A/N: This one got up faster than usual didn't it? :D
I am going to say right now that you will all most likely be confused by this chapter. If you do get confused- that's a good thing. Trust me. I have also used the line breaks like none other. This is because I want you to get a feel of the lack of proper time sense that Deidara goes through. I don't think it's too hard to follow...but I put this here just in case.
Also- congratulations to those who made guesses as to who our culprit is. I must say I typed this a bit late but I thought now was as any good of a time to put this up here. A lot of you, reviewers and none reviewers too, are along the right path! You guys are great! ^v^
I actually want to thank reviewers DragonFire44 and KT for pointing out some things that I blatantly missed. I tried to incorporate it in here...somewhat... So! Thanks!
Warning: minor language, a little blood, and a hint of madness here and there.
"Ohaiyo," Deidara sadly chirped. "You're up and early, aren't you?" He reached out and placed a hand on the slightly frosted glass in front of him, watching the hawk on the other side of the window. It was sleek and small with light brown feathers and a single patch of white on top of its head. The sun behind the creature was a glowing ball of fire, flooding the room with the rays of Hell. His eye was a tinted purple and hair orange in the sea of red.
The rising of the sun had never been so sorrowful to Deidara.
The hawk tilted its head to the side, flapping a wing.
Deidara let out a half-hearted giggle. "Can you understand me?"
The hawk gazed at him intelligently with its dark eyes before shaking out both wings and flying away, shooting for the vast sky above.
Deidara watched it leave and then lowered his head. "I guess you're not allowed to talk to me either…"
His danna's room had been newly refurbished late last night after Kisame and Itachi had gotten back. They had a few issues with the supplies and furniture that was needed due to a certain doctor shouting at them through the phone about spending too much money and to get their ass back to the base before they went bankrupt. But against Kakuzu's wishes- his danna's room had been filled with copies of the original furniture and the rest of the member's had pitched in to give them back what they had lost. Mostly clothes from Kisame once again, and precious ninja tools that Sasori had used.
And then suddenly- all the other Akatsuki members had stopped talking to him. Even Kisame who had been so nice earlier had acquired a dark gloom about him and said not another word. Almost immediately after, a silent Sasori had taken him to his room, locked the door, and took off for his mission without so much a glance back.
Deidara had heard his punishment clearly from the orange-haired man, but…he didn't think it would be this bad. He thought one of the others might have sent him a glance or something- but no one did.
No one paid attention to him.
Slowly, Deidara raised a hand to his cheek where a thin scar ran the length of his cheek. When his danna had struck him- he cut the left side of face and so he was able to hide it with his bangs. He deserved the hit but that didn't stop it from hurting. It hurt so much more on the inside that the outside and Deidara swore to never see his danna so upset again. For both their sakes. A flashback of the pain caused him to drop his hand and tears start to well up in the corner of his eye.
I can't even see Sasori-no-danna…. He won't look at me, Deidara thought, cheeks now wet. He sank down beneath the window, knees pulled to his chest and face buried inside the crook of his arm.
He had never felt so alone in his life...
Deidara looked down at the rose in his hands. The smooth stem between his fingers marred by a single thorn on its side. His fingertips pricked the protruding point.
He watched as the blood oozed down his fingers.
Ever so slowly, a feeling of remorse filled him and his body was heavy with lead. His vision became blurry and mind blank. Those in the back didn't matter anymore. It was just him- and him alone. The drop of blood began its journey down the flower's stem, beginning to seep in with the crimson color of the petals. Deidara stared at it for a brief moment, before lowering his head and shutting his eyes tightly. His fist clenched more around the rose; his hands ran more with blood. Shoulders started to shake, trembling uncontrollably in the misty morning. Sobs withheld earlier, now set free from his broken form, rose in low and high waves. He tried to suppress them, made attempts to silence himself, but he couldn't.
Reality was setting in.
Kaa-san was gone.
In a pitied action of anguish, the blonde crashed to his knees, arms crawling around his chest as he tried to console himself.
The rose remained in his hands.
And he cried.
