CHAPTER TWELVE
Emma was sleeping in the guest bedroom. She'd arrived back from work very tired, wolfed down some waffles, pressed a kiss to Henry's head and then shuffled off to bed. Henry hadn't minded much, too engulfed in his syrup-soaked waffles to really notice, and Regina thought that that was as well as could be.
And instead of moping around at home, trying to be quiet – even though Emma had assured her that she would most likely sleep through everything – Regina decided that she and Henry might as well run some errands and then visit Zelena, her husband and the two terrors. She thought that Emma deserved some time to relax and not worry about Henry being taken care of. She knew, of course, that Emma's friends always tended to Henry when Emma needed it, but felt like Emma never wanted to burden her friends too much and therefore still didn't have much time to herself. Which everyone deserved. Most of all Emma.
So Regina wanted to give her that. She'd left a note for the blonde, telling her to enjoy the bathtub in her bathroom and just relax, which she hoped that Emma would listen to. Regina planned for her and Henry to be out and about for most of the day, and she might or might not be planning to spoil Emma rotten when they got back later. Emma's shift didn't start before midnight, so that left her plenty of time for a good home-cooked meal and dessert.
She'd dropped some shirts and a blazer off at the dry-cleaner's, and now she and Henry were strolling down the street, enjoying the sunbeams warming their faces. Henry's little hand was clammy in hers, but she could not deny the wonderful warmth it produced in her chest; the feeling of having him with her like this. It was strange, because she'd walked many times with Anniston and Montgomery like this, even with Roland, but the other children didn't leave her feeling this way. When she was with them, she was Aunt Regina, and that was a wonderful feeling as well, but with Henry – with Henry it felt maternal, it felt like she could parent him, love him that way.
Regina really didn't know what to do with that feeling, but instead of letting it freak her out and worry her, she decided to just enjoy it for now.
"Henry, sweetie," she said then, as they stopped in front of a small florist, "what's your mother's favourite flowers?"
Henry looked up at her with big questions in his eyes. "Uuuuhhnn."
Regina chuckled, "Your mother doesn't like flowers, huh?" She clutched his hand tightly, to reassure him that it was okay, "I don't know why I thought she would."
He tugged at her hand, pulling her towards his level. "She likes bear claws and beer," he whispered conspiratorially as he motioned towards the little baker's shop a few stores down. He continued, "And she really likes it when I get hot chocolate, that's for sure."
She smirked down at him, enamoured by his childish attempt at tricking her into a hot beverage. She felt like she should pretend with him for now; it was their day anyway, and who knew when – or even if – she'd get this opportunity to spoil him again. "Does she now? Well, then we better get you some!"
Henry practically skidded into the small baker's shop, and Regina ordered a coffee for herself and a hot chocolate ("With cinnamon," Henry feistily informed her) for Henry. She also ordered bear claws to go because. Well, just because. They took a seat at a small table in the back of the shop – they still had a little time to kill before their lunch with Zelena, and Henry dove into his hot chocolate with gusto, looking up at her with whipped cream and a gigantic smile all over his face. She snapped a picture for Emma to see later.
They were silent for a little while, Henry eagerly drinking and looking at the other people in the store, and Regina watching Henry while sipping her coffee. She could watch him all day; he really was Emma's son. So much of her was evident on his face, not only that they looked alike (the eyes was a dead give-away for certain), but also their mannerisms. The sheepish smiles they could both offer her, the way Henry was so filled with mischief, and how he so easily wormed his way into her heart. She had no idea what was going to happen, but she felt like the Swans were going to be her undoing.
He looked deep in thought now though. Caught somewhere, perhaps in his fairytale land, as he absentmindedly liked the leftover whipped cream from his lips and stared at the white mug. She didn't want to interrupt him, he seemed so caught up in his thoughts, so when he finally spoke, she did a little jump in surprise, truly startled by the sudden sound of his voice.
"R'gina, can I ask you something?" His green eyes were serious, like he'd been thinking a lot about this and just had to have the answer.
Regina placed her cup on the table and nodded her head. "Sure Henry, you can ask me anything."
He was silent for a little while then and she just watched him, letting him take his time to get the question right. "Are you a lesbian?"
