squall frowned. "Yea."
Ellone's disposition immediately dampened at his somber attitude. "What happened? Did something happen with that girl you spoke of?"
"Yea." Squall wasn't letting any other information leave his lips.
Ellone frowned. She had hoped Squall would find true love. Yes she had hoped he would come back and marry this Rinoa girl who Laguna set him up with, but she had always been torn. She wanted both Laguna and Squall to be happy. Laguna wanted Squall to marry Rinoa, Squall wanted to be with whoever it was he had found. 'I guess they can't both be happy. Too bad Squall was the one who has to be disappointed, Uncle Laguna would be happy as long as there was a wedding. And cake.'
Squall helped himself to some cereal and sat himself down next to Ellone's bowl. Ellone returned to hers and took a crunchy bite before speaking up again.
"So, are you going to give Laguna's marriage thing a chance?"
Squall shrugged.
"You know Squall, you said that if your other thing didn't work out you'd give it a chance."
Squall sighed. "I don't care."
Ellone frowned. She felt like she was slowly killing him. "She's really not that bad Squall. I mean, I know you don't trust Uncle Laguna's judgment, but don't you trust mine just a little bit?" Ellone wasn't sure but she thought she would feel incredibly hurt if Squall mistrusted her as much as he did his father.
Squall shrugged. "I don't care."
Ellone's frown deepened. 'He doesn't trust me. That… hurts…' She looked down at her cereal and ate in silence. 'Maybe it's too early for him to think of finding someone else to love.'
Squall pushed his chair away from the table, took his bowl to the sink and exited the kitchen. He didn't say another word to Ellone. He crept by his room to find Laguna still staring out over the city, still talking to himself. Squall frowned and crept on by. He would have to find something else to do while the moron monopolized his bedroom.
Squall found him pacing back and forth before the only other place he used to find comfort. Ellone's room.
She wasn't there though; she was still eating breakfast. Squall didn't really want to talk to her. She only thought about that arranged marriage. Squall honestly couldn't believe it. His sis had sided with Laguna. 'Sis knows how stupid Laguna is, why is she siding with him?'
He was brought out of his thoughts as one of the two subjects of his mind touched his shoulder.
"Squall, I know you don't like following what Uncle Laguna tells you to do. But I really think you're being irrational here. You haven't even met the girl. She's really sweet."
Squall looked up into Ellone's face. Her smile radiated genuine care. He knew she wasn't trying to do anything that he would regret. 'But Rinoa! I… I can't give up yet!' Squall made up his mind and turned to Ellone. "One last try. If this doesn't work then I'll do whatever you think is best."
Ellone nodded.
Squall reached into his pocket and paused. 'Damnit, why did I leave my phone in the apartment?' Squall turned to his Sis, "Hey can you give me a ride? I need to grab a new phone."
She nodded and they headed off. Squall noted as he past his bedroom door that Laguna was still talking to himself. Still staring out at his city. 'Well,' Squall thought with a smile, 'He'll soon see me and Ellone driving away.'
Squall could have used any phone to make the call. He could have used Ellone's. He could have used the Presidential Palace's. If only he had memorized Rinoa's number. He went to the phone shop with the sole purpose of downloading his contacts off of his phone in Deling City to be used on a phone in Esthar. The people said they would only download it to a new phone if he bought it through them.
'Greedy bastards.' Squall thought bitterly as he looked at his new phone. It was a cheap one. He only needed it to work once anyway.
He dialed.
He waited.
He prayed.
And he waited some more.
The incessant beeping seemed to be ticking down to the apocalypse. In reality it merely ticked down to the answering service.
That was exactly what Squall received. Not the apocalypse, but the answering service. The cheerful recorded voice echoed in Squall's ear.
"Hi! You've reached Rinoa Caraway! I'm not here right now but if you leave your name, number, and 10 good reasons for me to call you back then I might just do that! Bye-bye!"
Squall groaned as he heard the beep to begin recording his message.