Deidara woke in the same position in the late evening. He was still alone in an empty room still covered in rays of light, only these were richer and he was feeling drained of all energy. He didn't want to leave the room, not knowing whether being confined to the room meant he couldn't use the bathroom and eat or not. But he wouldn't have been able to move anyway. He felt tired. So…so tired. His eye felt like it would close any minute and he found his sight turning black with spots.
And so he allowed himself to sleep again. Thoughts of his danna, Akatsuki, and his kaa-san running though his head.
He dreamed the same dream.
Day two he woke late.
Deidara found himself lying underneath the window with water dripping from the edge of the sill onto his head. The room was lit in its normal noon sunlight and he could see the shadows of tree branches waving, casting onto the wooden floor its dark sinewy forms. He blinked at the bright light and then turned his squinted gaze to the window sill- succeeding in getting a drop of water to the eye.
He had to use the bathroom now. Badly.
Sitting up and rubbing the cold liquid from his eye, he looked towards the bedroom door with a blank stare.
No.
He couldn't go.
That would be disobeying the orange-haired man's rules and getting everyone into trouble again.
Deidara moved into a front leaning rest position, hands balanced on the bones of his fingers rather than his palms. He felt his mouths smile in thankfulness beneath his gloves.
His own lips gave a small smile back in return.
And he started on the first set of one-hundred pushups.
It had to have been evening again when he finished his one-thousand pushups.
Instead of crashing to the ground for sleep, he forced himself to stand to his feet.
The first set of two-hundred squats was the hardest to get through. After that- he thought no more and every one of his actions became mechanical. His eye was trained on the same spot of wall for the next two hours.
Only when he was satisfied with the throb in his arms and ache in his legs did he collapse onto the floor.
Darkness engulfed him.
Splash…Splash…Drip
Another water drop started to form on the edge of the metal pipe. The metal pipe that connected the tattered remains of the village store together. The puddle in which the cold rainwater had been leaking from, released an abnormally large ripple, reflecting the terrified face of a child and his assaulters.
"K-Kisame-san! Itachi-san!" He shook his head, eye wide in fear. "S-Sasori-no-danna? Why are you doing this? I trusted you!"
A brighter streak of lightening painted the cloud-clotted sky, showing four figures in the far corner of a village alley. Cloaked in red and black, the tallest stepped forward. His sharp teeth shone in the oncoming darkness brought by the storm clouds. The air stunk, making it almost impossible to breathe, let alone try and gasp for clean air. It stunk…of eternal death.
"Useless trash wandering around on the street is a nuisance. No matter, it'll soon be over. The end for the rest of you and the 'scraps', ne Itachi?"
"I…I don't want to die! Stop…Leave me alone!"
The small, fragile, six-year old boy took a trembling step back. His pale face was painted in blood, mixed in with the tears and falling rain. His hands, his body, his mind, were consumed in the red liquid, slowly tearing him apart. As the man shook his head and lifted the bloody knife, the child raised his small hands protectively in front of him. Another flash of light before the area was consumed in darkness once again. The boy let out a wailing cry, one that reached the ears of the entire village. Hissing in a menacing way as if being found out, the man narrowed his black eyes and retreated from where he came. The shadows.
Deidara bolted up from where he was lying face-down, panting with a bead of sweat running down his temple in fright. He slowly flicked his eye to all corners of the room, body trembling in the moonlight shining down on him. It was a nightmare…only a nightmare… He shuddered, hearing his heart thud loudly against his chest. A minute passed. His body sagged back down, eye starting to close in a sudden wave of exhaustion.
This time he didn't dream.
By the third day Deidara had lost track of all time.
He laid sprawled under his danna's bed, back to the ground and staring up at the many springs and fractures the mattress above him had on its bottom. One hand played with the bottom of his fringe, the other lying limp beside him.
'Deidara….we need to have…a talk.'
He was listening to the voices inside his head. The events of the past and the jumbled thoughts that he couldn't form into words.
'A…talk? A-About what?' He was caught off guard, hand warm in the grasp of the woman next to him.
'How did you create that explosion, boy?' Tobi demanded to know in a voice that scared him. Hadn't the masked man been cheerful all the time?
'I-I don't-'
'Don't play with me. You created the explosion, and whether on accident or not, I want to know how.'