Of all the things she'd thought he'd ask, this most certainly hadn't been it, and for a second Regina was glad that she'd placed her cup back on the table, otherwise she'd probably have been covered in coffee by now. She glanced briefly around the small store, afraid that someone might have heard or was looking at them, but no one paid them any mind. She willed herself to keep calm and looked at Henry's charming little face, so honest with his question, and she felt her shoulders sag. "Yes, Henry," she said, grabbing her cup and taking another sip. "I am."
"Oh," he licked his lips again, before meeting her gaze. "Does that mean you're gonna marry a woman someday?"
Regina felt her brow furrow, not at all able to detect where this conversation was going, which she was usually so good at. With everyone. Except Emma, and now Henry too, apparently. What was it with these two people that had her so unable to act like a rational human being? "I suppose so," Regina kindly whispered, offering him a little smile. "If I'm ever lucky enough to meet someone who wants to marry me and whom I want to marry back."
Henry nodded as he took in the words she was saying. "But what if…" he trailed off, his eyes once more focused on the remains of his hot chocolate, gathered in a cooling pool in the bottom of his mug. "I mean," he stopped talking, a small blush rising on his cheeks.
Reaching across the table, Regina gently placed a finger beneath his chin and lifted it, so their eyes could meet. "You can say anything to me, Henry," she promised, and she knew that she was speaking the truth; that she would, truly, tell him just about everything as long as she could. "Ask me your question."
"Well, if you're gonna marry a woman," Henry said then, resolutely deciding to share his thoughts with her, which she found very brave, "can't it be my mamma? I know she would want to marry you, and then we could all be a family!"
Truly touched – and quite surprised – by his kind words, Regina's fingers dropped to the table. Her entire body was a mess of emotions; happiness at Henry's willingness to share with her, to welcome her into his home, but also fear; frightened that if she were to be accepted into their family, it meant that she would lose them, and how could she ever go on if she did? Henry and Emma had so quickly turned her entire world upside-down, changed everything she knew, and how could she ever go back? But that was why things were the way they were. So she could go back, so she wouldn't be broken.
"Henry," she whispered, her voice soft and barely audible across the small table. He watched her with kind, green eyes, attentive and listening. "It doesn't work that way, my little prince," she offered a small smile. "Even if I want to marry a woman, I can't just marry whoever. And who says your mother would even want to marry me?" Why would she? I always push her away whenever she gets too close.
Brow furrowed, Henry said, "She would, I know she would!"
Regina continued. "Perhaps so, but people still have to fall in love." She paused, her brown eyes searching his little face, and she hated that she saw nothing but disappointment and displeasure there. "You know what that means, right? To fall in love?"
Henry nodded and pushed that last of his chocolate away from him, the mug scraping across the table. "Yeah, like in the fairytales. True Love's Kiss."
"True Love's Kiss, yes," Regina agreed with him, because that was something a five-year-old Henry could understand; it was his language and his love for fairytales, and it made sense to him. "So you see, right? I need to marry the woman I share True Love with."
Henry glared at her through partly hooded lids. His eyes were on fire, and he'd never looked more like Emma than he did right now; a petulant child. "Then it can still be Ma, 'cuz you just need to kiss her," he argued.
Quick flashes to kisses in the bar and on the couch, nothing but fire and electricity, but no True Love. That was only for the fairtytales.
If only things were as easy as in the fairytales. "I'm sorry, Henry," Regina whispered as she reached a hand across the table to gently grasp his and squeeze it. "I would love to be a family with you. And I promise you that no matter what happens, you can always come to me, okay?" She needed to make that promise, to reassure him that she was there. And perhaps she needed to feel like he'd still want to see her, still need her in his life, even if – when – Emma married someone else.
Regina's heart clenched uncomfortably by the thought of Emma marrying someone; some woman she met at a bar or at work or out about town, and she had to remind herself to breathe calmly and focus on Henry, the innocent child in front of her. Logically, she knew why the mere thought of Emma with another woman hurt and jabbed at her, pulled at her heartstrings and made her want to punch something, but she could not let herself succumb to that, she could not let love, let desire and want overshadow the clear knowledge that if she dared love, dared want and desire, she'd eventually lose everything. Just as she always did.
Scowling, Henry said, "Are we done yet?"
