Their new mission was to manipulate Sora into killing as many Heartless as possible. It proved to be an easy task, but even so, Xemnas insisted on taunting Sora. Maybe it was just something he wanted to do to pass the time, it didn't really matter to Saïx. It was just amusing to see the confused look on Sora's face and by extension, Roxas's too.
In Hollow Bastion, they appeared in group. Saïx was told to stay in the background in order to show them that he could control himself. The only thing Saïx struggled with, was understanding why Xemnas wanted to ease Sora into his games.
"Patience," Xigbar had said with a sneer. "It takes time to create a masterpiece."
Saïx snorted at the choice of words. There was nothing about Sora that could be called a masterpiece. He held the power to release hearts, to travel worlds, but he was completely oblivious to the powers he held. It made him weak.
As soon as Saïx had proven that he had no problem with self-control, he was given a mission; to find Axel and mess with the Keyblade-wielder's head. He had been told that the mission was top priority. He was no longer bound to the colorless world and could roam the realms as he pleased. They had looked at him for a reaction. He had accepted the mission with a quick nod and an obedient "Yes, sir."
The leads took him to Twilight Town. He had walked through the portal of darkness as if he had done it a million times before. It was as easy as he had been told it was. It worked faster than he thought it would, and it was slightly disappointing to think that the workings of the portals were much more interesting than the city he walked into. The colors were too bright, the buildings were strange and the smells were far too strong.
Saïx didn't spend much time looking around. He didn't see the sky shift in color as the sun started to set, and he didn't notice the clock tower in the background. He knew that Sora was near, and it was all he needed to summon his loyal Nobodies and have them attack Sora and his companions.
The second time he saw the confused look on Sora's face wasn't as amusing as the first time. Mentioning Axel to Sora didn't seem to move him in the least, and Saïx wondered what he could threaten to take away to have fear settle in the crevices of Sora's mind. Riku seemed to do the trick, and the trip to Twilight Town didn't seem as such a waste anymore when Sora gripped his Keyblade tightly and took a defensive stance.
We know how to injure a heart.
The portal of darkness closed before Sora could come close enough, and Saïx felt himself smirk. What fun it would be to put everything he had learned about the fragility of the heart into practice.
~o~
In his search for Axel, Saïx came across a lot of spheres. It had been years since he last had collected them, and the habit of picking them up had him reach for them when he saw them appear. They melted in his gloved grip and sank into the ground. He knew that most of them were memories, but he couldn't bring himself to care about what happened to his memories when most of them were obscured by a thick fog that only allowed him to see glimpses of singing flowers and fire-breathing dragons.
The more spheres he destroyed, the easier it became to summon lesser Nobodies. It was as if he made room for the powers that were surging within him, and he knew that he would have use of those powers in the future.
That future proved to be closer than he could have hoped for.
He had been sent to Hollow Bastion. According to reports that he had read about himself, Hollow Bastion was what was left of a world that once had been his home. He had no recollection of it. All he knew was that it had been known as Radiant Garden, and that the name might be the reason he occasionally remembered singing flowers.
Saïx began summoning Heartless as soon as he got there, and he watched the citizens panic as their security system began to deteriorate further. There was a group of self-proclaimed protectors trying to fend off the Heartless from the city core. It was odd to witness them protect a world that was on the brink of destruction. It was a broken place, riddled with problems and dysfunctions that seemed to be beyond repair, but they patched and rebuilt until it broke again.
Their persistence made Saïx summon Heartless until he could hear their gnawing from beyond the city borders, and he watched them climb the mountain sides, devouring the remains of a home he didn't want to remember. He knew there would come a point when the self-proclaimed protectors would give up. They'd let the world crumble down on its own, and they'd find a new place to call home - unless Saïx made sure they died trying to protect this one.
Spotting weaknesses was easy. The importance of things and people led to rash decisions when their safety was threatened. Rash decisions left a stenchy trail of fear and brought the weaknesses to light. Saïx only had to make use of the weaknesses he found and wait for the other to make a stupid move.
It turned out that Axel was both rash and stupid when something he cared for was on the line. Saïx had seen that pattern before, but he had never seen it for what it was. He had been watching from behind muslin drapes and rationalized the behavior as something desirable, when in reality, it was nothing but debilitating.