He took a reflexive step back at the demanding voice, beginning to hide behind Konan's leg. "I don't know….I was just- I just focused my chakra like Kisame-san taught me on my bird. That's all I did," he whimpered, hiding his face.
Deidara twisted his hair around his finger in a tight loop, absently tugging on it. His eye closed.
He could feel the glare Konan was giving Tobi and hear Itachi say, 'You're scaring him. Let me…' A hand was placed on his shoulder. 'Deidara…you didn't just blow up your bird. You told me earlier that you were working on a bag of clay that Sasori gave you.' The hand turned his face away from Konan's pant leg. He reluctantly stared into blank dark eyes. 'What happened to that bag of clay?'
'I…' In his mind's eye he recalled seeing the spilled contents of the bag scattered across the floor. He blinked in surprise. 'It blew up…' he slowly said. 'There was chakra in the clay. I got angry and it blew up.'
'Your temper is dangerous.' He watched as Itachi gave Konan and Tobi a meaningful look.
'Deidara,' Konan spoke for the first time, hesitantly looking down at him. Her grip tightened. "I think it's time we told you something.'
Deidara shakily opened his eye as the words Konan spoke rang loudly though his head. He stared at the springs and fractures for a moment longer, untangling his finger from his now ruffled blonde strands.
And then he moved- rolling out from underneath the bed and getting to his feet. His feet, painfully bandaged, subconsciously walked to his danna's new dresser where he grabbed a kunai he had set out earlier that morning.
He sharply raised his eye to the target he set above his danna's door. The chair he had stepped on to tack it up there still had blood on it from where he had accidentally stepped onto one of the nails used to hold the target in place.
The kunai left his hand.
Hit the outer ring.
He dragged the larger chair over to the door.
Grabbed the rough hilt of the weapon.
Pulled it out.
Jumped off the chair.
Went to the farthest corner of the room.
And did it again.
'There's something we need to tell you…'
His aim was off. He hit the wall above it.
As he went to collect the kunai, Konan's words echoed in his ear once more. He couldn't tell anyone. He couldn't mention what had really happened in the explosion. He couldn't mention that he was innocent and knew nothing about anything.
He couldn't mention that he wanted all of this to end.
'You'll have to pretend. You can do that, right?'
Deidara threw the kunai with enough force to rattle the door beneath.
Inner ring.
Once again he retrieved his weapon.
And proceeded to throw until the kunai hit the bulls-eye one-hundred times.
That night, the blonde rolled back beneath his danna's bed, hands swollen and mouth palms begging to be fed their dose of clay they had grown accustomed to. His stomach was tight with cramps and burning, throat dry and itchy. He hadn't used the bathroom for a long time. But he could easily ignore that with the voices echoing around him.
The fourth day he slept.
Waking only to stare wide-eye around in him fear of an oncoming nightmare or hear the words of the blue-haired woman ringing in his ear.
On the fifth day he was delirious.
The one thing that managed to keep him sane was the changing of the bandages on his feet and massive application of salve on the wound and busted heels.
There was blood on the floor from where he had repeatedly kicked the floor in a mad attempt to rid his mind of the plaguing thoughts that cursed his head.
They were walking to the living room and he was still in a daze from all that had been told to him. Konan was back to holding his hand, Tobi bouncing behind, and Itachi trying to keep him in check. It was like nothing had ever happened. And then Hidan appeared. Itachi pulled the silver-haired Akatsuki member aside and talked with him in low tones.
No matter what state he was in, he still managed to overhear the few exchanged words.
'What were you thinking?'
'Don't get on my fuckin' case, pretty boy. You told me to do something and I did it.'
'When I said "something", I didn't mean that.'
Deidara tied off the last of the wrappings and then let his head loll so he could gaze out the window. It was just before noon and what should have been beautiful colors of orange and gold- looked like nothing more than a mess of paint, thrown across the sky. Everything seemed unfocused as if it he were watching from another world.
His stomach made a pained growl.
That night he sat cross-legged with his back to the door.
His eye was glazed and zoned out, hands lying limply in his lap. Suddenly, his body jerked, and he started to laugh. Then the laughing stopped and his head fell.
This happened three more times.
The fifth time when his head came up, he was no longer laughing.