"Listen… Rinoa… It's… Squall…" Squall frowned into the phone. 'Why was it so hard to string together a sentence?' Squall looked to the car where Ellone was waiting for him. She seemed impatient.
"Listen… Rinoa… I just wanted to ask if we could talk about this… You know… I mean… I'm sure we could make things work. I'm sure a war won't break out just because you don't go through with your arranged marriage." Squall took a deep breath.
"Truth is… Rinoa… I'm also stuck in an arranged marriage. You met me at the train station that one night because I was running away from it. I was hoping to avoid everything, avoid life. I tried to ignore it. But in that time… I met you. I learned that some things couldn't be ignored. Some things were best revealed… and I think… I think if we both confronted our parents… with each other… we could convince them to call off both of our marriages."
"Listen… Rinoa… Even if you still want to go through with your arranged marriage. Just know… I'll always love you… We can still be friends right? … Hyne! I don't care if a war breaks out. I don't care if I am the cause of future pain. I just want the present pain to subside."
"Please… Rinoa… Please… Call me so we can talk about this."
Squall hung up. He saw Ellone was watching him. He made his way to the car and took his place in the passenger's seat.
"How'd it go?" Ellone asked.
Squall frowned. "She didn't pick up."
It was Ellone's turn to frown. "Maybe Squall… And don't get mad at me for saying this… But maybe she doesn't want to talk to you about it?"
Squall's frown deepened, "Just because she didn't answer doesn't mean she didn't want to. I mean, she could have been in the bathroom or something. She'll call back. I know she will."
Ellone shrugged. "Okay, we'll give her 24 hours. If she doesn't call back by then, will you please just go through with this marriage?"
Squall knew he was beat. "Fine. It won't matter though, she'll call by then." Squall hoped he was right.
Squall waited. He had finally shooed Laguna from his room. He had locked the door. Hid the key. He spent the rest of the morning, the afternoon, and the evening sitting on his bed. Staring at his phone. Waiting for it to ring. Praying for it to ring.
'Why hasn't she called? Does she really want to go through with her arranged marriage? Was she just leading me on the entire time?'
Thoughts again haunted Squall as he lied in bed. Waiting for the call.
He checked his phone 3 times every hour to make sure the phone wasn't on silent. He even called his phone from Ellone's to make sure he could hear the ringing, only to regret it the moment after. 'What if Rinoa had called at the exact same time? She would have received a busy signal. What if she decided not to leave a message?'
Squall thought about calling again but doubt overcame him. 'What if Rinoa called at the exact same time I called her? Rinoa and I would both receive a busy signal!'
Squall didn't dare touch the phone, fearing he might accidentally reject her call the instant she tried calling. Instead he chose to stare at it as it lay on his nightstand. Waiting for it to ring. Praying for it to ring. Begging for it to ring.
As the night wore on, Squall was broken from his intense concentration on his phone by several knocks on his door, at several different times. One he supposed was for lunch, another for dinner, others probably to see if he was still alive.
He told them to go away harshly each and every time. He didn't have a clue who had came. Maybe a maid. Maybe Laguna. Maybe Ellone. He didn't care.
His only care was his phone. His phone and the call that should be coming through at any moment. 'Rinoa couldn't ignore me. Could she?'
He sat and stared. Glancing at the time displayed. 3:25 am. Squall had to glance at it again. 'I've been staring at it for almost 20 hours!'
Squall checked to make sure the phone was still set at max volume. 'Who cares if it wakes up the entire palace?' He glanced at the time. 3:26 am.
His eyes began to droop but he was determined to not fall asleep. He bounded to his bathroom to splash water on his face. When he returned he saw it was 3:30 am. '5 minutes. It seemed like an eternity. That's good. I have several more eternities and Rin only has to call within one of them.'
Three eternities later. 3:45 am.