Saïx had been on Axel's trail for a while, and thanks to Axel's stupidity and desperation, Saïx had someone dear to Sora captured. He was certain that the look of confusion on Sora's face that he had grown accustomed to, would turn into one of anger, hate, and most importantly, fear. Xigbar had said that there was nothing funnier than seeing the look of absolute fear in someone's eyes and know that you put it there.
Saïx wanted to give it a try.
A badly wounded Dusk appeared before Saïx to the echoing sound of the grand battle taking place at the outskirts of the city. Lesser Nobodies rarely went back to their summoner if they were close to death. Their shell wasn't made to live long after sustained injuries, but this was one Nobody, amongst many others that made an effort, because even with their small and limited minds, they could remember that Saïx was the one that made sure to feed them.
Axel has been spotted near Sora.
Saïx walked past the Dusk, quickly glancing at the black liquid dripping from its limbs. Shadows were empty, Dusks were not. It wasn't difficult to cast a healing spell and rid the Dusk of its wounds. Saïx couldn't care less whether the Dusk lived or died, and even so, there was something beneath it all that made him reach his hand out and rest it on top of the Dusk's head. The healing spell was on the tip of his tongue, but it was so much easier to have the Dusk's shell disintegrate into black thorns and then have the wind take care of the rest.
If someone had had the decency of doing that to him before he grew into a grotesque monster, the Dusk might have stood a chance. It was Saïx's excuse. It made it easier to slip into what he was, and not struggle.
He opened a portal of darkness with the mere thought and walked in.
As soon as the portal of darkness cracked on the other side, Saïx could hear Axel. He could hear the strain in Axel's voice when Sora questioned his motives, Saïx could hear the guilt when Sora asked for Kairi, and he could hear Axel's fear of having to tell his best friend that he had lost one of the persons that mattered the most to him.
It was more emotion than Saïx could remember hearing in a conversation, and the only thing he could bring himself to feel at that moment was disgust and anticipation of what was to come; punishment.
"I've found you, Axel."
It was merely meant as a fact, like the ones he remembered writing and reading in one of his many diaries to keep track of each day, and yet there was a taunting quality to his statement that made Axel's eyes almost glow with fear when Saïx stepped out of the portal of darkness.
Saïx watched Axel disappear in a mist of dark thorns with a slight curious tilt of his head; where did Axel think he could hide when Saïx had been granted access to every world in existence? Did Axel think that Saïx would eventually give up to not waste more time? How foolish. Time was all he had.
Sora tried to run after Axel, but Saïx easily stopped him in his tracks by simply obstructing Sora's way by extending his arm.
"Don't worry. We'll make sure he gets punished."
"I don't care about any of that!" Sora was exasperated and he looked down onto the ground with a sad look on his face.
What do you care about then?
Saïx turned around, knowing that Sora would let it slip soon enough. He knew that look. It felt like it had been eternities since he had seen it reflected in the shiny surface of a heartless armor.
"Just let me into the realm of darkness, okay?"
"If it's Kairi you're worried about, don't. We're taking very good care of her."
"Take me to her."
"Is she that important to you?"
"Yeah. More than anything."
More than anything. What could it possibly mean to someone with such great powers at their disposal? What could Sora give up to show that he knew what "more than anything" was?
"Show me how important."
Sora's two loyal companions gasped in shock as Sora went down on one knee, then the other, until he was on all fours, bowing his head down with his forehead almost on the ground.
"Please."
It was a laughable attempt; pathetic and predictable. Pride was the one thing Sora thought counted as more than anything. It didn't occur to him to take her place, even as farce. Sora's value exceeded Kairi's. She was merely worth one small aspect of him, and Saïx would keep her locked up and away from everyone until Sora begged through suffocating sobs to see her, if only to assure himself that she was well.
"So you really do care about her?" Saïx asked as a taunt, but it went unnoticed in the favor of his final answer. "In that case, the answer is no."
"You rotten…!"
The look of sadness on Sora's face was replaced with one of anger. It happened so quickly. His sadness for the absence of his friend was easily overpowered by the despise he felt at having his request negated. Spoiled brat, Saïx thought with annoyance.
Sora's anger and hatred would work in their advantage. It would consume him while he released the hearts that would make the Moon and her servants whole again. Saïx knew that there would be a final act before their hearts returned, and that Sora's demise was center stage. It was almost a shame that Saïx wouldn't be the one to shove him off the edge when he had been working so hard to make all of this happen.
