Pit-Trap: I do not own these characters, TF2, etc.
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L is for Lyra.
Lyra liked it here. In this big building filled with the different shades of blue. It was big and roomy with lots of places to explore and sleep. And there lots of mice here for her to eat! But most of all, she liked the blue people in the big, blue building.
There was Scout. He was Lyra's favorite. He was the one who brought her here, which is why he was her favorite. He always gave her the most tidbits at mealtimes and played with her the most. She made sure to sleep with him every night.
Then there was Sniper. She stayed with him for a few days before she came to the big, blue building. He slept a lot, but that was alright with Lyra. She'd nap with him all day if she could.
But there were things to be done! Like catch mice in Engineer's workshop! She loved Engineer's workshop. It was so big and full of so many crevices and machines and interesting smells! Engineer was really nice, too. No matter what he was doing, he always had a spare moment to pet her.
Lyra didn't want Pyro to pet her at first. The gloves he always wore with his suit felt weird. But then one day Pyro had bubbles! A lot of bubbles he blew just for her! She was okay with Pyro after that.
There was Heavy. He was very warm. He didn't seem to mind Lyra all that much. Whenever he was on the couch in the living room reading a book, she made sure to curl up next to him. He was second only to Sniper around naptime.
Demoman was interesting enough. He smelt funny and was always drinking this strange liquid that tasted funny when Lyra had a small taste of it. Whenever she rubbed against his legs, she was sure to get a scratch behind the ears at the very least.
Spy also smelt funny. Lyra didn't mind, though. Spy liked her. He told her himself! He was more of a cat person than a dog person. He also hung around that evil, red dot! Only when she was around him did it appear. One day, she'd catch it and give it to Spy.
Lyra wanted to give presents to Soldier as well. He was second to only to Scout around mealtimes because he gave her many tidbits as well. Soldier could be a bit loud at times, but she could tell he always enjoyed her company. She made sure to visit him at least twice a day. Three times if the battle was exceptionally rough.
Then there was Medic. He smelled of medicine and birds. That quirked Lyra's interest, but she could tell Medic didn't like her at first. He didn't allow her into his big medicine and bird-smelling room. She was all right with that. The room only smelled half good anyways. He never pet her and ignored her. She acted just as indifferent. But one day, Medic lured her into his big medicine and bird-smelling room. He fed her pieces of meat and while she ate she felt a small prick in her side. But the meat was so good she hardly noticed! Medic said something to her then. The first thing he had said to her since everyone agreed to her staying.
"Zere. Can't have you getting rabies, can ve? Scout and zhe others vould be most upset. Just don't tell zem I gave you zhe shot, ja? Zey vill make zhe mistake of thinking I actually have a heart! Ha!"
Lyra didn't know what that all meant, of course, but she knew that after that Medic liked her just a little more. And she was all right with that.
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L is for lost.
Spy raised his fist to knock on Scout's door. "Scout?"
There was no reply.
"Scout?" Spy knocked twice more. "I know you're in there."
Still no reply.
"I'm coming in," Spy said, throwing Scout's door open. "Scout, I…" he stopped short and let out a low whistle. Scout's room was a mess.
His bed was untidy. His desk was covered in papers and all the drawers were open. Same with his dresser. Drawers open with clothes hanging out and some pooled around on the floor. His closet door was open and coats were scattered around the door. Scout had his head stuck in the closet, but pulled in out when he heard Spy whistle. "What d'you want?" he snapped.
"Well," Spy still looked around the room. "I was going to ask if you wanted to go into town." He looked at Scout. "But now I think you should stay 'ere and clean zis mess up."
Scout scowled at him before sticking his head back in his closet.
Spy raised and eyebrow. He had been expecting some sort of retort. "What are you doing?" he asked as he stepped over to Scout.
"Searchin'," Scout answered, not looking at Spy.
"For what?"
"My dog tags," Scout sighed, finally pulling his head out of the closet. "I can't find 'em anywhere!"
"Perhaps you lost them under zhe mess you just created," Spy said, looking at all the scattered clothes with slight disdain.
Scout ignored that. "I was just wearin' 'em yesterday!" he frowned. "How could they just disappear like that?"
"Zey will turn up, lapin," Spy said empathetically.
Scout's shoulders slumped and his frown deepened. "I gotta find 'em," he said with determination. "My family gave 'em to me before I left. One of the tags has my name on it 'n' the other has my brothers' and ma's name on it. I gotta find 'em."
"I take eet you won't be coming into town with us then?"
"Uh, no."
"Just try not to tear zhe base apart while we are gone, oui?"
"No promises."
So while most of the BLUs went into town forty or so miles away, Scout stayed at the base, searching for his dog tags. After doing a second search of his room, he moved on. The kitchen, maybe? Unlikely, but he searched all around in anyway. Not on the counters or under the table. The living room? Scout double-checked the couch, under it and around the cushions. Same with the chairs, but it wasn't there either. Medic hadn't gone to town with the others and he let Scout search the infirmary, but he still had no luck in there either. Next was Engineer's workshop. The workshop was so big and full of so much junk, Scout spent the majority of the afternoon searching in there. And what did he find? Nothing, that's what. Scout even checked inside their laundry machines, thinking they got caught in the wash somehow, but it wasn't so.
