Chapter 12
Day 388 - Evening
I felt like the walls were closing in on me. I'd moved around the basement, which had minimal space to roam around considering the fucking roof on the ground, and the vault likewise. And where was Daryl? Right across from me, cleaning his stupid crossbow with his stupid eyebrows furrowed with stupid concentration.
I sighed for the millionth time and decided to look into some of the boxes lying in the far corner of the vault. I was making a lot of noise on purpose. To piss Daryl off… okay, don't fucking give me that knowing look… Fine, yes. I also wanted to get his attention. Does it make you smile like a little kid knowing the situation I'm in? I'm not gonna kid myself anymore… I like Daryl. More than that… I, as I used to say when I was still a hopeless romantic, 'like-like' Daryl. He saved my life, so he's a hero. He's also really smart, street smart. And he doesn't look too shabby, even though his hair is getting a little out of control.
In one of the boxes, which I hadn't opened before, I found some very old vinyl records. I grinned, thinking I'd find something like Zeppelin or Deep Purple or something—yes, I'm a virgin nurse who loves rock music—but in vain. All I found was… romance. Love song compilations. Greatest love hits. Ugh, I wanted to puke. I wanted to play some music because it felt like ages sine I did, and all I have to settle with is… this?!
"Hey, Daryl." I exclaimed, not looking up. "You mind if I put some music on?"
"Music?" I looked over my shoulder and gave him a look which read 'You're kidding right?'
"Yes. Music." I dead-panned, and scanned my perimeter for the turntable. I smiled triumphantly when I found it under a stack of books and magazines. "But, uh, all the records are… love songs."
"So?" he replied with a shrug. He stopped cleaning the crossbow and placed it next to him.
"You know…" I murmured, now turning red. He grunted.
"Whatever." He replied, which I took for a yes. I shuffled through the long plays until one caught my eye. It was Elvin Bishop's Fooled Around and Fell In Love. It reminded me of so many bittersweet memories.
Something no one knew—not even Benny himself—was that I was born out of wedlock… way out of wedlock. My parents were still in medical school when they had me, and decided to wait until they had a more stable home and job to get married… which was when I turned eight years old. I remember the flower girl dress I had to wear, which was baby pink. I fucking hated baby pink. That song was theirs: it was played when they first met, when they exchanged their first I love you, when I was conceived (I know right…), their first dance, and on each of their anniversaries.
I placed the vinyl onto the platter, cued the tonearm and lowered the stylus. After a few seconds, the song started to play. I stood up from the ground and turned round. Daryl's face tensed, as if he recognised the song.
"You know this song?" I asked him. He stood up and nodded.
"Uh, yeah…" he replied softly. "My…" He paused. "My mum used to play it all the time."
He never once mentioned his mother. Heck, he never really talked about his family or personal life at all, except for his god-for-nothing brother of his.
"Oh." Was all I could say. I had no idea what to reply, actually.
"What about you?" My head snapped up, realising he was standing right in front of me, looking down at me. "What's your story?"
"This is my parents' song." I simply said, looking down. He then took my hand and placed it on his shoulder, doing the same with the other. I wrinkled my nose. "… Okay…"
"Shut up." He replied firmly as he placed his hands on my hips.
What the fuck. Daryl and I are dancing. In the midst of an apocalypse. To my parents' song. His mother's song. Without even noticing until now, we were swaying slowly to the beat. My heart was beating so hard it felt like my ribcage was going to burst. I carefully moved closer, wrapping my arms round his neck. He was much taller than me so he ended up resting his head on mine. My head rested against his chest and boy, was his heart beating as fast as mine. I didn't know whether it was because we were standing so close to me or whatever it was that he was feeling.
The swaying and movement slowed down a little, and I frowned, thinking he wanted it to stop. I didn't want it to stop. He removed his hands from my hips with my arms still wrapped round his neck, and kissed my forehead.
Yep, my forehead. If he really wanted to kiss me, he would've done better than that. I mean, I wanted to kiss him, but I didn't want to do it first, in case he actually didn't want to kiss me. So I made the first move. I was tired of waiting, so I just stood on the tips of my toes and kissed him. On the lips. It was just a split of a second so I didn't even give him a chance to react or even kiss me back. Hell, I didn't even close my eyes.
I just wanted to do it, so I did. His facial expression confused me. Did he want to kiss me? Did he not want to kiss me? Then he looked down, and let out a sigh.
"I-I shouldn't have done that…" I stammered and quickly turned off the music. The silence that followed was deafening. I could feel him look at the back of my head. My face and neck were red with embarrassment. Fuck this, the one time I trust my instincts and this is what I fucking get.
