"She's pregnant? Oh my God!" Rachel squealed with delight. She was on the phone with Monica, who'd just given her some great news. "Oh my God, do you think it'll be a boy or a girl? Really? I think it'll be a boy…or maybe a girl. One or the other. Yeah, I know, I know. So, does Joey know? Yeah? Uh-huh? Well, I'll tell Ross. Uh-huh? Uh-huh. Okay, so she's actually gonna have a baby. That's so great. She's been waiting so long. And who knows, she might have triplets again! Okay, okay, I'll tell him. Alright, bye, Monica!" She hung up.
She turned to Ross. "Guess who's pregnant?"
"Um…I don't know…Mike?" Ross joked, obviously knowing it was Phoebe.
"No, stupid! Phoebe!" Rachel replied, jumping up and down. "Isn't this fantastic? I think it's fantastic. This means we'll all have kids, and we can all dress them up in little dresses and suits and they can be best friends and maybe if Phoebe has a boy, he can marry Emma! Won't that be amazing?"
"Yes, I hear that only 2% of forced marriages end in divorce," Ross answered back, sarcastically, rolling his eyes. Rachel frowned, and sat down on the sofa next to him.
"Shut up. And anyway, it won't be forced, it'll be like a movie, where they're friends for years and then they get married! Won't that be awesome?" She clapped her hands happily. "Do you think we'll ever have more kids?"
"Of course, once we're married," Ross replied, smiling. "Why not? I have a good job, so do you, we can move to a proper house, and then we'll have as many little Gellar's as you want."
Rachel laughed. "Geller-Green, actually." She lay back and sighed. "We have a lot of planning to do, don't we?"
"Actually, I'm pretty good in the wedding department," Ross laughed. "And if you combine me and Monica long enough, we can plan the wedding, honeymoon, second wedding to renew our vows and maybe even our first baby!" Rachel giggled.
"It'll be great, won't it? God, I can't believe we waited so long!"
"I know. You know, we'd probably be married now if we'd never broken up," Ross said, and Rachel glared at him.
"Do you really wanna start the whole "we were on a break thing" again?" she asked.
"No."
"Then shut up."
Suddenly, there was a cry from the other room. Emma had been taking her midday nap, and it had been a few hours since Rachel had put her down. "I'll get her," she said, standing up and heading towards Emma's bedroom. Ross nodded, and watched her leave. He stood up and looked at the phone. He checked to see if there were any messages.
You have one new message.
And then came the beep!
The thing Ross wasn't prepared for was the message that came after it.
Hello, Ross? The all too familiar English accent filled the room. It's Emily. I doubt you're still on this number. You know, I'm probably giving some random stranger a good laugh right now, aren't I? Oh, well. I just wanted to let you know that I'm divorcing my husband. I mean, I just don't love him anymore, and I think the reason is I've never stop loving you.
God, it's been nearly six years, hasn't it? Hell, you're probably married with kids aren't you? Well, I'm in New York, and if you're not…married or whatever, just…give me a call. Okay, bye.
And then comes the other beep!
Ross sat there, bewildered. Emily? Of all the people in the whole of the United States of America, it had to be Emily to call. He shook his head.
Rachel came back in, cradling Emma. "Say hi to daddy," she grinned.
"Hi Daddy!" Emma waved her chubby little arm at him and he took her off Rachel.
"Hi, sweetie." He cuddled Emma into him. "Did you have a nice nap?"
"Oh, we have a message!" Rachel smiled, pressing the play button.
"No, no, Rachel, stop!" Ross cried, standing up, but it was too late.
Hello, Ross? It's Emily.
Rachel pressed pause. "What?"
"Rachel, I can explain. She just called out of nowhere, I mean…I…she…gah!" Ross stuttered. Emma giggled.
"Why would she be calling here? What does she want?" asked Rachel furiously, crossing her arms. Ross shrugged and she sat down next to him. Emma clambered onto her lap, and she hugged her.
"Whatever, Rach, I'm not going to meet her anyway," Ross soothed, wrapping his arm around her.
"Well, I think I would know if you did. I mean, even Joey would realise if you went to London," Rachel laughed.
"Well, actually, she's in New York…"
"She's what?"
Emma giggled again. Rachel sat her down on the sofa and stood up. She brushed her hair out of her eyes and glared at the phone. "She wants you to meet her, doesn't she?"
Ross sighed. "Relax, Rach, I picked you, alright? I won't meet her. I love you more than I ever loved her." He went over and hugged her. Rachel turned away and glared at the answering machine again.
"Ha, ha, you hear that, you little bitch? He picked me! Rachel – 1 Emily – 0!" she laughed, and Emma giggled too.
"And bitch is a dog, Emma, not a naughty word," Ross explained to her.
"Okay, daddy," Emma chuckled.
"But still don't say it, Emma," he added.
"Why not? Bitch, bitch, bitch!" she laughed. "Mommy's a bitch! Daddy's a bitch! We all bitch!"
"And we're past that," Rachel smiled, lifting Emma up. "Come on, we gotta go see Phoebe to congratulate her, okay?" Ross nodded and they went out. They closed the door behind them and headed out to their car, when they bumped into a woman that Rachel hoped never to meet again.
Emily stood there, staring at them. Rachel almost dropped Emma in shock, and Ross helped steady her.
"Oh my," Emily whispered. "I didn't know you two…I mean, I just got told this is where you stayed and…I didn't know…"
"Look, Emma, there's a bitch," Rachel whispered, frowning.
"Well, this should be fun…" Ross said sarcastically. "But you know what would be more fun than this?"
They glared at him. "What?"
"If the ground swallowed me whole," he replied, and right there and then, they all wished it would.