As the evening hours came around, Scout finally had to admit he had lost them. Lost the dog tags his family game him. Lost the dog tags that had all of his brothers' and ma's names engraved into them. So he did exactly what the situation called for: he moped. He moped when his teammates came back and he moped all during dinner. Speaking of dinner, he left early. He was too busy moping to be all that hungry. As Scout slowly walked back to his room he figured he clean his room and mope at the same time. He was good at multitasking like that. As he opened his bedroom door, he also fi-
Wait. What was that? On his bed? Scout walked up to his bed, making sure to avoid all the piles of clothes on the floor. There, sitting on his bed like it had been there the whole time, was his dog tags! Scout snatched them up with glee. His dog tags! How had they gotten there? The bed was the first thing Scout checked! How could they- wait. There was something else on the bed. A note. Scout picked it up and opened it up to read it.
"Lapin,
I noticed these on the ground outside. Do try not to lose them again."
Scout blinked, recognizing that fancy handwriting and nickname a certain someone called him. Spy had found them? Scout looked at his dog tags and Scout had to grin. That fancy bastard. Scout tore out of his room, dog tags in hand. He ran to the kitchen, but Spy wasn't there. He found him about to leave the living room. Scout ran right up to him and punched him in the arm before he could.
Spy jumped back. The punch didn't hurt, just surprised him. "What was zat f-"
Scout held up his dog tags, cutting Spy off. "You are the fucking best Spy ever," he said bluntly and loudly. Scout punched Spy in the arm one more time before turning around and taking off again.
Spy stood there, blinking. Sniper stopped throwing darts to stare. Engineer and Soldier looked away from the TV to raise some eyebrows. "What was that about, Spah?" Engineer eventually asked.
"Oh, Scout just realized zhe obvious," Spy smirked. "Zat I'm zhe best Spy ever."
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L is for Lollichop.
"That has gotta be," Scout gaped at the Lollichop Pyro was currently wielding. "The freakin' weirdest weapon I've ever seen."
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L is for lapin.
"You have gotta be freakin' kiddin' me."
Out of all the things Spy could have said, of all the things he could have called him-
"What's zhe matter, lapin?"
Spy just had to start calling Scout lapin.
"You did not just call me that."
"Quoi?"
"You know what," Scout glared at Spy.
Spy rolled his eyes towards the heavens, grinning. "There is a problem, lapin?" Oh, he sounded so damn pleased with himself.
"Hell yes, there is a problem," Scout snapped. "You just called me…" he struggled to get the word out. "Lapin."
"I did."
"Well don't!"
Spy's face became unreadable, but his eyes were full of amusement. "Why not?"
"Why da fuck do ya think why not?"
"Language, lapin."
"Don't call me dat!"
The smirk returned. It either sprung from Scout's frustration about the nickname or from the way Scout's Bostonian accent was steadily seeping through his words the angrier he got. Either way, it amused Spy to no end. "Well why wouldn't I?" Spy raised an eyebrow, looking in Scout's direction. "Zhe name lapin fits you very nicely."
"No, it doesn't," Scout insisted, still scowling. "I am nothin' like a freakin' rabbit!"
"You run fast like one," Spy noted.
"That doesn't mean ya can call me lapin!"
Spy slowly blinked, starting to frown. "I could call you something else," he said after a moment.
Scout raised an eyebrow. Really? It had been that easy? Spy would just stop? "Anything but lapin," he said, crossing his arms.
"Of course," Spy pretended to look thoughtful for a moment. "Would you prefer mon chou? Peut-etre mon puce ou mon cher?" He was grinning again.
Scout froze. "What the fuck," he managed to choke out after a second. "Those… those are…"
"What, mon canard?"
"Ohmygod," Scout literally gagged. "Do not call me any-a those either! None!"
"Pourquoi, mon petit?"
Scout let out a groan that slowly turned into a whine. "Those names're even worse! What's the matter with just callin' me Scout?" he gripped.
"Nothing."
Scout looked hopeful. "Then you'll just call me Scout?"
"Whatever you want, lapin."
Spy had yet to cease calling Scout lapin. Unfortunately for Scout, he probably wouldn't ever stop calling him that.
"Ugh!"
No matter how much Scout whined.
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A/N: With the Lyra one, I kind of wanted it to seem like it was being told from Lyra's POV (it wasn't, obviously. It was still in third person), which is why it seems so simplistic.
And love the Lollichop. What's your favorite melee weapon? Do tell! Mine has to be the Holy Mackerel. 'Cause, y'know. It's a fish that you can hit people with.
This chapter was a short and sweet, super-duper, happy-go-lucky, chapter-o-fluff.
Huh. I suppose I should try to include some poorly-attempted-hardcore-serious-crap in this story.
So.
Upcoming chapters. Allons-y.