~o~
Saïx hadn't gone back to his room since he had been rescued by the darkness. It was a place he seemingly would rather forget existed. There were many places in Oblivion he would rather not go to. It wasn't because of an unsettling feeling that he managed to avoid those places. His mind simply did what it always had done; it built barriers and distorted his reality.
With his co-workers disappearing one by one, and the grand plan stuck in-between success and failure, Saïx became restless during the periods of time he was grounded. He walked aimlessly around the headquarters until he was given permission to leave. On certain days, when the darkness keeping him together made itself known, Saïx found himself walking down the long, long staircases to the subterranean floor where Kairi was kept in a cell, facing a white wall.
Some would say that it was the darkness speaking through him on the occasions he went down there. No decent person in their right mind would tell a frightened young girl that her best friend might die because of her. Unfortunately for Kairi, and any other person with the misfortune of crossing paths with Saïx, there was nothing decent about him.
"You are the fire that feeds Sora's anger," he'd say and watch despair contort her innocent face as she gripped the iron bars between her and freedom. "That anger will consume him while he tries to save you, and when he realizes that he can't, he will become exactly like us."
Kairi would shake her head and say something about how Sora was strong, and that he'd never let that happen. She tried to sound certain. Sora was a rock. Isa had been a rock too, but he had eroded in the water and had become grains of sand in an underwater desert. The same would happen to Sora with the exception that he would have to stay in darkness forever. There were very few things as entertaining as convincing Kairi of it in every opportunity that presented itself.
The reason for Saïx's visit today was different.
Four Dusks had nearly fallen over themselves to tell Saïx that Axel had been sighted in Oblivion, and that rumors had it that he wanted to take Kairi back.
Saïx was convinced that Axel wanted Kairi to turn Sora back to a Nobody. Axel wanted Roxas back. He was shortsighted and failed to see what good things could come out of having Kairi under lock and key while Sora tried to find a way into this colorless world.
It was Saïx's task to make Axel see what foolish mistakes he had been committing, starting with leaving the Organization. Saïx had been taught how to make others realize their mistakes. He just had to leave it to the rain and hope that Xaldin was available for when the time came for healing. It was a foolproof and effective method he wanted to use. Once that was out of the way, Axel would be cooperative again.
Saïx could hear Axel and Kairi talk the closer he got to the other end of the portal of darkness. Kairi seemed at least smart enough to not trust Axel.
"What are you doing? Are you with them?"
"No, Kairi, listen. I used to be. I'm not anymore. I made a mistake, okay? It's my fault you're stuck here, and I'm sorry. I didn't mean for it to come to this. Let me get you out of here and back to Sora."
"Can I trust you?"
Axel sighed. "Look around. Whether I can be trusted or not, doesn't matter. You'll at least have a chance to run away if you come with me. Let me save you, Kairi."
It was strange how the darkness worked. Sometimes it felt as natural as the blood running through his veins, other times the darkness would freeze and break into large and sharp shards, puncturing the flesh around it to make room for the liquid darkness underneath it. On very rare occasions, the shards would turn hard as diamond with the pressure that existed in Saïx's chest, and it felt as if the shards not only cut through flesh but bones as well. It was only painful for as long as he managed to keep the pressure inside.
Once the pressure broke through his self-control and made it feel as if the searing rage within him tore his skin to shreds, he lost all notion of what pain was.
He was on the edge when he stepped out of the portal of darkness. Axel froze, one chakram in his hand, ready to throw it against the iron bars to free Kairi from the prison. Saïx was faintly aware of Kairi standing in a corner, taking cover from the chakram in case it broke through. Seemed like Axel's lies were easy to believe.
"What empty promises did you have her believe, Axel?"
"No promises I won't keep."
"Traitor."
Saïx's claymore materialized in his tight grip. Axel took a cautious step back, his chakrams catching fire. He was still as frightened as he had been in Hollow Bastion. He looked back at Saïx with fear in his eyes, and yet he was still determined to fight if that's what it was going to take to free Kairi.
"That means nothing coming from you."
"Axel!" Kairi was going to run up to the bars, but stopped in her tracks when Axel glanced at her quickly.
"Step back, Kairi. This won't be long." He smiled a smile that reached his eyes. "I'll get you out of here."
There wasn't any time for thoughts as the pressure ripped through Saïx. It gave him a split second to decide whether he would prefer to writhe in pain until he died or to channel the pain onto someone else. He was in an endless state of wanting to see and hear someone else hurt. He needed the confirmation that pain wasn't only reserved for him, and the red blur he could see through the haze was the one thing he wanted to hurt.