Squall stared at the phone. His mind was betraying him. He could hear it ringing but whenever he glanced at the phone it was as silent as ever. 'Did they sell me a faulty phone? I knew that phone shop was shady! I bet it never even called Rinoa. That's probably why she hasn't called. She couldn't possibly ignore it. She always cared about people. She cared about the children. She cared about her friends. She cared about me. That was her reason for breaking it off.'
Squall frowned. 'But, I told her in the voice message that I'd be fine with just being friends.' Squall paused, 'Well, I'm not really fine with just being friends but she doesn't know that. She would call even if she just wanted to be friends. She could save the world and we'd be… friends…'
Squall shook his head and glanced at the time. 3:47 am.
Several eternities later. 4:23 am.
Squall was sure he was delusional now. 'Why hasn't she called? She only has another few hours! She said she wasn't happy with her arranged marriage! She said she was happy with me! She said she loved me! Why hasn't she called?'
Squall got up to pace around his room. The city of Esthar looked peaceful outside his room. His mind resembled little of that image. There was no peace. There was no beauty. There was darkness though. Darkness and more darkness.
Squall grabbed his hair. He was at wits end. He had slept little ever since Rinoa had broken it off with him, exactly 57 hours and 24 minutes ago. It was 4:49 am.
By the time 5:15 am rolled around. Squall was curled into a little ball. A stark contrast from the proud president's son who had stormed out of the Grand Hall at Caraway's birthday party upon learning of Rinoa's arranged marriage. He had little time left. He had stopped watching the phone. It was too painful. He was determined that no matter what happened he would not cry.
By the time 5:29 am came along, Squall's mind was in a heated argument with itself.
'Tonight is the worst night of my life.'
'No. Two nights ago was the worst night of your life. You didn't sleep then either. You called her ever few minutes.'
'No. At least then I had the pride to sit up. Now I can't even move.'
'That's because you've slept less than 5 hours in the last 72 hours.'
'No. It's because she didn't call. It's because this is the worst night in my life.'
The argument continued. It was never to be won by either side of his mind.
Less than an hour later there was a knock at his door. It frightened him. He didn't move.
The person came in anyway. It was Ellone. It was the next morning, 6:15 am.
She took one look at her brother and her heart broke.
She was probably the only one in the world who would be able to say they had seen the man cry. She offered to stay up with him as they waited for the end of the 24-hour doomsday. Squall couldn't care less. He couldn't care about the time, couldn't care about the phone, couldn't care to try.
He fell asleep.
He slept like a log. Of course logs don't actually sleep but he moved like a log in his sleep. As in, he didn't move at all. When Laguna came to wake him later that morning the older man panicked, thinking the boy was dead. Ellone assured him otherwise and they left him to his sleep. Hyne knew how much he needed it.
Squall wouldn't wake up that day. He wouldn't wake up until the following day. To the obnoxious sound of Laguna's singing voice.
"Good morning to you! Good morning to you! Good morning dear Squallyyyyyyyyyyy!" He paused as Squall groaned. Laguna smiled. "Good morning to you!"
"Shoot me now." Squall mumbled into his pillow. 'Life is a nightmare.'
Laguna bounded over to Squall and to the younger man's displeasure, he didn't shoot him. "Ellone told me all about what happened. I'm so glad you've decided to go through with this! I called your fiance's father and he's adamant about pushing the wedding up. We thought tomorrow would be a great time!"
Squall groaned. He had just slept for over 18 hours, was awoken to his father's annoyingly ever cheerful voice, and was now told he was to be married to some obnoxious girl the following day. Life didn't get any worse than this.
"So Squall, want me to tell you about her? She's really cheerful! She has this amazing black hair and chocolate eyes! She reminds me a lot of my first love…"
"NO! Shut up! Shut up! SHUT UP! Get out! I don't want to hear this! I don't want to know who she is! I just want to be left alone!" Squall found strength from somewhere. Or maybe it wasn't strength and instead pent up anger.
Laguna looked shocked. "Don't you want to know who it is at least? She has a pretty name."
Squall groaned as he buried his head back into his pillow, "My life is over, it doesn't matter who it is."
