Twelve

Rose Hathaway-Belikova
Graduation

Taking my seat on the cushioned benches on one of the many rows around the area made me think about my own guardian trial. It was a different experience to sit up here, ready to watch some new novices prove their worth, than it was to go through the agonizing wait in the barracks outside the stadium just waiting for my turn.

The field below the rows of benches, the center of the gladiator arena, was thinly equipped with a variation of different obstacles to be a challenge for the fighting of the other guardians while trying to use balance and coordination. It reminded me a lot of my own trial. They still used the maze and the nets. I give them points for creativity when it comes to various obstacles, though they hadn't changed them much over the past… how long since I did my trials? 12 years ago. Sometimes it felt like no time at all, sometimes it felt like so much longer.

The benches rapidly filled with people, the Moroi took seats below the awnings that had been put up to shade them from the summer sun. I could immediately spot the opening between the area and the novice barracks where the nervous youths peeked their heads out to take a good look at the area where their future would be decided.

They didn't only do the trials to pass their final test and unite with the true guardians, how they performed today would also be a guideline for who their assignment would be.

I was here as a formality. The novice who had trained with me and Dimitri during spring break, Alexei, had done well during the last days when his nervousness had passed. His graduation was today and I had been asked to witness it. If he did well, I would officially offer him the job as the guardian to Lissa's and Christian's son Lucas.


One after one, the nervous novices entered the arena and faced a number of school-guardians portraying Strigoi. Some did good, using the obstacles to their advantage and protected their Moroi who came out of the attack with perhaps some more pumping adrenaline that usual. Some did worse, focusing too much on the "Strigoi" and forgot about their Moroi; some even got their Moroi "killed".

Finally, after almost two and a half hours, the Captain of the school's guardians called out the name of the person that I was here to witness.

"Alexei Boyarov!"

He strode out from the barracks with an expression on his face that mediated that he was ready to face an army of Strigoi if that would be his test. He had dressed casually, rather optimal for the trials, in a fitted t-shirt, training pants without any pockets and a belt where he kept a blunt-edged stake.

A dark-skinned, female guardian in her early 40's was assigned to him, chosen to be his frightened "Moroi" for today. Despite her sharp features that seemed to always make her look grumpy and with a countenance of an eagle, she managed to give the illusion that she was help- and defenseless, meek and scared. I remembering greeting her as I arrived to the stadium today and if I remembered her name correctly, her name was Yasmin.

Just as I had gotten a goal, to bring my "Moroi" safely across a bridge, his goal was to bring her safely through the wooden maze. It would certainly test his ability to deal with sudden threats.

As Yasmin took her place behind Alexei, he looked around along the outside walls before he entered the maze. From the grand stand, everyone could look down the maze and see how he managed. However, we could also see where the guardian-as-Strigoi was, which he couldn't.

Alexei picked up his stake, a blunt-edged one that novices borrowed during the trials; they wouldn't pierce the skin, but they could cause bruises blue enough for the guardians they attacked so that they could prove that they knew what they were doing.

He stumbled into the first guardian-as-Strigoi almost immediately, who waited behind a turn. Yasmin screamed, pressing herself against the wall and covered her eyes with her hands. Alexei reacted immediately, blocking the Strigoi's attack with his free arm, capturing it against the wall and slammed the stake in his chest. The Strigoi sunk down onto the floor and acted as dead until Alexei and Yasmin had vanished out of sight.

From up here, I wasn't sure if I saw that Yasmin was shaking with pretended fright, but she definitely looked reluctant to follow him any further. Apparently, the words he spoke seemed to calm her down, for she straightened her back a couple of seconds later and seemed to grow braver.
Alexei gave little outward sign that he was nervous, he actually looked very calm and reassuring. His expression reminded me, once again, of Dimitri. He always acted calm outwards, even when there was a raging storm of adrenaline, fright and anger inside of him.

Alexei had almost reached the end of the maze before he encountered another guardian-as-Strigoi. He seemed to have relaxed a little too much, for when the Strigoi appeared, he wasn't fast enough. The Strigoi shoved him aside, aiming for Yasmin. He managed to grab a good hold of her short hair, she gave up a cry in pain, and began to drag her towards him to "kill" her. Alexei kicked one of the Strigoi's legs away, making him lose balance, and grabbed a strong hold around his throat. I would have expected the guardian to be able to shove Alexei aside, he was half a head higher and at least a hand broader across his shoulders. However, the novice kept him at bay and jammed the stake into his back, just above the heart with a swift and strong movement.

With no room for air, two more guardians-as-Strigoi appeared. One headed for Alexei and the other one for Yasmin. Alexei immediately went for the one that didn't attack him. Since the Strigoi had his back towards him and pretended to be too busy to get a grip on Yasmin, he wasn't prepared when Alexei knocked him to the ground and staked him. Yasmin sunk down onto the ground with another loud scream.
As Alexei turned to the second Strigoi, he didn't turn in time. The guardian-as-Strigoi slammed his fist against his temple, making him stumble but he recovered quickly. He placed a quick kick against the lower part of the shin on the guardian-as-Strigoi, followed that up with a hard fist in the ribs and as he doubled over a little in pain, Alexei pressed him up against the wall as he shoved the stake against his chest. Had it been a real stake, I was sure that he would have impaled him to the wall.

