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Dear Varg,

You'd be laughing at me right now if you knew I was writing this. I can almost see the scornful look on your face as you look over my research, dismissing it as unnecessary and frivolous. You always thought going straight in without a clearly formulated plan was the best form of attack.

Maybe that's why you didn't survive this.

I know you didn't survive this. It's only logical, and to try telling myself otherwise any longer would be needless and illogical. I know the truth. Even if I don't wish to see it sometimes.

If I had been a little more careful with my checks, a little more focused when I sent you in to investigate, would you have escaped this fate? Would I? I only wish I knew where your body was, so I could give you, my brother, a proper Nekross send off. To release you to hunt with our ancestors, forever.

Will you be able to in this world, in this mysterious world so different to our own? Tom talks about stars in the sky, are you among them tonight? Even though that is an entirely illogical concept which is utterly false. But it is a nice notion, don't you think, brother?

You would have said no at this point. You never were one for idealisms; you saw them pointless and meaningless. Maybe I did too, back in that world. But sometimes I realise I no longer know what Lexi, Nekross princess, would think about some of the things I see here. That world is slipping further and further away. I write to you to keep you alive, although it serves no purpose as you will never read it.

Sometimes I only see what Lexi, human girl and Neverside inhabitant sees. It's odd being human, Varg. Odd waking up every morning with the sun on my skin and the breeze blowing through my hair. Strange with all these quirky notions and ideas that are so different to our rigid way of life. I find myself thinking unfamiliar thoughts sometimes, Varg, and sometimes it scares me.

Sometimes I enjoy them.

Sometimes I prefer this way of life to my own - the Nekross way.

Is that so bad?

Lexi


Dear Varg,

Tom hasn't read these. You hated Tom, didn't you? The very idea that I am trapped here, with him, would have repulsed you to no end. You persistently called him a halfling, even when I told you that humans called their halflings children. Now I'm a halfling too. Just another pesky human.

I don't know what Tom would think if he knew I was writing these. For some reason I think he would understand. Humans write diaries, after all. He told me that a few days ago; that's sort of what gave me the idea for this. He suggested I write my feelings down, but I don't want to write to myself. I'm left alone in my head all day, I don't want to write down that incessant inner monologue. It's much easier to write to you, especially when you can't speak back.

It helps with the guilt. And missing you, Varg. I miss you, even the annoying parts. It sounds soppy and stupid now I've written it down, but it's the truth.

But at the same time, I'm slightly glad you're not here. It's freeing. I can do what I want, for the first time ever, without you or Father looking disapprovingly across my shoulder.

Oh God, that sounds awful.

What am I turning into, brother?

Lexi


Dear Varg,

I think I love him, you know.

Maybe it's because he's the only other one here, and if it was anyone else maybe I'd feel the same way, but he just seems to make everything so much easier to bear.

He taught me how to be human. He helped me cope with suddenly being a completely different species with different thoughts and actions. It's bizarre, how different but yet so similar we are to Nekross.

Tom may not feel the same way, but I can't help it.

Forgive me, Varg.

Lexi


Dear Varg,

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry I let you die.

Lexi