She knew she had hurt his feelings and shattered his childhood dreams, so she didn't reprimand him or tell him to behave. Instead she downed the last of her coffee, grabbed the bear claws – that now felt so heavy in her hand – and grabbed Henry's hand to walk the short distance to the car so they could make the small drive out to Zelena and Walsh's mansion home.
—
Walsh was tumbling around on the grass with the kids at Zelena's demand ("Kids need exercise, Walsh! Football, dirt on the shoes and scrapes on their knees! Energy spent, tired children, you do the math!"), and the two sisters were enjoying a post-lunch glass of rosé from the porch.
They were sitting on the bench together, watching the four people mess around on the grass with a ball (Henry and Montgomery versus Walsh and Anniston, the riveting football match), and Zelena was going on about something their mother had said yesterday about Regina's behaviour (always Regina's behaviour) when she came for dinner, and Regina was only half listening as she had a careful eye on Henry, making sure that his arm didn't get more hurt than it already was.
He looked to be having the time of his life though; he was much smaller than Anniston and Montgomery, but they were – for once – very mindful and not like the wicked bullies Regina knew them to be, and Walsh was good about giving Henry some leeway. Henry had taken to Zelena's husband immediately; one stupid magic trick and Henry had been sold, convinced that Walsh was a part of the fairytales from his beloved book.
Regina felt her phone buzz in her coat pocket, and she slipped it out, still humming along to Zelena's story, only to find a message from Emma. She swiped it open and could not contain her grin when she read the words.
Omg Regina, your tub is amazing! Thank you thank you thank you. I hope you and Henry are having a great day. Can't wait to see you later! I owe you one.
And attached was a picture of two pale legs and feet sticking out of Regina's tub; they were covered in soapy bubbles, and she could just make out the remains of a blue nail polish on Emma's toes, and oh goodness, those were some very nice legs. Regina could just imagine trailing her hands up those calves. No. Wait, not her hands – her tongue. Trailing her tongue up those calves, and then further up, over the thighs. Perhaps Emma would be ticklish there, Regina imagined she would, and then she'd wrap those legs around herself and bury her nose in the blonde wiry hair between Emma's thighs, and oh, she'd tug her closer and prod her open and-
"Regina, hello, are you seriously staring at your phone instead of me?" Zelena gawked as she pulled Regina out of her train of thoughts. "I was trying to tell you about what Mother said of how you ran out of lunch!"
Regina felt her face flush, truly caught in the middle of a very naughty daydream that she had no business making up inside her mind, least of all with her prying sister next to her and three children mere feet away. "Well, if your voice wasn't so annoying, perhaps I'd listen more," she fired back, glaring at her older sister.
Zelena snorted. "Really, that's what you're going with? What has your attention so fully anyway?" She leaned over, prying eyes moving towards Regina's cell phone, and the brunette tried vainly to pull it away, black the screen and stick it back into her pocket, but she was too slow – as she always had been when it came to Zelena, because her sister had a knack for snooping in things that weren't hers to snoop in. "Oh my God," she cackled as her fingers settled over Regina's and her eyes landed on the picture that had had Regina so caught up, "of course it's a woman, it's always a woman with you."
"What does that even mean," Regina flatly commented and ripped her phone out of Zelena's claws to put it back inside her pocket.
The redhead nudged her head towards Henry on the grass, "It was his mother, wasn't it? The young and perfect Miss Emma Swan." She rolled her eyes and took a long gulp of her wine. "What, are you guys finally shagging or what?"
Regina straightened her back. She was not prepared to have this conversation with Zelena right now, but she also knew that she had to give her something, otherwise she'd never get back to her apartment alive. "We're not having sex," she just said and took a sip of her wine.
Zelena made a sad face. "Boohoo, little sister." She stuck her tongue out at her and wrapped her scarf tighter around her neck. "But then what? Here you are, watching the kid for her and bringing him with you to family lunch. What am I supposed to think, Regina? Are you just a glorified babysitter?"
"I'm watching him," Regina spat back. She fully knew that she was being played by Zelena – her sister had a knack for pushing all of her worst buttons – but she could not find it in herself to stop being played by her. "Emma's got work and Henry broke his arm, and it just seemed like they needed someone to take care of them, so…" she trailed off, letting her eyes linger on Henry – who was busy being carried around on Walsh's shoulders at the moment – for a second.