He was sobbing.
His hands rose from where they were uselessly laying and covered his face as he cried.
And he cried until the moon rose high into the sky.
When his tears had finally dried and he was left feeling like more than a used towel left for trash- Deidara curled himself into a ball at the foot of the door. His fingers ran through and through is bang, sometimes coming up to rub his hidden eye, sometimes tracing the scar along his cheek.
"They say bad things happen for a reason." She gently tucked pieces of his bang behind his ear so that his left eye stared blankly at her, right one wide in surprise. "Ne, Deidara-chan?"
He was scarred and he had to pretend.
Who did he think he was?
His shoulders shook but nothing came out.
By the sixth day, he had risen from his weakened state in a crumpled heap on the floor.
His hands had thin trails of saliva running from their mouths, a dry pool at the base of his palms. He slowly moved his good eye from one side of the bright room to the other.
The world seemed different from this angle- everything being tilted to the side.
Everything's always tilted to the side. No matter what I do….
He achingly began to push to his feet. Was it possible to not use the bathroom for five days straight? He didn't exactly eat or drink either…He didn't know if he was allowed to leave. Solitary meant no leaving at all- right? That's what he had thought originally…right? Or was it something else?
Deidara tiredly walked to the dresser where he had carefully replaced the kunai. He couldn't remember. He didn't even know what day it was. Was it- was it morning…or was it night? No- the sun was out wasn't it? Was that even the sun? His fingers brushed the hilt of the kunai briefly.
And then he was falling.
Falling back into darkness.
Falling onto the floor.
His head cracked against the dresser corner.
He fell.
And didn't get back up.
It's all falling… Deidara thought as blood trailed down his cheek and his eye began to close. All of it is… He let out a small whimper. All of it's falling to pieces….
"Deidara-chan."
"Hai, kaa-san?"
She pulled an arm around him and pointed towards the stars. "One of these days I'm going to be up there. You're going to have to make decisions on your own afterwards."
"…"
"Would you choose to leave…or stay? Deidara-chan…what would you do?"
"I would go! Of course I would go kaa-san! I would never leave you to go on your own!"
She laughed and patted his head. "The world isn't black and white Deidara-chan. We'll see…" her fingers caressed his fringe. "how things will turn out in the future. Ne?"
"Mou…kaa-san I don't understand when you talk in riddles," he quietly mumbled.
"You will someday. When you too have to make a choice to stay or go."
The seventh day he moved as if he had risen from the dead. He glanced lifelessly around the room, took down the target, placed it in his danna's bottom draw, and then kneeled in front of the door which held him prisoner. Slowly he went through the lessons of his temporary senseis in the Akatsuki base.
Kakuzu who had taught him the vital organs of the human body- how to strike them efficiently- how to take them apart and reconstruct the tissue into its original form. The pressure points and how the nervous system worked.
All of it he learned- but he couldn't recall any of it
Kisame who worked with him through chakra control. Control that he still didn't have and what resulted from his lack of training and skill. A wild explosion and week alone.
Itachi who took him through genjutsu. He hadn't actually been put through one as of yet- only having the raven teach him about it more in depth than his nee-chan did. Itachi showed him his red eyes once and once alone. And then he told him that he wouldn't use them until he was ready.
Ready for what?
Konan who had him adamantly folding paper in his time with her before showing him how to use kitchen utensils properly. But he wasn't old enough to cook so he only watched and nodded his head like with his kaa-san.
Tobi always took him outside, and they would sit on top of the base and watch the clouds as if the two of them had nothing better to do. But now…now Tobi seemed different. He couldn't look at him the same way again.
Not without the dark voice. Not without the frightening chakra.
Zetsu took him out to the forest around the base on occasion, but mostly to his room which was covered in plants. He learned about medicinal herbs, poisonous plants, edible grasses, and all about the structure of plants and their living systems.
That was when he first learned Zetsu was a plant.
Sasori had been bringing him to the training field that he had first gone to with the help of Kisame. Then he would summon a puppet that he created and beat the crap out of him before pointing out what he did wrong. But it didn't make sense to Deidara who had never done anything to start a fight in the first place. His danna called it training his hand-to-hand skills. But his danna was fighting with a puppet so…
It was also when he realized that the seemingly unimportant wood chunks his danna worked on during long night, were these puppets. Deidara didn't know puppets could be used in battle like that. And he even told his danna that.
