Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.

AN: I have decided to continue this story…and I'm super glad I wrote this chapter. Writing from Snape's point of view is so different from Hermione's…but I really am satisfied with how easily I was able to put what I was thinking down.

And special thanks to MissVJD for sending me a PM inquiring about the state of my story and if I was going to finish it. It really inspired me to write again. Thank you! :)


Chapter Twelve - Ruined


My classroom was far too hot for my formal teaching robes.

The dunderheads were attempting to brew Pepper Up Potions, although most of them were not doing a satisfactory job at all. Many of them were chopping the Mandrake Root far too thinly, which was causing the unnatural heat in my classroom.

Slughorn was unable to teach his Potions classes today because of some family business. I wasn't told the details, so I assume it is something the Dark Lord would put to use if he had access to the knowledge.

I sighed and began docking points. A few potions from some of his more…challenged students had to be Vanished because they were close to boiling over. I awarded points only to my Slytherins who managed to brew the potion correctly at this stage.

I would not think of Hermione Granger.

I would not think of what I did to her.

I prayed to the gods that she would not show up for detention tonight. If she did, I would simply have to cancel them. I did not know what caused me to lose all of my willpower. Perhaps being celibate for over two years has taken its toll.

It doesn't matter. She is my student, and I am her teacher. Parents would be outraged if they found out. Albus would be put in a very…delicate situation. The Ministry would surely let me go, without honors and without references, from my post. I would be labeled as a pervert. I would be ruined.

I already am ruined.

I absently grazed my left arm, where the Dark Mark was hidden under my robes. I scanned the room to ensure all of the third years were working and not paying attention to me. My body jolted at a sudden flashback of Granger pulling me close to her, remembering the feel of her body against mine…

"Professor? Sir? I'm done now," said a timid voice, and I heard the clink of a potion sample being set on the desk.

I looked down at the small Hufflepuff, careful my face was devoid of emotion.

"Clean up your work station. Assuming this concoction you have placed on my desk is indeed the Pepper Up, you may work on your homework until class is dismissed."

With a wave of my wand, tonight's assigned homework appeared on the blackboard. After a quick "Yessir," the Hufflepuff left my desk.

I sighed again. Today would be a very long day.


Being forced to attend the Great Hall for dinner every single bloody day was something I just accepted as one of my duties as a teacher at Hogwarts. But, more recently, it has become a place that truly tested the health my mental state. Granger was always there. Within the past few weeks I have found myself looking in her direction to watch her as she ate, talked, and laughed with her Gryffindor friends. It brought back unpleasant memories of my seventh year – the year I had already decided to join the Dark Lord and had my group of fellow future Death Eater friends.

Tonight was no different. Although I hadn't had her in class today, the distance was still not enough to rid her from my mind. The familiar saying of 'out of sight, out of mind' did not seem to apply here. And while I knew I could put the memories in a Pensieve, something held me back. It was futile to think that the Pensieve would solve my problems. It would dull the memories and the emotions attached to them, but I would still remember what I placed in there. I would probably be too tempted to watch them, over and over again.

As I sat down at my place at the Head Table, I scanned the Great Hall, trying to fool myself into believing that I was only ensuring the students were behaving. My eyes landed on the now familiar bushy-haired girl. She wasn't smiling, or laughing tonight. I noticed she was toying with her food and not really eating at all. She was sitting next to Longbottom, again. He was talking to her quietly, leaned in close to her as if to avoid having other people hear. She had a concerned look on her face, nodding looking as if she were trying to help him with something.

I finally looked away and served myself some dinner. After a few bites of the roast beef, though, I found myself looking at the Gryffindor table once more, wondering what Granger and Longbottom could possibly be talking about.

I sighed in frustration. Why, why was I doing this? I had no concern at all about the petty problems of my seventh year students. Especially the Gryffindors. From the looks of it, my memory charm worked, because Granger didn't look up at me at all the entire meal, except when she got up to leave the hall. She cast me a quick and timid glance, but I couldn't tell why. I was absolutely positive I had wiped all memories of the kisses, and that horribly inappropriate conversation of fascination with each other, from her mind. My skills with Legilimency had made that quite clear. However, no magic that I was willing to do would be able to get rid of whatever feelings she may or may not have for me. Perhaps she had a crush. It was not my place to wonder.

But that didn't stop me.

I tried to eat as much as I could and swept out of the Great Hall before anybody could talk to me and made my way down to my classroom. I wasn't in the talking mood. I suppose I never really was anymore. This war was taking a great toll on me, and I spent as much time as I could alone. If I weren't required to be at Hogwarts, I probably would have left a long time ago.

I sat down at my desk and began to grade the horribly tall stack of essays I assigned to the sixth years. It was quite calming for my mind, which up until this point was positively reeling. After about two hours, I heard a knock on the door, and I groaned inwardly, because I knew exactly who it was.

"Enter," I said curtly, hoping to set the mood before she even saw my face.

And, without fail, she was here again. 8 o'clock sharp.

"I'm here for my detention, Professor," I heard Granger say, her voice getting louder as she approached my desk. My body stiffened as I became aware of her scent carrying through the air – the pumpkin spice and cinnamon that was becoming quite familiar to me. I refused to look at her. It would only lead somewhere very bad.

I took a breath and said what I had told myself I would say.

"Your detentions are, as of now, through," I said shortly. I continued looking over the essay, or at least putting up the appearance that that was what I was doing. I could almost feel her surprise.

"Oh! But…why, sir?"

She said this very quietly, and although I felt no annoyance by her question as I typically would by any other student, I had an act to maintain.

"The insufferable know-it-all has yet another question," I said snidely. I chanced a glance at her and saw the hurt. I smirked. "I simply don't have the time I anticipated for them anymore. I have other obligations, and I believe you have learned your lesson." I narrowed my eyes to appear more menacing, looked straight at her, and said in the most dangerous voice I could muster, "Now get out of my sight."

Granger looked like she had something else to say, but wisely decided against it. She turned on her heel, left the room, and thankfully did not slam the door shut.

I exhaled a breath I didn't know I was holding, and held my face in my hands.

What was going on?


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