Her sister spat, "So, what?"
Regina shrugged. "So," she let the word linger between them before she lowly, almost so lowly that Zelena couldn't hear over Anniston's loud squeals, replied, "I offered for them to stay at my place for the weekend."
Zelena broke into a guffaw. "Tell me you're joking."
Not daring to meet her eyes, Regina was busy twirling her wine around in her glass. Why was she letting Zelena make her feel like this? She could very well make her own decisions about who could stay at her apartment and when.
"Oh for the love of-" Zelena sighed, "you're not."
"Emma just needs someone to care for her sometimes," Regina defended herself.
Zelena rolled her eyes. "Sure, sure, and what? You're not dating?" She shook her head, red hair flying in the mild breeze as she downed the last of her wine and moved to pour herself some more from the bottle. "You're just watching the kid, hanging out with him, what? Probably spoiling him rotten and cooking dinner for them both," she paused and shook her head to herself. "You're so daft, Regina."
"I am not daft!" Regina argued as she placed her glass of wine on the ground beside her.
"You are so daft," Zelena repeated and motioned eagerly towards her. "What? Why are you not seeing this? Who are you trying to convince here? Me or you? Not dating, pssh."
Regina crossed her arms in front of her chest and glared angrily at her sister. "Emma and I are not dating, we're just friends." She said it softly, so softly that it perhaps startled Zelena who was used to a Regina who fought back with mean words and cutting remarks, not a Regina who spoke timidly and carefully as a way to explain herself.
Raising an eyebrow at her, Zelena's demeanour softened too. "Regina…" she trailed off, her eyes moving carefully over Regina's face, "what's going on? You can talk to me, you know? For some reason you're…" she paused, searching for the right words, "protecting yourself. But why? And for what? You're positively besotted with her, everyone can see it. We've all got eyes, you know!"
"I am not besotted," Regina replied back stubbornly, but even she could hear the lie on her tongue.
"Don't worry," Zelena said, slipping closer on the bench and wrapping an arm around her shoulders, "from what I hear, she's besotted right back. By all means, it should be smooth sailing from now on."
Grumbling, Regina shook her head and stared straight ahead, towards the lawn. She didn't know what to say to Zelena. Sure, she found Emma attractive and she would like to shag her as her sister so eloquently put it, but that didn't mean she was in love with her like Zelena was saying. That was something else entirely, and she knew for sure that Emma was not at all besotted with her, so Zelena had the wrong information on that one. Who even gave her information? Marian of course. Regina sighed heavily.
Zelena pulled her arm back and stared down to look at Regina. "What, are you not even going to argue with me? Where's the fun in that?" She sighed dramatically and placed her own glass on the ground as well. "Regina, for heaven's sake. Don't you see what I'm getting at?"
Shaking her head, Regina simply replied, "I don't see what you're getting at."
"For all intents and purposes, you're already dating!" She motioned towards Henry once more, underlining her point.
Regina crossed her arms in front of her chest yet again. Something about Zelena just always undermined her to a petulant kid who was not getting her way. "We're not dating. I can spend time with her and Henry without us dating. It's better that way." At least that was what she was trying to tell herself, and Zelena being Zelena was seriously not helping right now. It had to be better this way. Logically. But then why does it feel like it's not?
Zelena looked about ready to rip her hair out of her scalp. "Oh my God, don't tell me this is about you protecting your heart?" It was a rhetorical question, and Zelena did not wait for Regina to answer; she was on a roll. "You're already putting your heart out there, little sister. You're doing all the stuff, getting attached to both mother and son…" she paused, letting the words hang in the air between them.
Staring at her big sister, Regina didn't know what to say. Of course she was attached already, anyone could see that. But she wasn't so attached. She could lose them and be fine, right? She'd just move on. Sure, Henry was a wonderful kid and they clicked so perfectly, and Emma – how could she even begin to describe her? Emma was un-boring. She was fun and new and different. And she challenged Regina and made her want to fuck her up against the kitchen counter. "I'm," her voice cracked, "I'm not that attached."