Then Sasori used the puppet to beat him up again and told him to remember it.
Even Pein was teaching him. Lessons on choosing and feeling for the right weapon. That's where the target practice had come in.
Deidara paused before the last one and tilted his head to the side. Hidan's was…
He glanced down at his hands and then up at the door in front of him.
No matter when he had lessons with Hidan, the man would always say it was time to pray.
Deidara realized that was the one lesson he hadn't been doing on his own.
Would it hurt to pray now? He wouldn't even know if he was doing it right….
I'm going to pray, he warily thought, glancing around as if he would get in trouble for saying it in his head. I'm going to pray…. I'm going to- "-pray…" his voice was disgustingly hoarse from not using it for the last six days. He tried again. "I'm going to pray…"
Deidara clapped his hands together and bowed his head.
I'm going to pray….for Akatsuki…my danna and them…
Three hours later his head remained bowed.
And then he heard a click.
A click with a fizz before it.
He opened his eye and snapped his head around to the dresser where the sound came from.
Deidara stared.
Another flash accompanied by a snap.
He felt his heart stop.
As if by magic, he heard the words Pein spoke to him the day his punishment was assigned.
'No contact with anyone unless it's an emergency.'
Deidara stumbled to his feet and leaned against the door, eye still wide and plastered to the camera on the dresser. His breathing began to hitch, coming out in short pants.
A flashback of the explosion. The rage of his danna's eyes. The burning heat. Konan's threatened words. The secrets running through his mind.
And then he turned, grabbing the knob of the door and yanking it open.
He was greeted with a gust of warm air and the sounds of noise from the kitchen.
His stomach growled like never before.
He hesitantly looked over his shoulder- and froze.
It was gone.
The camera had disappeared.
The thought of obediently staying in his room occurred to him. So did the thought of waiting in the one area where someone was obviously hiding. The latter struck a deep chord of fear within him and his grip tightened on the door handle.
Stay….or go?
Stay or go?
His body told him to stay. His mind screamed for him to go. His body firmly told him to stay again.
But then he was running.
Running out the door, staggering into walls, and racing for anyone. Anything.
His footsteps made light patters on the stone ground. Not at all the sound of one running as if their life depended on it. He sounded like he was escaping.
Yes…I'm escaping, Deidara thought as he dodged out of the way of a startled shark nin. I'm escaping from the madness of it all!
Kisame snapped his head after the blonde. "O-Oi! You weren't supposed to leave your-"
His words were lost on the child as Deidara rounded a corner.
He barely realized he was laughing like someone who had lost his mind- a grin on his face and the elation of being free finally dawning on him.
It didn't matter than he shouldn't be able to run. It didn't matter that his throat hurt to laugh. It didn't matter that he had no idea where he was going. Or that his bandaged feet were burning with each step.
What mattered was now.
He was free of that room!
Safe from the blinking lens of another camera!
He raced past the kitchen, locking eyes with his surprised danna in the doorway before he laughed again and ran off.
Sasori threw a round of shuriken after him- his surprise quickly changing to a desperation to stop him. The other members in the kitchen came out after the redhead and followed suit.
Deidara avoided all shuriken, grinning as the edge of one sliced his hair tie and sent his ponytail loose.
Itachi materialized in front of him but he slid beneath his reaching arms and bounded to his feet to avoid a grab from behind.
Sasori, Kakuzu, Hidan, and Konan came running by the Uchiha a moment later and he joined in as the group of now five chased after the child. Behind them was Kisame who had doubled back around after seeing Sasori's failed attempt.
"Why didn't you stop him?" Kisame shouted at the puppet from where he was.
Sasori refused to look back. "Why didn't you?"
"Don't you care? Do you remember what Pein said?"
Kakuzu sharply glanced back at Kisame. "We don't have time to argue. Hurry up."
Stepping out of the shadows was Konan and Tobi who quickly stepped in between Kisame and the rest, running on the lead group's trail.
Konan silently stared ahead.