Axel jumped and dodged from Saïx, throwing the chakrams at Saïx when he held the claymore over his head. He watched the spikes cut through the fabric of the coat and leave red trails on Saïx's skin. But it didn't slow Saïx down. Not in the same way Axel was slowed down when he took a hit to his sides. Kairi screamed when Axel fell to the floor and just barely managed to move away from the claymore that crashed through the stone floor in a demonstration of its destructive power.
Axel thought that he was being smart when he used a portal of darkness to teleport himself to the other side of the room. Kairi thought that Axel had bought himself some time and even managed a deep breath through a sob as she watched Axel appear through the thorny mist. They both failed to realize that the darkness Axel used to get away with also flowed in Saïx's veins. It showed Saïx where Axel would appear as soon as Axel made the decision to use the darkness in his favor.
Kairi's scream caught in her throat when Saïx pushed the claymore right through Axel's chest. Axel fell forward slightly with a pained groan, unsure of what had happened until he looked down and saw the damage that was the tiebreaker.
The pressure returned into the hollowness in Saïx's ribcage as if it was repelled by Axel's blood that spilled down the claymore and onto Saïx's gloves.
Axel pushed Saïx away before he fell further in, and managed to stumble away from the claymore with his arms around himself. He turned to Kairi quickly and smiled at her sadly as he disappeared into a portal of darkness.
"Axel!" Kairi shook the bars she was holding onto. "Axel!" She turned to look at Saïx. She sobbed and clenched her hands around the iron bars so tightly that her knuckles turned white. "You're a monster."
Saïx looked back at her. He had no intention of arguing against her statement. There wasn't a trace of anger left on his face. He seemed unmoved by the mess after the battle and by how it had ended.
And he was.
All of this wasn't happening because of him. It was a consequence of a time when there had been no one around him with the decency to put an end to him before he turned into a grotesque monster with a growing urge to harm others.
"I need a new pair of gloves."
He ignored Kairi's screams after him. He disappeared into a portal of darkness with the memory of Axel's pained expression fresh in his mind. Saïx knew what that pain felt like, and knowing that Axel was going through the same at this very instant, rejected by both those of light and darkness, was enough to put a wicked smile on his face.
~o~
The deaths of most of their colleagues had come as surprises. Most thought that they were better and stronger than Sora and his companions, but the trend showed that they weren't. They were few in number, and the priority was now to complete the Moon as fast as possible before Sora and his friends intervened.
It was going to be difficult.
Despite Xemnas's efforts to shield their world from strangers, Sora had found a loophole and was now roaming the city in search of their headquarters.
Axel had proven to be a traitor in more ways than one. There had been thousands of Dusks, eagerly hoping to bring an unconscious Sora to the headquarters when they had neared the shield. They could have turned Sora into a Nobody in his attempt to end them all. The Dusks could have served Axel's purpose, but Axel had joined the fight against the Dusks, despite his injuries.
He had given his life to protect Sora and to open up a way for them to get to the colorless world.
The Dusks that had survived, had hurried back to Oblivion to tell them everything in vivid detail. Xigbar had looked at Saïx for a reaction, barely able to contain his amusement at thinking of what it would look like, but Saïx's reaction had been minimal. Axel was dead because of his weakness. That was all that could be said about it.
In a way, Saïx had hoped that Axel's death would ease the pressure in his chest, but instead it seemed that he had a list of people he wanted to bring to an end before the pressure could vanish.
He hadn't thought that the next person on the list would be Sora.
Sora was, after all, the reason they would be able to complete the Moon, and Saïx had thought that Sora's curse would be enough of a punishment, but he wanted Sora dead, not hurt or writhing in pain, dead like Axel was; Saïx wanted Sora eliminated because Axel was dead. Axel had died for Sora, beside him, unwilling to live in a world where they belonged on different sides, maybe hopeful for a rebirth where they'd be able to be what they couldn't be here, and Saïx's brief realization that Isa hadn't meant a fraction of that, almost had him break the charade before he was granted permission.
He quickly drenched those thoughts in the water that wanted to drown him, and he took a deep breath.
It had been enough to shake his concentration. It showed in everything else that he tried to do once the the enemies broke into the headquarters. He failed to get Kairi to follow him, despite promising her that he'd take her to Sora, and as the Moon's last pieces were coming together, yet another opposing power made it into the building.
Their grand plan was a house made out of cards, standing outside in a furious storm.