Rolling her eyes, Zelena just stared at her as if saying 'are you serious?'. "You're attached," she spat, before turning to look at the four people on the lawn, "But don't mind that, it just seems to me that you're missing all the good parts by acting this way."
Okay, so Regina was going to take the bait. "The good parts," she commented, staring at Zelena in confusion. "What do you mean the good parts?"
Cackling, Zelena theatrically whispered. "Why, the toe-curling, out of your mind, leave this planet, amazing, wicked sex, Regina!"
"Sex." She should have known it would be about sex. Most things were when it came to Zelena. And even though she was probably on to something (Regina was not having sex at the moment, and she hadn't had sex for a very long time, thank you Mal), sex also had a way of messing everything up. Sure, she had been thinking an awful lot about Emma in compromising positions that also sometimes consisted of her in not that many clothes, but that was only natural. She was a woman who had needs, and Emma was attractive, so of course she would have thoughts.
Zelena made a duh-face and said nothing.
"Sex complicates things," Regina said with a big sigh. "Don't you see? As certain as I am that Emma and I would have more than satisfactory sex," she paused, because she was very certain of that and for a second, Emma's naked legs reappeared in her mind, "it's not worth the risk. Now that we're friends, I can have all the other parts, but not with the risk of losing it…" she stared fondly at Henry and reminded herself why it was that she was not having sex with Emma. Because Henry mattered, and Emma mattered so much too, and she couldn't lose either of them. "Sex changes things, ups the stakes. It makes relationships different."
Shaking her head, Zelena was quiet for a good while. She stared straight ahead as well, watching as Montgomery juggled the ball around Henry and scored a goal on his father. Finally, Zelena let out a soft sigh. "It may changes things, Regina, but in a good way," she whispered, turning her head slightly to watch her.
Regina shuddered visibly in her coat and said nothing.
"Really sis," Zelena continued, and there was a certain sincerity to her voice that wasn't found in Zelena very often. "You're quite daft, you know that? You have your happy ending right in front of you, and yet you're too stubborn to reach out and claim it."
"It has nothing to do with stubbornness," Regina said as she brushed a piece of runaway hair out of her face. She tucked it behind her ear.
Mirroring her position, Zelena huddled even closer. She was still soft, so unlike her usual brash self, but it also underlined the seriousness of this conversation. "You've always been afraid to risk it, sis, and quite frankly it disgusts me," she added the last part with a twinkle in her eye, and Regina huffed. "Do you think I would have Walsh now with our two darling, talented children if I'd been afraid to grab my happy ending, when it was staring me in the face? No!" She motioned towards her family again, wild mannerisms and exaggerations as always. "Walsh was dating that insipid goodie-two-shoes Glinda when I met him."
Regina stared at her sister in confusion. She'd not known that.
"But I knew I wanted him," Zelena said, nodding her head to herself and pulling off a slight smirk, "so I went ahead and grabbed him. And now we have our perfect love story with our beautiful children who're surely going to become Doctor-Lawyer and Hollywood-A-List-Darling, and all because I wasn't afraid to go after what I wanted."
Biting back a laugh, Regina said, "You really think Anniston is going to be a doctor and a lawyer?"
Zelena scowled at her. "My darling daughter is going places, just you wait and see."
Regina chuckled lowly as she shook her head. "Alright, and what about Montgomery?"
"He's not that clever, he'll be an actor," Zelena brushed her off, a small smile playing at the corners of her lips as well. "Anyway, don't deflect, little sister, and don't be daft. Your happy ending's right there!" She motioned towards Henry again, who'd stopped what he was doing to let Walsh help him with the ball, and he caught Regina's eye and waved enthusiastically with his good arm.
For a second, the scene shifted before Regina's eyes, and it wasn't Walsh standing there with Henry, teaching him how to kick and play – it was Emma, and there were other kids too, not Montgomery and Anniston, but Regina's and Emma's kids, together, and she was watching them from the porch – just as she was now – looking at her family with so much love in her heart, and goodness, she wanted. She wanted it all so bad, and as the scene shifted again, she couldn't quite figure out why it was that she didn't just do as her sister said and just grabbed it.