Deidara took one look at the group of eight Akatsuki members and then laughed again as he successfully outran them. Unknown to him, he had been moving with the speed of a demon. It was as if he was a demon.
Then Pein appeared.
Standing several feet with a very blank look on his face.
Deidara knew danger when he saw it.
The orange-haired man was angry. Extremely angry.
And Deidara was crazy. Crazy, deprived, and full of pent up confusion. There was a voice in his head that refused to leave.
He skidded to a halt, breathless and gasping for air. His hair hung in front his face, his visible eye wide in excitement and madness. His fingers twitched and he felt his tongues begin to get feeling in them. It was as if all his senses had heightened. Risen in the moment of anticipation.
Behind him he could hear the other Akatsuki members come to a halt. Pein had given them all a harsh glare as if telling them that they would suffer if they interfered anymore.
Deidara swung his head around to stare at them in frenzied satisfaction, a grin beginning to spread across his face. They were all watching him with wary expressions…except for Konan who shared an expression similar to Pein and Tobi whose mask he couldn't see beneath. Deidara's grin remained, even as he ground his teeth at the two. Konan always spoke to him in a sweet-sugared voice. Tobi always covered his face. He couldn't tell what they were thinking and he would get them for it!
All eyes switched to Konan and Tobi as the blonde's malice focused on them and them alone.
Pein stepped forward and immediately gained the attention of the child who whipped his head back towards him.
Deidara was caught between who to attack. Stuck in the middle, trapped with Akatsuki's leader on one end and the members on the other. A dark chuckle that was much too old for his body managed to escape. His lips formed a cocky smirk much too arrogant for a child. He faced his body completely towards the single man and looked down at one hand, the mouth on it smiling up at him.
"What are you going to do now?" he asked with his head still down, trembling in excitement. His voice rang out in an innocent tone despite his looks.
Pein narrowed his eyes. "…"
Deidara looked up, still smirking.
Pein appeared behind him, a dark light in his gaze and kunai in hand. He held it at the blonde's neck. "Who summoned you?"
Several Akatsuki members looked startled.
Deidara turned his head slowly, eye narrowed and smirk wide. "What are you talking about… Leader-san?"
Sasori stiffened in disbelief before beginning to shake. He would recognize that voice anywhere. Anywhere at all.
"Get out of Deidara's body," Pein quietly ordered. "Stop controlling his thoughts before I kill both of you."
"No fun at all. You're still a sod," Oni said as their summoner quietly dismissed them through the mind.
Deidara felt all energy leave his body and he fell back in unconsciousness.
Pein caught him, kneeling as he laid him down.
There was a moment of stunned silence where they all were flashed back to the night of the attack made by the summoned being.
The orange-haired man stared down at the blonde, hair cast everywhere it could touch on the floor and dead to the world once more.
And then he snapped.
Pein faced the Akatsuki with a fury unlike any other as he stood. He crushed a foot onto the blonde's ribs and threw the kunai in his hand inches from his head. A trickle of blood leaked from the corner of the child's mouth. Pein's eyes were cold as they looked into the group of shocked members.
"W-What the fuck?" Hidan's eyes widened in rage at the sight.
Kakuzu narrowed his eyes as Kisame shifted to an offensive stance.
Sasori was the first to move, ready to tear the man in front of him apart- but was stopped when his leader twisted his foot deeper into the blonde's chest. The sound of bones cracking could be heard. Sasori bristled but did nothing more. He couldn't.
Pein glanced from Sasori to the defenseless Deidara. "You will all tell me now. You'll tell me who's responsible for this or God help me-" he dug his heel into flesh. Deidara coughed up blood. "I will kill this child."
They all looked at him in a deafening silence.
Pein drew another kunai. "Who. Was. It?"
A/N: Confusing, right? This arc may look like it's coming to an end, but it's not. There's plenty more before that end hits.
Happy be-lated Halloween. I sort of forgot... ^-^u
Read the next chapter to find out:
What went on with the Akatsuki members throughout the base while Deidara was locked away.
The reason for Sasori and Kisame's edginess.
Why they cannot allow Deidara to escape.
Pein's hidden motives.
And...
Who's behind this.