It was coming undone.
But all Saïx could think about was how he was going to be Sora's demise. Sora's and Roxas's.
He stood waiting in a room with a spectacular view of the Moon. It had been long since he had last seen her. The memories of her were faint in his mind, but strong enough for him to feel safe in her presence. There was no power greater than that of the Moon. Her strength radiated through the windows. It fortified his permission to end the charade that had kept him in check.
After this last battle, everything would come into place. At least for him. The Moon would grant him a heart and erase the memories he had of Hell to begin anew. It's what he had been promised.
Saïx heard Sora and his multitude of friends long before they entered the room. He turned around to face them and saw that Kairi had managed to find what she had been looking for. In a way, it was a shame that her happiness of reuniting with Sora would be short-lived.
"Only you could have made it this far in one piece, Roxas…"
"That's really getting old!" Sora stomped his foot like the child he was and glared at Saïx. His two peculiar friends weren't late in stepping in to defend him. They all looked at him with contempt, and Saïx knew that to them he was something that needed to be eradicated to make everything right with the universe. The feeling was mutual.
Saïx's claymore had already materialized in his hand. The head of it had transformed into a circle of lethal thorns. He was, after all, not out to just wound Sora. Saïx created a strong draft with a swing of his claymore and lifted a barrier as soon as Kairi and her protector were outside of what Saïx wanted to turn into a battlefield.
Saïx unleashed walls of energy around him that left cracks in the floor. It gave him room to move around and he claimed large parts of the battlefield, pushing Sora and his two friends into corners when they tried to avoid getting caught in the violent energy surges.
Sora hurried back from his spot in safety when it seemed that one of his friends would get caught in Saïx's rage. A shield flew across the room as Saïx tossed the vermin up in the air, ready to end its pitiful life when Sora jumped up and barely managed to block the hit of the claymore.
Sora didn't stay to get stuck in a reverse tug of war. He used Saïx's force to dodge to the side and catch Saïx in a fury of hits.
The darkness within Saïx responded to each hit by short-circuiting and confusing commands. A large claymore appeared beside him. It wasn't his. It belonged to one of his Nobodies. For a split second he was allowed to feel fear. Sora hurried up to the claymore and picked it up without much effort. He slid across the room, holding onto the lethal weapon and set course for Saïx.
Saïx tried to unleash another wall of energy for defense, but the claymore tore through it as if it hadn't been there at all.
He managed to block one of the many hits with his own claymore. An electric shock shot through him and paralyzed him long enough for the circulating darkness to snap out of its confusion. Sora's claymore disappeared. Sora quickly summoned his Keyblade while his two friends covered him; one with a shield, the second with magic.
Saïx went after them with his claymore, rage keeping him upright. It didn't seem to matter how many times he attacked or injured them, someone would always heal them with a spell that didn't seem to hurt as much as Saïx remembered it to.
It didn't occur to him to summon more Nobodies, not until he was caught in a second rain of violent hits coming from a heavy claymore. He tried to summon them with a snap of his fingers, but his gloves were soaked and his fingers slipped against each other without a sound.
Saïx didn't stop to question the sudden halt of the seemingly never-ending attacks. He could barely distinguish his enemies where they stood. Saïx stumbled forward slightly, for the first time feeling the weight of the claymore in his hand. He let it slip out of his grip.
This wasn't a victory.
How could he have lost against someone like Roxas? Saïx was stronger now than he had been then. He had the Moon's support. His victory had already been written as truth, how else would the Moon know that it was time for her to keep her end of the bargain?
This had to be a mistake.
Saïx turned his back to Sora. He moved forward slightly with every move causing sharp pain to fire through his nerves. He was disappearing. There was no sign of a gentle and steady thump in his chest. The pain was worse than ever. The darkness was stirring into a chaotic storm that made it seem as if all of him was turning into black dust.
You promised.
Saïx reached his hand upward where the Moon was shining brightly in the otherwise dark and empty sky.
There was never a moon to call yours, Isa. You are the world. A lonely world in a vast empty space. You had to create something to illuminate your dark night sky.
"Why…" Saïx gasped. "...where is my heart?"
The black dust swirled around his feet and rose to seemingly devour him, but the raging storm inside him was simply breaking through the last of his layers to completely turn him into darkness. He reached his hand out higher, as if asking the Moon for help when the raging storm pulled him under the surface and filled his lungs with dust, but the Moon simply watched as he vanished into oblivion.