—-
Henry conked out on the couch to cartoons as soon as they returned home, and Regina put away groceries before venturing into the guest room to look for Emma. The blonde was splayed out across the bed, popped up on her elbows with Henry's book in front of her; the sheets were rumpled and her clothes were lain out on the desk chair. Regina let her eyes linger for a second – just a second to appreciate Emma's backside and those legs which were still bare due to the shorts Emma was spotting – before rapping her knuckles against the doorframe.
"We're home," she said as Emma turned to look at her in surprise. She'd been so consumed in the book, it appeared.
A huge smile lit up Emma's face and she snapped the book shut and rolled over, glancing at Regina from her side. "Where's the kid?"
Regina stepped closer, venturing into the room, as she said, "Sleeping on the couch already. Zelena's kids tired him out."
"Hm," Emma had a small smile on her face. She padded the mattress next to her, motioning for Regina to join her. "Come sit."
She was hesitant at first, not sure what to read into this interaction, but wanting desperately to join Emma on the bed, so she did. She crept across the room, slipped almost soundlessly out of her heels and sat carefully on the bed next to the blonde. She didn't dare sit too close or get too comfortable, but she could feel Emma's body heat vibrating even with the space between them.
Emma reached a hand out and gingerly brushed a finger against Regina's leg. "Did you have fun?"
"Yes," Regina nodded, smiling down at the other woman, who was seriously just so inexplicably beautiful that Regina could hardly contain it. Oh, how she wished to reach a hand out and brush those loose tendrils behind Emma's ears. "We bought bear claws for you. Henry tells me they're your favourite."
"No way!" Emma's face lit up in a big smile. "They're totally my favourite. Thank you."
Regina nodded, and relaxed a bit more into the bed, pleased with herself. "I've also got everything we need for dinner. And dessert. I thought you deserved a treat."
Emma's smile grew wider if even possible, and her eyes shimmered with so much happiness. "Are you even for real? Thanks!" She hummed and pulled herself up into a sitting position, somehow ending up even closer to Regina – which the brunette felt clearly, because her skin tingled at the increased intimacy. "Seriously, today's been like… heaven for me. Your tub, God!" She moaned as she closed her eyes. "I don't think I've been this relaxed in years."
"Well, then it's about time," Regina concluded. She wanted to pull her eyes away from Emma's as the other woman opened them to look at her, but for some reason she couldn't. She just found herself staring foolishly into green orbs, wondering how anyone could be quite this beautiful.
The blonde was apparently not going to unlock their gaze either. "So, uh," she swallowed thickly, "you've been really awesome to me and Henry these two days, it's like… wow." She breathlessly laughed, eyes shining with mirth, still locked to Regina's, "It's just, I can't quite," she struggled to find words, "it just seems to be too good to be true. You're too good to be true."
Regina felt embarrassment tinge her cheeks and she bashfully ducked her head. "That's hardly true," she whispered, letting her fingers trail a soft pattern against the cover on the bed. They were stopped seconds later by Emma's pale ones, coming to lay atop them. Regina stared at their fingers, awed by the contrast as she'd been so many times, before daring to look up again – only to find Emma watching her curiously.
"Hey," Emma whispered, and her voice was hoarse and scratchy as she licked her lips with the tip of her tongue. "I mean it, Regina, you're… you're fucking amazing."
The blush was back in full force now, and Regina could do nothing but roll with it. What was it with Emma and this effect on her she had? She was usually so good at being in control and being collected, even around suitors and beautiful woman. Very few people had ever managed to catch her off guard the way Emma had, and she strongly believed that no one had ever been able to read her like the other woman. "I'm just… helping. I want to help you."
Emma's finger stroked absentmindedly against her hand. "Well, you're definitely helping, that's for sure. And I bet Henry's had the best day," she smiled fondly, her cheeks tainting pink as well. "I know I had, although… I wish I could've spent more time with you."
"I wish you could have to." The words were out of her mouth before she was even able to stop herself. Maybe she wouldn't even have wanted to, if she could have, because the smile on Emma's face was so sincere and heartwarming that it made it all worth it.
"So," Emma said, and her fingers were still doing that thing; stroking up Regina's palm and wrist now, and it was getting increasingly difficult to think properly with the way her skin tingled and her breath seemed to catch in her throat. She was starting to feel hot all over. "Henry's birthday is coming up."