I sat perplexed as I watched the young novice's trials. He moved as swiftly and as self-confident as any experienced guardian would. After seeing Dimitri fight so many times, I knew that a guardian could move practically as fast as a Strigoi. Alexei seemed a little less swift and fast, though his strength might be able to compensate that. I recognized his passion in his fighting movement, I had it as well. Dimitri had taught me to see the passion in what I did. Before, when I protected Lissa after we broke out from St. Vladimir's, I had only done what I thought was best. After all, I was going something that I felt passionate about; protecting my best friend.

But I got caught up on something. This wasn't the first (or neither the second nor the third for that matter) that I thought of Dimitri when I saw the novice Alexei or saw similarities between them. I couldn't put my finger on it, but there was something familiar about him, something similar to what I saw in Dimitri.


I didn't even bother to wait in the back as the novices who had passed the trials got their promise marks in the tattoo ceremony. Almost a whole class was going to sit for fifteen minutes each when they got their tattoos, it would take several hours.

Instead of waiting around, I headed over to the administration building and knocked loudly on the door. I didn't actually want to think about it and I admitted to myself that it was farfetched, but Dimitri had dated a Moroi in high school. They graduated over almost 19 years ago, about the same age as the novice Alexei was. Dimitri said that they hadn't talked since they graduated and I didn't think that he would lie about that. But she could have gotten… pregnant shortly before graduation and decided not to tell him.

Dimitri might not even know that he has a son. It was farfetched and perhaps not even true. But it was a possibility.

An irritated and clearly sleep-deprived guardian opened the door and glared down at me, at least until recognized me. His eyes widened in surprise and he blinked several times as if he wanted to reassure himself that he saw it correctly.

"Guardian Hathaway?" He asked.

I didn't know the guardian, he wasn't the one who had worked here when I went to school here. However, I was still not used to the fact that my reputation still preceded me.

So I nodded. "Yeah, I would like to see the file of one of your students."

The guardian narrowed his eyebrows. "That is classified, I can't just hand you the file. Why do you need the file?"

I bit my lip. I should have thought about this earlier. This was another fine example of Hathaway-do-first-think-later, though I was not as reckless as I used to be. "The graduation trails for the novices are over and they are getting their tattoo's now- -"

"I know", the guardian interrupted with a small sign. "I have been handling the administration on all the graduates."

That could explain the obvious look on lack of sleep in his face.

"Once of the nov- - new guardians is going to be offered the job as the guardian to Prince Lucas, I only need to peak through it to see if his high school records hide any unwanted information."

The guardian's face fell and he swallowed down a mouthful of saliva, looking as guilty as if he had kept information hidden during a murder investigation or something. Luckily, he bought my rapidly invented explanation. "Alright, you can look though it quickly."

He let me inside the office and closed the door behind me. A large and deep bookcase that fit several wooden boxes where I assumed the files of every student were organized in which year they went. His desk overflowed with papers and I raised my eyebrows at the fact that St. Vladimir's still didn't seem to use computers.

"What's the name of the student?" The guardian asked and pulled the box with a label that said "seniors".

"Alexei Boyarov."

He looked through the labels of all the students names and hauled up a very, very thin file. "This is all, otherwise he has been a very good student or they didn't send all the files from St. Basil's."

He handed me the file and began to pile the papers on the desk up to give me some space, humming low to himself. The file began with the mandatory student-profile. There was a recent picture of Alexei, his full name, his day of birth, his place of birth and a lot of other rather irrelevant information. The rows where his parents were listed only contained one name. No father was listed, the blank was filled with unknown.

As his mother, a somewhat familiar name was scribbled in with black ink. Nina Boyarova.

I pushed all the thoughts that popped up in my head as far back as I could. I couldn't face those feelings right now, I had to step outside. I rapidly went through the rest of the papers, most of them were completely in Russian and didn't give me any information at all, before I handed the file back to the guardian, thanked him and left the administration.


I took the fastest way outside, resting my back against the door as it closed behind me. The sun had risen about two hours ago, it was starting to get closer to night for the Moroi world. I swallowed, trying hard to push the tears that began to gather in my eyes away.

It was as I had feared and predicted. I was almost completely sure, unless this Nina had slept around in high school, that Alexei Boyarov was Dimitri's son. I had done the math on my way out; Alexei was born in November, meaning that he was conceived sometime in February. She could have hid her pregnancy the last time in school or perhaps not even have discovered it until she had graduated.

That would explain why Dimitri didn't know anything about it. For if he knew, he wouldn't hide it from me.

The information slowly began to sink into my head. Suddenly, life felt so unfair. I had never thought that I would ever want to have children in my life and I had been happy with that realization if I could only have Dimitri. He and Lissa were the only people that I needed in my life, I didn't need a baby.

But god… I wanted one. I didn't want to have a baby just for the sake of having a baby. I wanted Dimitri's baby. I wanted a son or a daughter with the smile of its father. Every time I looked at our child I wanted to see Dimitri's eyes in them.

If Dimitri would die…

The tears that had gathered in my eyes overflowed and began to run down my cheek.

If Dimitri would die before I was ready to let him go, I wanted to be reminded of him in our son or daughter. A smile, a laugh, the colour of his eyes, anything that could still live with me and keep the memory of him instead of just pictures and memories.

I sunk down along the wall and buried my face in my hands, allowing the tears to flow since I knew that no one was around. I would never give him, us,a baby. I didn't mind that Dimitri had a baby with another woman 18 years ago, what pained me was that I couldn't give him the same thing.


A little emotional ending to that chapter, don't you say?

I don't really have much to say this week, exept that it makes me really glad that you are reading this far!

Love, Zeraphime