A coffin sits in the middle of the auditorium. There is a calendar on the wall that was still on March 20. The coffin breaks open and Jia Chong is thrown out of it as Takasugi sits up shouting,"Why did you go in there with me?! Jeez!"
"There was clearly room!"
"If someone else opened that and saw this, I would be violating a strict rule in the Koei handbook! I just wanted to come out with some style, but you had to ruin it! Arrrrgh! How long has it been...?" He looks at the calendar and his eyes widen.
"Oh my god! How long has it been?! What's today?!"
"October." Everyone says from the seats.
"You all just sat there for seven months?!"
"No! We had to... er..."
"You all just sat there for seven months!" He runs over to the mailbox and opens it. It shoots out dust and Takasugi reaches in to pull out a handful of dust and faded out paper.
"Oh my god! The paper the letters were on just whittled away with time! Why didn't the author do anything?! Lazy son of a-! Errrgh... Let's see what I can salvage here... Nope... Just... This questions my sexuality... Death battle... A co-worker has a sex tape... Where's the sex tape?" He reaches into the mailbox again to take out a VHS tape and it turns into dust.
"Well... Looks like... How many years has it been...? How many new characters were there?"
"Zhu Ran, Fa Zheng, Yu Jin, Chen Gong, and Lu Lingqi."
"You need the SW side?"
"No thanks. This isn't centered around them."
"Hey!"
"Come on! You're a side element! Deal with it!"
"Shouldn't you finally include... him?"
"Who?"
"You know... With the Empires game... There is a special someone you should consider including here..."
"Xu Shu's already here."
"No... The other one... The newer one..."
"Hm..." He makes a thinking pose and people are groaning. Jia Chong is behind him holding up a copy of DW8 Empires and sternly pointing at the cover.
"Him! He's right here! Look at this! I shouldn't be caring right now! But I am! Because that is how frustrating you're being right now!"
"Who is it...? Who is it? Who is it? I hate these games, but I love them at the same time."
"You are an idiot!"
"I'm an idiot in the same way Guo Jia's an idiot. You can ask Sima Yi for that definition later."
"I'm not an idiot! Why do you think I even still have my job?! Huh?!"
"Because you're pretty?"
"That's not all I am!"
"Uh, yes, you are. If you threw away your prettiness, you would not be where you are now on the popularity charts. No one cares how smart you are as long you make good yaoi material. Who was I supposed to remember again?"
"This guy!" Jia Chong yells through his teeth while waving the DW8 Empires copy in his face.
"Jeez, cool it. The cameras are on, you know. You don't want people to see you like this."
"Oh, forget it! You're hopeless!"
"Oh, I remember now! Xun You!"
"No... You're one letter off..."
"Aren't they same guy?"
"No!"
"Huh. Oh well, I guess it's time to make him officially be able to be humiliated like the rest of you guys. The author didn't really want to put him in here as that would add ANOTHER person to try to write a personality for. Or if we're lucky, he doesn't have any personality and is just a pretty face like Xu Shu. Not that I'd call him pretty..."
"You're so mean!" Xu Shu cries out sobbingly from the seats.
"Alright... Time to add a new member to that already f*bleep*ing huge cast!" Takasugi goes over to the cobweb-covered portal machine and activates it. He reaches through and hears pained yelling inside.
"Okay, he can say 'ow'. We're off to a great start." He pulls harder and eventually drags out Xun Yu through the portal.
"I remember I kicked you back into the portal a while back, but now you're official. You can play nice with your fellow characters now."
"You people don't seem to be doing anything."
"Shut up. Oh, god your face is just... It's... this is not possible... What the f*bleep*? No guy can be this pretty. Jesus, who designed you? I want to shake his hand for making you look like you're Jiang Wei, Zhao Yun, Zhou Yu, and Zhong Hui smushed together in one whole pretty package without making it awkward."
"..." He stand there silently and Takasugi gestures in front of him.
"Go. Take a seat. Also." He quickly slams a paper bag over his head. "It's to avoid distracting anyone around here. I'll even draw in some eyes..." He takes out a marker and draws three circles for the eyes and sort of mouth.
"This isn't off to a great start..."
"Well, the XL people were mannequins turned into people. You got the better debut. Alright! The whole gang's here! All 80-something of you guys! No corners cut! All of you are available!"
"Is this segment still going to continue?" asks someone in the seats.
"Why do you think this chapter was even written up? That author is such a sleezeball with their stories."
A loud groan filled up the auditorium.