This got her attention. "It is?" She breathed, eyes popping wide open. Henry was having a birthday. She'd have to ask him what he wanted, and she'd have to make time to get it, and perhaps she should offer Emma to help with the preparations, surely there was enough to do beforehand.
Emma nodded her head and hummed in agreement. "Actually, we're having a party on Saturday – at David and Mary Margaret's – and it would mean a lot to both Henry and me if you were there," she finished, her fingers now trailing slowly up towards Regina's elbow. "I would have asked sooner, but I wasn't sure if it were," she swallowed loudly, "cool. You know, with everything going on."
Regina nodded too, eyes training on the fingers resting against her arm. "I would love to come."
"Great," Emma agreed, smiling brightly at her. "I told Mulan to bring Marian and Roland, so you're not going to feel entirely alone. There's gonna be plenty of people though, I hope you don't mind."
"I don't," Regina replied, and she felt her heart thud madly in her chest. "You'll uhm, you'll have to get me a list… of wishes. Henry's wishes," she babbled. Since when did she babble? Since Emma's fingers on your arm. "So I can get him a present."
The blonde moved her other hand then, to carefully brush a piece of brunette hair out of Regina's face, only to it linger lightly on her cheek. "You don't have to. You being there is enough."
Regina wasn't sure if she was still breathing or not, because Emma was inexplicably close; her fingers on her skin, only touching few places, but feeling like it was everywhere. Her scent was teasing Regina's senses, and her breath was hot against her skin. Somehow it was coming closer. Was Emma coming closer? Regina's eyes followed the movement of Emma's lips as they parted slightly in a breath. "I want to."
"Mhm," Emma agreed, and she screwed her eyes shut, dropping her hand from Regina's cheek and fisting it against the mattress. She huffed out air, nose crinkling, and Regina felt the loss immediately. "Shit, I'm… I'm sorry," Emma whispered as she retreated, hand still lingering on Regina's arm.
Tilting her head, Regina watched her. What was she sorry for? It was hard to tell. With Emma it could be anything, but she was undoubtedly confused at the moment. "What for," she breathlessly questioned. She didn't want Emma to retreat; as badly as she knew how this would go, she wanted nothing more than to push her against the mattress, lock the door and spend the next hour getting to know every part of her skin intimately. She wanted to, so badly, feel close to the younger woman, to be buried in her and forget that there was a reason – a soon to be six-year-old reason – sleeping right in the next room on her living room couch.
Emma dropped her hand at last, letting it fall to her own lap. "Space," she rasped, green eyes moving upwards to meet Regina's in a questioning look. She was having doubts, conflicts, and Regina knew that those emotions had to be mirrored in her own eyes. Someone had to be strong. "We said we'd have space," Emma finished, before she pulled herself off the bed and moved to grab her cell phone from the night stand.
Regina knew that it was the right thing to do, but that didn't make this rejection – or whatever the hell it was, because she hadn't even made a move or anything – any easier. "I'll go get started on dinner," she whispered as she moved towards the door.
Emma hummed in response, and Regina went into the kitchen, feeling like this thing they had agreed on was just too difficult. How could something that appeared to be the right decision feel so wrong at the same time? Zelena's comments lingered in the back of her mind, and Regina was beginning to doubt herself. Perhaps there was something to what Zelena had said. Who was standing in the way of her happiness? If she really thought that Emma – oh goodness, amazing and caring and just beautiful Emma – could be that for her, then why was she not grabbing it, like Zelena had said?
Her eyes fell to Henry, who was snoring lightly on the couch, hugging his teddy bear, and she knew the answer to her question.
But you could have this everyday, a traitorous voice whispered in the back of her mind, and that voice sounded scarily much like her sister.
Regina rested her forehead against the closed cupboard and drew in a shaky breath. It was really very difficult to be strong when the thought of having this – everyday – was so appealing to her. She knew she'd wanted to withdraw, to protect herself and have that space, but somehow she'd ended up here anyway, with Emma in her bedroom and Henry on the couch and everything just felt too perfect to be true.
She set to work on dinner to stop herself from venturing back into the bedroom and push Emma against the bed.
A/N. We're getting there, I promise. You guys are seriously awesome with your support, thank you!
