Merry Christmas! I apologise for the delay, I was too busy. I also rewrote this chapter yesterday.

Chapter 12: In The Director's Office

Stefen Fangmeier sighed, irritated. He put down his newspaper, bored of noticing why review scores for The Golden Compass were much higher than scores for Eragon, as he pried open the letter on his desk. "Not another fanboy," he said to himself. "The film made some mistakes, so what?" Aggravated, he unfolded the letter and red it aloud, even though he was the only person in the room.


Dear Mr. Fangmeier,

We, the characters of the Eragon novel, have seen the film adaptation, which won three awards ('Most Unfaithful', 'Biggest Letdown', and the 'Golden Turkey'), and are sorely disappointed. To be more specific, we have enclosed our own views separately.

I was the lead character, and the least faithful! This is an outrage! People expect to see an accurate representation of the protagonist – not very hopeful when he's blonde. – Eragon Shadeslayer

Why did you make me so vulnerable? I spent half the time screaming in terror. I can stand up for myself! If you read the book, you would have seen that I am quite capable of killing. – Arya

There's this thing in Alagaësia, right, it's called 'politics'. Agreed, fight scenes make for a lot of action. Story? Less so. – Nasuada

I breathed fire far too early, and it was useless! How was that supposed to be dramatic?

There was no signature for the comment, but there was what looked like the edge of an enormous pawprint.

I object to the way I was portrayed. In reality, I'm insa-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-aaane! LOL!!!! 1! 1! 11! – Angela

You made me look like a whiny emo! – Murtagh

I looked exactly like Eragon! There's a difference between 'cousins' and 'twins', not that you'd know, you inbred little [removed to keep T rating - Roran

I had hardly any screen time, and…and…well, I can't really find anything else to complain about, because…because…look, I just wasn't in it enough! – Galbatorix

P.S. I know where you live. I scryed you.

You killed me off! I was too young to die! – Brom

ARGH! I WASN'T EVEN IN IT! I'M COMING FOR YOU! – [anonymous

That specific comment was written in what Stefen hoped was red biro.

You gave me a great death, but at no point in my life did I have a sloppy hangnail, or felt an urge to have sexual intercourse with another male. – Eragon Shadeslayer, on the behalf of Durza, who has forgotten how to write.


Stefen sighed and was about to tear up the letter when he noticed a post script at the bottom. "P.S." he read aloud. "Brisingr." As soon as he said it, the letter caught fire, burning his hands. Never again would he ruin another novel…

The End