I wish I had used the time better.
Our hug lasted exactly five seconds before Sirius quickly let go and looked paler than ever. He avoided my gaze and tried to take a step back, though the table prevented him from moving. We were very close. I have no idea why I didn´t move.
"S-S-Sorry" he stammered out. Sirius still tried to move backwards, I still didn´t move, his whole body was tense. We just only didn´t touch each other.
I stared at his scalp. It was very easy to see it behind the black hair. Sirius turned his head to avoid looking at me and pressed himself as long away from me as possible.
James came to my rescue. "Hi Moony, Padfoot what did you get?" he asked lightly, Sirius looked at him and I finally broke out of my trance, I took a step back and Sirius relaxed visibly, but not fully.
"Uh… C" he said not at all happy. James ignored that.
"Me too" he smiled, "And Peter. Moony must be a pretty good tutor if I can assume it went a lot better than last time?"
Sirius simply nodded, if it was about me or the grade, neither James or I could know. "Well, I´m gonna catch my next class, see you two at lunch?"
"Yeah, of course," I smiled, and James walked out of the classroom. Sirius placed his computer in his bag and quickly tried to leave the classroom.
I couldn´t have that. The last time I had let him walk away upset, I didn´t see him for a whole week. I grabbed his hand and blushed in the process. Sirius froze, he stood unnaturally still.
"I don't mind," I told him, "don´t be upset about the hug, please, I don't mind! Okay? I liked it."
"I got to go now…" Sirius murmured, though he made no move to go. I was still holding him. His hand was loose in mine, I held on tight, but I don't think he hated it. But of course, Sirius is rather hard to read.
"Are you upset, Padfoot? Cause I didn´t mean to upset you. I´m sorry if you didn´t want to hug, but… but if you are upset you should talk about it. We are friends, you can talk to me." I assured him, my mind was racing, what could possibly have upset him that much?
"It´s not your fault" Sirius whispered. "I know… my… I know someone whom I can talk to. Don´t worry" his words hung in the air, what should I say now? Should I press on or let the subject go? "I have to go to class now," he said.
"I´ll go with you" I blurted out and walked up next to him, "or some of the way."
He nodded slowly. Then pulled his hand towards himself, I realized we were still holding hands and let go of him, blushing madly, I turned my head away so he wouldn´t see. But it was too late. He had turned his head and saw me blushing.
Sirius looked away while biting his lip. He hugged himself and began walking, staring stiffly forward. I quickly began to walk with him too.
"Is he here?" I asked James and Peter, they were already in the cafeteria, I hadn´t seen Sirius since math, he told me he forgot something, and that he could get it himself, I insisted on going with him, but I was already late for class. He had disappeared after that.
"Haven´t seen him since math" Peter told, "what was about that hug, one moment he looked like the happiest man on earth, but five seconds later he looked like he was ready to kill himself."
I looked horrified at him.
"But he won´t" he quickly added.
"I don´t know what to do. His mood swings are confusing-"
"But you don't care, right?" James asked, "you look past that because you like him."
"Of course-"
"Then tell us what the hug was like," James smiled.
I gave a little smile and sat down. "It was amazing. His arms around me it's just… it felt so right, I don´t think I have ever enjoyed a hug that much. Did you know that he smells brilliant?"
Peter rolled his eyes. "Of course, he does."
"He does!" I defended grinning.
I love that they can that easily make me feel so much better. That´s what friends are for.
"I was thinking…" James said dramatically, "Frank Longbottom is hosting his usual party next Friday, now that we are friends with Padfoot, you could invite him." He smirked.
"I don´t think he will, parties don´t really seem like his thing," I said, but it would be cool to be at a party together, anything can happen at a party.
"He agreed to go on a date with you, didn´t he?" Peter asked smirking.
"It wasn´t a date!" I blushed.
"Well, the way you said it, he actually considered saying yes, until you said it was as friends… don´t you think he wanted it to be as more than friends?" James asked.
I stared at him. "I haven´t thought of it that way" I mumbled, "do you think he wants to be more than friends? He doesn´t even want to hug me."
"Maybe he thinks you only want to be friends, and then felt bad for doing it," James suggested.
I was about to answer when Peter cut in instead. "What if we all ask if he wants to join as a group, then James and I can find some girls to go off with once we are there. Which leaves the two of you alone." He winked.
James nodded eagerly, I laughed. "He still isn´t the kind of guy who goes to parties," I told them again.
"Whatever, we are friends with him, it would be rude not to ask him," Peter said knowingly.
"I agree, we are friends, the Marauders to be exact, it´s okay if he doesn´t want to come, but we got to at least invite him," James interjected.
"Yeah." I agreed. "Thanks for making me feel better guys."
They both smiled.
Out of habit, I walked to the library after school. Perhaps also because I hoped he would be there. The guy in my dreams. I should probably soon figure if he likes guys or not, all my whining for him wouldn´t matter if he liked girls.
The library was one of my favourite places, it was always quiet, no one really used it that much, you could find all the information you need on the internet, and the school had other places where you could study. Though the library was just better, plus there are books everywhere.
It has been a while since I last read a book.
I placed my bag where we usually sat, then walked between the shelves. Most of the books were worn and old. A few new ones were there, untouched. If there was magic in this world, it would surely be in a library, honestly what is more magical than books?
And I`m talking about old books, fantasy books. When I was younger, I loved to pull random books out on a shelf and hoped it would open a secret passageway or something. It hasn´t happened. Yet.
When everything else fails, all you have is believe.
The door to the library opened and closed. "Moony?" I heard a soft voice ask. It belonged to Sirius.
"Padfoot?" I asked and began walking towards our usual study spot. He stood there, looking all innocent and cute. "Hi."
"I-I´m sorry about earlier…" he admitted.
"Don´t worry about it" I assured him. "As I said, I don't mind"
"Thank you," he said shyly.
Honestly Sirius, for you, I would do anything and everything. The possible and impossible. I would do all that for you if you want to be mine, I hope you understand that. I would do anything for you. To see you smile.
And be happy again.
/Yes I posted, I expect next chapter will be up before long. Maybe.
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