12 Tolls Of The Bell
"It wasn't my fault!" She shivers and angrily yells. Her voice breaks a little as her tears threaten to fall. She's hungry and a bit shocked. She feels angry, frightened, and cold. Why can't he understand? She hates it when he yells and makes all kinds of false accusations. She was just trying to do her job. She did nothing wrong.
The choking smell of burning rubbers and metals fills the after midnight/early morning air. The narrow street is lit by the 2 burning cars. The sky is dark and the wind is chill. The few bystanders cast curious glances at the scene with widened eyes. One of the firefighters curses under his breath as he trips over something and almost falls. Somewhere not very far away, a dog starts to howl.
"It wasn't your fault? Jesus Christ, Cupcake! You almost got an innocent man killed!" His voice is filled with anger and frustration. His face is contorted with worry and rage. He's on the verge to puking out all the roasted turkey he just ate. He's too old for this shit. "Did it ever occur to you that he has a wife and a little kid waiting for him at home? It's fucking New Year's Eve for God's sake! Why couldn't you just take a day off and give us a break, Stephanie? You are killing me here!"
His heart is still thumping in his ears. One day it's going to fail because of her. His hair has started to turn grey. Hell, he has also started losing hair. He's running out of patience and courage. His stomach is now full of holes. He sometimes loses sleep and has nightmares. The unpleasant burning smell makes his eyes watery. The coldness makes his teeth sore. What has he done to deserve this? He is a decent hard-working man. He has good work ethics and impeccable reputation. All he wants is a little happiness. All he wants is a normal life. Surely he deserves some peace and quiet? So this is the price he has to pay? His punishment for loving a woman like her? Why does she have to be so difficult? Why does he have to care? Why can't he just let go and move on? Why can he just walk away and find someone else to love? Maybe they will both be happier that way, he sometimes thinks. But every time he looks into her blue eyes, whatever resolution he has simply melts away. He has unwittingly become a prisoner of love. He has fallen victim to her unique charm.
He rubs his face with both hands and lets out yet another frustrated sigh as he sees the resilience and defiance in her eyes. He braces himself for her irrational rage. He knows what is coming. Another one of their typical fights. In front of a small crowd. On New Year's Eve. Ain't that great? Just what he needs. He feels the familiar headache building behind his eyes. What he wants from her is simple and reasonable: Quit her job. Find new friends. Get rid of her commitment phobia. Stop fighting against herself and the world. Accept herself as who and what she is. Settle down. Move in with him. Pick a ring. Plan their wedding. Talk about future plans. Decide on the number of kids. He just wants her to be safe. He just wants her to be happy. He just want to stop her from hurting herself chasing impossible dreams. She's a grown woman now. She needs to stop being naïve. But has she ever listened to him? Suddenly he feels old and tired. Maybe it's time to pray for a miracle. Maybe this time will be different. Maybe she will finally listen. Maybe she will finally understand.
"Cupcake—" Joe Morelli opens his mouth to speak but is immediately interrupted by the chirp of Stephanie's cell phone. He suddenly notices the 2 sleek black SUVs that have been parked nearby. Tank, the huge black man-mountain, is talking to an uniformed officer. A somewhat familiar-looking muscular bald tattooed man is staring at him with cold blank eyes. Joe Morelli clenches his teeth. He already has enough problems on his hands, and the goons have to be here to complicate things. He feels his anger rising as his body tenses. He now scores a glorious 9.9 out of 10 on the upset scale.
Stephanie's face softens as she lowers her head to read the text message. "Babe," It says. Ranger's currently out of the country. But still he manages to keep track of her. A smile finds its way to her face. Now she doesn't feel so cold and so alone. A new year has arrived. Does she want to stay the same? Does she need to make some changes? Does she want to be happy? Does she want to love and be loved? Does she want to keep lying to herself? Does she want to keep letting irrelevant people write the story of her life? Does she have enough courage to grasp the chance? What exactly do you want in life, Stephanie Plum? She asks herself and holds the phone tight in both hands. She takes a not so deep breath and turns to face Morelli. She has things to say and questions to ask. She has a statement to make.
"Joe, why do you want to marry me?" She looks into the familiar dark lean handsome face and for the first time in her life sees the tired impatient lonely angry 30-something man beneath the face. She's not sure if she likes what she sees. "Do you want to wash my dishes and do my laundry? Do you want to dust my curtains and vacuum my carpet? Iron my bras and panties? Sew on the buttons? Put flowers in the vase every morning and cook me meals? I am nobody's maid. I am in need of a maid. I am who and what I am. I am not going to change for anyone's sake. To me marriage is a burden and a trap. I don't want to spend the rest of my life buried in house chores. I don't want to spend the rest of my life cleaning up after a dog, a husband, and a couple kids. I tried that once. It was awful. I paid a terrible price for that mistake. Maybe I am scarred for life. Maybe I have learned my lessons the hard way. Now I am happy to inform you: I am nobody's Cupcake. I am not your Cupcake. I am not my mother's Cupcake. I am done being a Cupcake. I'm not soft, moist, fluffy, sweet, or airy. I'm not cheap and easy. I'm not convenient and handy. I don't cook. I don't clean. I hate doing laundry and dishes. I don't do marriage and babies. I am who and what I want to be. I am just me. I like being me. Happy New Year, Joe. It's been fun, but now I'm done. Go find someone else who's willing to clean, to cook, to pop out babies and look after you. I'm in love with someone else. I've been in love with him for years. And I think you know who that someone is."
Joe Morelli stands there stunned. He feels dizzy. He feels unreal. His mind is a mess. He knows he, too, has a lot to say. He knows he needs to say something quick. He knows he needs to confess his unconditional love. He knows he needs to tell her that he can cook, he can clean, he doesn't mind doing laundry and dishes, and that he's most willing to take care of Bob and the babies. But he just stands there frozen, unable to make a sound, watching Stephanie turn around, walk away, get in Tank's SUV, and then disappear. Snow starts to fall. He just stands there, remaining where he is. A massive wave of loneliness washes over him.
A new year has begun.