"But you did." He said matter-of-factly, and then chuckled. "Didn't even let me react."
I stood back up and looked at him. "You… wanted to react?" He nodded and took a step closer. "And what would've been your reaction?"
He looked at me like I was a crazy person, which I was for kissing him. "Kiss you back, of course."
Then it was my turn to look at him like he was crazy. "You wanted to kiss me back? Am I not a kid anymore?" I teased him, smirking.
"I may have underestimated you."
"Is that your way of apologising to me?" He was now just inches away from me, and I was shitting myself… not literally, of course.
"Never said I regret what I told you." He replied and kissed me. This time, it wasn't a split of a second, or a peck. He had one hand on my waist, the other caressing my neck. I didn't know what to do with my lousy hands. I never knew what to do with them, even with Benny, so he'd hold them and run his thumbs over the top. So I let my hands to my side while I kissed him back.
Daryl pulled away and smiled. "You know you can do something with your hands, like…" He took my hands and put them on his shoulders. "…that."
"I never know what to do with my hands…" I murmured, and he kissed me once again, this time my hands on his shoulders.
Daryl was back to his former position on his couch, checking and cleaning his crossbow. I leaned back into the La-Zee Boy, trying to keep my eyes open. He glanced at me. "You okay?"
I nodded lazily. "Just sleepy."
"Then sleep. I'll wake ya up if something happens."
"I can't. You know what happened the last time I slept." I said, rubbing my eyes. "I slept for two straight days."
"You were tired. You could've slept for a whole fucking week, Erin. If you're tired, sleep."
"I spent a whole year on just three hours of sleep a week. I can do this." I snapped, but my eyes were already closed. Fuck. Once again, I was vulnerable. I'm a fucking victim. Thinking about this made me think of the night I was raped. I felt as vulnerable now as I did back then, despite the different circumstance.
"Come here." I opened my eyes. Daryl put his crossbow on a surface next to the couch he was sitting on. "Erin…" He patted the empty space next to him and I got up and walked over to him and sat down. But instead of sitting on the couch, I sat on him. Was I that goddamn tired?!
"Sorry." I whispered.
"It's okay, Erin. You're just tired."
I shook my head. "Daryl…" The only people that knew about the rape were my parents and Benny. I didn't bother telling my nursing friends since we weren't very close. And now that both my parents and Benny are God knows where, the thing was eating me inside, so I had to tell him. If not him, then anyone… but he was the one here, so I had to let it out. Knowing Daryl kept a lot of things to himself would help with keeping this from the others, but at the same time, I wanted him to open up to me just like I was about to do. "There's something you should know about me… Why I act the way I do and stuff."
And I told him the whole story. From beginning to end. The rape, Benny saving me, why I dropped out of nursing school to become an officer… Every single little fucking detail. Once I finished telling him the story, I felt like a weight was lifted off my shoulders. This felt so goddamn good.
"Wow." Daryl said and ran a hand over his mouth. "I… never could've…"
"I just had to tell someone. It was killing me inside." I admitted.
"Now that we're having this heart-to-heart…" Daryl stood up and took off his leather jacket and lifted his shirt. I blinked. Damn he had a great body. I averted my eyes and then looked back up at him. He took a deep breath and slowly turned round. On the right he had two tattoos almost on top of each other, of what looked like demonic creatures or gargoyles or something… but that wasn't what made me gasp.
It was the whip marks and bruises he had all over his back.
"Oh my God." What else was I supposed to say? I didn't know what my response should've been.
He pulled his t-shirt down and put his jacket back on. "When Merle ran away… I took the beatings." He explained while sitting back down.
"Oh my God." I was like a broken record, repeating the same shitty response over again.
After several seconds of silence, Daryl glanced at me and laughed. "We are so fucking damaged."
I hadn't heard him laugh so often, and it was so genuine, I laughed along. And I meant it too, because we were damaged. I laughed hysterically as his laughing also increased.
"So will you sleep now?" he asked me once the laughter died down. I looked up at him and kissed his cheek. "What was that for?" he smiled.
I shrugged and laid down, my feet on his lap. "You know…" I blushed. He smirked, which made me blush even brighter. "Whatever."
"Sure." He grunted, and I closed my eyes.
It's late, I know. I've had a lot of school and personal stuff to deal with so I decided to take my time with this chapter.
Despite the reviews coming to a halt, I want to thank all that have been reading the story and favouriting (not even a real word!)/following. Each one of you gives me the courage and motivation to actually continue this story. So thank you, thank you, thank you!
As per usual, not happy with the ending, but it'll do, unless I re-upload the chapter with a better ending.
